Riddle me this
Last night, rap fans, I dropped ‘some lyrics’ (said some rhyming things) about my day and invited the interested to guess what had ‘gone down’ (happened) in my ‘hood (near me). Here are the solutions. Normal, non-poetic bloggage will resume tomorrow as we enter Week One of the Grand Watsonian Tour 2010-11.
Didn’t see Horne, looked at no porn. Pretty straightforward: we were talking about meeting up with good old Alex Horne, who was in London, but it didn’t quite happen. I didn’t download any porn because not only am I married, but I don’t tend to find most porn very sexy.
A cow in a packet; upstairs is a racket. Kit is now eating packets of pureed food which are called things like ‘beef, peppers and onions in a rich sauce’, even though they basically just look like sludgy brown toothpaste. This raises the slightly disturbing possibility of a cow somehow being liquidised and packeted up. Upstairs live two noisy boys who were charging about and making our light fittings shake. I’m flattered by the person who guessed that it was Kit ‘upstairs’ making a noise, but we don’t yet have the sort of life where we can have an ‘upstairs’ which isn’t part of someone else’s flat.
Bought 100 books; got two funny looks. This is true, oddly, but they were (as someone guessed) my own books. I am selling copies of ‘Eleven’ after my tour shows, and (for boring reasons) this is done by me or my tour management buying them, and us then re-selling them. This means I had the odd experience of ordering 100 copies of my own work from Amazon. The two funny looks were on the tube, and unrelated to this (most likely, related to my 8/10 Cats appearance; being on TV gets you quite a few looks for a few days afterwards).
Watched sport from Australia; my team is a failure. The two parts of these were separate, actually. I got up at 6 to watch the Aussie Rules Grand Final, as Joelle guessed. But ‘my team’ refers to Bristol City, who, at present, are awful. And are now bottom of the table. Which, for non-fans, is bad.
Ditched a terrible bag; saw a man smoke a fag. The bag was one we bought in China in 2008, but had long outstayed its welcome. I actually saw a number of people smoking, and was only too pleased to seize the rhyming opportunity. Mind you, you don’t see as much smoking as you used to. In our lifetimes it will become quite rare, I think.
Appeared on the air; two apprentices stared. I was on Absolute Radio with Ian ‘Wrighty’ Wright, former ace footballer and now garrulous broadcaster. On the underground there, I noticed two people looking at me (again). They recognised me. However, I also recognised THEM. They were two contestants from last year’s Apprentice (the Geordie guy, and the blonde lady who nearly won it, if you watched The Apprentice). We had a nice moment as the guy said ‘where do I know you from? Mock The Week?’ and I blurted out ‘you were on the bloody Apprentice!’ (Although I don’t watch a lot of TV, I get hooked every year on this show. It’s great watching over-serious people compete for a job.)
I played bass for Feeder. As many of you sleuths guessed, this was not strictly true. The closest I’ve come to appearing with Feeder is seeing them at Reading 2000 (that’s right, 2000, before some of you were potty-trained. Sigh). Also, the lead singer lives near me, and now and again we cross paths while walking with our respective kids, and give each other a friendly look. Like the imaginary friendly look I’m giving you now for reading this. Bye.
Posted by Tibbs on October 5, 2010
The downside to working a double shift on a Sunday is that it necessitates staying at a friend’s house, which, since I went straight to hers after work Saturday and then was pretty much dead to the world after my double shift, meant that I effectively missed two days of the Internet. However, the upside is that I didn’t have to wait to find out the answers to the rap riddles, only one of which I guessed correctly (the one about Alex Horne, to alleviate your curiosity). I did guess that the Feeder thing was the lie, as I’d assume that’s the kind of news you would find too good to keep to yourself, even for a day. Although I don’t actually know who Feeder are. I am always on the lookout for new music however, so I shall try to redress my ignorance.
I watched that 8/10 Cats yesterday with my mom. You were great! Afterwards I showed mom the picture of when I met you in Edinburgh; she was very impressed.
Posted by A lot of Rach[a]els on October 4, 2010
I’m back from my holiday and have just caught up with all the blog posts. I feel I’ve missed rather a lot.
Reading about Kit’s food made me put down my chocolate.
And also my condolences about Bristol City, but due to being born in the Rovers part of Bristol, I can’t feel too sorry.
Posted by Anna on October 4, 2010
Your description of Kit’s food reminded me why I refused to do give Nicky any purees when I weaned him, they look foul!- well, that, and I was too damn lazy to cook a seperate meal for him, then blend it all up.
Posted by Lydia on October 4, 2010
Eww baby food is horrible. I had some in a child development (terrible subject, don’t do it (sorry if you do it)) lesson a couple of years ago and it’s gross.
I must say I also like the idea of seeing you rap.
I’m looking forward to your Torquay show so much. It’s the upcoming thing that isn’t crap to look forward to after November (seeing Matilda for my birthday)
Posted by Joelle on October 4, 2010
That new food Kit’s eating sounds absolutely foul. Almost like dog food. And I can’t look at dog food without wanting to be physically ill. good luck with that!
Good luck with your tour too! Have fun (:
Posted by Kathryn on October 3, 2010
The combination of finally getting the Internet to work on my phone so I could read the blog, and spending my second night away from home has made me cry a bit. I moved to university yesterday. I’m not enjoying the fact that all my friends and family are hundreds of miles away on a different island. So being able to read the blog cheered me up immensely and made me a bit emotional.
Posted by Ally on October 3, 2010
Just as I clicked submit I realised I had used the wrong ‘your’. It should be ‘your’ not ‘you’re’. I can’t leave a mistake like that go uncorrected!
Posted by Ally on October 3, 2010
You’re rhyming couplets are quite creative! I think they should feature more often!!
Posted by Steph on October 3, 2010
Who wasn’t potty trained by 2000? Do we have any 11 year olds?!
Haha, Kate and Philip on the tube? Bless…
Posted by LisaBrunders on October 3, 2010
Aww thanks for the friendly look, even though it’s imaginary.
I liked the rhymes. And I liked the explanations too.
Goodnight – I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy from the friendly look.
Posted by Kate W on October 3, 2010
Ticket for Brighton duly booked and gig eagerly anticipated. Decided I’d see you sooner and somewhere (marginally) smaller rather than waiting for Hammersmith. Which also doesn’t have a beach.
Apparently it’s not unknown for authors to have Amazon recommend their own books to them – it’s happened to Richard Wiseman a couple of times – and I think your chances have just increased considerably…
Apropos of nothing, in 2000 I was running a theatre company and living in Manchester. Feels like a while ago now, doesn’t it?
Posted by Rachael on October 3, 2010
I did not get any of that, but I did win a riddle competition at school once and won a signed book that says To Rachael- riddle princess. It is almost as good as my signed Eleven.
Posted by Misha on October 3, 2010
Thanks for that imaginary friendly look.
Having had tickets for Cov since some time in january and tickets for Bristol for about a week it seems strange that the tour is finally starting. I’m excited.
And I promise not to be sick this time.
Posted by lora on October 3, 2010
The fact that the Grand Watsonian Tour starts this week is exciting as that means I get to see the show in a matter of weeks. The actual reasons behing the rhymes made me smile. I agree with Anji the person at Amazon who deals with that order is most likely going to be a little bewildered.
Posted by Suz on October 3, 2010
Ohhh, you meant an actual packet. I thought you were describing a steak bake.
Posted by Mariam on October 3, 2010
Would I be asking too much if I requested a video of you trying to rap that?
Posted by Anji on October 3, 2010
I think your right about the smoking. I was having a conversation about this just the other day!
I would have loved to have seen the amazon package persons face….100 Mark Watson books…. Oh and they are being sent to Mark Watson. That’s made me smile!
Yey for the tour – feb doesn’t seem so long away now, what with it being almost Christmas and all.
Posted by Laurs on October 3, 2010
Beyond excited that I’ll be seeing you in Birmingham next Friday! What a perfect way to end what will undoubtedly be a stressful and annoying week! Hurrah!
And I loved your rhymes, made me chuckle!
And like Rachel/Pandora, are you signing books beforehand? x
Posted by Nuala on October 3, 2010
Bizarrely, as I read this, Feeder was playing on my iPod!
Posted by Rachel/Pandora on October 3, 2010
Looking forward to the Grand Watsonian Tour 2010-11. Just wondering whether the book signings in bigger cities before the show that you mentioned a while ago are going ahead…? X