Negativity: an apology
Thanks to everyone who left supportive comments after my rather pathetic outburst last night. In the end, the blog went up all right, with only minor omissions, and the general level of drama was unwarranted by the not-very-dramatic events. Hmm. So I’d like to apologise for that. I’d just had one of those days, I suppose. And am having one of those lives when it comes to getting needlessly frustrated by things. But we all survived it.
I should say, in case there is any doubt about this, that when I moan about my career not being as good as I’d like or about how hard I have to work, or how tired I am, or any of the other things I moan about, it is not an attempt to get everyone to be all concerned and say how important my blog is, and how you’d definitely die without it. I love the fact that people are so loyal that they DO write this kind of thing. It makes me very proud and happy that my blog or any of my work appeals to people, and it brightens up my day to hear from them (you). But I would hate it to look like I was ever fishing for compliments.
The reason I am so upfront about my often negative feelings is that I began this blog as a diary, first and foremost, and it doesn’t make sense to do it unless I’m honest about things. One of the purposes of the whole exercise is to chart my efforts towards being an optimist, so I have to document the many times I feel less than optimistic along the way.
But also, as a general principle I tend to wear my heart, as they say, on my sleeve, and although I would be a slicker and more professional-looking comic if I didn’t do that – and just published a generic blog every now and again or got my management to do it – it would be a pretty hollow exercise. Quite likely, I would be more of a household name and more successful on tour and whatnot if I projected an air of indestructability and self-confidence rather than discussing my insecurities directly with my ‘fans’. But it doesn’t fit my personality to do that. I’m always going to be unpleasantly honest about my negative feelings. Lucky you.
A last thought on this: the backdrop to all my whingeing is that I do recognise this is a great job and I’ve been very lucky. However, when you feel you’ve come up short of the standards you want, or things you’ve done have been unappreciated, or whatever, it is hard to console yourself by saying ‘but hey! I’m a comedian, that’s cool!’ – in the same way as it’s hard to eat your dinner when you’re a kid ‘because there are people starving in Africa’, or if you break your arm, you can cheer yourself up by thinking it might have been two broken arms and a broken leg and a hurt nose. We’re all aware that others have worse misfortunes than our own. But we’re all living our own lives, not other people’s, so that’s the only context we can operate in. More than this soon.
I have to go. The England game was abject, tonight. So if you hate it when everyone talks about England and goes to the pub and has flags on their car, there might not be much more of it.
Posted by Rachael on June 25, 2010
I like that you share that stuff, reminds us that you aren’t just that one off the telly.
Posted by Alistair on June 22, 2010
When you thought you had lost the blog it made perfect sense to post something explaining what happened, it also made perfect sense that the post would not be the most upbeat in the world. The information was recovered so all is fine. England doing badly may upset some people but I as a Scot I can account for many people who thoroughly enjoyed England’s abject failure. Every cloud.
Posted by MusicalLottie on June 20, 2010
Aye, good to get it off your chest. As others as have said your openness is something that distinguishes you from other professionals in the public eye (not just comedians) and we’d probably be less drawn to you if you were more closed about things.
And as somebody else has said, thank you for letting us read your diary.
*hugs*
Oh, by the way, when I start to find I’m fighting quite serious blues, the big thing that gets me is guilt that I’m feeling depressed when others are worse off than myself. So if you possibly can, don’t let yourself feel guilty about it because it can turn into a *very* vicious cycle. Like you say, we live our own lives, not those of other people, so don’t feel bad about feeling bad when things go wrong in your life!
Posted by Laura-B on June 20, 2010
I think you are becoming a household name now. That statement is based entirely on my very unscientific research of do-people-know-who-I’m-talking-about-when-I-mention-Mark-Watson? but generally these days I find that they do.
Which is nice.
Posted by Chris (Cambs/Bath) on June 19, 2010
I find that the way that you use these sometimes negative thoughts and perceptions as part of your blog/comedy is part of what separates you from all the formulaic comics around at the moment. Comedy is a form of art; since when were artists completely self confident and indestructible (good ones anyway)? And this is your blog/diary thing so you can write whatever you want on it.
But if you really do decide you hate your job there may be a vacancy available with the FA if England keep playing like this! You never know…
Posted by Lynsey on June 19, 2010
As others have said, no need to apologise Mark. I always feel better after blogging about my own shit days and feeling. It’s better out than in, as they say! Besides, if you can’t have a good moan on your own blog, then where can you?
Posted by Zoe on June 19, 2010
You come across as being what you are, what we all are, human. It’s reassuring for the rest of us to know that ‘the bloke off the telly’ has kiss-arse days too. Keep on trucking x.
Posted by Tom Beasley on June 19, 2010
*hugs*
Don’t feel the need to apologise for yourself. Everyone has days or moments where they feel like complete shit. The trick is to come out of the other side of those moments stronger than ever.
Take comfort in the fact that you have a devoted group of fans ready to pick you up whenever you fall down.
Posted by Anji on June 19, 2010
Over reaction. Always interesting – I burst into tears last night when my pizza base turned into something more like a crumble topping. And had to phone my mum and cry downthe phone to her. A silly thing to do. But any reaction comes from having a passion about what ever it is your reacting too. Often we have to suck it up and not over react because we can’t in certain situations, like work and the idiot annoying you on the street. So anyways my point being that it all builds up and you let it out over something seemingly small and silly when you look back.
It’s good to let it out and not bottle it up!
Posted by Beth on June 19, 2010
If you weren’t who you were, I’d probably like you a little less. By this I mean it’s you openness to fans and fact that you DO wear your heart on your sleeve (plus the fact that your funny and nice) that makes me like you.
Everyone has shit days, so it’s nothing you should feel you have to apologise for when you do.
Hope you feel better soon, and if it’s any consolation, I know it’s shit that you’re maybe not as well known as you’d like to be, but there are still loads of people that are aware of you and we all love you
Posted by Phil Addington on June 19, 2010
DON’T CHANGE!!! ‘Nuff said?
Posted by amycool on June 19, 2010
I was sad that I was working and would miss most of the England game. Then I was happy because they were rubbish.
I usually feel bad slagging off sportspeople for being a bit crap seeing as I am terrible at sport, but then I remembered how much money they get. If I got thousands of pounds a week for being a library assistant people would expect me to know where every book was and not just wander around looking lost.
I’ve always hated it when people say, “Well some people don’t even have a house!” when you’re feeling sad. I always say, “How is that making me feel better? I just feel even worse that there are people feeling even more shit than I am” It is perfectly okay to complain about things, even more so on your own blog. Many people complain about things on your blog, so you are definitely allowed to. I hope you have lots of good news today and that nothing goes awry.
Posted by Custard_Cream_Dreams on June 19, 2010
I didn’t see the reaction, were there a lot of C-bombs being dropped? (I just imagined Mark saying “frisbee…”).
Nice to see it sorted, even after the England game. I had to work, but the feeling I’m getting is that it was dire. Weirdly, I had imagined beforehand how it could be like in the film Mike Bassett: England Manager where we played Egypt. Turns out it was.
Posted by Madeleine on June 19, 2010
No worries Mark! That you’re willing to share with “the world” when you’re feeling shit is what makes people connect with this blog and “community” so much. It wouldn’t be one thousanths as popular or special if it was all “Mark Watson! Happy-go-lucky upbeat comedy guy! LOL!” (Not that that’s bad, but just a little unrealistic and shallow).
Glad you’re feeling better now though, which speaks wonders about your optimistsm after that game – I’ve decided to stop tipping people that I actually want to win, I think that’s been my problem.
Not really a hugger, but
*encouraging smile*
Posted by Rachel/Pandora on June 19, 2010
You don’t need to apologise Mark. Everyone’s negative at some point, especially when things are being frustrating/broken. x
Posted by Rick Procter on June 19, 2010
As all the Watsonian followers here must agree, none of us would ever want you any other way. What other comedian would offer extra dates on their tour as request stops? Or be so dedicated to keep this kind of blog going every single day? Or be so geniunely interetsed in their fans’ real lives? Or do such a good job of spreading happiness by creating and fostering such a mutually supportive online community? We all luv ya. Nuff said.
Posted by Kathryn on June 19, 2010
I can understand that feeling of thinking that everything has gone wrong and when you remember that some people have it worse it can just add guilt on top of everything else. And I’m sure that we all appreciate your honest approach a million times more than a slick generic blog. So thank you for that.
Posted by Anna Lowman on June 18, 2010
So long as venting honestly on this blog relieves a little pressure or, at the very very least, doesn’t make things worse, keep it up
Posted by Gabi on June 18, 2010
Like the others said, a totally understandable reaction. I think it makes your blog stand out from those other ones, and is one of the the things which causes me to come back everyday and comment
oh and also no fishing is being done, as because this is the Internet, there isn’t so much call for falce pleasantries. Your wicked. Deal with it
Posted by Lisa brunders on June 18, 2010
I don’t think you over-reacted at all, so you should stop beating yourself up about it. You’d clearly put a lot of work into it and were very disappointed to have lost it all, thank goodness it all worked out.
Thanks for letting us read your diary.
Posted by Laurs on June 18, 2010
I totally get what you’re saying there. I sometimes chastise myself for thinking that my life is shit and nothing is going right, when I know I am more fortunate than most. But when something shit happens that directly affects your life, sometimes, all you can do is complain and whinge. Perfectly normal and natural.
And I say feel free to do as you wish here, it’s your blog! x
Posted by Misha on June 18, 2010
As a fellow wearer of heart on sleeve I think it’s a good thing. Although coupled with a faulty brain to mouth filter (as it were) it does mean I tend to tell the wrong people really quite personal things. It’s only ever had a positive response so far though.
Anyway, I’ve got confused in my own comment, still suffering a hangover.
So erm.
*hug*