Food, pens, graphs, air traffic control
Well, so I never did add to yesterday’s blog, because I was taken to a very expensive and slightly scary Chinese restaurant. Scary because it was the sort of place where they take food extremely seriously and some of the dishes have ‘back stories’ where the waiter explains in great detail how it’s made. And the menu has a ‘philosophy of food’. And there are things like ‘heaven facing chillies’ on there. And one of the dishes was called ‘hot and numbing wagyu beef’ and the waiter told us the spices would actually anaethetise our mouths for a brief period. Yep. That sort of place.
Some talking points arising from the past few blogs:
Here are those graphs of the blog’s readership, based on stats from a couple of days ago, and made by the excellent Heather. I should say, in response to Clembear, that I wasn’t using the term ‘nerd’ pejoratively. I see it as a sort of affectionate badge of honour thing. Nerds are useful people who pay attention to detail. And this is a good example. Obviously, as more people post under the increasingly-regrettably-titled blog ‘Breasts’, these charts will change. But it wouldn’t amaze me if Heather changed her graphs too, to keep pace.
Bar graph by decade: http://tiny.cc/graphone
Pie chart by decade: http://tiny.cc/graphtwo
Bar graph of individual ages: http://tiny.cc/graphthree
…I still think it would be a good idea to do an official census maybe once a year, though, of course, there is no way of making people take part. Still, since I mentioned that many people seem to ‘lurk’ and never write anything, there have been some welcome New and Occasional Posters. One of them, yesterday – with his 2nd ever post – left a comment which ranks among the oddest yet in this blog’s history. I think you’ll spot the one I mean. Keep them coming!
My sympathies go out to the commenter who spent the day reading the Faerie Queene. This interminable, densely allegorical narrative poem was one of the low points of my English degree. Hang in there, and soon there’ll be some Donne or Marvell or something a bit more fun, at least.
And also in need of sympathy is Deborah, who had an important flight cancelled because of a strike by air traffic controllers in France, where workers in most industries are famous for striking every five days or so. She asked what she could do to take revenge on the mutinous buggers who caused this trouble. Off the top of my head here are some Revenge on French Air Traffic Controllers Ideas, ranging from mild to severe:
-Write a stinging tweet about them. I’ll translate if you don’t speak French.
-Get the other Deborah Fern, who has an MBE, to join forces with you and rally the public against them.
-Go over to France and speak their language deliberately badly, e.g. pronouncing the ends of words, mixing up ‘vous’ and ‘tu’, and using bastardised English phrases like ‘le weekend’.
-Go on French TV and crush the nation by pointing out that a lot of ‘classic’ French films are really slow and have no action but lots of people smoking; and ‘Nausea’ by Sartre is a bit overrated.
-Fly loads of planes into their airspace without warning them.
-Killing spree.
Hope that helps.
‘Big up’, which used to mean ‘thank you or well done’, to the person/people who made a Spotify playlist of the WatPod music selection I suggested to get you through Monday. Also thanks for all the follow-up suggestions. I don’t think everyone will like every song I ever recommend by any means, but it’s a lucky dip, if you will. I agree with the person who suggested Do You Realise?? by the Flaming Lips which is a lovely song, but I’m saving it for a more specific playlist than mere cheerful tunes.
And last of all, pens. You might have seen me on Twitter bewailing my continual failure to have a pen on me, despite being a writer (although I wrote ‘waiter’ by accident, there). I went so far as to offer, on Twitter, 50p for any biros I am given by passers-by. I’ve decided to offer Where’s Watson points to make this into more of a game. So, three points to anyone who presents me with a working biro after one of my shows; five points if it’s just in the street or another non-show context. It must be a biro or similar. I can’t write with inky ones like fountain pens, because I’m left-handed with a very odd pen grip, so I either smudge it terribly or fail to make any mark on the paper at all.
Inicidentally, I dished out quite a few Where’s Watson points over Edinburgh, and it’s impossible for me to keep track, so it’s a case of ‘keep your own score’. But I WILL BE CHECKING every now and then and I EXPECT YOU ALL TO BE HONEST. Good. Thank you.
If I get a thousand pens by the end of 2011, I’ll make an exhibition of them. Or give some money to charity. Whatever it is you do when you’ve got a thousand pens. But of course, I’ll actually lose 990 of them on the day I get them.
Posted by Rachael on September 30, 2010
Those waiters must have to revise in their spare time to remember all the food stories. Weird.
Posted by Lydia on September 23, 2010
I think you should let the odd commenter guy write a guest blog.
I will try and remember to come to Torquay with plenty of biros.
Posted by lora on September 23, 2010
It’s been a while since I’ve commented so here it goes. Bringing a pen for some where’s Watson points definitely sounds do-able, one of friends who is also attending your show said they will to bring a pen – I’m not sure how this would work for Where’s Watson points though. If I remember rightly I think I had 6 points so far from reading the blog.
The graohs are good too, I shall pop over to the original blog and add my appropriate details I think…
Posted by Misha on September 23, 2010
I’ve honestly forgotten how the where’s watson points work, but would like to think i’ve earnt some in Edinburgh.
Following this Biro request, you do realise I’m now coming up with a plan to bring several handfuls of biros to the Bristol and Coventry shows with me? It will be done. Somehow. Maybe.
Posted by Ally on September 23, 2010
This has cheered me up slightly from the rather appalling and defeating day I’ve been having. Thanks Mark
Posted by Kathryn on September 23, 2010
Thanks for the Faerie Queene related sympathy. I’ve talked to other people on my course and they all hate it too, so we can bond over our mutual hatred of the thing. So far today I’ve only briefly considered changing degrees, studying physics, inventing a time machine, travelling back to 1590 and killing Edmund Spenser.
I’ve been to a fancy chinese place (in Sydney, strangely enough) where I decided to try eating with chopsticks and succeeded in spilling sweet and sour all over the very white starched table cloth.
I have also stuck a post-it note on the back of my ticket reminding me to bring a pen. I’ll try not to use it as an opportunity to get rid of a great deal of pens I have stockpiled.
Posted by Josh on September 22, 2010
I reckon we could do the 1,000 pens thing, you get biros in packs of 50, no?
That’s only 50 people giving you a pack of pens.
Posted by DeborahF on September 22, 2010
I’m a leftie too though I have a fountain pen with a left-handed nib – yes there are such things – you just have to ask at the shop.
In being made redundant and clearing out my desk I seem to have accumulated loads of biros (mostly freebies from conferences) so can definitely spare one or more when you come to Derby. In fact I’m beginning to wonder if my ability to collect pens is unhealthy, especially as I hardly use a pen any more.
As for the graphs since you asked for the oldest and youngest I didn’t post my age as I knew I would be neither (sorry Tibbs). I will go back and add mine to the appropriate post.
Posted by Ingrid on September 22, 2010
Hi. A pen is one of those thing that i find is always useful. Another thing is spare socks. That my sound a bit odd but honestly they always seem to come in handy! no one likes to have wet feet… anyway ill always make sure i have a spare spare pen incase i run into you!
Posted by Sophie on September 22, 2010
I would comment more often, I have no idea what to say though. I never know what to say about anything. I can ramble, ramble about nothing, but I can’t talk about actual things. Like now, now I am rambling, and I’ve talked about me for so long, I feel so self centred. My friend showed me her signed copy of Eleven, I’m very jealous, very very jealous. I saw the cover and emitted a sound I can never reproduce. It was pure excitement. Everyone standing in the corridor stared at me then laughed. Anyway, I will try to comment more often.
Oh yes, and I started blogging in March, and started blogging near enough every day in June. At the moment I have no idea what to talk about. So, any topic ideas for a 15 year old who does nothing with her life, but is somehow very busy?
Posted by Megan on September 22, 2010
I loaned someone else a pen in Mr Watson’s presence. Does that count for a bonus half-point or something?
Posted by Rachel on September 22, 2010
I’m an occasional commenter…I mostly can’t think of anything to say which is why I don’t comment all that often. However, I shall bring you a working pen to the Halifax show (though obviously the actual handing over of the pen is conditional of me being able to find you after the show…I don’t know Halifax theatre well…or at all). Any colour preferences?
Posted by h2osarah on September 22, 2010
Oh yeah. I suppose I get a fair number of Watson points from Edinburgh. Hurray! *wonders what the scoring system was*
Posted by Marbles on September 22, 2010
I’m back reading you after being on holiday. I have obviously missed A LOT.
I’m also a leftie – not quite read back to where this became relevant.
I will try and catch up a bit. Especially as I’m one of those (ahem) lazy students Phill mentioned and will have oodles of time on my hands during my final year! x
Posted by Steph on September 22, 2010
Can we get a link to this Spotify playlist?
Posted by alex on September 22, 2010
Second Alex(andra) seconding Alex(ander)
I’m a lefty who had to use fountain pens at primary school (archaic stab at prestige on their part, I believe), so to this day i write with my wrist wrapped topwards around the lines and the page turned counter-clockwise about 45-50 degrees to prevent ink-drag. Spent most of school with graphite smeared up my hand and arm from my (shoddy) artistic endeavours. But on the good hand (guh), my standard 4 teacher told me that lefties are the salt of the earth. So there you go.
Next time I leave a comment I will have put on a gown and graduated, thus making up for the disproportionate social networking (slackery) of my twenties. Shit yeah!! Should probably go and sort out my TYSIC stuff properly. And also do my further ooni work and stop bloody procrastinating.
Enjoy your times, lovely lovely people.
Until next time, this is Clawhand B.A. (graduand), signing off.
Posted by Mariam on September 22, 2010
I think I should get points for stealing a pen from the reception area of the Riverside Studios to get a signature from you. I know it’s hardly a recent achievement but I was really sneaky.
Can we buy you pens in packs? Just make a trip to Staples or something and buy one of those ridiculous multipacks where there’s about 40 biros for £1. Not even you could lose all of them in one go, surely?
Posted by Madeleine on September 22, 2010
Slightly difficult and awkward high five for left handers! Maybe that should be the next census… Soon we will have a million pie graphs representing everything from second toe length to preferred pillow softness! Statistics are fun!
At school I’m constantly picking up pens, claiming them and chewing on the ends before a friend inevitably notices “hey! That’s mine… No… You keep it now”. I’ll try to give you a spit free one though.
Posted by Tibbs on September 22, 2010
I did, in fact, make up some new graphs yesterday, and they are here:
Bar Graph – Decades: http://tiny.cc/fig1
Pie Chart – Decades: http://tiny.cc/fig2
Bar Graph – Ages: http://tiny.cc/fig3
I have never thought of the term nerd as pejorative, since I’m quite proud to be a nerd, and it always surprises me when other people take it as an insult, or think that I’m putting myself down when I say that I’m quite nerdy.
Your suggestions of ways to get back at the French air traffic controllers do take a sharp turn towards the extreme! And you’re example of “le weekend” as something to say to annoy the French has now sent me on a wikipedia expedition that might never end, as I wanted to check if that term was in common use in Quebec French (could have sworn it was, but I guess not), and have now wandered onto the pages for franglais, Chiac, verlan, and sacrés. Good thing I have a few hours to kill before work!
I’ve almost got my friend convinced that we should take a trip to London in December, in which case I will hopefully be able to get tickets to your show on the 10th, and if so I will try to remember a pen.
Posted by Phill on September 22, 2010
My wife is also a leftie, although strangely enough she always used to write with a fountain pen. She’s a bit weird like that.
Interesting that the demographics indicate the biggest age group is the youngest, perhaps there’s another explanation i.e. they’re lazy students who have plenty of time to read and comment on blogs?
Posted by Someone on September 22, 2010
I know I’m back for the far-too-many-th time in far-too-short-a-time, but I’m clearly a very busy person with many things to do.
At any rate, if in need of a happy song: Bedouin Soundclash – When The Night Feels My Song, should do the trick. Up nice and loud, mind. Or Try the band Stornoway.
Now I shall go though, really I shall.
Posted by Michael King on September 22, 2010
Definitely seconding Röyksopp’s “Eple” for a happy tune, and I’d like to add anything by Junior Senior.
Mark, do points accumulate for multiple biros? ;D
Posted by ChrisP on September 22, 2010
Just read the odd comment. IF he has a blog, I’ll read that everyday too.
There’s a track called Eple by Royksopp who are a wonderful continental electronic duo which is the sound of happiness should anybody need that.
Posted by Someone on September 22, 2010
Ha, I liked the odd comment. It reminded me of two things.
Posted by Alexander on September 22, 2010
Hi, can you talk about whether you’ll do a third series of your radio show?