This just in
Hello.
A couple of pieces of news about me which might have reached you from other sources.
Firstly, remember when I ran a tremendously long way (13.1 miles)? You might barely be aware of it, so little did I bang on and on about it. Well, as you might know, old Minchin – my friend, colleague, inspiration, and fierce-competitor-to-the-death – and I sometimes run together and can be seen trotting around the woods near Crouch End. He is also running a ‘half’, as truly cool people like us call half-marathons. We’ve placed a little gentlemen’s bet on the question of whether he can beat my now famous time of 1.50.27. That is, a little bet between gentlemen, not a bet between little gentlemen.
Except it’s not really a gentlemen’s bet because there is money on it. If he comes in under my time, I will give £150 to the kids’ charity he is running for. If he’s slower, then it’s ker-ching for my charity (www.themoldovaproject.com). So, one way or another, a charity wins. (I should probably point out that if Minchin wins, I shall take the money out of my actual money. Not out of what I raised via your contributions. I hope that goes without saying…)
Mixed feelings for me, of course, because I support Minchin and everything he does, and tend to look up to him as a sort of older brother figure, and would love to see him make an excellent job of the marathon, but I really want to win the bet. So, unfortunately, I may soon start sabotaging his efforts by poisoning him when we meet for coffee, undermining his confidence by muttering ‘fatty, fatty’ during jogs, and so on.
Of course, when I ran MY half-marathon, the bet didn’t exist yet. If I’d known I was setting a time for Tim to beat, I would have forced a couple of extra minutes out of my poor old legs probably. So he has a slight advantage in that regard because he can always speed up near the end. But that’s easier said than done, of course. Anyway. Despite the competitive aspect, I recommend you follow this epic contest by reading about it on www.timminchin.com and continuing to check back here. And on that website you can of course sponsor old Timmy, too. Taking-it-in-turns racing. It’s the new racing at the same time.
The other thing – this was announced on Chortle while I was on my way here – I’m going to be hosting a sports-based panel show sort of thing called Mark Watson Kicks Off. It’s on ITV4 and it is, basically, a televised adaptation of Fighting Talk, the popular Radio 5 show which I’m sometimes on. Colin Murray hosts that, but he’s not available for this, so they’ve scanned the country for the person who looks most like him, and ended up coming back to me. I didn’t mention this on the blog before, because I don’t know of how much interest it will be to the large numbers of you who are not sports fans. BUT it is still me prattling on, telling people off, making remarks, having T-shirts on etc. So if you like that sort of stuff, well, you should get something out of it. It’ll be on in October. I am hugely looking forward to it, I must say.
And the other thing is, holyshitit’sonlyfifteenminutestillthedeadline. I wrote most of this last night (Aus time) but then ended up, not to put too fine a point on it, falling asleep suddenly (I’ve been working quite hard), and then had to wake up for a breakfast radio interview, but went straight back to sleep, and SUDDENLY WOKE UP IN A SWEAT FEARING I HAD BEEN CRUELLY CAUGHT OUT BY THE TIME DIFFERENCE. But no. Not quite. I’m ever so sorry. I hardly dare look at Twitter. I bet my name is mud. But hey, we’ve got away it.
If it’s any consolation it’s still bloody early here. (It won’t be any consolation.)
Posted by Tim Minchin · Who Knows Running? Tim Nose Running on September 30, 2010
[...] have to admit that the possibility of beating the time of my dear friend and nemesis, Mark Watson is now under an even gloomier cloud of doubt, but I’ve certainly not given up on the idea. [...]
Posted by Nye on September 16, 2010
I’m a Watson-Blog-Virgin but I’ve been catching up by reading ohhhh at least the last 5. I’d just like to point out I did the Sheffield Half Marathon in 1998 in a time of 1h 50m 23s, 4 seconds under your time Mark. The only training I did was running less than a mile to my mate Steves house on the eve of said half marathon, eating a bowl of pasta and playing World Cup 98 for 3 hours on his N64 and getting a lift home from his mum.
I think Tim would do well to follow my strict training regime though he should be warned he can expect to be unable to walk for about 3 days afterwards. Nintendo 64′s can be bought fairly cheaply on eBay these days and basic dried pasta is available from most grocers (I think it was Penne).
I only mention all this as I found the medal with my time on in the bottom of a drawer yesterday so it seemed a nice coincidence.
Posted by Kate B on September 15, 2010
Tim Minchin is pretty great, I’ve sponsored him already. The idea of you two jogging together is just about the greatest thing ever.
Posted by Tibbs on September 15, 2010
I am also against actual violence against Minchin, although I think the idea of flooding the route with Watsonians looking for high-fives might work to slow him down a bit, PLUS you would get a high-five from Tim Minchin.
I’ve already matched the donation I gave you, but I’ve decided to pledge an additional £10 to whomever ends up with the fastest time, as further incentive to his run / your attempts at psychological manipulation.
Posted by Lydia on September 15, 2010
Haha. I look forward to the results of this. I hope you’re enjoying Australia x
Posted by Kate W on September 15, 2010
I can see this taking-it-in-turns racing becoming an epic struggle that lasts some years, knowing how little either of you likes to be beaten.
Glad you made the blogline (as I shall now be referring to the blog’s midnight deadline) and hope Australia’s fun as well as tiring.
Posted by Shell on September 15, 2010
Oi! There shall be no ‘actual’ injuring of Minchin! I quite like him
and shall be cheering him on…from the comfort of my sofa, over some tea and biscuits naturally.
Mark had the advantage of running with his brother to help keep the pace up, I don’t know if Tim has running mates – he’ll need fast ones. AND Tim has agreed to frickin high five fans on the route (he might be regretting that now!) Tim has the advantage of knowing that it IS a competition. Mark has the advantage of applying all the gamesmanship he likes without consequences on the day.
Ooo! It’s all to play for.
x
Posted by Chris H on September 15, 2010
I’m supposed to be running the same Half Marathon as Minchin (the Royal Parks Half), but have a knee injury, so I probably won’t. As I do have the right to run, I could take up Rachael’s suggestion and block his progress by hobbling in front of him. Or injure him during the warm up.
You could be in trouble though, Mark. It is quite a flat route…
Posted by Rachael on September 15, 2010
I’m all for sabotaging him but i’m worried that calling him a fatty might not be the way to go, surely it could have the opposite effect? How about we all say we are gonna do it too so we can stand in his way and he has to weave between us? That could do it. Or someone could give him abit of a kick, would that be going too far?
Look forward to seeing your face and t-shirts on the telly!
Posted by Tim on September 15, 2010
It’s true that I have the advantage of knowing the required time and knowing there’s a bet on it, but one ought to take into account that, famously, I have quite long, luscious hair, which will create substantial drag. I also weigh an estimated 3 stone more than Watson (a fact that he heartlessly alluded to in his cruel paragraph on sabotage) which is a significant disadvantage, as one of the quirks of the half-marathon rule-book is its insistence that you carry your entire body the entire 13.1 miles. What’s more, I don’t have a personal trainer / brother running beside me to spur me on… nope, it’ll just be little pudgy me and my little shorts and my hugely superior mental toughness.
Posted by Anji on September 15, 2010
Is Mr Minchin a man who runs with his iPod? My brother in law times his songs so when a particular one comes on he knows he should be close to finishing, something to do with his PB times. Anyways my point is you could easily play around with his – or indeed suggest this as motivation and then mess it up. I hope you get my point – just a thought.
I actually checked the blog last night at about 11 and had a slight moment, which resulted in me waking up the OH asking what time it was is Oz. He wasn’t too happy and replied ‘about 6 or something, all I know is I would of had much more sleep if I was there’. So, I ignored the fact he was grumpy and went to sleep with the hope that you’d be getting up early!
It all seems to have worked out fine. Phew.
Hope your feeling nicely refreshed and can’t wait for the show, I shall make sure sky is set, just because I’m not as good at time keeping as you!
Posted by Shell on September 15, 2010
Heh! This blog made me giggle. I do love a bit of healthy competitiveness and mischievous sabotage between friends. Do let us know how your efforts at undermining Tim’s confidence go…
I picture a kind of running Wacky Races scenario only with …running. Who’s Peter Perfect and who’s Penelope Pitstop?
(Evil journaloust Dick Daoustardly and (his tabloid sidekick) Smutley are not allowed to play as it’s for charity)
For anyone too young to know the Wacky Races *gulp* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlTlL53KGRs
x
Posted by Cat on September 15, 2010
I don’t think you should be TOO upset if you do one day miss a blog! Obviously don’t get lazy but you never intended to write one every day at the start! I think you’re doing brilliantly, hahaha.
Posted by Natalie-Helen on September 15, 2010
Everyday this blog makes me smile, laugh or feel good in some way.
I will try to enjoy sports for you. Hope the funny will negate the fact that I know nothing about most sports or particularly care for many too.
I know many people love football and can totally understand why, stories of dad and brotherly trips, hometowns, the rush of winning etc but I end up seeing too many over paid footballers visiting protitutes etc. I sort of wish I could join in properly but it’s never really hit me.
I will tell my sport obsessed aunt. uncle and cousins to watch though.
^_^
xxx
p.s. Hope you are having a fab time in Australia. Please bring me back a Steve Urwin based souvenir because I bloodly loved him. ^_^
Posted by Steph on September 15, 2010
Thanks for the hey back @Ally
I saw 0 comments and that was all I could think of to say!
Posted by Ally on September 15, 2010
I was a little worried, but everything has worked out alright
@Steph On behalf of Australia I’ll say hey back
Posted by Tibbs on September 15, 2010
Aw, I always miss the twitter blogwatch; when it’s midnight in the UK, I’m usually just getting home from work.
Congratulations again on the new show! I’m not much of a sports person, but I will definitely check it out if I can.
And, um, good luck with your efforts to undermine Minchin’s confidence?
Posted by Adam on September 15, 2010
Well done on the show Mark, I’m actually genuinely excited to see it. For those among us who love sport (some) and you (all, I’d imagine), it’s pretty exciting times.
Posted by MusicalLottie on September 15, 2010
I distracted myself from the anxiety by watching you and Milton Jones on YouTube – very glad it’s up in time, though it sounds like you are in desperate need of sleep, Mark!
I finally watched Rick Procter’s YT video of the half-marathon, and I have to say it was quite nice to hear you talking at normal speed! (Whenever I see you doing stand-up on TV I need the subtitles to catch most of what you’re saying – I’m not complaining, because it’s your style; it’s just one of those things
)
Hope you get some sleep soon …
Posted by Lora on September 15, 2010
Safe to say there was a little tension on twitter.
Looking forward to the TV programme, quite a fan of fighting talk so i’m sure i’ll enjoy it
Posted by Chris on September 15, 2010
I think Colin Murray is unavailable to ‘Kicking Off’ on ITV4 what with that ‘Kicking Off With Colin Murray’ show he does on 5 live. Sounds great though, love FT without it I would be awake at this stupid hour. Show sounds great though.
And chance I can add a Can I Help You request? Urgently need to nice music to start the autumn uni term with that happens to be cheap ish on amazon? Any suggestions? (No arcade fire on the shelf yet for example)
Posted by Linsey on September 15, 2010
Congratulations on Kicks Off! I’m not wholly fussed about sport but I’m guessing if it’s available on ITV Player then I’ll be tuning in! (Too cheap for a TV license, let alone Sky)
And your name is never mud, only a little muddy, if anything x
Posted by Mariam on September 15, 2010
This was the first time I’d actually been waiting for the blog to appear and it was surprisingly stressful. I just…wow. What a rollercoaster. Sorry to hear you’ve been so tired, though!
I’m going to have to disagree with your plans to put Minchin off. You might give him a complex, poor man.
Posted by Josh on September 15, 2010
In a more “Hey, remember that as well being a full time blogger Mark Watson used to have time to be on television” note, I would quite like to watch this “Kicking off ” thing of your’s, despite having next to no interest in the subject matter.
That being said, I would prefer to watch a programme in which you just get really angry and verbally abuse people. I’d call it “Mark Watson Kicks Off”.
Posted by Kathryn on September 14, 2010
Tonight was possibly the largest ever #MWblogwatch, possibly due to the hazards of the time difference. This was probably bad for our collective nerves; it could take another hour before the adrenalin works its way out of my system and I can sleep. We were all very worried about you.
Have a good rest of the day. The concept of Australia time messes with my head.
Posted by Zoe Fell on September 14, 2010
And breathe.
I’ve not been involved with #MWblogwatch for ages, I think I missed the thrill. Or the sheer terror. One of those.
That’s cracking news about “…Kicks Off” though – I am very pleased and proud of you.
X
Posted by Dan on September 14, 2010
OMG I really thought today was the blogless day for a bit. Never has waiting for someone to write a blog seemed so dramatic.
Posted by Carl on September 14, 2010
LOVE Fighting Talk, so very much looking forward to MW Kicking Off.
Posted by Josh on September 14, 2010
If you did, you’d see that far from your name being mud, it is “The Great Ex-Welsh One” and that Howlie is now your Prophet.
That and the fact that we all died of fear.
Posted by Anna Lowman on September 14, 2010
I’m very much looking forward to you Kicking Off.
Posted by Catherine on September 14, 2010
Breath too.
Posted by Alex on September 14, 2010
Christ, you should see the blog watch…
Posted by Misha on September 14, 2010
If you dare check the hashtag (#MWblogwatch) people were largely nervous but positive. And it’s totally side tracked me from stressing about tomorrows move to wales, so well done there.
I should point out, in the interests of webfairyism, that Simone alerted my attention to the football show long before Chortle found out. If only anyone had noticed
Posted by Catherine on September 14, 2010
Breathe now everybody.
Posted by Steph on September 14, 2010
Hey Australia