Dude, where’s my suitcase?
Right. There are always people floating around this blog claiming boredom. Well, fair enough – that might explain why I have any readers in the first place. But as we all know, the Devil makes work for idle hands. Rather than let him do that, I am going to make some work for idle hands myself. We’re going to find my suitcase.
The story is that I was coming back from Montreal late on the evening of July 26. I’d actually flown in from Toronto; it was a pleasant flight, it was a nice pink sunset and I was in good spirits, though naturally a bit tired (I’d left at 5.30am, local time, to catch the first leg of my flight). I looked up at the welcoming light from the second-floor window of my flat and thought that it was good to be home. The taxi driver, who’d been a cheerful fellow throughout, asked me some questions about his route back into Central London, which I was happy to help with. We parted on good terms. I got out of the cab and thought about how I’d get in and put the kettle on and Mrs Watson Howes would have a cup of FUCK IT I’D LEFT MY SUITCASE IN THE BACK OF THE CAB. I’D LEFT IT. I knew immediately. I sprinted down the hill after the disappearing car. But a car is faster than a man. I was left at the bottom of my road, scanning the horizon vainly in case the cab turned around.
It was gone.
It could have been a lot worse: I never let my laptop out of my sight, so it had travelled in my hand-luggage and I’d worked on the flight. Had I been a less work-crazed character and packed it into my case, I would have lost approximately 700 hours of work (some backed up, but a lot, it must be said, not). As it was, the suitcase was relatively empty – it had only been a short trip. Still, it contained a suit jacket which I always used to wear on stage; two of my favourite T-shirts for performing (though not the bear one, happily), and a whole load of pants and socks and other assorted clothing. At least one of the T-shirts was a find from Melbourne and will be very tough to replace; the jacket had sentimental value and, again, it’s hard for me to get sufficiently skinny jackets; plus on top of this, the bloody suitcase itself cost something shocking like £300.
So, could’ve been much worse, yes, but could also have been better, in that I could have not lost the sodding thing.
Still, even after I’d stayed up late in case the cabbie came back and honked his horn outside (he didn’t), I remained optimistic. That’s what I do these days, right? Well, I thought, he’ll realise sooner or later that I must have been the one to leave the case, and he’ll come back. And if not, he’ll do what taxi drivers are meant to do in this situation: hand it in to police. The police will examine it in case I left it with the aim of blowing someone up. They’ll satisfy themselves that I didn’t. They will pass it to the Transport for London lost property office on Baker Street. Who will call me when they get it.
That’s what is meant to happen, according to the website and the man I spoke to from TfL. But it didn’t. I registered the loss, I gave them all the details, I waited, and… nothing. Eventually I got a call. ‘Did you lose a red suitcase, containing various clothes, etc?’ asked the caller, reading laboriously from a sheet. Yes! yes! I said. ‘I’m afraid,’ he said, ‘we haven’t found it.’ OK. Good.
So. Maybe the cabbie didn’t hand it in. Maybe he kept it. Sold it. Or just didn’t bother. But it doesn’t seem likely – he seemed a nice guy. Surely you’d hand it in. Maybe not straight away, and in an extreme case perhaps he was going on holiday and it would take a few weeks, but eventually. Surely. The idea that he spotted the case, held onto it, and then flogged it and its contents seems rather far-fetched somehow.
OK, so maybe another passenger took it. But would you do that? Lug a huge great case out of the back of a cab on the off-chance something good was in it? Knowing that the driver was probably aware it wasn’t yours to take?
What else? It went to lost property, but someone ELSE claimed it? Not very likely. It went to the wrong lost property office? Possible, but that one seems to serve the whole of London’s taxi network. The driver was ambushed that same night and someone made him drive to the Scottish Highlands, where they abandoned the car, tied him up and escaped on a plane to Brazil? Plausible, even likely, but still flawed: why would you go all the way to the Highlands to fly to Brazil when it’d be quicker from say West Wales? And why involve the cabbie?
The more I think about it, the more I think that, while it’s easy to shrug and go ‘well, I left it in the cab, I I guess that’s it’, it SHOULDN’T be it. Admittedly, I WAS a cretin to leave it and I do kind of deserve to lose it, but with my commitment to positive thinking, I don’t think I ought to be resigned to that outcome. As you’ll know if you saw my recent (ramshackle) Edinburgh previews, I’ve come to believe that all problems can theoretically be solved and all facts are theoretically findable in this age of the internet. Well, perhaps some aren’t. But this one bloody is. That suitcase still exists, so do its contents; the universe hasn’t just magicked them away.
We are a very good team. We can do this.
Here are the facts. It is a red Samsonite suitcase with a sort of ribbed hard shell. It’s medium-sized, wheely. As I mentioned, it contains clothes – that’s about it. That should be enough to identify it. It ought to be in the care of Transport for London somewhere. Or it could be anywhere else in the country. Those are the clues. They should surely be enough.
I don’t care how we approach this, but I want that suitcase back. I’m prepared to offer a reward. If you find my suitcase I will do a gig in your house. If you find it WITH THE STUFF STILL IN IT, I will serve refreshments to your friends and family beforehand.
You don’t have to work alone. In fact, the more teamwork we use, the more chance we have of cracking this. In such case as the problem is solved by a team of two or more people, they will of course all be invited to the reward gig, and the group will be asked to decide amongst themselves who ought to have the chance to stage it.
This competition is ongoing. I want that damn suitcase. I’m prepared to go to considerable lengths. Even as considerable as writing a blog, sitting back and crossing my fingers. Don’t let me down.
—————
UPDATE. There are a couple of pieces of important information if you’re going to be able to help with this.
-It was a black cab, that is, a registered London taxi;
-It picked me up from Paddington station at about 10pm on that Tuesday night, and dropped me around forty minutes later at my flat in Crouch End, North London.
-I don’t (of course) have a record of the number plate or the cab number or any of that business. But still. Good luck.
-Oh, and naturally I have already given all this to the lost property people. It didn’t work. We need to look beyond the obvious. As I said, good luck.
Posted by Kevin Scollick on September 8, 2011
Whilst I cannot be your friend on facebook as it says you have too many!!!! I will certainly kill the cunt who stole your suitcase!
If I do – can we be best friends?
I will start by knocking on doors and if that fails I will kick them in
Posted by Rachael on September 4, 2011
I love an investigation. This is going to be a tough one though…
Posted by Lydia on September 4, 2011
I don’t know that I can help with this since I am in the wrong place. I.e. Devon. However, I agree that the stalking the taxi driver thing is probably the best way to start.
Posted by Suzanne aka Senior Watsonian on September 3, 2011
Come along, my dear Watson … do tell us when this case will finally be closed!!!
Time to come clean, young man … surely this is just an exercise to formulate a plot for your next novel???
You can’t fool me, you know!!!
Posted by Suzy on September 3, 2011
I checked ebay, there are no clothing/suitcase related items listed under the term ‘Mark Watson’. I think this is a positive thing. Since I live up North it is unlikely that I will be any help in this mission whatsoever but I am sending positive thoughts and crossed fingers. Good luck in finding your suitcase!!
Posted by Josh (the magnificent one) on September 3, 2011
I think identifying the clothes is an important step. If they appear in charity shops/eBay, then it’s safe to say the case is gone.
Posted by Sam on September 3, 2011
I love some Gingey B. I guess this leaves me as Julian. After this we should solve other crimes. Maybe something involving pirates. I fear we may now be deveating from the suitcase ordeal, but I see this all as planning, once we’ve got ourselves sorted out as a crime fighting outfit, a few adventures under our belt, we’ll be able to tackle the suitcase better. It’s like our arch nemesis, you never defeat your nemesis straight off. Sorry Mark.
Posted by Sarah on September 3, 2011
I’m going to be George. I always pretended to be her when I was playing with my neighbours
It was perfect, 2 boys me and a very girly girl with my old dog taking the part of Timmy 
Geez, I may even go the whole hog and have lashings of ginger beer instead of my usual pint of cider in the pub today 
Posted by Jen on September 3, 2011
Hehe…Sam,Knox,Sarah…I love the Famous Five too…sooo good,can I be Anne though,always an underrated character I felt when I was little (I am only in my 20s -i think that made me sound like I’m 90!!) I’ve stil got them now…I use to read them when all my mates were being ‘cool’ reading Point Horror books…do you remember them!?hehe!
This is totally about teamwork…we are a team…yay!
Ok Mark idea number two…(Please check first idea and questions asked..erm first) – but av you been to the local or nearest Police Station – if the case was dumped it could have just been taken to the Police lost property! Also apparently if you go to the town hall they licence black cabs they can tell you the places where specific/certain cabs will take property left in their vehicles!Jx – again just ideas – still thinking!!
Posted by Sarah on September 3, 2011
@ Sam I used to love the Famous five, if Mark doesn’t think getting a dog would increase his chances of getting the bag back I can loan mine if required (unsure why a dog would be required in finding a case, but the offer is there)
Now off to pick a Famous Five book to read on the train today in the hope that it provides me with an idea apart from the route which i’m going down at the moment.
Posted by Mel on September 3, 2011
any chance there are CCTV cameras on your street that would have captured a shot of the cab or plate? if yes, and the case hasn’t been turned in yet, argument could be made that it is now stolen and not merely lost…maybe good enough for the cops to pull the footage to investigate?
Posted by Knox on September 2, 2011
oh my God – Jen – you know the whole ‘going back at the same time’ thing? That was my first plan of action. Then I went off on a tangent in my head about that particular cabbie having retired/changed jobs/died/been working a totally different shift. Even had plans to take along a printout of the blog, and a picture of mark for memory jogging purposes.
i reckon famous five style team-work could be the key!
Posted by h2osarah on September 2, 2011
Silly Mark! You really need to keep hold of you things better! I think you should start chaining your possessions to your body (or Giles should start doing that too). Do you have, by any change, one of those little luggage tags with you name/address/phone number on it anywhere in/on the case? That would be a really useful thing if someone has the case but doesn’t have any means of identifying that it’s yours.
Posted by Sam on September 2, 2011
Reading the comments, especially Jen’s, I can only hope this turns into some kind of Famous Five style adventure. I can clearly see you taking on the role of Dick (that’s a sentence I had to word carefully). Can we get a dog Mark? Please, can we have a Watsonian dog?
Posted by Jen on September 2, 2011
Ok Mark I’m in Manchester so can’t do this first suggestion myself but here’s what PC ‘my dad’ has said – first thing you need to try and do is go back to Paddington Station taxi rank at around same time again (10pm on a tuesday) and see if you can spot the cabbie and ask him if he can recall the case and what if anything he did with it…this will give you the next lead. The cabbie will work evening shifts on tuesdays most likely!Obviously this will need time as he’ll be on fares – maybe take a friend too…the cabbie sounds nice but be safe!Jx
Ps did u get a receipt for tax purposes?
I’ll keep thinkin as this is not ideal n time consuming but it is only my first idea!!!!
Posted by A lot of Rachels on September 2, 2011
I’m glad the bear t-shirt wasn’t harmed in this (it’s my favourite)
There’s red suitcases on gumtree and could search for the t-shirts/jackets on there but didn’t know what they looked like.
I’m happy to help find things but I’m always loosing things and my mum has to help me find them. I’ll get her to help. She’s good.
Posted by Alex on September 2, 2011
Was this inspired by my moaning..? If so it was worth this. I suspect I’m in the wrong city to be of any use but I’ll put my thinking cap on. This may be the hardest Watsonian challenge yet. Possibly about 5% harder than the one where we’re going to win Eurovision. But if anyone can do it…
Posted by Elizabeth cule on September 2, 2011
Sympathy, utter sympathy. I felt ill during a flight to NYC last week, & on arrival stumbled off the plane leaving my I-Pad behind. I hadn’t even used the ruddy thing on the flight grrrr
In theory, it should be retrievable: BA scheduled flight, pre booked seat.. Can I locate it? Can I hell..
Can I locate anyone interested enough to look into it? You know the answer..
I have beaten myself up, over & over, for being twonk enough to leave it on a plane; I am lucky in that I’ll be able to replace it, but.. I want
MY IPAD back, not a replacement )cries(
Posted by Jen on September 2, 2011
I’m so up for helping with this,if crack teams of investigators are already formulating I’ll help in any way – I’m going to go n speak to mi policeman dad about it now…hehe!Jx
Posted by Nuala on September 2, 2011
Have you tried @tweetalondoncab? They have a lot ( but not all) black cabs on their books. Might be able to get the word out to a wider cabbie audience.
Posted by Misha on September 2, 2011
Right. I’m used to doing this with Ben as a pseudo parent. So first, we need more details Watson.
1. Was it a black cab or mini cab?
2. Prebooked or did you just hail it in the street?
If prebooked, who with? Have you contacted them?
Posted by Sam on September 2, 2011
I was looking through all this recently because I left my umbrella on the train back from Edinburgh into King’s Cross. Unfortunately it is far too common for me to retrieve, and I wouldn’t be in London to get it. But something good came of those phone calls. Hopefully.
Posted by Sam on September 2, 2011
Hopefully this won’t take as long as the ipod challenge.
I presume it was a black cab and not a mini cab, correct?
If it has gone to the lost property office, we only have a month and a half to two months to get it from there before it will be auctioned off or given to charity, as it doesn’t seem suitably weird (but you’re famous, I know) for them to keep it.
It is likely the items will be given to charity, as is most common with clothing, the suitcase either/or, if it is noticeably (and still of) the value you say then it might be auctioned, which means the best bet would be heading down to the auction in november and december as I believe they’re still held monthly. I’ll try and find out more details of this, but probably won’t be able to travel to London to attend it.
Posted by Zoe on September 2, 2011
What station did the taxi leave from? And what was the (vague) area you were travelling to? Also do you have a rough idea what time the journey started? TFL demand this information to identify luggage. Have you actually visited the Baker Street offices in person? Maybe if we all bombard them via the form they’ll look harder?
Posted by Anji on September 2, 2011
If I see a red sort of ribbed wheely suitcase in Exeter (and local surrounding areas I venture to) be assured I will be questioning it’s origin and making sure the person with it is the rightful owner!
Have we checked eBay for selling of Mark’s things?! He may have made a fortune without knowing it!
And Mark, may I suggest u backup your laptop – I know its never out of your sight but being prepared is always better than not!
Any other suitcase duties I can help with just let me know!