I would walk 500 miles
So, here’s this silly stupid competition which I began last night on a whim, and which has taken on a slightly frightening but fun momentum.
Basically I have some tickets to give away to the DVD recording. It was just one pair, but I’m going to try and blag some more (should be a workable blag, as it’s my own show) and potentially have three or four winners.
The idea is to give them to whoever is prepared to come the furthest from where they live. It should be that simple, but gradually last night people started negotiating. For instance someone promised to walk from Manchester (though I’m not sure if he’s serious) (but he might be). Someone else sent a picture proving that they have a shit car, and so it would be an ordeal to drive to Bristol from Yorkshire where they live. One entrant offered to drive round and round for no reason until they racked up enough miles to win. This will probably be turned down on environmental grounds, but it’s a good effort.
Other people have tried to strengthen their case by claiming it’s their birthday, anniversary, or they’ve had a terrible time recently, or have never been to a comedy show, or ever left their town, etc. I shouldn’t really be vulnerable to this sort of thing, but as we saw in the Massive Kindness Day Ticket Giveaway before Christmas, I am. So if you don’t live as far away as some of the top entrants, you might still win if you can prove you are overcoming some sort of obstacle to get there. Either geographical or psychological.
So in short this is somewhere between a huge game of the comedian’s favourite question ‘so, who’s come the furthest?’ and a straight-up begging competition. You might regard it as a large-scale exercise in boosting my ego. But if you know anything about me, you’ll know my ego is a pretty frail animal so perhaps a boost, in the week of this crucial recording, wouldn’t be such a disgraceful thing to ask for. In any case, I think we can agree it’s more fun than the usual way of giving tickets away, which is ‘the first five people to post’ or ‘whoever calls in and answers this deliberately shit question’ or ‘text us for £1.50 on this number and then the tickets will go to pre-arranged winners anyway’. Naming no names in particular.
Here are the rules of this simple game:
-YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO PROVE YOU ARE TRAVELLING THE DISTANCE YOU CLAIM. Acceptable proof will be, say, a photo of your hometown taken on the morning of the Sunday. If you are found to have been lying, you will be sent into Outer Space. But not in a fun way. It will be an otherwise unmanned mission and you’ll be really lonely. I’m still finalising the details of this with NASA.
-YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO GET TO BRISTOL HIPPODROME FOR THE EVENING OF JULY 3 – THIS SUNDAY. It would be very disappointing if someone won and then didn’t turn up. Don’t enter unless you’re very confident of making it.
-YOU MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY INVOLVED IN THE SHOW. Not in a too embarrassing way, but it’s fairly likely I will mention the winners on stage and perhaps we might chat to you afterwards (with your permission)for a DVD extra. So don’t enter if you are so paralysingly shy that this would be a disaster for you. However you will not be dragged on stage or picked on or taken unfair advantage of.
…and that’s it, I think. It’s a pair of tickets, by the way, to each winner.
Oh – if you’ve already registered your interest yesterday, on Facebook or Twitter, you don’t need to enter all over again here, but it might not be a bad idea to leave a Comment anyway if you think you can strengthen your case. e.g. you might describe just how bloody far away from Bristol you live, or how terribly lacking your home village is in excitement on a Sunday, or demonstrate conclusively that you will be coming to the show on a donkey.
Off you go. Oh, this is fun. Stupid, stupid fun.
Posted by Chantal on July 1, 2011
I am going to re enter my plea as I will 100% come if I win.
I live in Croydon so I’m sure you can appreciate my utter desperation to get out of there. If you’ve performed there in the past you will have realised what a state of a town this is and have already probably decided not to return.
I will also bring a real size but not real life flamingo with me if I win. The flamingo will not need a ticket or chair of it’s own. Pretty sure no one else will offer to bring a flamingo, so it’ll be groundbreaking…
And also….pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaasaaaaaaaaaaaassssssseee! x
Posted by Cathy (traineeflorist) on June 30, 2011
I already have one ticket for myself. But would be good to have a couple more for a couple of friends I have recently introduced to the wonder that is you (no blushing now). But I can’t compete with some of the amazing people on here and on Twitter who are overocoming incredible adversity to see you perform (much as I would like to, I have to sell flowers).
I will bring you flowers however, because you’re worth it (your cue to look as if you are). And just in case you think I’m not up to a bit of adversity I am walking the Great Wall of China in September although I’m not sure if that’s quite as far as the amazing Paul and his trek from Manchester to Bristol! I have failed to get anywhere near my sponsorship target yet by the way so if anyone reading this feels sorry for me (no I thought not) just visit http://www.justgiving.com/cathypenrose and make a donation.
Which just leaves me to say my tummy is already doing little butterfly thingies at the thought of the DVD recording on Sunday. It’s going to be an unforgettable night (one way or the other!)
Posted by Marc on June 30, 2011
I am a student and last month my phone broke and the insurance failed to pay out on it and the only replacement I could afford was a truly awful £12.99 Samsung. Unfortunately, this phone doesn’t have a camera so I won’t be able to take a picture of my departure town (Will a gas bill do?) but I will be setting off from Birmingham, I know its nowhere fancy (literally) but I was in the front row during your Warwick Arts gig and I would quite enjoy the opportunity to see you again, perhaps a little further back, where I won’t be subjected to a spit shower as you go about your enthusiastic routine. I am also willing to strike you a deal, if I am awarded the tickets, at some point during the show I will make a run for the door and let you chase me (Not because I get a thrill out of that kind of thing, but I do know your partial to a good chase).
Recap: Poor Student, Shite phone, Live in Birmingham, Will have to travel from there, Willing to be chased
Posted by Gary on June 30, 2011
I live in loughrea, Co galway ireland in order to make it to the hippodrome I would have to drive to dublin ( 2 hours) fly ryanair to bristol which is the modern day equivalent of traveling across america on a horse and cart. This will cost €164. Some might say it would have been cheaper to see the show when you came to dublin. how much were the tickets?
Anyway these ones would be free, so that makes it worth while. I can make it. I just need to get permission from the wife but she has Take That tickets for next week so I have leverage.
You may have noticed some spelling or punctuation mistakes. English is my first language im just poorly educated.
Posted by Jade Wood on June 30, 2011
Currently living in Dumfries which is 310 miles from Bristol but heading home to Lincolnshire on Saturday. Dumfries to Lincolnshire to Bristol is 415 miles.
“I like driving in my car”
Posted by Hannah on June 30, 2011
I live in Chester, which is a mighty long way from Bristol. However, I would happily drive all the way down there to see your show. I live in a tiny village called Saughall and the only thing going on here on a Sunday night is The Golden Link OAP club. Please save me from this boring hell hole by giving me some tickets. Pretty please with a cherry on top xx
Posted by Umby on June 30, 2011
Hello Mr Mark Watson Sir, I would like to nominate myself, an 18-year-old wannabe stand up. I live in Newcastle-upon-Tyne and I will hitchhike down (poor college student, can’t afford travel fare or tickets to your show). I will leave on Friday in order to make sure I arrive in time for the show and don’t worry about me, I have a friend in Bristol who has agreed to put me up for the night.
You are one of my comedy inspirations, Mr Watson, and it would be a delight to see you live.
Also I think this would be a fantastic adventure for me, and should provide some good stories for future material. So please, Mr Mark Watson, Sir, tell me if I should start packing.
Posted by sarahthemonkey2 on June 30, 2011
Working most of Sunday so even if I could get a train from Aberdeen to Bristol and then find somewhere to sleep, it would be a heck of a journey. Good luck for the DVD though and to the winners of your competion.
Posted by Chris Auckland on June 30, 2011
Darn it! I live in Bradford on Avon, that’s only about 30 minutes from Bristol!
How about if I cycle to Bristol from where I live (Bradford on Avon), would that get me anything? It is environmentally friendly and the 1st July is the 3rd anniversay of my Mum’s untimely death (I was only 20).
To be fair, anyone who is prepared to travel to Bristol should get some sort of prize!
Posted by Caitlin on June 30, 2011
Hello,
I think I should come for two reasons.
Reason 1: I live in Scunthorpe. The most exciting attraction is the steel works and even that is sacking a third of its employees.
Reason 2: The cost of the train (my only form of transport) is £83.90. I doubt the original tickets cost that much, but I quite like the idea of paying more to get use of the free tickets. Being a maths student, it’s nice to fight the system and do something deliberately finiancialy stupid once in a while.
Good luck everyone.
Caitlin
Posted by Samantha on June 30, 2011
Me and my friend were at your Cardiff show last November, we played whack-a-mole and ran away from the “man in the tie” into our illegal seats where you said we looked like the ghosts from the muppets.
We’d be willing to make a pilgrimage from Cardiff to Bristol to liven up your show on Sunday. It’s very VERY far (at least an hour by car, oooh) but I’m sure we could make it if we put all our effort into it. We can hide under the table on stage like we were meant to last time, but now we’re both 18 so you won’t get done for peadofilia like you worried about last time. And this time, if we snuck into different seats we could play hide and seek, and hopefull won’t get escorted back to our original seats by a man in a suit (boooo).
If we don’t win, it would be a crime against comedy.
We both wanted to come to your last show, but we were both in work .. and there wasnt even a kangaroo!
Posted by MusicalLottie on June 30, 2011
Like a couple of others on here I could theoretically afford the tickets (although I won’t get paid until the middle of July, which will be six weeks after starting this job, so actually I wouldn’t be able to afford them) but the train fare is the main problem. It’s a shame because I’d be a good audience member – when I saw you on your last tour at Hammersmith I was crying with laughter – but such is life.
Though thinking about it, even if I could afford the train fare, I really don’t fancy having to kip in a London station (I forget which one) waiting for the train home *shudders*
Posted by Jen on June 30, 2011
I was going ask for myself (and the friend who bought me a ticket but then couldn’t come because she was ill) because I mostly saw the back of your head for the 2nd half in Exeter and you called me a whore. But that was actually a result of my own mischief making so instead I’m going to cast a vote in favour of Bingamin, if that’s allowed?
Posted by Jen on June 30, 2011
Wow…feel bit guilty taking up valuable comment space when all these peeps are vying for tickets – v exciting – can’t wait – the 4hr train trip I could live without but I’m gonna say no more bout that after reading some of these epic comments!Anyway I can’t sleep n thought of an idea – we could make you a ”my first DVD’ album to go with the ‘first blog birthday’ album we made of our cakes – all blog attendees could upload one pic which symbolises the event in some way – be it the journey – the crowds queuing -paperjosh sat in his seat-a quick snap shot in between filming(if ok wi the theatre)!Jst an idea so then you will have lotsa ‘first albums’ hmmmm I’m sleep deprived but its just a thought – I can’t remember who did the last album but they did it so well maybe they would be up for it again… just a thought!Jx
Posted by tinkissarah on June 29, 2011
I really want to come and see you again (we went to see you in Oxford in November) but I don’t really live all that far away. I live in Banbury which is 2 hours away if my other half drives, 3 hours if I drive. I think you should simply let me have the tickets just to annoy him with my driving.
Plus you should also pick me as I’m very honest. My friend told me to push my brother down the stairs and stick him in a wheel chair and play the sympathy card but I’m too honest for that (although if it means you pick me, I’ll gladly do it. He’s a big lad, he’ll be ok).
Also I tell everyone who will listen how you are my fave comedian and how funny you are and my great uncle in Australlia now refers to you as Mark ‘bloody brilliant’ Watson and he doesn’t even really know who you are.
S x
Posted by Josie on June 29, 2011
Good luck with your DVD recording! Unfortunately, as an impoverished student, it would basically be impossible for me to afford any kind of train ticket and I’m also terribly lazy… but good luck anyway!
Posted by Josh (the magnificent one) on June 29, 2011
I don’t think you should give me the tickets. I think you should give me the train fare. It’s going to be £50, which is £50 more than I have. I’d be able to come if I had that.
Otherwise, I’ll just send PaperJosh.
Speaking of which, if anyone reading this is going to the show and has a colour printer and a good hand for cutting, then could you register your amazingly helpful skills here:
http://markwatsonfans.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=684&sid=8a5d08197976b1e7e7da97121628f277
It’d be of great help.
Posted by Aislinn on June 29, 2011
I think you should offer me a pair of free tickets to your show on Sunday because I will protect you from anybody who wants to have a threesome with you.
Posted by Corey on June 29, 2011
I haven’t commented for a while due to issues with my internet connection so I’ve been catching up with things. I’d have loved to get involved with the competition but I’ll be on my way back from Hamburg on Sunday and not sure I’d get to Bristol in time. I love the way you get people involved in your work…..good work!
Posted by lia on June 29, 2011
okay so this is not particulary hard but me and my friend think your gorgeous and would love a threesome with you!!! have already got tickets to see you but i’m sure our friends would appreciate them well anyhow let us knw xx
Posted by louise on June 29, 2011
Well, I am happy to drive from Northumberland on Sunday…. and I wracked up 1100 miles last week doing the three peaks for Macmillan nurses (that’s climbing Ben Nevis driving to scafell pike climbing that going to snowdon and climbing that all in 24 hours). I definitely think I am a deserving winner!
Posted by Oscar Dayus on June 29, 2011
I am currently in Faro, Portugal, and will show my flight ticket as proof. I have no other perks to speak of, so I am relying on distance alone… Incidentally, is there an age limit for the show?
Posted by Ellie Walder on June 29, 2011
As I said on your status this morning, my DNA is in space. Sadly I am not with that DNA (I live in Wokingham, Berkshire – about an hour from Bristol) but I would really like to come
I saw you at Norden Farm a couple of years ago and we had a chat with you afterwards – if you remember my brother was the really innocent looking blond kid who was sitting in the front row and unnerved you a little bit :L hahaaa 
plus it’s my birthday a month on Monday 
pleeeeaaaaaaasseeeeee!!!
Sooooo please please pleaseeeee!!! I have been doing work experience all week and have had to deal with kittens that have jumped out of first floor windows or been put in a washing machine for a 15 minute cycle so I could really do with a break
I will bring you sweeties
love Ellie x
Posted by Bingamin on June 29, 2011
Wife has just informed me we aren’t allowed to go even if I win. boooo
Posted by Rachael on June 29, 2011
Hi Mark, we’d be coming from Norfolk, a small village, without a shop.
We would really love to come and have a good laugh, we really need one. We’ve been looking after my Nan for a few weeks, shes just had heart failure and a pacemaker fitted and we’re looking after her til shes ready to go home. Shes brilliant and lovely and we’ve got her up on her feet and doing little bits, taking her out and getting her enjoying life again – now we’d love a wee break and a night out!
Whatever happens, it’s sure to be a great show, x
Posted by Mark Kelly on June 29, 2011
I’d like to beg for these. First though I’m a comedy fan and live 40 minutes away so will defibateky be there! My wife is a massive (not literally) comedy fan and has been working lots of overtime (as an NHS nurse) to support us following my redundancy. I’ve two interviews tomorrow and would view Sunday evening as a massive treat (hopefully) and I never win anything (same as everyone else of course!).
So, your chance to put the smile on the face of a nurse! A first, maybe?
Posted by Chris on June 29, 2011
Well I don’t know how good your memory is Mark, but my girlfriend quite cruelly made me speak out at your Plymouth show in March to say I’d come from Peterborough that day just for the show, and I did that happily and without without complaint as well as paying for the tickets, so technically I think it’s only fair that my entry mileage counts double as I’ll have driven over 900 (NINE HUNDRED!!!) miles in 3 months just to listen to you talk on stage (and to see Kady incase she asks……)
We even queued for half an hour to buy your book, how much more ego flattery do you need??
Posted by J-F Cuvillier on June 29, 2011
I would be coming from the small village of Llangeitho, at approximatively 27 miles from Aberystwyth, which is, as all those who have been there know very well, as far away from any given point on Earth as you can get and, an estimated minimum of two and half hour away from anywhere else.
On top of that, I am French and originally come from the region of Bretagne but, lived in Australia as a kid. On pure technicality, this should add a few miles to my claim.
Oh! And yes, I can prove both facts. Trust me, a French passport with a Welsh address is something to be hold!… (especially if it yours and you’re crossing a border, obviously…)
Posted by Peter gray on June 29, 2011
Well we did prefer to see you in Torquay Princess Theatre last February, rather than Plymouth where we live
we spend most of our weekends travelling to comedy shows around the Country
We are ready willing and able to make the arduous journey to Bristol to lend you our support
Regards Peter
Posted by Michelle on June 29, 2011
I would so totally be up for this – if I wasn’t in a country town in Victoria, Australia… I did see you at the Forum in Melbourne though, absolute highlight of the comedy festival
Can’t wait til you’re back in town.
Posted by Alex on June 29, 2011
I’m coming from Newcastle and that’s QUITE far. I’m pretty sure it’s not as far as abroad though. That’s a bit mental. Plus I already have a ticket.
I managed to persuade the family to have my grandad’s 80th party this weekend not last weekend so I could justify the train fare…
Posted by Hannah R on June 29, 2011
Would a 10 hour train journey be far enough? I fear not with the glaswegians already bargaining for a place…..
However I am an aspiring comedian so I could try my very very best to be interesting on the DVD extras…..
Also I’m doing an all-night lazerquest on Friday so I will likely have no use of my legs, making the 10 hour jopurnet potentially feel like 3 weeks……
Posted by Emily on June 29, 2011
As previously mentioned I live in a one horse town called Stroud (and I actually think we share our horse with neighbouring Gloucester, so it’s probably a heroin addict anyway)! This steaming metropolis has one bus service (which doesn’t go to Bristol) and a few passing trains (as long as you are in one of the carriages that fits into the station). I would love to come, but also because otherwise I will be forced to watch reality tv reruns all day and will therefore damage my brain, thus reducing any chance of ever leaving. Plus, have you ever been on a stagecoach bus? It may not be a long distance, but the years it will take off my life should count for something!
Posted by Liam Walters on June 29, 2011
I’d like to start off by saying you are one of my favourite comedians, and one I have been watching for a long time now, though have never been able to see you like (Only been able to go to 1 comedy show before)
Now, I’m currently at my university halls. It just so happens that on the 3rd July, I’m leaving to go back to my home in Sheffield… Meaning I have to pack everything away, get it all in my parents car, drive to sheffield, unpack, and then wait for my friend to pick me up in his car.
And the friend I’m taking with me is Morecambe, meaning he has to go from there, to Sheffield, to pick me up, before we drive from Sheffield, all the way to Bristol (we will also pledge to play nothing but Aqua and Electric Six on the drive down)
Posted by Bingamin on June 29, 2011
Just found out i’m only coming from Wotton under edge, just over the border in Gloucestershire as I will be attending my mother in laws 60th birthday. Would#ve come up from Exeter if selected anyway, as would like to see the full version of the second half of your show. You seem to have got a little distracted by the politest (or most disturbing) stage invasion that I have ever seen when we were at your gig a few weeks ago. So Pick me anyway. I have beard, and beards should be rewarded. If not selected, I will have to go to a pub quiz in Exeter in the evening instead.
Posted by Clare on June 29, 2011
I would very much like the tickets.
I complete the purchase on my first apartment tomorrow and will therefore be skint FOREVER. Did i mention we reserved in October 2010. This purchase in its self has been an ordeal!
Also live 40 mins away so I might be whats techincally deemed as a bit jammy in trying to get these tickets. But i feel that this could be endearing?? : D
In a last ditch attempt i will bring you biscuits?!?! a variety of biscuits?!?!
Posted by Lydia on June 29, 2011
I will have only just come back from Norwich. Figured I should probably go and look at uni since it’s my firm choice.
Unfortunately, it’s kind of the getting there part that I can’t afford. I look forward to hearing about it all. x
Posted by Sue Hitchins on June 29, 2011
Case strengthener No 1 – I would only like one ticket, so you can stick me in one of those single seats that get left at the end of every event and nobody will buy. Even at the back. No 2 – I have seen you before and find you funny so I will laugh, hence no tumbleweed moments. And I don’t heckle or get up for a wee halfway through you telling jokes. No 3 – I’m not coming that far, only from Weston Super Mare, but I can bring you some seaside tat if you would like as a bribe. Such as a kiss me quick hat or a tea towel that is so full of starch you will never dry anything with it in it’s lifetime. Or one of those aprons with mens dangly bits attached. No 4 – We have Ralf Little and Craig Cash filming a new tv show down here for the next few weeks, a sit com, and I can show you where it is and you can get in as an extra. I did. I am buying a stick of rock in it. You could be like Where’s Wally in the background, except Where’s Mark. I rest my case m’lud.
Posted by J on June 29, 2011
Can I nominate the Jewish Funds for Justice website for a pair of tickets? This is about as conceptually distant as I can imagine from more information about your 24+ hour shows, yet currently that’s what the http://www.watson24hour.com URL (linked on this page: http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/24-hours/) is displaying…
Posted by Kevin Toohey on June 29, 2011
Hi Mark, I’m a scouser as I’m from Liverpool and I would be more than happy to travel down from my home town this Sunday. More than likely get the train so I’ll have my ticket as proof, could even throw in a pic too.
This could be a fantastic ending too what looks like a crazy weekend for me and with already having an offer from a very hot lady on the Sunday evening, either way I’ll have a good night but I think coming down would be the better idea as she might just ask me round another time. If she don’t then ahh well!
Posted by belle on June 29, 2011
So do we send a photo in then?
Posted by cat on June 29, 2011
You know I would do it. I’m even on holidays. But mum and my passports are only just being finalised!!!
I’ll be coming to see you someday in europe hopefully sooner rather than later.
Posted by Mark Watson on June 29, 2011
I want to go!
I have the same name as you & my friend who sen you in glasgow says i look like you.
I live in milton, north glasgow.
what the cheapest way to get to bristol from glasgow anyway ?
Posted by Georgia on June 29, 2011
I wish I’d have had more notice, Mark. I would have come from Melbourne. Seriously.
Have been having a shitty time at work, about to quit my job and travel over there somewhere. And this competition would have been my perfect excuse to up and leave.
So I’m requesting a teeny bit more notice of your next elaborate competition.
Posted by Alisdair Glen on June 29, 2011
Don’t count me, with accomodation being just too much for a part time bartender I more than likely cant make it! Gutted
Posted by Rich Liddiatt on June 29, 2011
I nominate myself, for a number of reasons:
I live in Bridgend, you may have seen it on the news. I desperately need an excuse to leave before I inevitably get infected with heroin addiction or similar.
Travelling to England would result in petty minded racism regarding my Welsh accent, as I’m sure you are all too aware.
As I am too skint to afford a hotel and have no friends in Bristol I will be required to spend the night in a cardboard box or bench, as the trains back to Wales on Sundays are non existant. I have a cold, which would be exacerbated by this.
Pick me!
Posted by Harry Davidson on June 29, 2011
Hello,
I live in a village called Selling that is near Canterbury in Kent. It’s 183 miles; here’s a shortened link to the route I’ll take: http://bit.ly/iCMN5P.
I’m home alone at the moment and I expect I will Sunday too…
Yours cheerfully,
Harry.
Posted by Rachael on June 29, 2011
If someone gives me a donkey I will ride it to Bristol, it might take a while though because I imagine the poor thing would need a few rests on the way from Norfolk.
Posted by Alisdair Glen on June 29, 2011
I live so far away i have to leave on Saturday. I literally live at that pointy bit at the top of Scotland.
Posted by h2osarah on June 29, 2011
Yeah Mark. I nominate me. I bought my flight last night. Getting to Gatwick on Saturday, I’ll be at your show. Not *just* coming for your show, but if it weren’t for your show I’d be going to Brighton instead of Bristol.
Posted by Joelle on June 29, 2011
I’d love to come to the recording of your DVD, but I’ve not enough money for a plane ticket over there. Also, school. If I had a good job, was an adult, and was already on holidays that I decided to randomly take for noother reason than to be at home, I’d definitely enter.
Good luck to all!
Posted by Misha on June 29, 2011
I’m still nominating Sarah K.
This time, i’m merely coming from Cardiff, only an hour by megabus, although that is arguably an ordeal in itself.