Saucer of milk
Shortly, I will be dressing as a cat and going to a Halloween party. I’m as surprised as you are. It’s a long, long time since I ventured into fancy dress, but the text (from a well-known comedian friend of ours) announcing this party described it as compulsory and threatened that anyone not conforming would be ‘seen as bores and socially rejected’. One sees many women at this time of year dressed all feisty-like as black cats, but not every man can pull it off. And I include myself. Still. It should be fun.
So I’m quickly writing this because pretty soon I will have paws instead of hands and will find myself bashing away in a futile manner, hitting three or four at a time and having to appeal to an Archy figure to transcribe my thoughts (another shout out to Archy and Mehitabel, the wonderful collection of cat/insect poetry I mentioned a couple of months ago).
In the event that I enjoy the experience so much I decide to become a cat full-time, I will be looking for a human or humans to take over the writing of this blog, as well as other duties – such as stand-up gigs and making toast – to which cats are ill-suited. Watch this space.
Also, if you are in Lancashire and expressed an interest in Project Preston, the crackpot scheme to ‘rent-a-crowd’ from Preston to beef up the Blackburn numbers… it is being worked on as we speak. You will soon be contacted about it. Maybe not by me, though. Because I will be a cat. Miaow!!
Posted by Rhian on November 1, 2010
I REALLY hope you didn’t come over all George Galloway in your moggy costume.
Posted by Zoe on November 1, 2010
I was dressed as a cat last night too. Well I was til my boy threw up a whole tummy full of pumpkin biscuits and chocs all over me and I was forced to remove said outfit. Nice.
Posted by Cat on November 1, 2010
I would gladly help take over the duties that will be difficult once you become a cat if I weren’t already one myself.
Posted by Tracey on November 1, 2010
Hi Mark, hope you had a good feline Hallowe’en! My teenage daughter was invited to two parties and couldn’t be bothered with either, instead she concentrated on her art for college. I donned witches hat, cloak etc and had all of three groups of two children come to the door. I’ve now been left with loads of sweets that will attack my cholesterol level severely, should I eat them!In the interests of continuing your great blog, I sincerely hope you don’t exchange hands permanently for paws! Take care, Tracey x
Posted by Rachael on November 1, 2010
Are you going to tell us what your predictions for the future would be? I want to know who you think will win The Apprentice.
Posted by Tibbs on November 1, 2010
I second Misha’s call for photographic evidence, please!
Cat was one of my go-to costumes as a child. Unfortunately I am being a total fuddiedud tonight; we went out yesterday and I feel too drained to go out again tonight. Slightly annoyed as I spent a lot more time making my costume this year than I normally do, but ah well. I can always save it for another year.
Oh, and I’ve just been watching you sing on an old episode of Spicks and Specks. You were very good; I guessed two of the songs (the other one I’d never heard of).
Posted by Carl on November 1, 2010
Cool! I hope your night was purr-fect.
Ahem.
Oh, and I emailed the sandwich place to congratulate them on making you a nice sandwich. Sadly, I received an automatic reply explaining they ‘do not send personal replies but appreciate all feedback’. This made me sad. Then I made a sandwich, told myself it was good and then thanked myself for the complement.
Posted by Ingrid on October 31, 2010
Im sitting here reading this, also dressed like a cat!! Have a good halloween!
Posted by Rachael on October 31, 2010
I can do toast but I’m afraid I am about as ill-qualified as a cat for the stand-up.
Posted by Anna on October 31, 2010
I agree with everyone else- pictures, please!
Posted by Shell on October 31, 2010
Have a wonderfully spooky night Meester Puddy Tat. There really must be photos on this blog tomorrow. In years to come you’ll be glad you did…maybe.
x
Posted by Josh on October 31, 2010
I was a robot last night. I was punched in the face and had a nosebleed on myself.
Posted by Meg on October 31, 2010
Our family aren’t doing much for Halloween because…. well I’m not really sure why. I suggested we skip the celebrations/parties and just buy and eat the sweets we would have received if we had gone out and done something Halloween-y. Makes us look a tad lazy but it’s a Sunday evening and the last day of half term so it doesn’t really matter.
I love the idea of Mark the cat. It would make your life a lot easier as well because cats generally just eat, sleep and poo. What a life!
Posted by DeborahF on October 31, 2010
Ooh – we definitely need to see a photo
I’m not going out to a halloween party instead I will be at home watching scary movies on TV and eating the chocolate buns I made in case anyone did come to my door and shout “trick or treat”. Ever since making them this morning I have been keeping my fingers crossed that no-one will come and I can eat them myself – is that evil?
Posted by Kathryn on October 31, 2010
I decided to be an English Lit nerd and go as the mad wife in the attic from Jane Eyre. It was surprisingly fun. Our halloween parties were on Friday so it’s slightly surreal that everyone’s going out tonight.
Posted by Misha on October 31, 2010
Pictures or it didn’t happen
I shall be reviving my vampire costume, allthough since i’ve lost my tooth caps it might not work. I too am mildly surprised to be going to a halloween party tonight.
Posted by amycool on October 31, 2010
I would be seen as a bore and socially rejected ten times over before I wore fancy dress.
I’ll try on chain mail and massive puritan hats in museums, but only for a minute or two.
Have fun! And don’t shit on anyone’s garden and dig it over on the way home.
Posted by Lydia on October 31, 2010
I agree, we definitely need photos.
I love those poems, thanks for introducing me to them. x
Posted by Dawn on October 31, 2010
If you’re going as a cat, what is Emily going as?
Posted by Linsey on October 31, 2010
I don’t know why, but I just love everything about this blog post. Photos are required, Watson!