Live train show
I’m on the last train back to London after what ended up being a successful mini-run in Bristol. Just wanted to keep you updated on the lives of some of the people I’m travelling with, since they are all being kind enough to broadcast the details in more than audible fashion.
-The woman standing in the gangway has got two dogs. One, a Jack Russell, is a legend. He’s seven years old. He runs around a lot and barks. She hasn’t elaborated on his legendary status. A lot of dogs are energetic and have a loud bark, so he must have a bit more up his sleeve than that. Maybe he’s such a famous dog that it’s insulting her hearers’ intelligence to explain any further.
-The lady opposite me – talking on her mobile – has had a disappointing experience with a babysitter, Misha. She left Misha in charge but Misha is now going to bed, even though she was specifically asked to stay up. The lady feels that Misha is ‘a selfish cow’ and that ‘next time (Misha) approaches her for something, she will tell her to bugger off’. This is an exclusive story, unfolding as I write; in fact I’ve got to be slightly careful in case she gets the impression I’m writing down what she’s saying WHICH I AM. More news as we get it on other evidence of Misha’s being a selfish cow, and on where the friendship goes from here.
-A young couple a few seats down, rather touchingly, are playing that game where you have to guess ‘which celebrity are you’ by asking questions – are you dead? Are you a singer? Are you English? Etc. So far the girl has made limited headway. She knows that the guy is an English person born in the 20th century, who did not write books. I’ve got my suspicions it could be someone like Michael Caine, but what do I know. The man is eager-looking, floppy-fringed, pleasant; the girl is a redhead, slightly sardonic, green-eyed. The man is definitely more into the game than the girl.
-A Spanish or Portuguese lady is on the phone predicting gloomily that she’ll be home at ‘about a quarter of three’. I hope she means 2.45 not 3.15 but either way it’s a miserable prospect. I can only think she lives in some part of London a long way from Paddington, where this train terminates, and she is anticipating taking a night bus or buses home. As someone who spent most of 2003-2006 doing just this after gigs far from home, I feel for her.
-In other train news, Eric Lampaert my excellent support act told someone on his train to ‘turn the volume down on his phone’, because he was playing Angry Birds too loudly. Eric is 25 and wears a hoodie and looks a bit dodgy; the target of his complaint was a man in a suit. It’s nice to see stereotypes overturned like this. This news came to us via Twitter.
That’s pretty much all for now. Back to you in the studio.
Posted by Helen on February 24, 2012
I particularly loved this blog. Also you were great on Alexander Armstrong’s Big Ask. So you are very much scoring 10/10 on my scoreboard of excellent-blogs-and-television-appearances-that-people-do. (smiley face/hat tip)
Posted by Cathy (traineeflorist) on February 23, 2012
I don’t know how to say this without sounding soft …
You’re amazing. You’re so doing the right job
Posted by Suzy on February 23, 2012
Love this blog
x
Posted by Jen on February 23, 2012
I love this blog!Jx
Posted by Lydia on February 23, 2012
My public transport encounters this week haven’t been great. I don’t know any guys who have got a girlfriend/sex by whistling and yelling pervy crap, but sadly that doesn’t stop some from trying. Lisan66, my Torquay bus is like yours. I swear I was never as annoying as I find most other teenage girls.
So tempted to say Andrew is just jealous of the dog because it can get away with more than he can…
I know this because my dog leaps on my face every morning and I don’t even mind that much anymore. They have magic forgiveness brain control, dogs do.
The last on your list really made me smile, Mark.
Posted by Rachael on February 23, 2012
Someone on my bus yesterday was making up with a friend over the phone because she loves them and misses them and ‘could talk to them about anything’ except when they interfered in her family stuff.
Posted by Megan on February 23, 2012
Huh, the most interesting person I encountered on public transportation this week was a woman who yelled at her coffee, because apparently it was its fault, not hers, that it spilled. I think she had bigger problems than dropped coffee.
Posted by Andrew on February 23, 2012
OK, here are some thoughts raised by this rather endearing slice of life.
1) Dogs. Bloody dogs. Why do people obsess so over these deeply unpleasant creatures? (Just letting off a bit of steam here over the fact that after a prolonged campaign I conceded defeat and allowed the rest of my family to get a dog, which I am starting to hate passionately; such whining belongs, I know, on my own blog, but since the only people who read it are my family I can’t, really. It would be like you writing a blog entry about how annoying people are who constantly [insert annoying habit of your wife's].)
2) Why are people happy to have their telephone conversations overheard? I find this completely mystifying. Which reminds me of a joke I heard Linda Smith do years ago: “Tired of having to make all your phone calls on the go, in public places, being listened to by all around you? Try our new Phone In Your Home!”
3) A specialist peeve, possibly, but it drives me nuts when foreigners who can basically speak English make mistakes which are completely avoidable if they just LISTEN. I’m not saying everyone should speak perfect English (goodness knows we, the English, can’t), but if she knows the word quarter, and she knows the word three, even the most cursory paying of attention will lead her to the correct “quarter TO three” (or possibly ‘past’ three, but ‘to’ seems more likely). She’s living here, she’s never, ever heard any English person say “a quarter of three”, so where does that come from? And don’t get me started on the ones who don’t bother about word order…
Sorry.
Posted by Mr Ydir on February 23, 2012
Glad you managed to get the train, if I didn’t come here to read the blog everyday already, I would of had to check after you mentioned it during your show.
I really enjoyed the show despite not feeling partially well, and nearly managed to convince my partner that if you starred hard enough at the QR code you could read it.
Posted by Suzanne aka Senior Watsonian on February 23, 2012
Well, Mark you’ve got the characters and snippets about their lives … what inspiration for your next book??? What a challenge to fit them all in, eh??? …
Perhaps you could intertwine their lives showing how, despite first appearances and not knowing one another nor having much in common, their lives will touch each other in meaningful and significant ways … and, depending on how many people are involved, you could use a number as the title???
Nah, probably not …
Posted by lisan66 on February 22, 2012
Aw, I hope the couple end up married and then find this blog when they’re old and are like, that was us. I’m a romantic at heart!! British trains seem much nicer than Irish buses. I get four buses a day and they go like this:
First bus goes:
Lots of junkies smoking weed, taking heroin, drinking Dutch Gold upstairs.
A moody teenager down the back downstairs playing their ipod WAY TOO LOUD.
The people who are afraid to go upstairs because of the aforementioned junkies. This generally includes anyone over the age of 40….and me.
A teenage mother with her buggy in the wheelchair space (which isn’t a crime in itself, except that quite often, her boyfriend is one of the junkies upstairs).
My second bus goes:
A whole bunch of uni students, all asleep/talking about last night/talking about going out tonight.
A whole bunch of secondary school students who are all rude and refuse to move out of anyone’s way ‘becoz like, I’ve ta geh off da bus first, so why should I move outta yer wan’s way?’
Posted by Misha on February 22, 2012
I can confirm i’m not the selfish cow in question.
I am however inordinately tickled that you’ve used my spelling of the name. This pleases me. So few people do, (especially as it’s actually the masculine spelling officially) but yes. Also just because no-one else ever has my name.
so that’s cool.