Venus and Serena understand
There were many intriguing answers to the question from last night – hastily posed but genuinely interesting – of who you would like to be for 24 hours. They include the actress Lenora Critchlow, a man seen on a TV documentary playing with horses, Emma Thompson, Mugabe (so you could kill yourself), the comedy commissioner from the BBC, the bloke who plays the phantom in new Lloyd-Webber blockbuster Love Never Dies, the commenter’s own son, and of course Derren Brown. I say ‘of course’ because my esteem for the mind control expert and entertainer is well-documented.
However, having weighed it up for myself, I think I would want to go for a woman, so to speak. A couple of female commenters have expressed a desire to try weeing standing up (not as thrilling for a man to do it sitting down, of course) – and although this may seem a trivial aspect of the whole swapping-lives-with-someone question, it sums up the appeal of the everyday strangeness which the opposite sex’s lives hold. For all the women I know well, for all the time I spend trying to write female characters, and so on, it’s still not easy to imagine having a body that could give birth to children, or being looked at by men in the predatory/condescending way women routinely are, or buying tights, or queueing that long for a public toilet. It would be a waste not to experience all this by stepping inside a woman’s life for these 24 hours.
So, that narrows it down a bit. I then thought what else I’d like from this body-swap. Basically I’d want to have some skill I am never going to possess in real life, and a sample of the life that goes with it. Sport is of course one of my biggest passions and unfortunately one of the areas I’m least talented. And in more general terms, I’d want to be as different as possible from Mark Watson, to maximise the potential of this adventure. (You may think I’m weighing all this up very seriously. I must state, I have not received such an offer. But you never know. You need to be ready.)
So in short I think I would be Serena Williams. This way, I’d get to be:
An outstanding sportsperson.
Black.
American.
Female.
A younger sibling and the product of a slightly deranged father.
Really famous.
Physically strong.
And highly image-conscious
…all things which don’t describe me at present.
I think it would be quite a ride. Of course, I’d have to specify that it should be Serena on a matchday, ideally a Grand Slam match, something important. It would be a bit of a waste if I stepped into her life, and I was just lying on a beach in Florida sipping Coke (I bet she doesn’t have cocktails even on holiday).
So that’s me sorted. You can still submit your own suggestions, just for fun. If anyone does find out a way of engineering a life-swap like this, maybe a website that offers the service, let me know and I’ll share it with everyone.
Tomorrow: back to reality as we examine the progress of everyone’s personal challenges. Be prepared.
Posted by Laura on August 26, 2010
This is all getting a bit Total Recall now. I have always thought that both of the Williams sisters are a bit, erm, manly (for want of a more delicate word). Whatever floats your boat though.
I want to be a dog, but only a very well-loved dog. That would be brilliant. I have big tail-envy. But what if, at the end of the day, I didn’t want to turn back? There would have to be some sort of caveat that I could choose not to remember the day.
I have done fuck all on my TYSIC since I passed my driving test in May. Sorry.
Posted by Anji on August 26, 2010
Surrogates. That was the name of the Bruce willis film.
Been bugging me ever since I couldn’t remember this morning. Have just had to ask OH. Luckily when I randomally ask ‘what was the name of that Bruce willis film’ he knew which one I meant.
End of rambling!
Posted by Megan on August 26, 2010
Aside from being enrolled in a postgraduate certificate course, I have done fuck all on the TYSIC challenges. I’ve written next to nothing, and nothing terribly clever, so my dreams of being some kind of Radio 4 person are just as far away as ever.
Ah well. 9 1/2 years to go.
Posted by Clembear on August 26, 2010
I’m going to muddy the waters a bit – do you mean we are someone else, in that our mind is in their body, or that we are them, in that we’re sort of hovering in their mind, observing their consciousness, feeling what they feel, so what its like to be someone else truly and completely, and experience the world as the experience it.
If its the former, I’d like to be a man for the day. I think I’d pick a Afghani insurgent, to get a different religion (although I’m not religious), country, disposition to violence (possibly), culture, race, and gender.
If its the latter, anyone really- it would be incredible, humbling and humanising to see the world differently to how I do, and not be in my own head. Then for my second go, I’d be a shark or a bee.
Posted by Laura-B on August 26, 2010
My personal challenge is making progress. The challenge is to visit every continent by 2020. I looked at a map the other day and was horrified by the dismally small percentage of it that I have visited. Europe really is a very small place.
BUT I have two new continents lined up for me next year. I’m going to North America in June for a friend’s wedding. In August, I’ve been offered the opportunity to go and volunteer in a school in Tanzania for a month. Africa!!!! That’s definitely a new continent for me. Funding this was starting to become an issue, but in the last week I’ve essentially organised myself a second job coaching cheerleading, and the money from this will cover the cost of the trips. You can’t say I’m not taking this challenge seriously!!
Laura
Posted by Anji on August 26, 2010
I watched a film with Bruce Willis in the other day, can’t remember what it was called, but they all had ‘other identies’ which they operated from home in a futuristic manner. So people got to be totally different if they wanted to be. Bruce even had hair! The whole be somebody else for a day reminded me of this.
I’ve been thinking who I would like to be, and I too considered a sports person as this is something I’ll never be. Then realised with my knack of injury I could so untold harm to them and that wouldn’t be good. I’d probably end up being Michael Owen and actually end his career.
So then I thought I’d like to be my dog, she what goes on in her head etc. Then realised I’d like to have been my cat (not sure this idea involved bringing things back from the dead but hey) I would love to have seen what he got up to on his adventures and also for it to be OK to sleep that much!
I may reconsider this option if bringing back can’t happen!
Eleven has been broken out from my holiday reading pile and is being read. I realise the book may have preferred a sunny Greece location to be read, but a rainy Devon will have to do. It’s bloody good! I’m having to stop my self from reading it too fast. And force myself to do such dull things as work and housework!
Posted by Madeleine on August 26, 2010
I had a really vivid reoccuring dream that I was Alex Turner, it went for ages and even when I woke up I still felt like I “knew” what it was like to be him for quite a while. It was totally strange.
I’d love to know what it would be like to be properly, completely famous – Like Angelina Jolie or Paul Mccartney or something. Or really really cool, where everything you do is awesome like Julian Casablancas or Zooey Deschanel… But then you would either: start appreciating your own life more, or be bummed out for the rest of your life because you can’t go back to just being regular old you.
I cannot think of anyone more different to you than Serena Williams, that is a great pick… The only other opposite person I could think would be someone horrible like Megan Fox, because she’s just so dreadful but so so famous.
Posted by Steph on August 26, 2010
I think after the blog, I am happy to stick with the Love Never Dies bloke, Ramin Karimloo
He is pretty different than me and has a skill I can never possess:
He is a man
People will pay to hear him sing
Iranian-born, Canadian brought up
Married with children and
Perfect amount of famous – not that well known to the general public so doesn’t get papped constantly
I would also hazard a guess that he can pee standing up!
Posted by Maddy the myth on August 25, 2010
I have absolutely no idea who I would be for a day if I had the choice. However, I was wondering what you think a stranger would experience if they picked being you for a day? Would they pick a day during which you did a gig or one where you would just chill out?
Posted by Hannah Mae on August 25, 2010
I keep thinking about this question. It’s surprisingly difficult and probably a bit depressingly revealing of my mindset at the moment, since rather than opting for people who are markedly different to me (an old black man, say), I keep thinking of people who have achieved the sorts of things that I wish I could.
So I think I’d opt for a famous writer/actor/comedian type person. My first thought was Stephen Fry, but then it occurred to me that besides the advantage of being able to write down every waking thought to pour over once I’m me again (as a commenter suggested yesterday), by actually being someone, you don’t really get to enjoy their company. So I think I might go for Emma Thompson, if it doesn’t matter that someone else has already beaten me to her (we can take turns, right?) That way I get to be friends with Stephen Fry, married to Greg Wise, plus beauty, a sense of humour and an Oscar. All good things. Otherwise, I’d love to be somebody like Lady Gaga. There’s a little exhibitionist inside me that thinks performing to massive, adoring stadiums and dressing like a nutcase would be a lot of fun.
On an unrelated note, I finally bought ‘Eleven’ yesterday and have very nearly finished it. When I bought it in Waterstones the sales assistant got all excited, saying he’d been wanting to read it since it came in and that he’s a big fan. He said he’d seen a couple of your shows and I told him about this blog, which he said he’d check out, so hello to him if he’s reading! Chatting to him really brightened my otherwise dull morning though, which seemed in keeping with the spirit of this blog/sort of the book itself, so yay. I’ll probably bang on about the book a bit more in a comment tomorrow once I’ve read it all, but I haven’t been able to put it down so far. I don’t know how to put this in a less corny way, but your way of seeing how people think is so perceptive and wonderful. The way it’s written to convey the thoughts of different characters in any one scenario, so it’s explored from lots of different angles, is really compelling. ‘Compelling’ sounds like a horrible buzzword from a review, but you know what I mean. It’s a good book (you can have that quote if you like.)
Posted by ChrisP on August 25, 2010
They tried it on Red Dwarf once and it’s a really bad idea.
Posted by Heather Jones on August 25, 2010
I haven’t submitted a selection for a life-swap. Two reasons: I
1. don’t really want to ‘fess up’ to who I first thought of swapping with and why
2. I got all Star -Trekky (or Being John Malkovich) about it and started pondering the split consciousness issue, which made it all rather unappealing. What I mean by that is: If you FULLY became the other person, that would have to mean entirely being that person in all their consciousness – if you retained an awareness of your old identity, or were your old self just ‘wearing’ the body of the new person, you wouldn’t really get the true experience of being them, nor (probably) would you be able to function properly or fully as that person. But without still being the old you at some level, what would be the point?
I know it’s just a game, and I’m spoiling the game for myself. But hey, it gave me a chuckle to find myself thinking about the ramifications like this.
xx
Posted by Tibbs on August 25, 2010
That’s a very well-reasoned choice! I think being anybody else would be pretty mind-blowing. I have occasionally thought about it; like would their taste buds be different? Would they see colours the same way? That would be fascinating to experience. I would be worried, though, if I were someone important for a day (such as Serena Williams on a match day), that I would seriously mess up their life. Maybe instead of a life-swap we could work on engineering something where we could sort of piggy pack in someone’s mind (with their consent, of course), so that we could experience the world through their eyes, but wouldn’t have to make any serious decisions for them…
Posted by Rachael on August 25, 2010
I think you are probably right about Serena not drinking, except maybe champagne occasionally, like at Elton Johns parties.
Posted by Kathryn on August 25, 2010
I always want to get first comment and then I’m overcome with the pressure of trying to find something to write. I don’t know how you’ve managed to blog for this many days in a row.
I think I’m the opposite. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live as someone else for the day. Probably since watching Freaky Friday as a child. I wonder how other people deal with the small things of life, and I’d love to know if I’m sort of normal or just really really weird. All evidence suggests the latter.
Posted by Misha on August 25, 2010
I feel I should name someone now, rather than generically “a man”.
So I think I’d be Mikhail Baryshnikov.
He’s a ballet dancer, so I’d get to experience being a bloke, and I’d get to find out what it’s like being naturally graceful and sure footed. Something i’ll never have as a dyspraxic.
It’d also be quite interesting to see what it’s like to be in a normal mind. I always assumed I was normal until I got told I had AS. So that would be interesting too.
I’m putting too much thought into this now. Also, we loosely share a name. Misha is the shortened “pet” version of Mikhail. I digress.
Posted by amycool on August 25, 2010
Ooh, a rare first comment. I’d like you to talk about how everyone is doing with their TYSICs…:D
Posted by amycool on August 25, 2010
The thought of being someone else for the day terrifies me. Even the thought of stepping into my own body but in the past does. I could cope with a week or two but anything earlier and I worry I wouldn’t know what everyone was talking about. I think I find being me difficult enough even after 25 years of practise, so being someone else for 24 hours would be far too stressful. Plus, I’m very egocentric in my thought so even if I could overcome these fears of things that are never going to happen, I still can’t imagine being anyone else.
I’m not good at parties.