Cancellation notice
Hello. I apologise if you’ve been waiting up for this blog – a handful of people do do this, touchingly and surprisingly – because this is not going to be a proper one.
Yesterday I was meant to do the second of two shows in Ashford. My management cancelled it midweek because of a combination of family reasons and the fact not many tickets had been sold (it was a bonus show to start with, the main one was the night before). Those who HAD bought tickets were all meant to be informed, and their tickets were valid for the Friday instead. However, not all ticket-holders got this message. Some turned up to find there was no show.
Understandably, two people were pissed off enough by this to write on this blog about it.
This sort of thing upsets me. I think I probably communicate with, and value, my ticket-buying supporters/book readers/general well-wishers more than any other comedian in the country (maybe equal with Josie), so it’s horrible to be accused of having let any of them down. It’s the result of one or more misunderstandings and it’s not exactly my fault but, naturally, I feel responsible because like it or not, those people came to see me. And didn’t.
So, given that – as usual – I have about eight seconds of free time to write, I’m going to use it sending an email to these two angry people rather than any actual blogging. I’m sorry about this. Perhaps you can all talk amongst yourselves in the Comments. I’ll start a conversation. Who’s eaten the best meal today? And who has the weirdest phobia?
I’ll be back tomorrow to finish what I was saying yesterday, and, you know, generally keep talking about more palatable stuff than this.
Posted by Knox on July 8, 2011
mark – i realise this is said so often that it might start to sound a bit over-used (though i’m sure it is absolutely heartfeltingly meant each time it’s said), but you really are a truly lovely individual.
well over a year late, but…
food – today i bought two varieties of soup (vegetable and barley, and tomato and basil) and mixed them together, as i craved lentil and tomato soup (it was not a great alternative)
phobias – i have what i think is called mottephobia – fear of butterflies and moths. i don’t understand people who think there’s any massive difference between moths and butterflies – they both flutter and would fly in your face, given the chance, crushing themselves on you and dissolving eeeeuch – just the thought makes me squirm…
Posted by Laura-B on June 7, 2010
I’m absolutely petrified of frogs. That’s quite weird. The kids in my class (I’m a teacher) think it’s hilarious, and love placing toy frogs around my classroom and seeing who can make me jump the most. Little dears.
Also, I made amazing chicken noodle soup today. Yum yum yum!
Posted by Laurs on June 7, 2010
Mark, you are such a genuinely nice person. I can’t think of anyone else in the public eye who would personally email people let down by circumstances out of your control. Just such a lovely man, why aren’t there more like you in the world?
And as for the phobias, my phobia is of roads. Which can get pretty annoying as I can’t really avoid them. I am petrified on crossing them and walking on them (you know those really deserted roads, late at night when there is no chance of a car coming at all…) I’m the soft sap walking on the pavement, just in case.
Posted by Rosanna on June 7, 2010
Yeah, my friends wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t told them and when another friend hadn’t turned up we rang her and she still didn’t know so she had to rush to get there – arriving only about 20 seconds before the show started. Apparently they were meant to recieve an email but none of them did… I’m pretty certain none of it’s your fault but it’s a shame for those people who weren’t told… It’s really nice of you to email them.
As for weird phobias I have a fear of make-up… Not met anyone else with this fear yet. Not the best fear for a 17 year old teenager to have really…
x
Posted by Maddy on June 7, 2010
I’m sure that the missunderstanding was just one of those things that happen in life, unavoidable however annoying. You communicate with your blog followers and fans better than any other comedian I know so don’t fret.
Instead of working yesterday I read your article in the Observer Magazine. I loved the idea of “posimism”.
As for the comments conversation, I think I have a phobia which noone else has (as far as I know). I’m scared of dry tooth brushes. The sound and feel of them are truly horrible making the Aquafresh advert worse than Saw III!
Cheers for the blog and I hope those unfortunte people are calmed by your emails
Posted by Dani on June 7, 2010
Hannah, I can totally understand that feet are really nasty, I also get rather squicky when people touch their wrists
Posted by Hannahq on June 7, 2010
I have a phobia of anything touching the soles of my feet, and to a slightly lesser extent, anything touching anyones feet. And the soles of feet in general. I have to leave the room if adverts involving feet come on. Even talking about it makes me shudder.
Posted by Kate W on June 7, 2010
Making conversation appears to have been a roaring success! (I definitely haven’t eaten the best meal today and have no phobias I can think of.) People have commented and indeed conversed, Mark’s e-mailed people who were unhappy; all’s well with the world. Which I take to be the general purpose of this blog. Good.
Posted by Dean on June 7, 2010
Any time you cancel a show, people will be let down. There will always be people that aren’t informed. Either they’ve moved since the tickets were sent out and didn’t get the letter, or it’s too late to send letters and their mobile number changed since they booked tickets. Or they don’t check online or on their e-mails. And at the end of the day, it’s not really their responsibility to.
And any time people arrange an evening out to see a show, often travelling some distance to get there, they’re going to quite rightly be annoyed and upset that you’re not there and probably think twice about going to see you again.
Of course, life happens, and there are good reasons to cancel a show (respectfully, ‘family issues’ is a good reason, ‘not sold enough tickets’ really isn’t unless the deal with the venue somehow means you’d lose a good chunk more money by performing than not).
But you do have to be aware that, if you do cancel a show, it’ll upset some people. You’ll possibly lose them as fans. That’s the cost of doing it. This isn’t an aberration, it’ll happen every time it’s just most people will just suffer in silence and you’ll never hear about it.
I’m not trying to sound mean or anything here, I’m a big fan and I know how bloody hard you work, but the fact that cancelling a show has consequences shouldn’t be that big a shock.
Also, I have a phobia of dogs.
Posted by hornseygirl on June 7, 2010
Hal, you’re welcome!
I know three other people with this phobia – so we’re not alone! I can’t even watch those Activia adverts on TV! I have an ‘inny’, but when it popped out to an ‘outy’ whilst I was pregnant I freaked out a bit!
Reading about your op made me draw in a sharp intake of breath! I would seriously need a general anaesthetic for that one…
Posted by Hal on June 7, 2010
Thank you Hornseygirl for giving me a name for my phobia!
Yep, for me it’s bellybuttons – only the popped out kind…all my friends have recently had children so it has been a tough year!
I also had to have an op where they went in through mine with a camera – there’s a scar in it now and it looks sort of grumpy. I had to try not to think about it at all before the op and then after I wouldn’t look under the dressing!
Posted by Alex on June 7, 2010
Aislinn- I understand. A pigeon flew into my kitchen once. The results were not pretty. I have also had bats in my bedroom. 2 of them.
Posted by Chris on June 7, 2010
Optimism Mark! At least they cared that you weren’t there enough to write to you about it. I don’t know what the exact reasons were for cancelling the show were but you are a very dedicated person so I would assume they were very important.
Either way I would be booking tickets for the October show too but it is literally months away and I don’t know where I will be at the time (and your not gigging in Bath!) likewise the book release which I’ve not pre ordered on the basis that it is still months away, plenty of time for people like me to organise a bit in! You sound like one of those people who own a calendar sometimes! Relax.
And you sure did have us worried, cutting it fine here. Twitter was a frenzy last night. How about #where’smarksblog for a hashtag next time or something folks?
Oh and Josh, Magic of Compasses? Magnets.
I’m now going to eat a bacon and egg sandwich.
Posted by glamlovinkitty on June 7, 2010
How nice of you to email the disappointed show goers. It’s nice when you get an email from a famous person that they’ve actually written themselves.
I have a normal phobia and a weird phobia. My normal one is wasps. They paralyse me with fear. My weird one is milk moustaches. Milk, in general, turns my stomach, but when I see someone drinking directly from the bottle/carton and then remove the bottle/carton to reveal a milk moustache, it makes me physically retch.
Posted by Meg on June 7, 2010
Ohh Mark. This must be horrible for you… I agree, you do value your fans more than any other comedian in the country. My mum and I were saying only yesterday how utterly lovely you are to everyone and what a decent man you are. I find it really sad when something like this happens to someone who does not deserve it in the slightest. *virtual hug* xx
Food: I have just eaten a small bowl of Shreddies. They were tasty. Now I am going to eat a Babybel. The wrapper has the design of a football on it which is nice.
Phobia: it’s not really a phobia but I don’t like crayons. At all. I dont like the look or feel of them. The feeling of a crayon bumping up and down over it’s own wax on a ruined picture makes me shudder. And they’re too small! What’s the point of a piece of stationery if you can’t hold it properly? And they snap all time. Grr.
Hope everything is okay Mark. Xx
Posted by Laura on June 7, 2010
Sorry you had such a rough day. It’s very nice of you to email those people, though – what a thoroughly splendid chap you are.
Today I have only eaten fruit, but yesterday I had ham, egg and chips for lunch. Yum.
My weirdest phobias are ketchup (the very thought of it makes me heave) – I can’t have it in the house, banned my beloved from eating it altogether ( I can always smell it on his breath if he has it while he is out and refuse to kiss him until he has brushed his teeth) and can’t sit at a table with someone who has it with their food; stickers – they just freak me out, although I am fine with sellotape; people who have writing on their hands – it makes me feel unbelievably queasy; people who have food around their mouth during/after eating – I am so paranoid about this I have to wipe my mouth with a napkin approximately 1000 times (give or take) when I myself eat. I suspect I might have some sort of OCD, although I only diagnosed myself through watching Monk.
Hope today goes a bit better for you x
Posted by Mandy on June 7, 2010
I have two weird phobias, one causing me more problems in daily life than the other:
1). I hate sitting on those old trains where the back seats don’t come up very high – I cannot sit anywhere but the very back seat lest someone behind me leans over and slits my throat…..(it comes for a bad dream I had as a kid I think).
2). I can never be right in the middle of a swimming pool lest someone unleashes a trap door and piranhas are released (maybe this happened in a film I saw at an impressionable age – probably a James Bond or something).
Good on you Mark for the email thing. That’s such a thoughtful gesture.
xx
Posted by mark liver on June 7, 2010
Would of eaten my girlfriend but im working away from home, so ham and cheese and a coffee
Posted by mark liver on June 7, 2010
Giant ants
Posted by Rachael on June 7, 2010
I really hate old used plasters but I don’t think it’s that weird because they are disgusting. Mostly I’m afraid of being afraid.
Oh and I’ve only had frosties so far today, which were average.
Posted by amycool on June 7, 2010
Just coco pops and a smoothie so far today. I really must try to start eating normal grown-up cereal again soon, just so Christian Jessen from Supersize vs Superskinny can’t look down his nose at me anymore.
When I was little I had a phobia of touching anything pink. It was terrible when they got the mulitlink out at school. Nowadays it’s more just fears than phobias. Busy shopping centres, dentists etc. I do still hate people rubbing their hands or feet on carpets though.
As for needle-phobia. I spent most of the year leading up to my BCG injection having nightmares. However, since spending lots of time in hospital with canulas in, I think I’m cured. Now I just think, “Yes, it will hurt, but nowhere near as much as trapping your finger in the door or having a kidney stone, and the pain will stop quite soon”.
Hope you are okay Mark. It clearly isn’t your fault at all but I can understand why you feel guilty. I’m sure the people who didn’t get the message will understand and will really appreciate the e-mail. Now stop being sad please.
xxx
Posted by Linsey on June 7, 2010
I have a phobia of spaghetti hoops/beans, only when the spaghetti hoops are cold, but just beans all the time. If I had to touch them… eughh, I’m shuddering right now, it makes me feel sick. I don’t know why.
And Helen, you definitely win for best meal! Carrot cake for breakfast sounds divine.
God, this blog is a very good way for me to waste time before starting revision.
Hope everything’s better Mark. X
Posted by Gilly on June 7, 2010
*Offers hug to Mark, and anyone else who has had a rough day*
Also: Pickles. Yeauch!! Makes me squirm just thinking of them. And spiders, but I consider that rational. And I used to have a phobia of dogs (childhood trauma, long story)… but my best friend growing up had two dogs, so I worked on it and now I’m fine with them.
Best meal: Wheat toast with marmite. In California, where I live, it’s a delicacy.
Posted by Katy on June 7, 2010
I have a phobia of pineapples. Even typing that has made me feel a bit quesy.
I havent eaten anything at all today, but then it is morning still. Yesterday I had a rather delicious Chinese takeaway because by the time I’d finished putting the new hoover together the shop had closed.
Posted by elin on June 7, 2010
Oah, not fun… but so nice of you to write to them!
Haven’t eaten anything yet today, but yesterday I made mashed potatoes with fried herring and my grandmothers lingonberry jam and ate it with three friends in the sunshine at the roof terrace at school. It was nice. I know it sounds quite weird, but it’s a classic Swedish dish, and it was my little way of celebrating the national day. I even put the lemon slices on a blue plate, but that was as close as I got to waving of flags.
And now I’ll make eggy bread for breakfast. I’ve got some very very old bread… It’s called poor soldiers in Swedish… makes me feel a bit like a cannibal…
Posted by Gabi on June 7, 2010
I had a pretty good bowl of weatabix. With about 12 table spoons of sugar on. It was mighty good.
I hope you are alright Mark. x
Posted by hornseygirl on June 7, 2010
I am sorry, Mark, it’s been a difficult day.
I experience Omphalophobia (yes, it has a name) – the fear of belly buttons! Especially challenging when you’re pregnant and then caring for a little baby…
Posted by Dawn on June 7, 2010
I have SO MANY phobias!
The biggest one is that I hate eating in front of people!
On my dinner hour at work I sit on my own in the canteen listening to my ipod and reading. Everyone else cram around the tables and all eat together but I just can’t do it.
If someone talks to me while I’m eating, the food gets stuck in my throat and feel like I’m going to choke.
Needless to say, I don’t go out to eat very often because it’s a very painful experience. However, a few weeks ago I went to a pub for lunch with my 2 daughters and my future Son In Law and I was really proud of the fact that I managed NOT to have a panic attack at the table! I still felt very edgy and nervous and was SO relieved when we left the pub.
It’s weird because when my four kids were growing up we always ate together at the table and it didn’t bother me at all.
My favourite thing I ate today was a box of “Mikado” chocolates!
Extra Big Hug To Mark :- xx
Posted by Ally on June 7, 2010
I’m afraid of cotton wool. Well not afraid. I just have an irrational hatred of it. When you rub it between your fingers it SQUEAKS!
This is why I don’t like getting injections, they always make you hold the cotton wool against your arm afterwards. Ick.
I made a banana smoothie just then. That was pretty nice. I put Ice Cream in it and everything
Posted by Aislinn on June 7, 2010
I don’t know if it’s a valid phobia, but I bloody hate the idea of opening my window too far in the summer in case a pigeon flies in. Just the idea alone! Ugh. Makes me shudder!
Posted by Madeleine on June 7, 2010
That is such balls, hope you’re able to clear it up with the individuals.
Today I’ve eaten way too much, because I’ve taken the day off school to work on assignments and there’s too much food in the fridge – Muesli, rice salad, noodles, a banana and a chocolate biscuit.
I also have a phobia of injections Misha! Mine’s pretty much just as bad too, I haven’t actually had one since I was young enough to be held down, because as a child with asthma I used to have drips put in and one time the nurse missed the vein 7 times – it was awful.
So now I can’t even think about needles without getting all panicked and shakey, and the one time I’ve tried to get one since then I freaked out (compltely irrationally) and starting screaming like a moron. Too embarrased to try again.
And then there’s bees. But I think thats completely rational, awful little shits.
Posted by Sarah on June 7, 2010
I have a irrational fear of worms. once my dad told me one was on my shoe and i cried for ten minutes, even after he told me he was joking.
I also had a fantastic farmers omelet (with swiss,hashbrowns, onions and ham) toast and pancakes. it was delightful.
Posted by cailin on June 7, 2010
I’m terrified of cows. Actually terrrified. I have been known to cry at statues of them. Pathetic, right?
I’ve only just woken up, so I can’t say I’ve eaten anything interesting. Just a banananananananananana.
xx
Posted by Lauren on June 7, 2010
I’m scared of giraffes. Haven’t had a bad experience with them or anything, they just look shifty.
Posted by Adam on June 7, 2010
I went to soccer at aid at Old Trafford today. On the way back, stopped at one of the burger vans, asked for a hotdog. Lady chucked in another sausage for free. Asked for meat pie, only charged me about a third of the price. Nice lady.
Posted by Alice on June 7, 2010
Hi Mark,
I’m scared of fish. To the point where I don’t enjoy swimming that much, and very occasionally get freaked out even in the bath. It’s okay, I just take showers and avoid restaurants that think it’s somehow classy to have a huge fishtank in the middle of the dining room.
Did quite well for eating today, had a bacon, spinach and pine nut puff pastry parcel (a mouthfull in all senses) which I made myself. Wasn’t half bad if I do say so myself. Very impressed with DeborahF’s chutney!
Posted by Suz on June 7, 2010
Aw, I’m sorry. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you taking the time to contact them. You’re a good man, Mark Watson.
Nothing special today food-wise, but I’m having girdlebuster pie tomorrow. Biscuit base, ice cream and butterscotch sauce. Mmm.
I have a phobia of being sick and of heights, and -though it’s not really a phobia- I can’t bear touching dry, unvarnished wood. I can’t do it. Ditto sponges.
Posted by Zoe Fell on June 7, 2010
Oh, Mark. *Hugs*
(Be assured that all these e-hugs will come to fruition in Edinburgh. I’m storing them up.)
As Misha said, we spotted it and did a little digging. It did say on the ents24 website that the show last night was cancelled, look: http://twitpic.com/1um1e1
I was at work today (it’s all money for the Fringe, I don’t mind starting on a Sunday at 8am, honestly *twitch*) so had to have my breakfast on my way in. It consisted of a slightly stale Farley’s Rusk and some milk. At the age of 19, I have turned into a very small child. Lunch was a Bacon Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich, some ready salted crisps and some Irn Bru. Then after what seemed like a very long afternoon, it was 5:15 and I was allowed to go home. Home to tea, which was slightly burnt pork, a boiled potato, some cabbage and lashings of gravy. Yum.
As for phobias, I really don’t like clowns. There’s something extremely unnerving about it. I had the same problem with Mr Blobby when I was growing up. He scared the living daylights out of me.
EDIT: That hug up there ^^ comes courtesy of both myself and Katie. In her excitement/flustered-ness, she forgot to put a hug in her comment. She’s popped into mine to join in the hugging. How lovely.
xo
Posted by Hannah Mae on June 7, 2010
I don’t think I’ve really eaten a proper meal all day. Just had a glass of orange juice and a packet of Twiglets.
Weirdest phobia is maybe answering the phone. It’s odd because I quite like talking to people in person, but I rarely answer landlines. Something to with not knowing who’s ringing?
I too got quite worried when I read ‘Cancellation Notice’! Do hope everything’s ok. xx
P.S. Thanks for your Twitter reply earlier and the No More Women clarification. It impressed my brother greatly and meant I won!
Posted by helen (@iamanicelady) on June 7, 2010
Today I ate carrot cake FOR BREAKFAST.
I don’t have any major phobias but as I am so confidently claiming the ‘best meal’ prize, I’m not too bothered about being unable to add to the conversation in that sense.
xx
Posted by DeborahF on June 7, 2010
Today I opened a jar of my spiced apple chutney I made last October and it was delicious (with walnut bread and extra extra mature cheddar)
My only phobia is a fear of spiders so really boring. However, I really hate stirring powder in a metal pan with a wooden spoon which is a bit weird – but a pain if you’re making custard or any kind of white sauce.
Posted by Jamie on June 7, 2010
Chilli con carne with guacamole, whilst watching the footy.
Just also read your article on pesimism, and now I’m thinking that you might cancel the Stoke gig as a one-to-one comedy show might not work??
Posted by Carl on June 7, 2010
I had glorious Fish and Chips in 60 Million Postcards in Bournemouth (highly suggest you try it) and bought a cupcake for my girlfriend. Great day.
I hope things are OK mate.
Posted by Catherine on June 7, 2010
Mark, who could be mad at you, really? I’m sure you will work it out.
Food – I am getting ready to eat some biscuits with Nutella. “Nirvana”
Phobia – I hate sitting on upholstered furniture or walking barefoot on carpet or rugs. My apartment has wood floors and a leather sofa. Just thinking about it makes my teeth grind.
Cathy
Posted by Helen on June 7, 2010
I’m not good at hugging people I don’t actually know so I’m afraid I can’t say the same as Rachel. General feelings of ‘hope things are okay-ness’ however, I shall dispense. Now.
I ate a muller fruit corner which I mainly bought because I am rather taken with the advert of a cow on a beach. I ate some other things but they don’t involve purchasing because of advertisement indoctrination so I won’t mention.
By the way, when I read ‘cancellation notice’ on the list bit at the side before the blog came up (yes I have been refreshing and checking for the last few minutes before bedtime) I was very scared you were cancelling the blog and I honestly felt worried – I didn’t realise I’ve become quite so attached to this blog, very glad it was not what I feared. x
Posted by Dani on June 7, 2010
There was definitely mild panic on Twitter, hope everything is well, *hugs* .
Today i ate pasta and pesto together with a chicken kiev, they did not complement each other at all!
Posted by Kathryn on June 6, 2010
The last meal I had was an Innocent smoothie and a pop-tart. I consider myself well fed.
It gets very tense on twitter waiting for the blog, sometimes with a mild sense of panic and worry that something untoward has happened.
Weird phobias: buttons, 5ps, something going into my eye.
Posted by Joanna on June 6, 2010
Aw, hope everything’s alright with you all. *hugs* all round.
Today I had a Pot Noodle for the first time in about 7 years. Not the best meal ever, but still quite a thrill. Oh, and some tomato soup which I managed to explode all over the hob.
Posted by (Magnificent) Josh on June 6, 2010
I kicked something metaphorical if it makes you feel better
Posted by Charles Commins on June 6, 2010
ooohh, I had lasagne cooked by my rather excellent girlfriend.
she’s rather good at times you know.
Posted by Emmy on June 6, 2010
Oh, Mark. I’m sorry. Hug?
I didn’t eat anything interesting today, but had friends over for dinner yesterday and made rice, peanut stew, and tomato salad. It went down a storm. And there was cherry strudel for afters. Happy tums all around.
Posted by (Magnificent) Josh on June 6, 2010
I feel bad for you Mark, it’s never good to feel like you’ve let anyone down.
I’d write more but then I’d miss out on saying FIRST
MAHA, I’d like you to talk about the magic of compasses
(if this isn’t first I’ll kick something)
Posted by Misha on June 6, 2010
Having sat up panicking about this i’m really quite relieved now.
For what it’s worth, Zoe and myself have been trying to prove it couldn’t have been your fault all evening.
So, make conversation you say?
Food today unexciting, but I have a phobia of injections.
Beat that.
Seriously, I panicked so much in the doctors the other day (with vallium) that they had to give up after I leapt across the room and tried to hide in the corner.
Posted by Charles Commins on June 6, 2010
Well, I don’t know any other famous person that would do such an honourable thing. Good on you Mark and I hope that the two people in question will be thankful for the emails =)
Posted by rachel (pandora) on June 6, 2010
hope you and family are alright mark. *hug* for you.
i ate a roast dinner today, and an all-day-breakfast sandwich. om nom nom.
Posted by Katie on June 6, 2010
Oh Mark. I hope everything’s ok. We have been slightly flustered.
Today I had a cheese and onion sandwich, and it was shit.
x