This is my final mention of the fact that I am running the Bristol Half Marathon on Sunday for www.themoldovaproject.com, the charity run in their spare time by my dear identical sisters, and would like to be sponsored by you. The (awkwardly) long Paypal link is below. Actually, it’s not the final mention, I’m sure to harp on about it on Saturday and Sunday, because you don’t run 13 miles without banging about it incessantly. But it’s my last sponsor-plea. I’m aware that anyone reading this blog who’s financially able to donate any money has already probably done so. But just making sure. Thanks massively for the amounts (totalling over £250) you have pledged so far. Hugely appreciated by me, my sisters, and eventually the people in Moldova who will benefit from your generosity.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=K2MCW3QDC6BTE

And now something even duller, unless you’re in Australia. I was meant to be doing the Brisbane Writers’ Festival this weekend, and now I can’t. I wouldn’t want anyone to turn up and find I’m not there, so this is just public information. I had to pull out because of various worthy but boring reasons. I am still going to Australia to launch the book, though. I am in the Sun Theatre, Melbourne, on September 13 and then Cinema Nova on the 19th, doing readings and the like. I will visit Brisbane and everywhere else in Australia during 2011 (well, all the major cities. Not so much those places where backpackers get chopped up and there’s nowhere to get water for 2000km). So, if you are in Melbourne, come and see me. If elsewhere in Australia, sit tight and I will be there in six months or so. I love Australia and if I had my way I’d be there even more than I am.

Oh yes, We Need Answers. By coincidence, after blogging about its live version last night, I found out it was repeated on BBC4 last night. You can still watch it on iPlayer. Please tune in to the other ones as and when they’re repeated. And if you like, write to the BBC begging emotionally for it to be brought back. Using phrases like ‘considering a firebomb’ and ‘cannot live until this quirky quiz is renewed’. (NB it is Key’s 34th birthday today.)

As I said, pure boring admin. Sorry. I mean, most comedians only ever do this with their blog. And even then, only from time to time. But I’m not most comedians, am I?

Before you go I’d better at least offer one piece of fun. It will take the form of two Celeb Tales told to me today by Alexa Chung, the impossibly well-connected, but refreshingly clever, presenter who I’m currently making a pilot with. You have to guess who the Celebs are. This is fun because I’ve got no interest in celebrities, and complete disdain for people who buy magazines full of tittle-tattle. So it’s not what you would expect from my blog. And I love to surprise you. If this goes well, I may try and get a gossip column.

-Alexa was recently at some sort of star-studded gathering and Celeb A took a fancy to her. He had a big entourage following him around serving him champagne at his every whim. Celeb A decided to make a pass at Alexa. He – despite being famous – did it not by taking her for a cocktail, or for a spin in his chauffeur-driven car, but by writing that he liked her ON A POST-IT NOTE and leaving it IN HER SHOE. They did not get together.

-Celeb B is a noted American. Alexa had to interview her for American TV. Celeb B was so up herself she didn’t even look at Alexa. She said ‘we’ve met before’ to avoid bothering with introductions. Alexa knew they hadn’t met. Now she hates Celeb B.

Who are they?

Bit of fun.

On the subject of We Need Answers, we haven’t decided anything, but it seems likely at some point we WILL do it live again. Perhaps not everyone knows, but that was how WNA began life: as a late-night, drunken Edinburgh show. I kept score on a cricket scoreboard. Key once threw ten eggs at Brendon Burns. The whole thing was much ruder and longer. You get the picture. If it happens again, you’ll be the first to know.

I wanted to quickly record something that happened today. Emily was shopping and bought various bits of equipment for the baby. When she came to pay – with a crying baby, and all manner of clutter weighing her down – it turned out she only had my credit card, and they asked for ID or some sort of validation from the bank, and it couldn’t be done. So she started trying to negotiate some sort of pain-in-the-arse arrangement where she left her iPhone as a deposit and then slogged all the way up the hill to a cashpoint and back again with the baby.

Suddenly a woman, who had observed the whole incident, said ‘don’t worry, I’ll pay for it and you can pay me back’. It was about £115. Emily couldn’t believe it. The woman paid the bill and left an email address. Emily got home, got in touch with her and sent her the money through PayPal. And that was that.

A tiny, wonderful incident of human trust and cooperation. This is what it means to be a citizen of the world. Not everyone can afford to lend a complete stranger a sizeable wedge of money like that, of course. But we can all be inspired to do 110-quid’s worth of lovely things for someone we don’t know.

London in particular is often held up as an example of a modern city where there are too many people and nobody gives a shit about anyone else. And this is often quite true. But now and again someone completely defies this rule and it’s worth ten disappointments for that moment of wonder.

So that’s my pleasant thought for the day. And on the subject of London/nice things/tiny actions making a difference, this evening I was in the newsagent and someone came in immersed in a book, AND IT WAS MY BOOK. He looked up from the book and flinched in surprise, clearly thinking I had some power to appear at will whenever summoned by my readers. It was (I’m also about to tweet about this) the first time I’ve ever, ever seen someone reading any of my books, other than at one of my shows, or some other context where you’d expect it. It was exhilarating.

This day began with being woken up five times in the night by an unhappy Kit, but it has turned out pretty nicely. Thanks, world.

We’ve come home to find our builders, when they said ‘we’ll definitely finish your new kitchen by the time you’re home’, actually meant ‘we won’t quite finish your kitchen; you will spend several days surrounded by crap, without a sink, and trying to prepare meals for your baby without many kitchen implements.’ Rather depressing, if predictable: the old trouble-with-builders thing is a rite of passage for people like me around the age of 30.

I go straight into making a TV show- not for broadcast, just a pilot- and am running this half marathon, somehow, if I manage it, and then going to Australia. So these sort of complications are not welcome. I’ll speak to you tomorrow when I hope to have sorted some of them out…

So not much blogging is possible today. But just to say I didn’t mean to give the impression yesterday that I would definitely not do Edinburgh next year. (It got some frowny faces.) I just think the balance of probability is against it because I have a lot on. I need to write the next novel and I’ll be touring an awful lot, so there’s limited time to put a new show together. And I’d never do it unless I felt the show was going to do me justice.

But Emily is almost sure to be here, which means I will be too for a good chunk of August, which in turn means I’m bound to get involved in some sort of nonsense. More We Need Answers Live, anyone?

I’m now two shows away from finishing Edinburgh- my fifth with a solo show and 11th in a row altogether. I have overcome, or moaned into submission, the usual problems, which this year included mild illness, more serious illness of KW, fluctuations of faith in show/talents/career, extreme sleep deprivation, having wine tipped on me, having a lot of awkward chats with drunk passers-by, up-and-down ticket sales, and trying to run really far in my spare time.

There’s a good chance I won’t do it next year, so over the next couple of days I will do a blog looking back at highlights of my strange times in this city, 2000-2010.

And still owe you a summary of my Challenges.

And quite a bit of other business. But hey. Still nine and a half years left.

The other night I asked everyone to update their progress on the TYSIC mini-site, which tracks everyone’s achievements in their self-imposed Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenges. It would have taken me around six years, with my current workload, to sift through everything that’s there, but luckily Kate Webster has kindly produced a summary.

The below should take in everything anyone has written on the site since the start of June. The individual achievements are too numerous to mention, but read all together, they provide a lot of cheering evidence that lots of us are indeed Improving Ourselves. If you’ve not really done anything, don’t be discouraged – remember there is a bloody long way to go yet, this thing goes on till 2020, or until I die – but use this as an incentive to get cracking. There are about seventy people mentioned in this update along, which is amazing.

As ever, having cut and pasted this across from Kate’s document, I don’t know if any or all of the links will work. But if not, you can always go to the TYSIC site itself and look up people yourself. And if you’re new to this, it is – of course – never too late. All you have to do is set yourself a challenge or challenges to be attempted over the next 10 years (9.5 now, actually), publicly declare your intentions, and get to it, remembering to post your progress periodically on the site.

Goodluckkeepgoingwelldonedon’tgiveup! I’ll be posting my own report in the next few days.

PS I’m healthier. Not perfect. But better. Thanks again for your concern.

New challenges set

lora has set herself a new goal of “attending the Edinburgh Festival for a substantial length of time” [excellent goal! Ed]. She’s also made some progress on gig interviews and posting gig pictures, and is halfway to attending all of her favourite band’s tour dates.

RebeccaJPayne has added a new TYSIC of concentrating on the things that matter and make her happy, and has also had her story “Hollow Man” performed (you can hear it here: www.liarsleague.typepad.com).

No progress at present – it’s a marathon people, not a sprint!

Chris (who you may remember from Mark’s blog, when he asked TYSIC-ers to help him set a goal) says “So; achieved nothing but happy as a bean in a can. Still working towards undefined goal. Doing very well too. Happy days”

EliseCz may not be any closer to getting a book published, but heck she’s been doing other things! Having quit her job in the last month, she’s now moving to New Zealand.

JamieOS has posted a blank update, which I think probably means no progress. But he proffers this thought “when you meet someone who’s good at what they do and concerned about getting it right, and even puts in a little extra effort and thought… treasure them.”

LauraB still has nine years and six months to go on her “Visit every continent by 2020 challenge” – help cheer her on!

Laura has no new progress to report since passing her driving test, but is the proud owner of one of our more unusual TYSICs; beating ketchup phobia.

Progress

Ally has made progress on three out of four TYSIC goals, with a 65-70% average mark in her degree, earning money working for her dad’s company and having started planning her novel. Exciting!

Rachel/Pandora is doing good things, including running to help a guy who got knocked off his motorbike, and checking the NHS Jobs site every ten minutes in the cause of finding work as a physiotherapist. She also has a rockin’ picture of herself in a Dalek costume.

NeeraC is running every day and is so organised that she‘s super organised, then forgets that she’s organised and does it all again. Heck.

JamesWalkerMan has improved his confidence to the point where he can not only talk to comedians he admires, but also compliment flyerers – nice work James! He’s also starting a college course soon to improve his writing.

Emily has made a watch for her crafty challenge, is making progress on eating normally, and starts back at uni soon.

Kate B has started smiling and laughing more, which has made her happier. Excellent. And she’s almost mastered the art of giving compliments.

Hannah has nearly convinced her parents to buy her a piano – step 1 in learning to play it. And got an A* in French.

Linsey’s feeling so confident that she played harmonica on stage at a sold-out Frank Turner gig and has written a festival review that’s being published online.

AdeleD is half-way to her weight-loss TYSIC and has done the Race for Life. She’s also now engaged – congratulations to Adele and fiancée Roger.

kateweb has had one play on at the Camden Fringe, extracts from another performed by Comedians Theatre Company and joined the BHA choir.

howlie made great TYSIC progress in Edinburgh – met strangers, talked to new people and to people she admires and generally felt good.

Sarah’s making progress on her “read 50 books this year” challenge and working towards her Masters.

AdamF has written a new blog (www.hoodiesforgoalposts.blogspot.com) and plans to blog twice a week when uni starts.

DanWoodrow has booked tickets to see Stephen Fry in September – a great first step towards getting on first name terms with him! And he’ll be staying in touch with friends from his old job by seeing them at a Tim Minchin gig.

OJTS has tickets booked for Josh Thomas and Tim Minchin, progressing towards her 100 shows in 10 years TYSIC. She’s also hoping to see Mark next year in Perth; Where’s Watson? points to be scored….

Sue(DIB) has built up her confidence loads, including belly-dancing on stage this weekend (in a red, sparkly costume!). 

GooseCG has got all the data for her degree dissertation and is scouting for jobs in zoology.

Sarah is an officially published author, with 7 pages in the Journal of Neuroscience.

Nic(@nwoolhouseuk) has been going to Skeptics in the Pub every month, thinking critically about it, and blogging.

Louise is less nervous around boys, got a hug from her celebrity crush and got 70% in her law moot and presentations; sounding pretty confident!

Lindsay doesn’t yet have a dog, but has recently acquired a husband who likes them and arranged an “outstanding” secret honeymoon.

Steph has her driving test next month (fingers crossed…) and may very soon be living alone at university. She’s also blogged her bit of the iPod handover chain: http://stephdoestysic.blogspot.com/2010/07/mp3-challenge-handover-nhm.html

Jonessh attended the Watsonian picnic in the spirit of taking risks and trying new things.

MusicalLottie has lead three caving sessions by herself, and has got out and about with kite flying, archery and visiting Whipsnade Zoo.

Stusteph is planning to enter “So you think you’re funny” next year, has learned a couple of songs on guitar and “Somewhere over the rainbow” on ukulele.

JayFreeman’s blog had its most successful day in 6 months after someone shared a piece he wrote – “Felt honoured and still do”.

<marie> is having a baby, due in January; congratulations! She hasn’t had a cigarette in over 6 weeks (at the end of June – hopefully longer by now….) and got a good mark for her last uni presentation.

jmlane’s been accepted on a Sustainable Business MSc and has also been keeping a blog: http://jmwlane.wordpress.com

Martina got two high distinctions in her first semester of a Masters in Applied Linguistics and has re-worked her CV “for added awesomeness.”

Becci not only managed to cycle without vomiting, but has finished the second year of her degree and is looking for a job.

Steph got straight As, which should help her get into medical school, and is aiming to learn enough PHP to make a form for her gap year website.

Doomed1 (Beth) has learned to love scallops, but hasn’t yet found the new job that will mean she can afford a goat/llama/reptile.

LizzieEtc has spent some time in a press office and loved it, and has had a visit from her Italian exchange partner.

Marbles is doing well with the jogging and working on her PhD.

tothesky is gaining confidence (having talked to people she hasn’t talked to before, and even asked strangers for directions) and is happier now than she was last year.

cymruangel is currently plotting her road trip from Niagara Falls to Boston for her travel TYSIC and has lined up a friend to teach her how to sew and knit.

Rachael has been commenting on the blog every day and has another inch of hair to grow before she can send it to Locks of Love.

SER has appeared in a play that he co-wrote, written an alternative World Cup song and done a bike ride for Children in Distress.

overtiredmum has now done two 45 minute runs and discovered her new trainers aren’t waterproof.

hellie has done a summer course at the drama school she wants to go to, and finished her first book of flute theory.

Louisel has become more confident and had a proper conversation with a real French person in French! She also got 7 A*s and 4 As at GCSE and is off to Wales.

Retrograde can now play the ukulele (as a first step to playing the guitar).

Lauren has 40,000 words of a novel, did her first gig for a while in July and is still going with her weekly blog: http://www.laurenbrownblog.blogspot.com

chrissy is in her last week of full-time work before starting a midwifery course.

Madelaine is learning the guitar, volunteering for the Brisbane Writers’ Festival and is almost at the end of the school year.

max started his PhD in June, is keeping his blog up to date and running 5K/rowing 3K every day to get fit for cycling round Iceland.

Ems will be running the Scottish Half Marathon in May, to prepare for her trek in Nepal, and did two 5 ½ mile runs this week.

issey passed all her exams and has applied for a photography course.         

Phill is “getting there” with his guitar playing and now has full control of his little finger.

TomBeasley got good AS levels that bode well for next year, has a novel written but not yet sent anywhere and thinks he may have found love. Aw……

annawaits has got off to a cracking start on seeing live sport, by watching Doncaster Rovers v Bristol City with her dad on Saturday 14^th Aug – “obviously our TYSIC leader’s connection with the away team made it all the more a ‘neat’ choice.”

Cathy has had her first “Pedal Ready” cycling lesson and can survive a level 3 roundabout. She’s also eaten her first ever horizon-broadening pasty and is keeping in touch with school friends.

People looking for input

deborahF has a bit too much opportunity to practice right accepting change right now, having been made redundant. She’s applying for jobs and has already had an interview, but would like advice on whether to hold out for a job that pays the same as her old one or take something lower-paid.

Laurs has been eating more healthily and walking more. She’s giving up smoking next week and would love some support….

Rachel Winter is soooo close to finishing the piece she’s writing and would like help changing her profile photo (mods?).

Amy now has a car (which she’d like help naming), has discovered a hidden talent for reversing and opened a new online shop.

Deanna might be getting her own radio show, and would love suggestions of non-mainstream music to play! She’s also discovered the joy of less coffee and more sleep.

Complete challenges – or TYSICC (Ten Year Self Improvement Challenges Completed)

iRachey has polished off two TYSICCs, having gone to Croatia with school and not argued with annoying people AND finished her GCSEs with 8A*s and 5As (woo!). She’s also enrolled for college and is trying to be optimistic.

Katy has completed her first challenge by posting her list of things to do before she’s 30. She’s also looking for tattoo ideas – any bright thoughts?

Jamie/James got a first in his Music degree; well done that man. He’s also challenged Tim Minchin to a game of croquet.

Simon has finished his running the length of the Central Line TYSIC and been featured on BBC Radio Essex! You can hear it here: http://tuberunner.blogspot.com/2010/07/hello-essex.html

Tara has achieved her finding a job TYSIC and also has a first in her drama essay.

Shell has (I believe) completed her challenge to understand the off-side rule before England go out of the World Cup, and has also blogged about it: http://danceswithwonder.blogspot.com/2010/06/footballsinesserisationismiciousingityi_23.html

Ivan (@IvanBrett) has a four-book deal for his children’s books – first comes out in May – still has a girlfriend and has read 12 of his 300 novel goal. 

Someone has finished her degree (and got through the graduation ceremony) and started on the way to doing another. She also has a probationary job starting next week.

Urrrrrgh.

Ok. Here we go.

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I want to hear what you’ve been up to for your TYSIC, or personal 10year challenge. The answer may be nothing. Two people have already used the phrase ‘fuck-all’ in comments. But whether you have logged any progress whatsoever, or not, please check in to the TYSIC site (part of my fans’ forum) and write something to describe it. Even if ‘it’ is nothing.

I will be sending a giant morale-boosting email to everyone who signed up, and awaiting your news.

I myself have inched forward in some departments, not in others, and will also be reporting on this. I aim to compile the whole report over the weekend. It’s a ten year challenge so no need to rush, but some form of surveillance keeps us all on our toes.

If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about, it’s worth looking back to the early days of this blog. The TYSICs were one of the main reasons for beginning it. And will be churning on long after some readers have fallen away. Although, to judge from the high levels of loyalty shown so far, maybe not many…

However, having weighed it up for myself, I think I would want to go for a woman, so to speak. A couple of female commenters have expressed a desire to try weeing standing up (not as thrilling for a man to do it sitting down, of course) – and although this may seem a trivial aspect of the whole swapping-lives-with-someone question, it sums up the appeal of the everyday strangeness which the opposite sex’s lives hold. For all the women I know well, for all the time I spend trying to write female characters, and so on, it’s still not easy to imagine having a body that could give birth to children, or being looked at by men in the predatory/condescending way women routinely are, or buying tights, or queueing that long for a public toilet. It would be a waste not to experience all this by stepping inside a woman’s life for these 24 hours.

So, that narrows it down a bit. I then thought what else I’d like from this body-swap. Basically I’d want to have some skill I am never going to possess in real life, and a sample of the life that goes with it. Sport is of course one of my biggest passions and unfortunately one of the areas I’m least talented. And in more general terms, I’d want to be as different as possible from Mark Watson, to maximise the potential of this adventure. (You may think I’m weighing all this up very seriously. I must state, I have not received such an offer. But you never know. You need to be ready.)

So in short I think I would be Serena Williams. This way, I’d get to be:

An outstanding sportsperson.

Black.

American.

Female.

A younger sibling and the product of a slightly deranged father.

Really famous.

Physically strong.

And highly image-conscious

…all things which don’t describe me at present.

I think it would be quite a ride. Of course, I’d have to specify that it should be Serena on a matchday, ideally a Grand Slam match, something important. It would be a bit of a waste if I stepped into her life, and I was just lying on a beach in Florida sipping Coke (I bet she doesn’t have cocktails even on holiday).

So that’s me sorted. You can still submit your own suggestions, just for fun. If anyone does find out a way of engineering a life-swap like this, maybe a website that offers the service, let me know and I’ll share it with everyone.

Tomorrow: back to reality as we examine the progress of everyone’s personal challenges. Be prepared.

£170 now raised for the half-marathon.
Many many thanks. Seriously. Amazing.

And I’m going to use this blog to set an open discussion. You can be anyone in the world for 24 hours. Who do you choose?

Bye. Phew!