Gary Speed and others
I was planning to spend the next few days hawking the DVD relentlessly, and from tomorrow I will be doing just that, but today more important things got in the way.
If you’re not a football fan you won’t have heard much about Gary Speed until today. He was a top-class footballer who became manager of Wales, a prestigious position he held until this morning. Around lunchtime it was announced he’d been found hanged at his home. It’s not really appropriate to speculate about the causes of Speed’s suicide because none of the facts are clear and in any case, it’s nobody’s business but his loved ones’.
All the same, it’s triggered a huge amount of discussion about depression – not least because only 24 hours before the news, in an almost spooky coincidence, famous footballer/commentator Stan Collymore had published a blog about his own suicidial impulses. I wanted to briefly add my voice to those urging everyone to think hard about depressive illnesses and the way they’re presented. Professional football is a famously old-school macho world where people haven’t tended to deal with emotional issues too well. But in areas of society you’d regard as more advanced, things are often not much better.
Depression is an awkward term covering a large spectrum of psychological conditions, and it tends to be diagnosed with reference to patients’ own testimonies. You can only identify it by its effects, rather than its causes: it won’t show up on a scan. There’s the added complication that all of us routinely refer to being ‘depressed’ as a reasonably common everyday phenomenon. As a result it’s hard to address the idea of depression as a potentially lethal state of mind in the same way that some diseases are lethal states of body. Still, it’s very hard to deny that many apparently healthy and happy people take their own lives and it’s naive to dismiss them all as having been ‘temporarily insane’ the way the law still often does. Whatever depression is, it works on people in ways which can overwhelm them. It’s worth trying to do something about that.
The key thing to understand is that – as a psychological cancer, if you will – depression strikes people at all levels of apparent success, in all circumstances and income brackets. This again, although a matter of commonn sense, is imperfectly understood because obviously if people DO have obviously tough lives, go through setbacks, etc, they are more likely to develop long-term depression. But that doesn’t mean that people apparently sailing effortlessly through life are immune to the same mental traps.
Nobody is automatically ‘cured’ by therapy or medication, but at least there is scope to help people suffering from depression simply by understanding the situation; in that sense it is slightly more treatable than similarly dangerous physical conditions. As a society we need to try and distinguish between people who are moaning a bit, and people who might do themselves serious harm. It’s not easy because the two categories overlap quite often. But still: if you or someone close to you are/is manifesting the signs of proper depression, don’t dismiss it because of others’ attitudes or your own sense of shame. That’s all.
All this has been said more efficiently before, and below are a couple of links. One is to a blog on this same topic which someone sent me on Twitter today. The other is Stan Collymore’s already notorious confession from Saturday. Either or both might be of some interest. I’m sorry to be uncharacteristically ‘heavy’ on this subject, and I realise a blog like this barely skims the surface of a maddeningly complex area, but I wanted to say something. A lot of tragic deaths are unavoidable. Deaths of this kind are, just about, avoidable. Take care.
The blog someone sent me: http://t.co/nLSEyv4O
Collymore: http://t.co/TS0CGrTm
Posted by Rachael on November 30, 2011
Thank you Mark. I volunteered on the ‘Time to change’ roadshow this year, which aims to take the stigma out of mental health problems. Alot of people say that the shame and stigma is harder to deal with than the original problem. As a sufferer myself, I know how hard it is to talk about something that so many people just don’t understand. But at the same time, how can people understand when noone talks about it? So we all have to try to talk about it more, which is why i’m glad you wrote this blog.
Posted by Katie K on November 30, 2011
Thank you for your personal insight on such a sensitive topic, that effects so many people. I don’t mind admitting I suffer from depression, I really wish I didn’t have it, I always feel & think negative thoughts & it’s harder to think positive stuff, as easy as it may seem. It’s also harder when you’re on your own too, you yearn for love & support, but sadly in my case, I don’t even have the confidence to ask for it. Just using the little savings I have to get a train to London & watch some of my favourite comedians for both laughter & inspiration is one thing that pulls me through, for just those few hours I feel normal & forget all the bad stuff, I may still feel anxious & get upset when I see someone I know & they can’t be bothered to say hello, but it just feels so nice to laugh & consider myself like everyone else. Also my writing is a great way of me zoning out of all the doom and gloom, which I really need to work on more, than sleeping in my bed.
Posted by Knox on November 29, 2011
really appreciate you blogging about this, mark. weirdly, horribly ironically, i just blogged on friday night about mood swings and anxiety, as have been going through a bit of a mixed up time recently.
http://www.wasi-somewhere-in-between.blogspot.com/2011/11/sleeplessness-social-anxiety-and-moods.html
i read a blog yesterday that i think addresses those issues of macho/role of men and the difficulties of talking about depression (sorry this is incoherent, i’ve not been awake long). it is something being addressed by the charity calm (i think). anyway, the link below:
http://zena-edwards-travelling-light.blogspot.com/2011/11/after-gary-speed-young-men-suicide-and.html
Posted by MusicalLottie on November 28, 2011
Thank you for writing this blog Mark. For any family to have to go through something like this is just awful, and probably made even more difficult by the fact that it’s so very public.
You make a number of very good points; I would just like to add one: Actually identifying whether somebody has depression is made more complicated by the tendency of depressed people to put up a front in order not to be a burden on their friends/family, or not to worry them. As with everything else, it varies by person, but I think it would be useful if there were some kind of campaign to help people recognise the most common symptoms of depression – such as there is with stroke symptoms.
Incidentally, cancer as an illness still has some stigma attached to it too, though I haven’t the brainpower right now to speculate why.
@Lydia – continuing to try to understand really counts for a lot. I still sometimes find it difficult to completely understand when friends go through periods of depression, even though I have a fair few of my own, because it affects everybody differently. To me, the key seems to be understanding – or even just accepting – that they are not choosing to feel how they do, and that they can’t just snap out of it, however long it may take for them to start feeling a little better. If you can accept that then you’re well-equipped to try to support them
Posted by Phill on November 28, 2011
My wife suffered from depression a few years ago. In fact she had two bouts of clinical depression – apparently people who suffer from it once are likely to have a recurrence within ten years.
I think people have an awful lot of misconceptions about depression. People seem to just think you’re a bit down for a while, but there’s nothing really wrong with you as such.
The truth is, (and things may have changed in the 6 or so years since I looked into this) – It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a neurological / psychological condition, linked with a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is treatment available. It will not last forever, like any illness.
I’ll step aside now to give room for anyone who actually knows what they’re talking about
Posted by Things more important than the size of my thighs. « Megan knows arse-all about… on November 28, 2011
[...] Mark Watson talks mental health (the other items he links to are very good) in light of the death of Gary Speed, one of those [...]
Posted by Lydia on November 28, 2011
I hadn’t heard of Gary Speed. It sounds as though he was an amazing man. I hope his family are left alone to deal with their loss.
I’ve watched a family member go through depression. It’s awful. I suppose it sounds terrible to say it, but what I’ve learned as someone on the outside is that understanding is much easier said than done. I keep trying though, so maybe that counts for something.
Posted by Misha on November 28, 2011
Depression sucks. This Is what having it has taught me
Posted by Andrew on November 28, 2011
I’ve always found the standard ‘bloke in the pub’ reaction to Collymore, who clearly had mental health issues even when playing, incredibly facile and frustrating. What’s he got to be depressed about?! Rich, successful, good looking etc. It’s so simplistic and condescending. If there were a symbiotic relationship between affluence and mental health, then every poor person in the country ought to be depressed. And you can imagine how well it would go down if I went into my local McDonald’s and asked everyone what the hell they had to be happy about.
Posted by Corey on November 28, 2011
I’d already read the Collymore piece and found huge admiration for a man I’d never really warmed to that much, talking about this subject must be big step to make, but ‘The Head Blog’ summed up everything about depression perfectly….a very good piece.
For myself I never knew Gary Speed nor support any team he played for but still found yesterday to be a very sad day……
Posted by Anji on November 28, 2011
Well done Mark – as someone who has suffered from depression, and thankfully had love and support and been a lucky enough to come out the other side, it makes a refreshing change to see some one tackle the subject, in a sensitive but informative way. Too many brush over it and I can’t help that makes us all feel it is something to be ashamed off. When it most certainly isn’t.
Today I turn 29, on Saturday I got engaged, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. 12 months ago it was all a very different story – but I wouldn’t change a moment of it.
Thank you Mark, and lots of hugs and love to anyone who needs an extra dose in tough times xx
Posted by LisaD on November 28, 2011
Gary Speed is actually one of the few footballers I’ve heard of–mainly through English friends that I met over here–so the news caught me of guard and there was no one around who got it. Glad the blog is here. Thanks.
When I told few friends in college that I was dealing with depression they were very supportive…until some time had gone by and I hadn’t “snapped out of it” yet. The number of people who still think depression is just a bad mood shocks me a bit.
Posted by Katy on November 28, 2011
What a well written Blog. I logged on just now hoping that it would feature Gary Speed and its done more than that, superb writing Mark.
Ive had a few tears today because Gary Speed was a legend in my house when I was growing up. My big brother is a huge Leeds fan (like really huge, that spilled into his wedding and the naming of his son huge) so in the early 90s Speed was a god. He was also one of the footballers I had a crush on in the 90s, lovely hair. Its so very sad, and if I talk any more about it I’ll probably have another cry.
It has prompted some good discussions between and my mates thought. The whole “well his life was so good” counteracted with “well you never really know whats going on” has prompted some good debate. And the promise that if any of us get to a point we dont think we can carry on, that we’ll talk to each other.
My thoughts are with his family and friends.
Posted by Cathy (traineeflorist) on November 27, 2011
Thanks for including this subject in your blog Mark and for the links. We are all pretty devastated today (hubby a lifelong Leeds fan as you know) and I for one am feeling very much like one of the lucky ones.
At one of the happiest and most successful times in my life about ten years ago, I inexplicably became depressed which at its worst made me petrified to leave the house. I have been very fortunate in having a fantastic GP who understands and explains anxiety disorders and depression so well. Chemical imbalances in your brain and body was how he described it. A physical thing. When I was first diagnosed I felt like a freak, having to take tablets to make my brain behave like “normal people”. But my doctor explained that if you are diabetic you take medication, if you have chest infection you take antibiotics, if you are short sighted you wear glasses, so why should anyone be ashamed to admit they are taking antidepressants, that their brain is failing to do its job properly and needs a little help? His words made me stop thinking “I really don’t want to take these tablets” to “I have to take them and accept it” and my life is so much the better for it.
Like I said, I am lucky. So many people aren’t, they are labelled as “odd” and, in the case of those who apparently “have it all”, are not given the sympathy they so much deserve.
Posted by Megan on November 27, 2011
Thank you for this. I had never heard of Gary Speed until today, but it’s clear that from people’s reaction (good, bad, and inappropriate) that he was a helluva guy.
One of my favourite, frequently silly bloggers/cartoonists, Allie Brosh, also suffers from depression and did an entry on it in her usual heartfelt, although, obviously, less silly way. It is here: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
Posted by Britt on November 27, 2011
Thank you for writing this blog, Mark. I’ve never heard of Gary Speed, but my thoughts are with his loved ones. Depression is such a horrible illness, and it haunts some of the best and most brilliant people that I know and have known. While such a big part of society still looks down upon depression as if it’s not a big deal, it’s really great to see that there are people out there, people who I admire, such as yourself, who can show some understanding.
Posted by lisan66 on November 27, 2011
Sorry to hear that Gary Speed felt his only way out was suicide, and my thoughts are with his family and friends at the minute.
I think people’s attitudes towards depression need to change. One of my best friend suffered from it, and she dropped out of school because of it. Me and my friends didn’t spread the reason why she’d dropped out of school around, but the teachers knew why too, and they had no problem announcing to a class that she’d gone from school because she was depressed, and some of the girls in my school were so bitchy about it. But if she’d dropped out for treatment for something like cancer, they’d have been sympathetic. That’s what I don’t like about depression. There’s so much stigma attatched to it, and surely, that can’t make a depressed person feel any better!