Mark Watson the Comedian

I’m about to do an interview with an Australian magazine – because of the time difference it has to be at the odd hour of just-after-10pm over here. This is my second interview of the day and probably about the fifteenth of the year, because it’s been a relatively relaxed year of publicity (not much touring yet, DVD and so on all safely out of the way). Still, there are many more to come in 2012, and I thought it was about time I refreshed my Basic Rules for a Successful Interview.

A lot of these were first touched upon in the FAQ section when this website was originally set up, and some journalists are very conscientious about using that section and tailoring their questions accordingly. (For example, rather than asking ‘is it true you did a 24 hour show?’ they’ll ask something more specific about the marathon shows; or if they want to ask something interesting, they’ll avoid it altogether.) But that section is now itself out of date. So here is a brief rundown of the things it is, and isn’t, advisable to ask me during an interview. It will stay here as a reference aid. It’s not in any way prescriptive. I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone what they’re meant to say to me. I’m not Madonna or one of these people who have ‘their people’ in the room to ensure they can’t be asked anything about Guy Ritchie/their age/etc. It’s just more fun this way.

1. Try and watch a bit of the comedy.
I’m really not that fussy about this. I don’t expect anyone to be familiar with what I do, or to care all that much. I am not a figure of such stature that it’s a point of honour to be well-versed in my ‘work’. But it’s just, if we’re doing an interview, there is SO much more to talk about if you’ve watched even a five-minute Youtube clip. It will prevent you from asking questions like…

2. ‘How would you describe your act?’
The only honest answer is ‘I wouldn’t’. It’s like trying to describe your own nose. You know roughly how it appears to others, but you’re too busy lugging around as part of your face to be objective about it. I’ve never mustered a good answer to ‘how would you descit ribe your comedy?’ But also, it does seem a teeny bit lazy, in an age when it takes so little time to watch somebody online and form opinions about them. In fact, you can ‘describe someone’s act’ without even watching it, just by getting a critical consensus from about 30 seconds worth of Googling. So if you ask someone this question, you kind of look like you’re saying ‘listen old friend, I really can’t be doing with comedy, and I got given this assignment at the last second, so give us a couple of well-formed one-liners will you?’

3. What first made you think you could be a comedian? – same problem here. I went so far as to mention on my DVD that I now routinely lie in answer to this question (‘I was in a pet shop and had to stop a snake from suffocating me so I told it a couple of jokes and someone happened to walk past who owned a comedy club…’) because the real answer is crushingly dull: I entered open mic competitions and worked my way up, grinding out a living until I was able to make progress. Also, this question again creates the unavoidable impression that you’re doing a generic interview rather than being interested in the comedian.

4. Try to focus on recent events. Someone like me has a lot of projects, and tends to be enthusiastic about the ones that have just happened or are in the pipeline. If you ask ‘is it true you proposed to your then girlfriend at the end of a 24-hour show?’ I can’t help thinking ‘well, yes, but that was seven and a half years ago, has my life since then been an irrelevance?’ You wouldn’t ask Philip Schofield about Going Live, or how much fun he and Fern Britton had. You’d ask him about The Cube. And rightly so because it’s compelling stuff, however silly. But we digress.

5. If you are going to cram for the interview at the last minute, which is perfectly understandable given that you’re busy, try not to make it too clear you’ve used Wikipedia. For example, if you come out with a fact like ‘so, you won the Gabblers Award in 1997…’ as if it were as well known as Lady Gaga wearing that meat dress, it smells of desperate research. There’s only one site that has that fact. As I say, I don’t want to be petulant – if that’s all you’ve got time for, that’s fine – and I will never make anyone feel small during an interview. But, again, it’s just a bit dull. I mean, some interviewers read this blog and ask questions pertaining to something I’ve written in the past few days. Just as easy as going on Wikipedia, but you’ll get a far fresher response.

6. Ask some questions just for fun. Most comedians I know would more happily be asked ‘do you prefer white or brown bread?’ than ‘how do you deal with hecklers?’ Given the chance, comedians are normally funny on everyday subjects. On the subject of comedy, not so much – because it’s work. Some of the best interviews I’ve had have been ramshackle conversations on a variety of topics, rather than methodical plods through the CV. Be bold. Ask something that’s never been asked before.

7. If you’re meant to call, do call. The reason I’ve been able to write such a long blog is that tonight’s interview hasn’t actually come through. Sigh.

I want to just make clear once more that I’m not some form of prima donna and don’t regard an interview as an imposition or a favour done by me to the interviewer. I’m grateful to anyone for the time they put in to speak to me or write about me. It’s just that after doing – this is a crude estimate, but – about 400 interviews since I began my career, I reckon I’m starting to get a good instinct for the process. A good interview is in everyone’s interests. Let’s work together as a society to make it happen.