SPECIAL OFFER BLOG: Sob stories for seats
So, it’s Kindness Day (http://www.kindnessdayuk.com) and on this site, people have been recording their promises to do something – well – kind. There are cakes being made, appreciation being given, money being left in machines for others to benefit from. There are staff treats being planned and parents being helped. I hope to have quite a few more testimonies of pleasantness before the weekend is over, and will be collating them into a Feelgood Blog tomorrow.
But in the meantime it’s time for ME to do something kind. I’ve warmed up by putting money in a couple of charity tins and helping someone promote their tour, and some other minor stuff, but now it’s time for the big guns. I don’t want to be accused of soliciting charity without digging deep myself, the way Bono (rather harshly) is sometimes. In fact I’m looking to steer clear of a lot of the traps Bono falls into, like flying a hat first class on a plane, and declining gradually as a musical force.
Right:
Quite often people tweet me and say ‘damn! I’d love to come to your show, but I’m a skint student/have just lost my job/am a nurse/have to choose between your show and Christmas presents for my family’. Sometimes, almost at random, I dole out free tickets to these sob-story-tellers, because I realise £16 or whatever is a considerable sum to see a man talking, and I’d hate people to be deterred from seeing me by the fact they’re a primary school teacher rather than an investment banker, and so on.
So for Kindness Day, I’m going to do it in a non-random way. I will give ten pairs of free tickets to the ten people who can give me the best sob stories, i.e. reasons why they deserve to come to the show for free.
It could be a financial sob story (no money because nurse; house burgled last week; unemployed; just out of jail etc) or just a reason why you need to go to a comedy show (breakup; cat dead; racial group insulted by Daily Mail; just out of jail etc).
The rules are simple:
-This competition is going to run jointly on Twitter and on this blog. On Twitter, entries will be limited to 140 characters. Here, there’s no limit, of course.
-You need to specify which show you’d like tickets for – dates are on this site in the Live section – and be able to give me an email address to contact you.
-Ideally, your need should be genuine, although you can of course enter on behalf of a deserving friend.
-If you spin a convincing enough story though, you might still win.
-I’d like to close the competition on Monday. Go for it! Good luck!
Posted by Jamie/James on November 15, 2010
This is for anyone who didn’t get a free ticket, but (based on some people’s comments) feels depressed, lonely, sad and/or needs cheering up.. it might not work, but it’s the thought that counts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMBgSfQI49E
Posted by Rhian on November 15, 2010
Well i’de love to come see you perform because i realy need a boost because two years ago my baby cousin got ran over by a car and was severly brain damaged and five hours after being rushed to hospital she died, they had to turn the life support machine off, she was only four. And i just never got over it so i would lovee to come see you perform because you never fail to put a smile on my face
i’m only 14 though, i hope that’s okay ?
xx
Posted by sherbetjax on November 15, 2010
I don’t know who ‘Someone’ is … but thank you for your comment
x
Posted by niki evans on November 15, 2010
I think I deserve free tickets to Friday show at warwick arts centre. It’s my birthday tomorrow and we were going to go out to a,local comedy night but both kids are now ill and have passed their snotbags to me,so I’m going to be ill AND bored on my birthday and with little money to do much else this years will likely pass by unnoticed
me and hubby could do with a laugh and we havnt had q night alone without kids for 2years(I’ve been breastfeeding and/or pregnant so not easy.lol).
*Jumps up and down shouting pick me please*
Posted by Kate Temple on November 15, 2010
I’d love to come and see your show because I think I’m just a little bit in love with you (although don’t tell my husband!).
When I was pregnant with my son (he’s 6 now), my dad died (this was 3 weeks after my wedding). I spent my pregnancy grieving and puking as I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme pregnancy sickness).
Fast forward to February 2009 and I find out I’m pregnant again – cue more hyperemesis and constanat vomiting for the entire 39 week pregnancy.
My daughter is now one year old and in the past year I have been out twice. I would love to see you live as I think you’re hilarious and lovely (I’m going down the flattery line in case the sob story doesn’t swing it my way!). I would also like a night out with my husband!
Ideally I would love tickets for the Chesterfield show.
Posted by Carl on November 14, 2010
My girlfriend Beth has never been to a comedy gig so I had a lovely plan to get 2 tickets to your Southampton show.
I had £35.00 left in my bank ready to purchase them after work one evening. However, on my cycle to work there is a rather intimidatingly complex set of lights I struggle with as a non-driver. So I tend to shoot across the road and use an incredibly wide foot path for THREE seconds, going terribly slow.
On the morning of the day I planned to buy the tickets for Beth, a Community Support Officer decided to tell me the part of the path I was cycling on is no longer suitable for cyclists and fined me £30.00 – despite there being 5 other people cycling behind me! – thus preventing me from buying the tickets and making me feel like a bad boyfriend.
Posted by Gwen on November 14, 2010
Ps – just realised I hadn’t written which date and venue I’d prefer in my sob story, whoops a daisies. York in February would be splendid. Gwen xxxx
Posted by Natalie on November 14, 2010
I think I should get 2 free tickets for the Warwick show because I am a penniless student who gets up at the crack of dawn every day and experiences an hour and a half of cold, soul destroying public transport related hell to get to my work placement hospital, where I slog my guts out in operating theatres for approximately £1.20 an hour. On my days off I work in order to be able to afford the shoebox I call my home, which can only be described politely as “bijoux”.
I am away from my family in lovely Devon and am living in the concrete wasteland that is Coventry (to me that is sob story enough, this is a city where women bin cats!)
Also, the two button on my laptop has just broken off…
My housemate doesnt know how to flush a toilet…
AND my landlords dog hates me…
Posted by Simm Roberts on November 14, 2010
I’m not entering twice i just realised id broken the rules by not stating i’m interestied in the wolverhampton show. So here goes again…
I moved back to the midlands a little over a year ago to look after my mum who was ill with cancer at the time.
Within six months my girlfriend of five years left me, i lost my job with the civil service and i was reduced to spending my days sat on a sofa that went mouldy in storage wearing only my pants eating houmous with my bare hands like a bargain basement Winnie the Pooh.
Due to a unique form of government persecusion i havent been able to get a solid job since and am starving for entertainment. I’m 30 this year and i can’t actually remember the last time i did anything fun.
Even if i’m not picked then thank you for the opportunity to vent a little. It’s good to breathe out now and then.
Posted by Simm Roberts on November 14, 2010
I moved back to the midlands a little over a year ago to look after my mum who was ill with cancer at the time.
Within six months my girlfriend of five years left me, i lost my job with the civil service and i was reduced to spending my days sat on a sofa that went mouldy in storage wearing only my pants eating houmous with my bare hands like a bargain basement Winnie the Pooh.
Due to a unique form of government persecusion i havent been able to get a solid job since and am starving for entertainment. I’m 30 this year and i can’t actually remember the last time i did anything fun.
Even if i’m not picked then thank you for the opportunity to vent a little. It’s good to breathe out now and then.
Posted by Neil Smith on November 14, 2010
I could use 8 tickets for my immediate family, al for various reasons, my brother has had a re occurring kidney infection which has really got him down, his wife left him for him best friend a few years ago, it would be nice for him to bring a friend !! My sister who is going to lose her job in December and her partner who is a knob head, although he is a retaining fireman !! My other sister who was 50 last week and her partner, her husband died just over 4 years ago suddenly of Lukemia, but she has just got her life back on track. Then 2 tickets for a friend of my sisters who they tried to help by getting her ever increasing debt sorted out, they paid the court fees so she could declare herself bankrupt, and she loves comedy. All of these family members and friends deserve tickets to one of your shows, preferably in the Lincolshire region, or at the weekend…. We if you don’t ask. Thanks Mark, that feels better getting that off my chest.
Posted by Kat on November 14, 2010
Having read some of the stories on here I feel I am completely undeserving of this, but I’ll tell my sob story anyway.
I’m a student in central London, which sadly means paying London prices for everything- in particular my overpriced flat which is always freezing cold, way too small and going increasingly mouldy as the weeks progress. Despite having a loan, a grant and a small bursary I still only have about £35 a week to live on for the conceivable future and by the time I’ve bought my weekly stock of basics food and paid for gas/electricty/essential loo roll I am essentially penniless. I was meant to be starting a job writing from home to help with money but they keep not getting back to me (they’ve been stringing me along since August) and I do too many hours of contact time and homework to do a normal job and pass my degree. I also got double charged on my card a couple of days ago too which meant I lost a whole £20, aka this weeks food. So, to summarise, I would love to spend a night away from my cold damp box room, which is the size of a large airing cupboard, to come see you here in London!
Posted by Drew on November 14, 2010
Okay, 2 things. I do know that Twitter has a 140 character limit and that its Twitter.com not .co.uk. honest. Sorry!
Posted by Drew on November 14, 2010
Wow. I had realistically expected there to be some sad stories, and that there certainly are. Perhaps there is something in a trouble shared is a trouble halved. Bless you Mark for showing the love.
My sob story starts back in 1993 when I was diagnose with Crohns disease which is a disease mainly of the bowel but can occur anywhere between the mouth and the anus. Had six inches of bowel removed and counted myself lucky they found it when they did. Life was made better by my amazing mum who came to see me every and all visiting times.
Fastforward a few flare ups and a few years to 2005 by which time I’ve been lucky enough to find a partner who doesn’t care about my scar as much as I did and is very supportive. Unfortunately, the worst flare up I’ve ever had occurs and has really not improved. I’m on a load of meds every day and had to leave work as I was spending so much time on my porcelain throne multiple times each day.
Life grumbles on and we fastforward to 2009 (I know this is ending up like Scrooge or something) when I get a call from my mum to say my dad, who had been under the weather, had been admitted to hospital and had died that morning. Turned out he had cancer and we didn’t know. Went back to parents house to support mum and for the funeral only for mum to lose the use of her legs before the funeral. We got through the funeral by borrowing a wheelchair and her GP got her straight into hospital. Turned out she also had cancer and lost all feeling from the waist down. They asked if she wanted to go to a hospice or into care but she looked at me and said she wanted to go home. So that’s what I made happen. With carers and nurses coming in and visits from my brother, family and friends, she lasted six months before dying while I sat there with her. I finally got to come the 160 miles home where my patient partner had kept things going for me. I still miss my mum every day.
Finally, I’d like to put my nomination in for my partner Ian who had just started a new job when my dad died and coped without me. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you were coming to Ipswich, especially as it’ll be the day after my birthday!
Putting that all out there is quite cathartic! There is no way I’d have said that in 130 characters. I hope the winner get to have a great evening.
Posted by Andrew on November 14, 2010
I’ve just helped out Ireland with their financial problems so haven’t enough money to come to your show. (London or Reading,)
Posted by Clare on November 14, 2010
Ok so I don’t really have the best sob story, if one at all.
I am a student and I have a lack of money as does my boyfriend and so I can’t even emotionally blackmail him into buying tickets for us to come to your Portsmouth show.
We both love you and saw you in Cheltenham in 2009 (I bought him tickets for his birthday – this was when I wasn’t at uni and could actually afford to buy things)
We are both mega stressed with Uni work at the moment and haven’t been home once this semester and won’t be until Xmas and to see you would just cheer us up NO END.
Thanks
P.s I like that you are promoting kindness!! I always put money in charity boxes (bonus points??)
Posted by Peter Garland on November 14, 2010
As I live in central Edinburgh and have taken advantage of thousands of free 1st week of fringe complimentary preview tickets, I find it impossible to actually pay for tickets to see a stand-up. However I would like to see your show at the Usher Hall. I wont bore with my harsh, desperate story of the homelessness,poverty and illness I suffered in a nasty dream/nightmare I had whilst going cold-turkey.yeah, coffee flavoured ice cream was the gateway to an espresso addiction which I am still fighting. Anyway, show you care and that you are not a fascist.
Posted by treppenwitz on November 14, 2010
My sob story in brief: I’m 26 years old and never had a successful romantic relationship. I don’t tend to fall for people often, but the last two times I have, it’s been utterly unrequited. All my friends are coupled up (most married/engaged/having babies). I’ve tried a variety of internet dating sites, which have given me a few interesting anecdotes but zero in the way of romance. What’s more, I’m bisexual, so in theory I’ve got double the chance to find someone, making it a double slap in the face that I haven’t managed to do so. I find it all more depressing than dark nights, tax, and Radiohead combined. Two tickets to your show would shine some light into my bleak world of romantic dearth, and restore my faith in humanity. But, y’know, no pressure.
(London, 10 Decemeber. Or Wolverhampton, if you’ve not done that one already.)
Posted by Helena on November 14, 2010
You are probably exhausted from hearing these depressing stories from other people, but I thought I could share mine!:
Friday morning at 5am me and my brother were painfully woken by a screeching chicken (Ginger) (we have two chickens, live in London). So ran downstairs to discover it was raising alarm for the other chicken, who was being attacked by a fox! The chicken (Betty) was seriously injured and the blame was cast upon me for not having put her away the night before. This ‘telling off’ from my older brother deeply hurt me! Making matters worse, this weekend I was dragged down to South Coast to sail on a boat in the miserable, cold, wet weather, fingers frozen to the bone and now I have a progressing cold. I dont think this week will get much better! I would LOVE to come and see you! Thanks.
(London, 10 Dec)
Posted by Mia on November 14, 2010
*ps middlesborough 18th Feb
Loveyou 
Posted by Linsey on November 14, 2010
I feel cheeky even entering this, but thought I may as well throw my hat in the ring for your York date!
For boring (long) reasons, I ended up staying at my parent’s house in Derby last night, rather than my flat in Leeds. This meant this morning I had to get up early to dash to the train station and get a (pricey) ticket for train back so I could go to work at 12. Of course the train got delayed by half an hour, cue a lot of swearing and frustration (I’ve had my job a week, and I’m still scared of being shit/letting them down). After I eventually got to work and begged for forgiveness, I topped the day off by amusing everyone falling up the shop stairs and really badly bruising my leg, and realised that I’d gone 7 hours without eating or drinking anything (weird for me).
Anyway, that’s served the purpose of venting a terrible day at work! I know I’m incredibly lucky to have a job, so I don’t want to complain too much. I’m just gonna go eat my body weight in biscuits. xx
Posted by Mia on November 14, 2010
Okay well my sob story goes: I am a student, and soon have exams, therefore am minorly stressed and naturally skint. As if that isn’t bad enough, I have lost my tv remote, and so havent been able to cheer myself up by watching you on the telly box. D:
I’m sure there were many much more tearful sob stories than mine, but it was worth a try
<3
Posted by Kay on November 14, 2010
I would love two tickets for Nottingham. I need cheering up. My mumis being treated for secondary lung cancer. She has a chemotherapy session on Wednesday so I will be in dire need of a laugh. Please?
Posted by Rachael on November 14, 2010
I’m a skint student but it didn’t stop me getting tickets already!
Posted by Em on November 14, 2010
This is very nice of you mark.
Not sure if this is a sob story but it is a short one of poverty.
I am 24, doing an unpaid internship (because it’s impossible to get a straight job in the industry), living at home and using whatever is left of my overdraft.
So you see this is all not much fun and the only I get is from going out… Which I really can’t afford to do.
Would love a ticket to your London show to relieve me of the claustrophobic clutches of living at my mums house.
Posted by Christine on November 14, 2010
I’ve had a crap year; job uncertainty, fiance ditching me for teenager, now having the child we had planned to try for this year, and recently lost a couple of friends far too young. But having read some of the above on the whole I don’t have it too badly… I’ve been lucky enough to see you before, supporting Russell Howard, so good luck to you all
Posted by Jack Miller on November 14, 2010
I am sitting at my desk, in my house and cause I am a skint student the heating is off. Its 2 degrees outside, and I can see my breath sitting here. I also just stubbed my toe. Deserving of a ticket for your show in Oxford?
I’m not at Oxford Uni by the way, only common old Oxford Brookes, before you think I’m more well off than I’m letting on…
I saw you at Sydney airport once, yup.
Posted by Gwen on November 14, 2010
Hello lovely Mark Watson
Here is my sob story:
I was diagnosed with breast cancer aged 27 in February of this year, and after having six cycles of chemotherapy, a mastectomy and three weeks of radiotherapy, I finally finished my treatment a few weeks ago. This happened four months after I got married to my marvellous husband Rob last year. My husband was also made redundant from his job last week, and I think a trip to see our favourite (and also possibly the loveliest!) comedian would make our year!
Love, Gwen
Posted by vivaciadreams on November 14, 2010
Hi Mark, I’ve been to see you but i need your help. See, I have ME, a horrible illness that has totally ruined my life and yet is not well known because they havent found a cause yet or a definate treatment. Because its not well understood, its hard to get support. I’m too ill to work, and have had my benefits taken away AGAIN and will have to fight to get them reinstated. I have no income, and while my boyfriend is offering to pay for christmas presents for everyone, he’s working full time to support me and his mum who has terminal cancer and his dad whos looking after his mum for £50 a week carers.
What I’m asking is consider helping me by giving me tickets for Norwich, which I can give to my friends who live there for christmas. They are the most lovely people, always visiting me whenever they can and they’ve just finished uni so the debt is big time and they can’t afford a place of there own.
I also want to thank you as I’m reading your book and its bringing a bit of joy into my pretty crappy existence.
Posted by Alix Quittenton on November 14, 2010
Sob story for some, my life for me. I am the person who truely believes everything happens for a reason and although the journey to get to where i am today sucked pretty bad, i would not change it for the world.
My mum died of a rare skin cancer when i was 19, i went into severe depression and lost everything. 4 months later a friend who was my shoulder to cry on turned out to be my soul mate. We have had 2 beautiful children and are getting married in 5 weeks even though we have everything going against us. Being short of money (as is everyone) 2 kids to supply christmas for and the best day of our lives, to top it off, i dont have the one person most woman rely on during these special/ stressful times.
My mum was my best friend, i am 24 and have had no mother to share the lovely moments with like turning 21, getting engaged, moving in with my fiance, having 2 children and now getting married.
but as i said, i believe everything happens for a reason and if i wasnt in the bad place i was from losing my mum, i would never had gone to glastonbury for a holiday with a man i was soon to fall in love with.
BUT i am getting married so would be an awesome wedding gift
London please
Posted by Alexandra on November 14, 2010
okay easiest way to do it is bullet points so here goes:
- my parents divorced officially about less than 6 months ago but it was a 2 year divorce and my dad was living at home until then, sounds fun right?
- i have serious back pains which the drs haven’t solved and my medicine ran out last night so i hurt lots
- i have 2 pieces of coursework to do in the next two weeks
- as well as i have to create (film/edit) a 3 minute “ad” for my sixth form ready for the nov 22 and i have NO FIRE WIRE and no proper software to do it on so windows media here i come
- my sisters are reading the finance section of the sunday independent out loud while i’m trying to work
- it’s freezing cold now and i have no proper winter coat
- i think you’re hilarious
Posted by hornseygirl on November 14, 2010
I’m going for it because you urge us to, but having read the comments posted to date, I think there may be many far more deserving cases (or some serious spinning, but I don’t think so).
So my case:
1) My husband (also called Mark!) has just been made redundant. : (
2) I was diagnosed last month with Acquired Haemophilia A – literally a one in a million thing; but I must confess that I am on the mend.
3) My husband and I have had, I kid you not, only had TWO nights out together in the last TWELVE months, owing to the arrival of our first born! We might be a bit overwhelmed by the bright lights of the city!
4) It’s our 4th wedding anniversary on 9 December, so the 10 December London Apollo gig would be a lovely way to mark this. : )
So there’s my sob story for seats; now where did I put that Kleenex…
Posted by Kathryn on November 14, 2010
I was going to read through all the sob stories, but after a few I realised how hard some people really do have it, and that anything I could write here would be incomparable. I’ve been lucky to be able to afford to see your show once, and evidently there are many many deserving cases in the previous 41 comments. Upon reflection I have no right to complain about anything. A sobering thought for a Sunday lunchtime.
Posted by Jamie/James on November 14, 2010
I just spilt tea EVERYWHERE.. If that doesn’t deserve a free ticket, I don’t know what does.
Posted by MusicalLottie on November 14, 2010
It’s not really a sob story but my reasons for being unable to come to see you are thus:
I had a job, after being unemployed for 2 1/2 years, which was for six months. People kept telling me that others on similar contracts had their jobs made permanent, and although I knew that was no guarantee, I held out some hope that maybe they’d keep me on. I loved my job, I loved my colleagues, and none of them wanted me to leave. But management decided they hadn’t enough money to keep me on
I currently have no job (despite numerous applications and not hearing back from most of them) and no money, not even Jobseekers’ Allowance.
I also probably couldn’t justify buying a ticket, even if I could afford it, because I have no idea whether I’d be able to hear (understand) everything. If I wore hearing aids then they’d have a telecoil and I’d be able to pick up the loop system … but HAs wouldn’t help in the slightest. So to buy a ticket then not hear any/much/all of the show would be rather disappointing and, objectively speaking, a waste of money (from my POV at least). [Of course you probably read that bit and thought 'so why would on earth I give you tickets?!' but oh well
]
Having said that, in no way do I think my ‘sob story’ is more deserving than most of those already posted; I just thought I might as well give it a go because … well, y’never know! (If by some freak accident you did pick me, London would be the only show I could get to.) Also, this is a wonderful thing you’re doing Mark; a huge act of kindness. And I think Giles should have the opportunity to see your show all the way through!
Posted by Tracey on November 14, 2010
Hi Mark, thanks for yet another great blog. i’ve just been cheered up by it on what is now a very gloomy looking Sunday in Paisley. The kindness thing got turned on it’s head here yesterday as my darling daughter offered to help me with the housework. I appreciated her offer and said I’d let her know. However, as she came in at around 2am this morning, I’m not sure how much housework she’ll be willing to do! Giving tickets away is really generous and a lovely thing to do.Have a great day, Tracey x
Posted by Britt on November 14, 2010
I’ll be down to my last pennies after three months travelling around Europe in February, and I’d love to come to one of your shows before I fly back to Australia [where the dollar still isn't quite close enough to the euro or pound for my liking]. Is that enough of a sob story for you?
Posted by Kirsty on November 14, 2010
(London, by the way. R.I.P. Happy the fish.)
Posted by Kirsty on November 14, 2010
My goldfish is dying.
Posted by Suzanne on November 14, 2010
PLEASE give Giles a ticket … after all, if it wasn’t for him there wouldn’t be a tour and it would be YOUR sob story instead!!!
Please don’t make either Giles or myself sob …
Does that sound OK, Giles??? Hope it does the trick – I’ll look forward to the cheque … cheers!!!
Posted by Sam on November 14, 2010
My sob story isn’t really one to sob about, but it is a story. Having read some other people’s posts I feel pretty selfish posting this – I don’t really deserve free tickets, but they’d make me happy so I’ll have a go.
I missed the Preston show because I am a poor and impoverished student – not much new about that. A large part of the problem, though, is that within two weeks of getting myself insured on my housemate’s car I was driven into by a man who is becoming increasingly difficult to get hold of. It’s entirely possible that I’ll have to pay £600 that I don’t have to get a large dent knocked out of the side of my good friend’s vehicle and part of the engine replaced.
That’s the sad part done.
The happy (but expensive) part is that I’m now – after discussions with my girlfriend – saving to buy an engagement ring. Good times all round.
The result of those two events combined is that I have no money whatsoever to spend on anything even vaguely recreational, hence missing the Preston show. Having then had to pull out of Project Preston proceedings in order to do the decent thing and slightly begrudgingly honour a previous commitment to avoid letting people down, I’d very much appreciate a third chance to get to a show.
In Liverpool ideally. Or, failing that, York.
Sam
Posted by Sam on November 14, 2010
As an act of kindness I’m not going to use this sob story to bid for tickets.
I’m also unsure about the levels of kidness, and just basic decency but it’s put me in a really bad mood so I’d like so sympathy from fellow Watsonians. (Do we capitalise Watsonian by the way? Is it a proper noun?)
The EDL were in Portsmouth (where I am) today. They were protesting a mosque, we’re not quite sure why, they didn’t say, all the said was it was going to be a peaceful protest. We think it had something to do with the minority group of muslims who burnt some poppies as yesterday the mosque was vandalised by someone spray painting poppies on it.
There were around 50 of us standing against the EDL had first, who had over a hundred. they’d bused people in from London. Soon our numbers dwindled as the EDL got violent. Around an hour after I got there we were down to 30 odd, and the EDL had recruited more. We lost numbers as they started throwing cans at us, filled with bits of fireworks so they would explode. One of these cans hit my leg, luckily it didn’t explode until after it had bounced off and I had run.
I stayed for over another two hours, during which time I took two stones to my head, an egg to my shoulder (which is now bruised) and finally a glass bottle to my leg at which point I had to report it to the police.
We were for the majority of the time a silent protest, not shouting things at them or trying to aggrevate them. They meanwhile did jingoistic chants, called us Pakis, and inexplicably peadoes. As well as the violence.
The police did a good job considering they were low on man power and no one could see who threw things at the time they were thrown.
Also our local MP Mike Hancock came down and stood with us for quite some time in support which was more than I ever expected of an MP.
Sorry that moans over, but I managed to stay calm there and take it so as not to deter the cause, but I feel like whinging about it a bit.
Also today I gave someone the 27p they needed for their shopping that they were short. And I picked up some items that a member of the EDL had knocked off the self in co-op. I would like to think I would’ve done these anyway, but I feel like adding to the general good spirit, especially after my bit about racists above.
Posted by Someone on November 13, 2010
Aww, I like @Sherbetjax’s comment. Could you say no after that?
Posted by Tyrant on November 13, 2010
Not for me bit for my mum (so double hit kindness day?! and we are already going the liverpool empire show in december
whose mum/my nan died this week in a way she didnt deserve. My mum looked after her/watched out for the best for her since she retired (10 years ago) and fought for the best care for her all that time. Stressing/worrying herself ill through it all and still now tbh. Be great to cheer her up/treat her through this mark.. or I’ll get her and my dad tix if not… 
cheers.
Posted by Misha on November 13, 2010
I have no money, but since I spent most of it coming to see you it’s really fairly arbitrary; unless you could somehow engineer it for my friends Lauren and Aisha to come to your Cov show, (i’ve not seen either of them since september) which would be nice. I will see them at xmas in I hope, but not this weekend as i’m being spirited off to Leicester by my dad on saturday.
I failed to remember postit notes for kindness day, but I did buy a big issue (something I don’t normally do) and chat to the man. And I didn’t let him give me the change for what little tiny difference that makes.
I’ve had more in the way of people being nice to me, like the man in lush who complimented me and cheered me right up considering I feel under the weather. That was lovely.
Posted by von on November 13, 2010
and the tickets i would love are for the london show!! why did i forget to mention that?
Posted by Abradacamera on November 13, 2010
My story is so sad and pathetic I’m too humiliated, broken hearted and embarrassed to tell it. I could really do with some cheering up tho, so I’ll buy a ticket instead.
Posted by Kate B on November 13, 2010
I couldn’t possibly make a bid for one of those tickets after reading the previous comments. Happy kindness day to everyone!
Posted by von on November 13, 2010
i cant afford to see you coz im signing on
Posted by josie on November 13, 2010
for london show.i would love to see your show,but all my money is pending in paypal.no feedback,dont get till 21 days,im sure tickets will be gone by then,the decent ones anyway
Posted by Giles on November 13, 2010
Hi Mark,
You may know me. My name’s Giles and I’m your tour manager. I deserve a ticket because we are 18 shows in and I haven’t seen it all the way through.
Hope I’m a lucky winner.
Giles
Posted by Kath Briggs on November 13, 2010
Hi Mark,
Would live to come and see your London show. I’m a welsh girl living in London and am currently on maternity leave. My baby is 4 months old and I am crazy in love with him. However, I would dearly love one night off with some giggles as the 3 hourly feeds, worry over his little coughs teamed with these long rainy days are hemming me in a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving being a new mam but am feeling a bit of a hamster in a wheel. Anyway hope you’re well and not too upset about the rugby score.
Posted by Daniel on November 13, 2010
I would like to make a bid for tickets for the Ipswich show. Not for me, I have a ticket already, but for some new teachers at my school who are finding their first term very tough and will have had parents evening for the last two weeks ( not every day, but it will feel like it ). Their classes are challenging, they are finding life tough and I would like to help them switch off for one evening, relax and enjoy a great show.
Successful or not, this is a very kind thing you’re doing Mark, thank you.
Posted by Fran on November 13, 2010
Hi Mark,
I am indeed an afore mentioned skint student. However, I’m studying Classics, in which I learn the two DEAD LANGUAGES of Latin and Ancient Greek. Therefore, it is evident, that with such unneeded “skills” required for many jobs in today’s society, I am destined to remain skint, and have no hope of ever coming to one of your shows. Sad times. Currently my only hope is to buy all your books instead, and re-read them, time and time again.
Love,
Fran
Posted by Estee on November 13, 2010
Bloody hell, those comments are pretty… distressing. If I wasn’t feeling down before…
But at any rate, I don’t know that your kindness ever ceases, Mark.. I don’t know of anyone else who does the competitions you do. I hope you believe in karma.
I’d love to come see you but I don’t exactly think I deserve it more than any of the others who’ve said stuff. But… I can’t resist the opportunity :] though don’t worry I don’t take my ‘plight’ too seriously.
Basically I live in the middle of nowhere, doing a full time job to gain work experience and getting paid pittance which somehow disappears to less than that as I’m simultaneously doing a psych OU course which I have to pay for (obviously). (Am writing an essay now, on a Saturday night.) I can’t, and won’t ever be able to drive and the reasons for that get me down, but I know that’s pathetic. All that I love is music and comedy, and there’s so many gigs going on (mainly around London) that I’d love to see, but it doesn’t really matter where they are, ‘coz I can’t get there, and I’ve no-one to go with. I keep considering Torquay but I don’t know how I’d get there and back. If tix were free though I could potentially convince sister to take me! (Though she doesn’t like comedy. I know.) So I don’t really know why I’m ‘applying’ but I don’t know, February’s a long way away; maybe I’ll have a friend by then! Ha. This is silly. But yes, happy Kindness Day.
Posted by Ellie on November 13, 2010
I would love to come see your Middlesborough show. This May, my mum was diagnosed with a very large brain tumour (the doctor said it was as big as a pomegranite). It was succesfully removed, but she can’t see or remember things very well, never mind work. What with the government cutting benefits and the fact that I can’t apply to be her carer because I’m a full time student…we’re skint. You’d think my dad could help us out a bit, but it’s hard to get a job when you’re some ashes in an urn.
If I got the tickets, I’d take my best friend who has helped me through all of this, he’s just been dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years, so he’s not feeling too great either.
I want to be a comedian/comedy writer when I’m older so, technically, coming to see you would be just like doing homework
Posted by Laura on November 13, 2010
Venue: London
You walked past me in Edinburgh and didn’t say hello.
Posted by tom on November 13, 2010
I’d love to come and see you in Halifax but can’t justify the expense as my student loan only covers very basic food and accommodation and I’m currently failing to get a part time job. I used to like watching your tv shows but i can’t afford a license now. I’m not really as deserving as, for example, someone with breast cancer, but it would still make my day and the day of my equally impoverished flatmate.
Posted by Rich Spalding on November 13, 2010
Having read some of the other sob stories, I feel like a bit of a knob for posting mine
Posted by sherbetjax on November 13, 2010
Once upon a time there was a young girl who fell desperately in love with a skinny, slightly bearded, comedian.
He reached through the silver screen, pulled on her heart strings and mentally tickled her until she cried.
His wit intrigued her, his smile made her likewise and no one could make her laugh like he.
It broke her heart to learn he was taken, but he couldn’t fail to make it when he appeared in her day.
She tried to forget him, but that was no use. His jokes wove through her weeks.
Over the years she sought him out, reading his books, his blogs, his tweets.
She listened as he spoke to the nation over the waves, watched him on the tube-of-you and channels aplenty. Silently.
She wasn’t a very well girl, and returned home after a trip to the healing-house to find ‘Sold Out’ next to his name.
Devastated she trawled the evil sites of which the greedy breed. She sold her soul to a seller of ticketed gold, and made the hard journey to see her hero.
There she found that he was in fact a gentleman, who’s show dazzled and bewitched her. She returned home a poor but happy girl.
Over the weeks and months and years the images of her magical night have faded and she is beginning to wonder if it was all a dream.
The girl is me. The boy was you.
~ jessica ~
ps: You’re awesome Mr Marcus!! Liverpool Please hehe xx
Posted by Manni on November 13, 2010
This year = dead dad, dead relationship, 450ish miles from home, skint from being a student and spending over a grand on trains back and forth to my mum and thus couldn’t afford to see your show in the fringe, then the guy who’d sort of become my counsellor left the country and I’m now in a flat where the heating keeps breaking.
I’d love to come to the Edinburgh show, but to be fair I was lucky enough to be at your book launch so if someone else needs brightened then fair do’s!
I also think we all deserve them as your apology for making us become those awful people who uses sob stories to get things!
Posted by G. Rhydian Morgan on November 13, 2010
Where do I begin? Currently, instead of being in Thailand I am stuck in the UK, grounded from flying because of a blood clotting problem. I wasn’t going on holiday, but to teach communication and critical thinking – okay, with a SMALL holiday (2-3 days at the end) attached. But not only have I lost the trip, the good weather, the great experience, AND the income, I am only sick because of medication for another (chronic) condition. If I come off the meds, to be able to fly, I get so sick I cannot leave the hospital.
After Thailand was supposed to be Malaysia (same deal, working with kids, 2-3 days relaxing). Instead, I have a cold wet November in the UK and NO money to stave off the gloom. Worst thing? Having booked ultra-cheap flights, they were not refundable. Insurance won’t cover it, as the problem is ‘an underlying medical condition’. Two tickets to Wednesday’s show in Oxford would the perfect tonic, as my best friend lives there, and I could surprise him. Here’s hoping.
Posted by Jennifer on November 13, 2010
Mark I would love to come to your show in Middlesbrough on February 18th next year. It’s my husband’s birthday and it would be a brilliant gift for him. Here’s my sob story (it’s three fold!)
We both got made redundant at Christmas time two years ago and as a result last Christmas we didn’t buy gifts for each other, nor did we buy birthday presents this year, and there will be Christmas presents again this year either.
We had a baby this summer so that, coupled with the lack of finances has meant we haven’t had any kind of social life for two years.
We live near Middlesbrough!!
Posted by Julie Adams on November 13, 2010
Venue: Liverpool
I’m entering on behalf of a friend, who shall remain nameless. This friend has had a tough few months culimating with the attempted suicide of his/her partner. I work in suicide prevention and often it’s hardest to help those dealing with the suicidal ideation of those closest to them as they feel helpless and suffocated. My friend is a capabe, strong person who in the last decade returned to education as a mature student, qualified with 1st class honours, had a child and passes on his/her love for education to the young people he/she works with. I have no doubt he/she will come through the current troubled period and be able to put everything into perspective. However, my friend is also a huge comedy fan and what I think would be really good right now would be a night of laughter and a chance to forget about everything for at least a few hours.
That’s it, that’s my best shot, it’s genuine and I hope I’m in with a fighting chance…
Posted by Matty Frankland on November 13, 2010
I would love to win tickets to your gig in Middlesbrough but I haven’t got the money seeing as though both my parents are on a low wage managing Oxfam and cannot afford to give me the money to go. Also, I have no money and no income as I have suffered knockback after knockback from different companies with job vacancies. With college work piling up, I don’t have much time to apply to anymore jobs with my lost resort being McDonalds still pending. Financial issues aside, my life hasn’t been the best lately with many horrible things happening to me. Including my girlfriend of 2 years finishing me a few weeks ago and my brother having an epileptic fit a few days ago. I was hoping that if I won the tickets I would take my brother with me to hopefully cheer him up a bit and make it a late birthday present as I have no money to buy him anything. I hope you concider my sob story. Oh, and my cat got ran over a month ago. R.I.P Milly!
Posted by Liz on November 13, 2010
For Liverpool Show: (please please please!!!!)
I love this idea! – and especially this week!!!!!
Four and a half weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, have spent the last 4 weeks ‘getting over’ the diagnosis and throwing my guts up with the drugs they gave me to shrink the shitty tumour; yesterday I had an op to remove the lump & this afternoon my stitches burst!
I can’t tell my family as my mum is currently (and officially) insane AND earlier in the week it was 3 years since my Dad passed away.
So coming to a gig (with one of my AMAZING friends) would really really REALLY brighten up my day/week/month/life
Normally, I can guarantee I’m not one to grumble so I would make an EXCELLENT audience member – promise!!!!!
xx
Posted by issey on November 13, 2010
My sob story is that my hamster ran away last month so i got a new one and just yesterday it has escaped
he climbed through the hole in the wall where the telephone wires are and has now made a holiday home in my bedroom wall. Will I ever have luck with pets??
Posted by John b on November 13, 2010
The best sob story i’ve ever heard is from a guy at my work. He tells it every year at Christmas. One year he really wanted a hornby train set from Santa but instead he got a 3 bar electric fire LOL. He is still traumatised from the event that year and says that the worst part of it was he was only allowed to put the fire on once a day …….. Poor laddie
Posted by Beth on November 13, 2010
For the last twelve years I’ve had an agreement with my (gay male) best friend that we’d have a baby together “soon”. Two weeks ago he started talking about boy/girl and names and schools…and then, in the same breath, told me that he’d changed his mind. While we were on holiday together. Sleeping in the same room. Just before I had to go home to spend time with his sister and her new baby son who looks exactly like my friend.
I really wish I was joking. But you, Mark, do the jokes around here.
And yes, the fact that I put all my eggs in one basket and now, at a certain age, have no other options….well, yes, it is my own fault.
Also, I am little bit drunk right now. Which is probably why I’m happily baring my fucking heart-ripping-out-pain to the goddamn internet.
(London, 10 December)
Posted by Rich Spalding on November 13, 2010
I had been trying to save money to come and see you Mark, but was unfortunately ripped off by an evil taxi driver. I’m not the manliest of men, but attempted to prove myself worthy of ‘man points’ by downing a bottle of wine in one go. I was with friends at the time, this wasn’t a bizarre suicide attempt. I succeeded, but when I got in the taxi to go home, I was a little drunk. The evil driver took advantage of this, charging me 15 quid for a 4 minute journey. I only had a fiver, but he even made me go to the nearby cashpoint to get the money out. If this sob story is deemed worthy, despite being largely my own fault, I would love tickets to the show in Liverpool
I will attempt to remain sober throughout.
Posted by Gavin Dyda on November 13, 2010
You are one of my fave comedians as i leave and breathe comedy, and i lost my last twenty pound note down the drain and i’m now the most skint student ever.
Posted by incurable hippie on November 13, 2010
I will save my sob story for when you have a gig coming up in Sheffield, but I appreciate that you’re doing this anyway!
Dalai Lama once said, “Be kind whenever possible… it is always possible”. I try to remember that.
Posted by Meg on November 13, 2010
Eh, my only sob story is that I live in Massachusetts so it’d cost a lot more than £16 to come see you, free tickets or not. BUT whateva, I’m resigned to it.
Good luck to everyone else! =)
Posted by KingOfAnkh on November 13, 2010
I’d love to see your show, but if I win I’d sell the tickets to buy food because all the politicians have royally bottom raped us over the last 300 years and has ended up in me losing my job.
As talented as you are, unless a buffet is available at your show, those tickets will end up on my FB page at a discount so I can buy some Tesco basic beans.