Heat
After the emotional hi-jinks of last night’s blog, this one is pretty much admin. Sorry.
This is my final mention of the fact that I am running the Bristol Half Marathon on Sunday for www.themoldovaproject.com, the charity run in their spare time by my dear identical sisters, and would like to be sponsored by you. The (awkwardly) long Paypal link is below. Actually, it’s not the final mention, I’m sure to harp on about it on Saturday and Sunday, because you don’t run 13 miles without banging about it incessantly. But it’s my last sponsor-plea. I’m aware that anyone reading this blog who’s financially able to donate any money has already probably done so. But just making sure. Thanks massively for the amounts (totalling over £250) you have pledged so far. Hugely appreciated by me, my sisters, and eventually the people in Moldova who will benefit from your generosity.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=K2MCW3QDC6BTE
And now something even duller, unless you’re in Australia. I was meant to be doing the Brisbane Writers’ Festival this weekend, and now I can’t. I wouldn’t want anyone to turn up and find I’m not there, so this is just public information. I had to pull out because of various worthy but boring reasons. I am still going to Australia to launch the book, though. I am in the Sun Theatre, Melbourne, on September 13 and then Cinema Nova on the 19th, doing readings and the like. I will visit Brisbane and everywhere else in Australia during 2011 (well, all the major cities. Not so much those places where backpackers get chopped up and there’s nowhere to get water for 2000km). So, if you are in Melbourne, come and see me. If elsewhere in Australia, sit tight and I will be there in six months or so. I love Australia and if I had my way I’d be there even more than I am.
Oh yes, We Need Answers. By coincidence, after blogging about its live version last night, I found out it was repeated on BBC4 last night. You can still watch it on iPlayer. Please tune in to the other ones as and when they’re repeated. And if you like, write to the BBC begging emotionally for it to be brought back. Using phrases like ‘considering a firebomb’ and ‘cannot live until this quirky quiz is renewed’. (NB it is Key’s 34th birthday today.)
As I said, pure boring admin. Sorry. I mean, most comedians only ever do this with their blog. And even then, only from time to time. But I’m not most comedians, am I?
Before you go I’d better at least offer one piece of fun. It will take the form of two Celeb Tales told to me today by Alexa Chung, the impossibly well-connected, but refreshingly clever, presenter who I’m currently making a pilot with. You have to guess who the Celebs are. This is fun because I’ve got no interest in celebrities, and complete disdain for people who buy magazines full of tittle-tattle. So it’s not what you would expect from my blog. And I love to surprise you. If this goes well, I may try and get a gossip column.
-Alexa was recently at some sort of star-studded gathering and Celeb A took a fancy to her. He had a big entourage following him around serving him champagne at his every whim. Celeb A decided to make a pass at Alexa. He – despite being famous – did it not by taking her for a cocktail, or for a spin in his chauffeur-driven car, but by writing that he liked her ON A POST-IT NOTE and leaving it IN HER SHOE. They did not get together.
-Celeb B is a noted American. Alexa had to interview her for American TV. Celeb B was so up herself she didn’t even look at Alexa. She said ‘we’ve met before’ to avoid bothering with introductions. Alexa knew they hadn’t met. Now she hates Celeb B.
Who are they?
Bit of fun.
Posted by Tibbs on September 3, 2010
I have no idea who either celeb is, but the post-it note in the shoe thing sounds like it could be either adorable or pretentiously quirky, depending on the personality of said unknown celebrity.
I’m quite annoyed that I can’t watch things on the iPlayer but I am very exited about the possibility of seeing you in Australia! I really need to look into booking my tickets / working out my visa details…
I hope Key had a lovely birthday, and I hope you have a good time running on Sunday!
Posted by Kate W on September 3, 2010
I have no idea who Celeb A or Celeb B is, but I rather warm to Celeb A for that odd little gesture of affection. There’s something adorably un-celeby and schoolish about it. Reminds me of my friend at junior school who gave a boy a note saying “Will you go out with me?” that had a yes box and a no box for him to tick.
Posted by Kate B on September 3, 2010
I don’t know a lot about celebrities so I’m going to take a random guess.
A= Ok… I have no idea.
B= Is it someone like Kim Kardashian or like other people have said Mariah Carey?
Good luck on you’re run on Sunday! I’m off to re-watch We Need Answers…
Posted by Rachael on September 3, 2010
Oh this is so hard? Do you actually know the answers? because you are a terrible tease if you don’t!
My guess is Celeb A is someone like a jonas brother and Celeb B maybe Jennifer Anniston or someone, just because she is in a new film and so is probably doing alot of interviews. Im assuming this was recently of course.
Now I feel like a disdainful tittle-tattle addict.
Posted by Steph on September 3, 2010
I doubt that A will be Robbie Williams since he’s newly married. And I don’t think he will be wanting any new scandals surrounding him…
Posted by Josh on September 3, 2010
A: Bruce Wayne
B: Alexa Chung?
I’m not very good at this sort of game am I?
Posted by Simone on September 3, 2010
Good luck with the marathon! I’ve pledged what I can.
I’m not sure about Celeb A, but I think Celeb B, like Maddie, is Mariah Carey.
Posted by glamlovinkitty on September 3, 2010
I have no idea who Alexa Chung is.
Also I have not yet sponsored you despite being financially able.
One of these two facts is about to change.
The other is not.
Posted by Anna Lowman on September 3, 2010
Finally got around to donating so it was worth bringing up again! Best of luck Mark. Celeb A does sound quite Robbie Williams-y; like he was trying to be quirky to win her over. The options for Celeb B are extensive…
Posted by Anji on September 3, 2010
Hmmm I have no idea who the celebs could be. Was the party here or over the pond? I’d like to think it was some rapper dude, just because of the champers and people around him. But I’m not sure Mr West or Mr Diddy (or whatever he is now) would know what a post it note was!
And celeb b? Angelina Jolie? I sort of feel it could be any number of noted Americans, and probably one that is made out to be lovely to all and butter wouldnt melt!
Posted by Phill on September 3, 2010
I had no idea who Alexa Chung was until I just Googled her name.
If I didn’t know who she was, the chances of me knowing the celebs being referred to are… well, not good. I don’t really do the “celeb” thing. That said, these days anyone who’s been on TV for five bloody minutes is considered a ‘celeb’, and in my day this wouldn’t have happened, kids were respectful of their elders, etc etc etc
I’m 27 and already a grumpy old man. Pass me my coat would you, it’s the one with pipe and slippers in the pocket.
Posted by Ally on September 3, 2010
I was all excited at the mention of Australia only to discover you’re not coming to Sydney! Hmmm, I have been thinking of traveling down to Melbourne for a weekend though… maybe this is an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone
Either way I shall be looking forward to seeing you next year!
Those stories regarding Celeb’s A and B were quite amusing, I have no idea who either of them are though!
Posted by Mike Jenkins on September 3, 2010
i enjoyed the Edinburgh Fringe on TV on 2 Sept – apart from the comedian who thought it was fine to make totally racist jokes about the Welsh.He obviously didn`t leave enough of an impression for me to remember his name .
Is he trying to attract some of the publicity that Ann Robinson got when she ignorantly has a go? and why is it apparently socially acceptable for racism to take place against one race but not another?
I`m a great fan of stand up comedy (hence me watching the programme) but i think a line should be drawn at offensive material.
Posted by Paul on September 3, 2010
I like the Paris Hilton guess, as for the other… I want to say someone older like Simon Cowell, everyone I think of is married or gay though… Horne or Corden is probably a good shout. Robbie Williams?
Posted by Britt on September 3, 2010
I can’t think of who either celeb A or B could be, but thank you for sharing these stories. They just make me like Alexa Chung even more.
Can’t wait to see you in Melbourne!
Posted by Kathryn on September 3, 2010
I’m not aware of enough celebrities to make a guess at A and B.
I like Australia as well. I have a lot of family there. If you meet anyone with a Belfast/Australian accent I could well be related to them.
A firebomb threat from northern ireland to the bbc might be taken a bit too seriously.
£250 pounds is very impressive.
And the Alex/Alexa thing? My mum and dad are called Joan and John. As are my aunt and uncle. It’s very confusing.
Here endeth the rambly and disjointed comment.
Posted by Madeleine on September 3, 2010
Yes, it took them ages to announce that you weren’t coming to the writers festival, I’m working for it and I didn’t know untill like last week. Bummer!
I’m glad to hear that Alexa Chung is nice. Makes the pain of her an Alex Turner slightly easier to bear. (Although, Alex and Alexa? That’s got to get weird).
No idea about the two celebrities though… Is the second one Madonna?She seems awful.
Posted by ChrisP on September 2, 2010
Celeb B is Sarah Palin. Because we all hate her too really.
Although Steph has some very good shouts, PH could easily be celeb B
Already downloaded weeny dancers. Would everybody making an effort to watch/download on iPlayer make any difference to viewing figures? Are such things recorded online? Can you get an address to email the BBC with too.
And Happy Birthday Tim.
Posted by Maddie on September 2, 2010
I have no idea who they could be, so am going to take a stab in the dark with:
A. James Corden
B. Mariah Carey
Posted by Suz on September 2, 2010
I’m terrible at guessing games. Genuinely, the first person who came into my head was Michael Jackson. What is wrong with me?
Posted by Ben Draper on September 2, 2010
I think A = Robbie Williams.
B = Madonna?
Posted by Aislinn on September 2, 2010
It’s all a trick and ‘celebrity a’ and ‘celebrity b’ are both actually you.
I’m off now; some people have letters to write to the BBC involving phrases like ‘considering a firebomb’ and ‘cannot live until this quirky quiz has been renewed’.
Posted by Natalie-Helen on September 2, 2010
I saw this today and thought of the various TYSIC’s about beating food fears….
http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/love-sex/five-foods-people-fear-and-how-to-get-over-it-blog-8-vanessa-green.html
No idea about either celebs unfortunately but love the idea of the post it note declaration ^_^
Posted by Steph on September 2, 2010
Haha!
A: Noel Edmonds (cos I hear when he is/was on Deal or No Deal that he asked out a load of the contestants) and
B: Paris Hilton
P.s I also have disdain for those that buy trashy magazines.
Posted by Misha on September 2, 2010
I have no idea who A or B are, but it amused me. Alexa seems like a nice girl to me. And with that one sentence I’ve made myself sound exactly like my Grandma. Australia seems nice too, I have very little experience of that either though.