I won’t feel like I’m on the outside of The Circle
So firstly, as you might have seen, there was a Comment yesterday from a lady who was well qualified to unscramble the Italian review of the book (as featured in a weekend blog) since she was no less than the translator of ‘Eleven’ into Italian. It seems it was actually positive and Google didn’t do the greatest job of representing it. Phew.
Now – this isn’t the first time I’ve done this on the blog. I’m going to ask for your help with composing a set. On Thursday I’m appearing on the Australian daytime show ‘The Circle’. I have to do a tiny amount of standup – about three minutes – before chatting to them on the couch. The vibe of the show is, roughly, ‘Richard and Judy’ or ‘Daybreak’ or one of these things: people talking entertainingly yet politely about current issues before a studio audience of retired/unemployed people and a TV audience of the same plus students, invalids, and the millions more people who make daytime TV the phenomenon it is.
No swearing. No crudeness. Nice palatable topics. And all very concise.
Could someone either subject some bits of material from my existing ‘canon’, or write some specially and post it here?
That would be really helpful. Thank you. I’m about to do my show. It’s almost sold out tonight. But it is a cheap night. Not that I’ll be putting in less effort than usual.
Daytime ideas!! Thank you.
Posted by Giles on April 13, 2011
Nice OCS reference!
Posted by Simone on April 13, 2011
Another vote fore the tutting/booing/chasing. I also like the story about your father in law sneezing.
Thinking about this has made me remember your “battenburg” routine. I giggled to myself – love it!
Posted by Tibbs on April 13, 2011
Putting in another vote for Hit by the bird! Or any of the ones where you narrate your own life; like ‘I’ve kicked you!’ or the girl who had almost the same lunch as you. And the ones from MWMTWSB about misuse of the language would probably be good for that audience, although I don’t know if Aussies say “or whatever” as frequently as Brits.
Also, I’d like to point out that this comment is brought to you at SIX O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING because I stupidly woke myself up half an hour ago and can’t get back to sleep. =(
Posted by Joelle on April 13, 2011
Yes! The Circle is a morning show and I thought I’d miss it, but then I realised that I have a double free period tomorrow morning. This is great news!
I just watched the episode of You Have Been Watching that you were on. You were very funny which is good because that’s your job.
As for what material you should use, that’s tough. I’ve always enjoyed the bit about acoustic toothbrushes and I loved the bit in the new show about chasing people and saying ‘no’ and ‘boo’. I’ve actually started doing the latter to my friends and family. It works quite well because I’m not normally very assertive so it shocks them. Thank you for some advice that wasn’t meant to be taken seriously.
So yes, I like that bit. Although I know you don’t normally do new stuff on telly so that could throw my idea out the window.
Posted by Sue (DiB) on April 13, 2011
I never watch daytime TV, but I had this program on in the background today see what it was like. At one point all the women were giggling over people’s funny names, Mr Ben Dover, wife Eileen Dover, son Stan Dover, teachers; Mr Dick and Mrs Hole, it looked like quite good fun. At one point they mentioned a name that I can’t remember now, but apparently schoolkids knew her has Mrs Snatchgrass. They almost lost it at that stage.
Posted by Matthew Evans on April 13, 2011
It’s got to be the mobile phone bit – delete all numbers, upgraded to a wolf and the no-cancer tarriff.
Posted by Beau Brummel on April 12, 2011
Some new stuff about kangaroos would be topical, or possibly something about Ayers Rock being called Uluru or Uhuru now (or whatever it is). What’s that all about?
Probably good to throw in a few jibes about Brits being subjected to Rolf Harris and Dame Edna for the past few decades. Now it’s revenge time!
Better not mention floods or forest fires, though. Or barbeques. Or sharks. Or the fact that the Chinese have bought up 76% of the Outback for minerals.
Aussies have got a sense of humour – but you can stretch it to breaking point if you’re not careful.
Posted by Aislinn on April 12, 2011
I’m in agreement with the chasing/booing/tutting stuff, as that seems quite suitable.
I do also (as most people I talk to well know) bloody love the lemon joke. About the man on the train on his phone. I love it lots. And that’d be good, right? Right. I think so.
Posted by Josie on April 12, 2011
Tutting and booing at people when they do bad things. Lovely.
Posted by LauraJ on April 12, 2011
I quite enjoyed the story about your wife phoning you during your job interview. That’s suitably family friendly!
Posted by Josh (the magnificent one) on April 12, 2011
Avoid using the “Did I lock the door bit” from MWLATTN, seeing as most of the people watching will wish that their day was that exciting.
Posted by Rachael on April 12, 2011
The sausage roll story!
Posted by cymruangel on April 12, 2011
I feel a little redundant as these have all been said already, but I shall add my support for:
- saying no/ tutting/ booing or applauding at people in real life
- hit in the face by a bird
- sausage roll in your bag on the train (and the fact that at your Oxford show someone went to Sainsbury’s in the interval to get you a pack of said items)
Posted by Misha on April 12, 2011
Chasing and booing, NO both fairly daytime friendly.
Also the house hunting and LotR bits I seem to recall were fairly family friendly?
Although it is /aus/ tv, and they don’t seem to give a flying fuck.
Posted by Lora on April 12, 2011
I would definitely agree with the chasing/booing people as well as hit by the bird. All most enjoyable and appropriate I think
Also there was one to do with limes/phone calls on a train? I can’t remember/describe it properly but yes I liked that one too.
Posted by Zoe Fell on April 12, 2011
HIT BY A BIRD. (Aka. The man at Birmigham New Street station getting hit by a pigeon.) That will always hold a special place in my heart. I also like the “finding a sausage roll in your bag on the train” story.
Posted by Georgie on April 12, 2011
Yeah, I think the whole tutting thing would go down well, too. And the whole not getting chased enough now you’re an adult thing. Hope it goes well! I never watch the circle, but have no uni on Thursdays so will see if I can catch it! x
Posted by James on April 12, 2011
Just saw the show tonight. Was hilarious!
I think the joke about thing’s being in context, especially the bit about people feeling like they can wave on boats etc, but it wouldn’t work in Coles. Good stuff
Posted by Daniel on April 12, 2011
The day in the life of a dog / what goes through a dog’s mind bit from the last tour would go down well on daytime tv, I think. So would the running up to people about to do a bad thing and saying NO or tutting – start the campaign down under!