Mark Watson the Comedian

Before we start today’s blog in earnest, a couple of things to catch up on:

-The Perth dates were wrong on yesterday’s blog. Even the venue was wrong. I wouldn’t be hugely surprised if it was even the wrong Perth. I’ve now corrected these; thanks to Joelle. Also, I should stress again the Auckland and Wellington dates are a bit of a guess. They’ll be more or less right, but still, it might be safe to go to the venue 48 hours or so in advance, and just wait there till I arrive. Like people do for McFly.

-The other thing is, this We Need Answers Quiz Of The Year. In case it wasn’t clear, it’s not actually on the TV. It’s in the Observer Magazine. Less glamour, more creative freedom. So it’ll be in Boxing Day’s Observer (I think). If you shake it around a bit, it might be almost like watching the late lamented television show. Also there’ll be photos of us in Christmas hats. The photographer tried to make us take our trousers down (the subject of a Twitter conversation which some of you confusedly stumbled upon), but we didn’t go for that, in the end.

And now for today’s reflections on life. Ready?

Well. In the first ever week of this blog I posted a list of Things I Learned In My Twenties (at the time, I’d just turned 30). It’s not quite been a year, but in the time since I published that, I have become a dad, run a half-marathon, toured the country quite extensively, met Dawn French, and so on. And it’s nearly the end of the year and it makes sense to measure my life in complete calendar years, like other humans, rather than by the years I’ve been writing this. So, here are my accumulated Lessons of 2010. Some were things I knew already, but (wise voice) sometimes it’s the things we already know that are the most valuable lessons of all.

1. However tiring people say having a baby is, it’s slightly more tiring than that. And even if you try to anticipate this by expecting it to be more tiring than people tell you, it still manages to be more tiring even than THAT. It’s like some sort of mathematicial principle that you can’t cheat your way around.
2. But once you get past the really bad bits, being a parent is amazing. It’s not so much that it’s better than anything you’ve ever done in your life, more than it’s satisfying in a way different from anything else you’ve done.
3. A Nespresso or similar coffee-making machine can make it about 20% easier to start every day of your life.
4. You can run a half-marathon without much training, if you are reasonably fit. And in general you can achieve more physically than you imagine you can.
5. It is possible to be too self-deprecating. At some point you really do have to give it up altogether or people will just assume you’re weak.
6. If you are in regular contact with people who possess talents you envy, or are successful in a way you envy, it’s crucial you allow them to inspire you rather than being threatened by them. I knew this before, but it’s the kind of thing that you have to keep reminding yourself.
7. It’s well worth having an iPhone, but it will sometimes let you down.
8. A blog is a great way to record your life in a manner than allows ego-boosting interaction from strangers but doesn’t depend on it.
9. Dawn French is lovely; Jeremy Paxman is suitably impressive; most people you meet from the world of sport are pretty humble and have a healthy sense of perspective; in general, famous people live up to your hopes more than you might think.
10. Mad Men is unbelievably good and it is possible to catch up with a TV show even if you’re a very long way behind.
11. No amount of charitable acts can address the massive unfairness in the world, but you can pretty much transform one person’s life and that’s enough for one person to take on.
12. Related to (11): if you get the chance to go to Africa, you definitely should.
13. It’s quite possible England won’t win the World Cup in my lifetime.
14. It’s more satisfying to do something very good which a tiny number of people see, than something OK which many people see. However, it’s worth having a highly-paid hobby if you plan to live by this rule.
15. And if you ARE playing a room like the O2, speak slowly and look straight down the camera, and pause as if the audience has laughed, whether it has or not.
16. Dundee’s not in Fife.
17. The more people know who you are, the more inevitable it becomes that some of them will write absolute crap about you. Try to appeal to people who might like you, not people who never will.
18. A good pair of boots makes icy weather easier to deal with.
19. If you have a good publisher, bringing a book out needn’t be a disappointing experience. It can be joyous.
20. It’s hard for someone like me to get a crowd in Grimsby.