Watsonian institute of rhyme
I’ve been up since 6am once again, and perhaps as a result, can’t think of much to write today. This is the sort of day when a normal person wouldn’t blog at all. But that’s unthinkable, of course. The mere idea of the Blogless Day fills us all with the sort of dread normally stirred by other ominous two word phrases like ‘tax return’ or ‘Jeremy Kyle’.
So – I did this once before – here are some rhyming couplets about today. But today I won’t explain what they refer to. You can try and guess, if you like, and I will reveal the answers tomorrow. Only one of the statements is an outright lie.
I bought 100 books; I got two funny looks.
I nearly saw Horne; I looked at no porn.
Watched sport from Australia; my team is a failure.
I appeared on the air; two Apprentices stared.
Ditched a terrible bag; saw a man smoke a fag.
A cow in a packet, upstairs is a racket.
Goodnight to all readers. I played bass for Feeder.
Posted by Rachael on October 3, 2010
Feeder was the first gig I went to.
Posted by Hannahq on October 3, 2010
You PROBABLY didn’t play bass for Feeder, but an english teacher at my school played drums for them, so who knows? Anything is possible.
Posted by Tracey on October 3, 2010
I’m intrigued. Were the 100 books all bought at once, thus necessitating loads of carrier bags, upper arm strength and a large car to put them all in? Or, were all 100 books bought online therefore involving delivery from a man with strong arms in a van? Or weren’t they bought at all?Not so sure if you managed to fit the bass playing in! However, as always you’ve cheered me up, it’s raining again here in Scotland and my husband has the Ryder Cup on! Golf is such a bore…..Tracey x
Posted by Ingrid on October 3, 2010
Jeolle i do belive your right!
Posted by Lydia on October 3, 2010
I would love to buy 100 books. I’m going to guess that you didn’t play bass for Feeder, although I like to think that you did.
I hope you got some sleep x
Posted by Joelle Stanton on October 3, 2010
I bought 100 books; I got two funny looks.
- Not a lie, you bought some books and you got a few stares from people thinking they recognised you from TV.
I nearly saw Horne; I looked at no porn.
-Plans with the man were cancelled and I’m hoping you lookd at no porn, you have a wife and a young son!
Watched sport from Australia; my team is a failure.
-The AFL grand final yesterday afternoon, I assume you go for St Kilda or a team other than Collingwood.
I appeared on the air; two Apprentices stared.
-You were on 8 Out of 10 Cats. I know this because of a screencap spam on Tumblr which I then searched for on Youtube. Very nice appearance! I’m assuming that these apprentices were in utter awe of your presence.
Ditched a terrible bag; saw a man smoke a fag.
-Was it terrible as in horrible mutli-coloured and deserved to never be seen again or as in it was broken and old? Seeing someone smoke is quite plausible if you leave the house.
A cow in a packet, upstairs is a racket.
-You bought some meat. Kit is making a lot of noise upstair.
Goodnight to all readers. I played bass for Feeder.
-Goodnight to you! That’s a lie.
Posted by Madeleine on October 3, 2010
I think everyone’s overlooked a startling detail in those couplets: “A cow in a packet…” How did it get in there? Is there enough air? How big is that packet anyway? etc.
Goodnight! (Although I belive it’s arounf 2:30 in the morning there now… Keep sleeping!)
Posted by Shell on October 3, 2010
I reckon the first part of:
I bought 100 books; I got two funny looks.
is untrue. 100 books would be very awkward and time consuming to buy. The second part is entirely possible even if unrelated to the first. :p
x
(crosses fingers and hits ‘submit’)
Posted by Steph on October 3, 2010
I want to play bass for feeder.
Posted by Kate W on October 3, 2010
I’m thinking “bought 100 books” may be somewhat misleading, though not an outright lie. Were they your books and are you getting your Christmas shopping in early?
(Having read all these comments from people who’ve had no/very little sleep, I feel I may have had yours – sorry. I had looooads of sleep last night.)
Posted by Aislinn on October 3, 2010
Obviously ‘ditched a terrible bag’ is the outright lie. I never knew you played bass!
(Sorry. I’ll leave the comedy to you from now on.)
Posted by Katie on October 3, 2010
I had three hours of sleep. I kept waking myself up by sneezing. That you can still rhyme after being awake for so long is hugely impressive.
(Also, I taught a Swedish girl at Uni what Jeremy Kyle was during a Psychology tutorial last week. I shouldn’t be proud of what I’ve done, but I am.)
Posted by misha on October 3, 2010
Alas i’ve had 5 and a half hours sleep and i’m dripping wet, so I can’t even begin to contemplate the meaning of the rhyming couplets. Even if I could it’s be hard to articulate them on a phone keypad; so I will continue to drip all over this coach and stare.
Posted by Corey on October 2, 2010
#Football Mention#…..Your team may have not performed well today but I just want to draw attention to my teams heroic fightback today. The Spireites of Chesterfield clawed back a 4-1 deficit to draw the game 5-5 against Crewe.
It was perhaps one of the greatest games ever but still not as amazing as our FA Cup Semi Final against Middlesbro on 1997.
I’m so glad I love football!!
Posted by Ingrid on October 2, 2010
I was getting worried you wouldnt post one today! I dont normally stay up this late waiting for your blog but im bored and i really cant be bothered to drag myself to bed! Perhaps its do with the fact that i was also up at 6am (to go swimming) but i didnt get any of those couplet things. Might have another look tomorrow but… Night night! Xx
Posted by Mariam on October 2, 2010
A part of me really, really wants the last one to be true. Mostly I just like that you rhymed “Horne” with “porn”.
I hope you get a better night’s rest tonight, Mark. Today I found out that I am in the “party dorm” at university; they’ve been known to set the fire alarms off at 5am, often several times a week. I might actually cry if this happens. I love my sleep.
Posted by SamJJ on October 2, 2010
D’oh!
Sleep tight.
Posted by SamJJ on October 2, 2010
Ooh first comment? Surely not!
Posted by Alexander on October 2, 2010
Goodnight.