I got five on it
Watching through the window as the audience arrive for my show in Shrewsbury: the fastest-selling show of the Request Stops tour (though Bromsgrove has run it close). It’s pretty wet and miserable out there, so you’d hope that even the act of walking into a warm theatre foyer would get people in the kind of good mood I’m ideally looking for. Touring in summer is always a bit of a gamble because there’s a general feeling that people don’t like shutting themselves in a dark venue on a warm, glorious, I-could-be-at-a-barbecue-with-a-jug-of-Pimms evening. But luckily after an excellent April and May (as far as I hear – I wasn’t here), the traditional pre-Wimbledon gloom has descended on the country just as I start wandering around it. It also makes it less frustrating to be on trains and in vans when it’s not too sunny. So this has really played into my hands, actually. Thanks everyone.
Today I’ve managed my ‘five a day’, including a mammoth effort to eat some spinach. I don’t like spinach but it seems harder and harder to escape from; the same way some people feel about Keith Lemon, in other words. When I was growing up it was such an unfashionable vegetable that mums would use it as a kind of grotesque shorthand for awful food (‘if you’re not careful it’ll be spinach for dinner’) but now you’ll find it hanging unappetisingly on swanky menus everywhere, normally referred to as ‘wilted spinach’ – which sounds even worse, but there you go.
Every time I succeed in defying the odds of touring and eating five fruit and veg a day – which I’m trying my best to do, as part of my general scheme to not die too young – it seems they move the goalposts. People say things like ‘oh, it’s actually meant to be eight’. Or ‘twenty-one’. Or ‘it’s five fruit AND five veg’. Or ‘potatoes don’t count, and nor do baked beans, or steak’.
I’m trying to think a little bit more about nutrition as I rack up more and more years on the old speedometer of mortality, so has anyone got a definitive guide to how many fruit and veg you’re meant to have? Or more pragmatically, how many you can get away with? And does anyone know foods which are good and palatable shortcuts, like a form of curry which contains all five, for instance? And is it possible to apply for an exemption if you’re in a job which makes it impossible to cook nutritious meals?
Failing all this I could just have Innocent smoothies. They contain two of your five a day on their own. If you believe talking rabbits, that is.
Posted by Aislinn on June 21, 2011
Bit late on this, but still counts, right?
These are the two rules I’ve been told:
1. A handful counts as a portion.
(This sort of solves the curry problem, in that for every handful of vegetables there are in your portion of curry, you can count it as one of your five-a-day.)
2. You have to vary it. So you couldn’t just drink three Innocent smoothies, or a litre of orange juice: ideally you want a variety of… fruit stuff. Fresh fruit, dried fruit, fruit juice, raw vegetables etc.
Oh, and, five seems to do. I don’t know any unhealthy people who eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
Posted by Tibbs on June 19, 2011
‘Wilted’ spinach sounds absolutely horrible. And I like spinach!
Eight is closer to the number from Canada’s food guide (for adult men, at least; I think it’s a bit less for women), although it’s eight “servings”, which is usually about 1/2 a cup. And they recommend green or orange vegetables especially.
If you’re looking for ways to eat healthy on the road, I would try to keep some veggies as snack foods to eat while you’re traveling. You’ve got enough room in the van for a courier service, surely you could find space for some carrot sticks or snow peas?
Posted by Rachael on June 18, 2011
Weirdly, I was just thinking the other day about how strange ‘wilted spinach’ sounds. Better than Keith Lemon though.
Oh and baked beans definitely count, it says so on the snack pots.
Posted by Allie on June 17, 2011
@melanie….fry onion, add curry paste. Add cauliflower n tomato n about 300ml water, simmer for 15 mins then stir in spinach. Then serve …simple as that. Need to use good quality curry paste for best flavour,,, add some red lentils to thicken if you prefer a thicker curry. (about 150g) after you add the water.
Posted by James on June 17, 2011
Did you know custard counts as one of your 5 a day….. your wife’s grandmother has always had your best interests at heart…..
PS
Great show Thursday
Posted by Lydia on June 17, 2011
Daniel, sign the warrant. They would do it in a second if the situation was reversed, I’m sure. You should probably go and talk to them when they get back. Take chocolate or something. When they actually think about if there is no way they could be that upset, because I am sure they would never put up with it for 72 hours. I hope it’s sorted and you’ve got some sleep now.
I always assumed the 5 a day thing was right. I’m not whether or not I am successful in doing it though. Which means I never actually think about. I eat a lot of pasta and salad so hopefully that means I am kind of healthy. We used to have smoothies but then our blender broke, so now I just eat the occasional banana.
I’m sure you can believe the talking rabbits since the smoothie itself is so bloody expensive.
Posted by LisaD on June 17, 2011
My former nutrition instructor in college (who is a bit more honest with me now that I’m not being tested on what she says) says that the government endorsed number is based less on nutritional studies than human nature studies and is put at the point which people are willing to aim for without being so high that they give up and go back to living on ramen noodles. Five servings of fruit and veg, with the lion share being veg, ideally, is perfect in that it is just high enough to force people to actually think about what they eat. The number varies from country to country because some of us come from societies in which fried potatoes are the perfect food and/or former presidents declared ketchup to be a vegetable to save money on school lunches. I told my brother I had successfully stuck to 5 a day so far this year and he asked if the raisins in his bagel counted as more than one fruit. If you slip and have four your internal organs won’t start shutting down and if you have six you’re certainly not doing yourself any harm.
Personally I LOATHE cooked spinach; it gets way too slimy for me to even consider swallowing! Smoothies are the easiest choice, and the only way I could make myself consume kale. Fresh salsa is also a great one. It’s insanely healthy, goes great with lots of things and is really easy to make quickly.
PS Daniel, if your neighbors are even remotely decent human beings they will feel horrible that their alarm went off for days on end like that and won’t blame you for having to sign the warrant. If they get angry with you than they are terrible people with no sense of community spirit or shame and don’t deserve your concern for their feelings.
Posted by Carl on June 17, 2011
Personally, Daniel, I think i’d sign the warrant. I’m confident after the initial shock of the bill etc, your neighbours will understand. Get them a gift to smooth things over and explain everything about the Police, sleepness nights etc face to face. They’ll respect you for it. If you take a bottle of wine and chat over that, you may even make some new friends. Good luck, mate.
Posted by Joelle on June 17, 2011
In Australia all the campaigns say 2 fruit and 5 veg.
A quick google to make sure that was actually what the advertising said gave me a website. http://www.gofor2and5.com.au/ That man made of fruit and veg is scary. I also don’t understand why a website is necessary but whatever.
Good luck with your eating!
Posted by MusicalLottie on June 17, 2011
Young spinach is far better than old spinach, and I think the ‘wilted’ is to emphasise that it hasn’t been boiled or otherwise cooked to within and inch of its life, so to speak. Or, more realistically, boiled/cooked beyond all nutritional usefulness. It is really good raw in salads; it does a similar job to lettuce, just tastes different.
As for how much fruit and veg we should be consuming, I’ve no idea. A friend of mine who did loads of research into nutrition told me that food today just doesn’t contain the nutrients that it did 50 years ago, so even the healthiest of eaters could easily be undernourished. I think that’s probably why there’s so many people with ill health, and even those with decent health seem to be permanently tired – if our bodies are constantly running low on the right fuel, that would explain it.
Sorry for the ramble; I’m off to bed as my brain’s almost non-functioning.
Posted by Misha on June 17, 2011
As far as i’ma ware, if you put some fruits/veg in your face every so often, and walk about a bit, tha’tll do.
I am drunk.
Posted by Tom Key on June 17, 2011
Loved the start with the projector and typing
Nice to meet you at the end, seeing as i was like the last person to buy the book 
Sorry about that, had to go to the cashpoint in town but still nice of you to get the pen out again!
The whole Arriva bit i agree on, it is like a sledge as i travel with the sledges every week ;P The bit about water was brilliant, anciant rock, modern rock, suck yourself :’)
The best bit was still the game! Shrewsbury 1-0 Mark! Sorry….I was telling the security at the back, if i get up and run i’m gunna be going to the front so don’t stop me okay? And then realised those 2 people sat there at the start of 2nd half….Better luck next time
All the best and good luck in the tour
Tom.
Posted by Beau Brummel on June 17, 2011
Just sign the f%&**ing warrant, Daniel. Sign it!
Posted by Melanie on June 17, 2011
@Allie – recipe sounds interesting, would it be possible for you enlighten me further on it please?
Posted by Jen on June 16, 2011
Fruit and veg wise I really do struggle but the advise I seem to get quite often is try and eat blueberries if nothing else…now I’m no doctor but this has been said to me by a lot of people lately…apparently its a cure/preventative measure for ‘everything’ too…hmmm….maybe not..but I bow to their expertise…still,don’t over do it!
Looking forward to the Manchester show tomorrow,don’t forget your Italian version of Eleven so I can spread the word..hehe!Good luck with the show!Jx ps hope the alarm problem sorts itself out Daniel.
Posted by Phill on June 16, 2011
I used to hate spinach when I was growing up, but now I quite like it. You just need to find the right recipe. Get young leaf spinach, that’s nice – and you don’t have to have it wilted, you can just have it as is in salads etc.
Posted by Allie on June 16, 2011
I know a lovely recipe for Cauliflower, tomato and spinach curry… If you ate it twice a day that would be your quota all in 2 delicious meals!
Hope you get the alarm sorted out Daniel…I am surprised that the police can’t help, have you tried ringing your local police they sometimes have contact details and would get in touch with your neighbours to let them know the alarm is going off…They once did this for a friend of mine in a similar situation.
Posted by Natalie-Helen on June 16, 2011
I would never doubt a talking rabbit. But that is why I fell down a giant hole helping one get to work on time…
xxx
Posted by Melanie on June 16, 2011
If you find such a wonderful curry, please share.
Posted by alot of rachels on June 16, 2011
I like spinach you can eat it raw or “wilted”. much better than lettuce.
but not I’m not sure how many we should really eat but I just try to eat as much as possible during the day which isnt much but 2 portions are better than none
Posted by Megan on June 16, 2011
Well, the Canada Food Guide says 8-10 servings a day of fruit and veg (they kind of emphasize the vegetables, though) for adults, which I can hit quite easily (but don’t always).
For that last five or six months, I’ve been making sure that I always have apples and/or pears and/or bananas in my office. I usually put blueberries on my already kinda fruity muesli in the morning (or have a smoothie). I eat at least one salad a day, and have veg in other forms as snacks or sides. This has helped me cut my junk food consumption by quite a lot (which I was doing in hopes of improving fitness levels (I ended up losing a bit of weight too, which was just a bonus) – heavy, stodgy food makes one slow! Who knew?!)
This makes me sound like a very healthy person, doesn’t it? Well, I do still drink too much coffee and beer, really like cheese, and eat nachos as a meal more often than I probably should, so there is still room for improvement. But it’s not difficult to make small changes.
As for Daniel’s burglar alarm issue: Are you in an apartment building or a semi-detached house or what? Do you know if they own their place? I’m just wondering if there’s a building manager or landlord that could be contacted.
Though, after 72 hours, I would probably just break in, if only to find out who the security company who ‘owns’ the alarm is and why the HELL they haven’t been by to check to see if, y’know, there has actually been a robbery. Do they have a sticker with the security company’s name on it in the window? (Do Brits do that? “This house is protected by AWESOMESAUCE ALARM COMPANY”?)
Posted by Daniel on June 16, 2011
Mark, I have a problem and need the Watsonian collective’s help.
My neighbours, who I don’t ever talk to ( becasue I’m shy, not because they’re horrible ( well, they might be, I haven’t spoken to them to find out ) ) have gone away and their burglar alarm has been going non-stop for the last 72 hours. As we are in a modern build with new, paper-thin walls I can hear it all the time and have got around three hours sleep in the last 3 nights. The police aren’t interested as there is no sign of suspicious activity, I have no contact details for my neighbours and the Environmental Protection Agency seem very keen for me to authorise them to obtain a warrant, break into the house, turn the alarm off, make it safe and then bill my neighbours for repairs etc. Quite why they need my name on the warrant I have no idea, but what neighbourly relations we have could be soured somewhat. My other concern is that nothing screams ” House Ripe For Burglary ” more than a burglar alarm going off unattended for 72 hours. There’s a light flashing at the front and everything.
I need to drown out the noise, I need to get some sleep and as a repsonsible citizen I feel I should protect their house somehow until their as-yet-unknown return date. Any ideas? Or should I just sign a warrant and be damned?!!
Yours sleep-deprivedly,
Daniel
Posted by Catherine aka Cathy on June 16, 2011
I believe talking rabbits.