The winner takes it all
This weekend saw the final of Over The Rainbow, the BBC series in which a selection of massive-eyed, desperate girls competed for the role of Dorothy in a new West End production of The Wizard of Oz, presided over by Andrew Lloyd-Webber. For many people, the above sentence summarises most of what is awful about the BBC, light entertainment, and the world in general. OK, we’re all now accustomed to the fact that it is not possible for anyone to be hired in any field of life these days without having won the job via a TV reality show – it feels increasingly as if not just the pop stars you listen to, but the estate agents who show you round houses, staff at the bank, your headmaster, all have probably been picked via a public vote following a lot of tears and montages of their ‘best bits’. But even if you indulge the public’s mania for competition shows, this is really pushing it. Week after week of stage-school girlies simpering through songs from The Wizard of Oz in absolutely-never-been-to-Kansas RADA accents, clicking their heels together, emoting through whiter than white teeth, and pausing every twenty seconds to reassure the public that they are desperate, absolutely desperate, to be Dorothy.
And sure ’Over The Rainbow’ was all these things and worse; it was one of the most cringe-making spectacles in recent TV history. But I can only say that with authority because I did watch quite a bit of it.
There are all kinds of excuses I could make. I could tell you I don’t really like watching much comedy on TV, because it immediately puts me in a work mentality; the sound of an audience laughing is about as relaxing and welcoming to me as, if you work in an office, the sound of a photocopier whirring would be to you. I could also talk about the simple joy of cuddling up to one’s wife with a bottle of wine and watching something that requires no mental engagement or effort at all. This would be all true. But there has to be something else that makes me enjoy, or at least give time of day to, shows of this kind, even though I don’t like musicals, don’t like the kind of pop music that emerges from talent shows, and don’t even really approve of them as a genre of TV. What is it? Is it simply that I love watching people flay themselves in the pursuit of their dreams and eventually have their hopes shattered?
Well, in short, yes, that’s exactly what it is. The fact is, I just love competition. The same impulse that makes me warm to any football match within seconds - even sticking my head out of the train window to watch a few seconds of action in a park game as I whizz past – is enough to make me see a line-up of twelve singing girls and, in moments, go from thinking ‘who gives a shit about this?’ to ‘if Stephanie doesn’t win I’m going to shoot myself!’ I honestly think if I saw two ants climbing up a wall I’d immediately start rooting for one of them to win. And if possible find someone else to bet against me.
Life’s competitive, my friends; we may not like it, but it is. That being the case, we may as well be as shameless and unapologetic as possible about enjoying the pain and joy of competition when it’s served up by other people. None of these shows is really about the actual activity that’s showcased; nobody really wants to see 19-year-olds record albums full of bad versions of ’Ain’t That A Kick In The Head’, nobody cares who gets to be in West End shows, nobody (in the case of The Apprentice) gives two hoots who works for Amstrad. But we do want to see people win and – far more – people lose.
And on that note I should mention there are a couple of competitions still hanging in the air. I’ve got quite a bit of admin outstanding with this blog, as well as the important task of writing something that does justice to the momentous trip to Senegal. I’ll get round to it. Thanks for still being there. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I can see two ladybirds on a drainpipe. GO ON FOUR-SPOTS! KILL HIM!!!!
Posted by Knox on May 24, 2011
Huzzah – a year behind exactly!
I remember really enjoying x-factor back when it was still pop idol, and the whole family getting excited about who would win. Now, if I do see any, I just want to smack Louis Walsh’s self-satisfied nonsense-spoting face.
I do love seeing the earlier competition, where you have some real unexpected talent from people who, at first glance, you think are going to be the more pathetic efforts. But it’s outweighed by the derision of people who obviously have some degree of learning difficulty/personality disorder, by simon cowell leering over all the money he’ll make from his latest singing cash cow, and by the overlooking of talent in favour of popularity.
Not wanting to end on quite such a bitter and twisted note, though, this is one of my favourite outcomes from one of those shows. Ainslie Henderson was on Pop Academy, but I first heard about him as the co-writer on one of my favourite Jason Mraz songs, Clockwatching. Via Jason Mraz, I found AH’s website, and discovered one of the most beautifully and lovingly put-together albums that I have heard possibly in the last decade. You can hear some here:
http://www.ainsliemusic.com/index2.htm
But just going by the show, he would have been remembered for this (*shakes head*):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpynQtb5cNg
So, sometimes not winning is a pretty cool outcome, I reckon.
Posted by Sajid AA Helpdesk on May 27, 2010
This is a test on browser Google Chrome
Posted by Ed Holroyd on May 27, 2010
Lisa, you might be able to see the missing blogs at:
http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/2010/05/25/the-questions-run-too-deep-for-such-a-simple-man/
and
http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/2010/05/26/into-africa/
They tend to appear on http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/feed/ even when they don’t appear on the front page.
Posted by James on May 27, 2010
Lisa, it looks like something funky is going on with the blog page, as I too can’t see anything newer than this one. However if you go to the following address, you can see the article for the 25th, and changing the last bit to 26 will give yuo the article for 26th…
http://www.markwatsonthecomedian.com/web/2010/05/25
James
Posted by lisa brunders on May 27, 2010
Oh no, missing 2 days now, that’s never happened and I can’t seem to get on twitter either! What is going on?
Posted by Amanda on May 26, 2010
Hi Mark
Hope you enjoyed your journey today on Virgin Trains regards from all the crew.
Posted by lisa brunders on May 26, 2010
I’m having trouble again. This is the last blog I can see. I’ve had this a few times, but they usually appear later. Maybe it’s because I’m on a mobile?
Posted by Lizzie on May 26, 2010
I watched it but mainly I liked singing along.
Posted by Aislinn on May 26, 2010
I agree with the excitement of watching it for the losing/winning, but I have a slight issue:
For things like the X-Factor, the competition part surely isn’t an element at all? I mean, we get to vote, but there’s a huge flaw. The contestants (bless ‘em) are given certain songs and certain outfits by people working in the show, and then the judges remark on how something may have been ‘a bad choice’ when the contestant had no say – which hugely influences the voter. And if that wasn’t enough, the judges get to pick which one actually goes home anyway.
Posted by Kate B on May 25, 2010
I have to admit I have also been watching Over the Rainbow. I did get a little bit competitive about it, I quickly discovered a few who I wanted to leave the show but didn’t really care who won it overall. But I think the main reason I found the time to watch 3 or 4 episodes is because of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s amazing hand gestures and facial expressions, honestly I could watch him all day, he is hilarious.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 25, 2010
Definite flaw in my argument there…
Posted by Rachael on May 25, 2010
Will Young won.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 25, 2010
@ Ben Draper. Remember Will Young? runner up? Heard about Diana Vickers new album? Runner up. OK generally you’re right they just kinda vanish but there a couple of exceptions, I guess if the talent is really there etc…
The other immense problem I have with these shows is the fact that every contestent looks identical. How come these shows never get criticized in the same way beauty pageants and all that stuff do? Ok, apparently it’s about the singing but I think there is surely come kinda of filter for these kinda shows.
x
Posted by helen (@iamanicelady) on May 25, 2010
Isn’t competition intrinsic in human nature? Going way back to when if you were the worst at hunting you died. Now we have tesco and subway there’s no need for competitive hunting so now we have singing competitions instead. And it gives less athletically inclined people a go at competition, if you’re good at something then I think it’s natural to want to let other people you’re good at it too. Especially when you can win something by being good at something. Even if it is a tacky pair of glittery shoes that Andrew Lloyd Webber has been clutching possessively to his chest for weeks…
It’s also a chance to pass judgement on people who are clearly more talented than i am. Not in a particularly bitter and twisted way, but just because I can’t hit that note in tune doesn’t mean I can’t point out when someone else doesn’t manage it either.
As for me, I get quite competitive at the gym and so do lots of others, but as we’re all aware of it and joke about it in the changing rooms, it can’t be a bad thing, can it? Except from when I nearly did myself a mischief in a weights class in order to keep up with a lady that I really don’t like. But even then it pushed me to work a bit harder and the next class I didn’t need her and her abhorrent personality there to do the same again.
This unintentionally turned into quite a long comment. But is it the longest..? What do I win, what do I win?!
Posted by Ben Draper on May 25, 2010
I always think that people who get quite close to winning these sorts of shows, the second or third place people, will never be able to forget their experience in the show, they will always be the Britain’s Got Talent runners up and, as a result, lose all credibility as an employee. I always hope it’s musical or business or thespian glory, otherwise it’s poverty, obscurity and alienation for life.
It gives me a real kick when they lose. Like it’s the risk you take for a fast track to success.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 25, 2010
Wow, cheers Sue that looks awesome! Genuinely would have so much more respect for a comedian preparing new material every week that needs to be original and funny etc… as opposed to singing somebody else’s song.
Shame it didn’t appear on my TV, looks like another American TV show to add to this list of shows that have come out of the US that seem to completely bypass UK TV.
Also I’m pretty sure most people do watch those shows because people have dreams shattered and cry on live TV, otherwise the presenters and producers wouldn’t go to such great length to build them up so much then make such a big deal out of them not getting into the next round.
x
Posted by Rachel on May 25, 2010
I’m quite competitive, mostly over petty pathetic stuff like getting a higher grade than somebody I don’t like (yes, I know it’s shameful…) And as several people have already pointed out, it’s Eurovision this weekend, which I’ll definitely be watching
Also, am I the only one that found the search for Toto more interesting than the search for Dorothy? Just wondering…
Posted by Rachael on May 25, 2010
I always end up watching BGT and then at the end of the program I wonder why I bothered, there is never enough Ant and Dec.
Posted by Rosanna on May 25, 2010
I can’t stand reality shows… I see them quite a bit as my family watch them but can never get into them at all – they’re so manufactured and predicatble (and DULL). Still sort-of watching BGT but am rapidly starting to hate it (“I don’t think you’re a good singer [pause] I think you’re a fantastic singer”)
Anyway, as a couple of other people have said it’s eirovusion this weekend and I’ll definately be watching that.
Also this year it’s been the first time I’ve really stayed up to watched the election coverage. It’s a bit like a really good reality show but with a result that actually matters. Also I was quite surprised at how similar it was to eurovision. hmmm maybe we should change our electoral system to the eurovision voting system…
Or maybe not.
Posted by Anji on May 25, 2010
I quite like some reality shows. And others I have never watched and really don’t mind. I only watched one of the make it to the west end, when it was Joesph and Lee Mead won. I did also get to see him in the technicolour dream coat.
Most the time with things such as x factor and BGT I spend most my time wondering who out of their family told them they had any talent and should ‘go for it’. Sometimes the support would be better put to not making them the laughing stock of daytime tv for a week.
And with big brother looming over us again, and assuming all the ‘contestants’ are just trying for a quick fix fame tag – I’ll refuse to watch to start with, and then get caught up in it all towards the end, backing the non-winner, becuase I’ll feel sorry for them and sympathise with them.
Posted by Sue on May 25, 2010
@ SirChrisOfBumpstead There is no need to imagine it, there is such a show for comedians.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Comic_Standing
I hardly watch any reality TV, because I don’t like seeing people upset, unhappy or hurt. I can’t even watch Funniest Home Videos because I cringe and have to look away every time I think someone is about to fall over.
Posted by Laura on May 25, 2010
I’m the same as you, Mark: I’ll happily turn absolutely anything into a competition. It does, however, render the concept of innocent fun totally obsolete in my house and, as a result, my partner and I don’t play games in case he wins.
I love all those Lloyd Webber shows but only when they start singing show tunes. The precise reason I won’t watch X Factor is the awful versions of awful pop songs; at least with shows of the Dorothy oeuvre, they are trained singers singing songs they have been specifically trained to sing. What’s not to like, unless you hate musicals? I wanted Steph to win from the first show but, alas, it was not to be. That said, I didn’t vote, and have only ever voted in Strictly and for Lee to win the Joseph comp.
I refuse point blank, however, to sink to watching tripe like Big Brother. People who win competitions solely for being the least/most offensive are a total anathema to me.
Posted by glamlovinkitty on May 25, 2010
I’ve never seen this Dorothy kack, except for a few moments of it by accident, and I sat open gobbed that any normal, breathing human could tolerate it, before searching frantically for the remote.
I never watch any reality tv shows, I hate them all.
In the spirit of supporting competition, however, I will (as always) be watching the Eurovision this weekend. Assume you will be too.
Posted by Madeleine on May 25, 2010
I am tremendously compeditive, untill the moment to competition finishes. I go from “IF I DON’T WIN THIS DIVEBOMBING COMPETITION RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS POOL” to “gosh, wasn’t that fun, lets get an icypole” (I used the least athletic competition I could think of. I am terrible at any sport that takes skill)
I also immediatly pick a side in any game or test and get behind that person/team 100%. Its the reason I spend two weeks of my school holidays a year watching tennis. I just have to see Federer wipe the smile of goddamn Rafiel Nadals face (this may be more because of my extremely irrational dislike of Nadal. He seems lovely, but whenever I watch him play I just want to spit). Also why during world cup I’m falling asleep at school because I had to stay up untill 4 in the morning watching a game that I don’t fully understand and that my country is just terrible at.
The only game I can’t get behind is Australian rules football. It’s simply ridiculous.
Posted by Vicus Scurra on May 25, 2010
I ain’t gunna watch it, no matter what you say. I am alarmed that you watch this tripe. If you need an evening of banality, talentless exhibitionism and absence of aesthetic stimulation, I am available. You won’t even need to feed me. Let me know.
Posted by Simon on May 25, 2010
C’MON SIX-SPOTS!!!!
Posted by Megan on May 25, 2010
I love participating in a competition, though I’m having to overcome the ‘BUT I WANNA WIN’ attitude I generally have because I’m shite at running and doing a half-marathon this weekend. Gah. If I finish in one piece, I will be very surprised. (It seemed such a good idea in October when I signed up.)
Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit are blood sports in my family, though. And my pub quiz team’s lack of dedication (in that they aren’t available every Sunday, so we don’t play every week) really gets on my nerves.
As for television competition, eh. I’ll admit to getting into the Euro and World Cups and, to my moderate shame, the Olympics. I love an underdog too; if England are eliminated early this year, I will probably follow the team that no one expected to make it to the quarters (that’ll be fun if it’s, like, North Korea). During the last World Cup, we were the only table in the pub rooting for France in the final. We nearly crawled out, such was our shame. Fucking Zidane.
We had “How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria?” show here too, but I never watched it. I think it went over huge, though.
Posted by Beth (Bloomability) on May 25, 2010
One of the girls from Over The Rainbow was from our town (Bronte, I think?) …so obviously you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing a poster of her perfectly shiny and airbrushed face tied to a lamp-post, or blutacked up in a shop window. It was quite surprising how quickly they were all taken down just after she was voted off.
I felt as if I should be watching and rooting for her during the time she was on the show, but I can never seem to get into this kind of thing. I should have been the perfect viewer: a teenage girl who loves musicals, and is willing to spend money voting for something she won’t care about in 6 weeks time. But they tend to just bore me (or make me wonder what is wrong with this country). I’m rarely competitive and usually get quite embarrassed if I win something!
Sorry, I’ve just read back and that was quite long. But for the amount of comments I have had taken away from me at the cruel hands of BAD_POOL_CALLER I hope you don’t mind too much ^_^
Posted by Maddie on May 25, 2010
I didn’t watch this one, as have not watched very much tele at all due to uni work etc. I did hear something about taking off shoes when they lose?
Great blog Mark, I too love a good bit of competition.
Posted by Kathryn on May 25, 2010
I get very competitive about everything. Arguments were constant whenever we played board games as children- I always tried to cheat. One of my friends still hasn’t forgiven me for keeping score of whether I beat her in exams each year. It’s good though, it keeps you motivated (as previously mentioned in your blog about motivation, if I’m not mistaken).
I could never watch the Dorothy show, quite a few of the girls were ever so slightly flat on the high notes. I sound like such a music snob, but it was genuinely painful to listen to. Didn’t mean that to sound so pretentious… And I had to study musicals last year, and it only added to my pre-existing contempt.
Posted by Steph on May 25, 2010
Great blog today
I love competition. I’m a nightmare at quizzes. And I’m glad Danielle won. Hated Lauren…eww.
Looking forward to Eurovision this week! HA!
Posted by LisaD on May 24, 2010
My reality show weakness is Project Runway. I like the intensity of it, and seeing people with talent go after something they want without having to stab each other in the back makes it…still kinda gross empirically, but downright heroic by reality tv standards. Of course it’s been on a few years so although there is a higher ability range among the designers, there is also the trade off of people who are less excited about the design challenge that week than coming up with the new catch phrase to sweep, well if not the nation at least the nation’s gay community.
Still, even while getting the guilty pleasure aspect I just cannot get behind the shows that cast for Broadway and the West End the same way the “Idol” shows do. I’m not saying those girls don’t have talent, I just know way too many actors struggling and sweating and putting their heart and soul into their work, only to see a bunch of amateurs reach the same goal by short cut. Like winning the marathon by hailing a taxi to the finish line, it might present it’s own challenges (a cab on marathon day? well done!) but it’s still a cheat. Also, I’m with people on the creepy factor of young girls prostrating themselves in front of Lloyd Webber and handing him their 3 inch high heeled shoes.
Posted by MusicalLottie on May 24, 2010
I only watched Dorothy because my sister’s friend’s sister is Steph, so we were rooting for her – though I was only rooting for her because I genuinely thought she was the best all-rounder, but I preferred the voices of some of the other girls.
Mark, you make a good point about the competitive spirit. Thankfully I haven’t the time to allow myself to be drawn into these shows; I only know what goes on from what the rest of my family watch. The reality / talent shows, when they first started, had me hooked, and I actually quite enjoyed them. But now I’ve become more cynical and I think the overload of reality / talent shows has drained my competitive spirit. I only have enough left for snooker!
Posted by Sam on May 24, 2010
I found this series particularly unsettling and more than a little sinister.
A lot of the girls were only 16 or 17 and were being dressed up and sneered at. Then being judged on whether they accurately told the story of a pop song, a lot of which had overtly sexual overtones to them.
I think it just went a bit far this year and was quite creepy.
At least I found it creepy, but then again that could have something to do with Graham Norton.
Posted by Sobeen on May 24, 2010
Haha this is the reason I stopped watching reality/competition shows. Sure, they’re fun to watch while the show’s still running, but once they’re over…what’s the point?
But growing up with two older brothers, I definitely understand what it’s like to be competitive.
Posted by Joanna on May 24, 2010
I do exactly the same thing. First episode of any talent show and I’ve picked out my favourite and set them apart from the others as the one to win. In Over the Rainbow that one was Steph, who didn’t quite make the final. In Junior Apprentice I’m rooting for Tim. I do it every time. And I love it.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 24, 2010
Yeah these shows are quite addictive, there’s a reason I don’t let myself get into them in the first place.
Charlie Brooker did a good YHBW section on it once a couple of weeks ago and I don’t think I could take any of them seriously any more!
x
Posted by Corey on May 24, 2010
I went up to a mates at half time of the Champions League final on Saturday night expecting to watch the second half with him and his family. However, I did not know that it was also the final of the Wizardy Of Oz thingy, which was being shown at their home. I was shocked initially that I was going to miss the game, but was far more fascinated in the end by how eager my mate and his wife were for one of the ‘Dorothys’ to win, they were so keen for the eventual winner to triumph that I found myself upset that the other girl didn’t get the vote just to see their reaction.
It didn’t help with me sniggering every time there was a embarrassing shot of Lloyd Webber on screen followed by sarcastic comment from.
My fav bit though was when the red shoes were offered to the victor like she was being presented with the FA Cup trophy!.
Small bit of admin:, I’m so happy my ketchup has been bought by the excellent Jon Richardson, he obviously appreciates good sauce if he hears about it. Gutted I couldn’t come to the show, sounded great!.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 24, 2010
When it comes to sports day, it’s not about winning, its about taking a day off from actual work. I don’t think I’ve ever won anything, in fact I don’t even remember being picked for a team but I still love sport and a good kick about on a Sunday afternoon etc.
I can’t stand TV talent shows. If they are that good at singing and are that dedicated, they can make it the hard way through doing hours of gigs in venues they hate for years like all other aspiring artists then we can find out who really wants to play whatever. Can you imagine if they did one for comedians?! These singers don’t write their own ‘stuff’!
x
Posted by Anna Lowman on May 24, 2010
I’ve enjoyed the previous series of make/find a west end star, but this one left me cold because I didn’t feel anyone was quite right, and so couldn’t get behind any of them. As a neutral spectator I could admire the skill but ultimately didn’t care who won and so didn’t enjoy it so much – which, I suppose, backs up your thesis, really.
Posted by Kate W on May 24, 2010
You reminded me of Damon Runyan there: “Sky Masterson, the highest player of ‘em all. Once, with my own eyes, I saw him bet fifty bucks that one raindrop’d beat another raindrop down the window.”
I haven’t been watching the Dorothies and was quite pleased to get back from holiday and realise it was all over. Not that I’m immune to competitive shows – I’ve watched quite a bit of The Apprentice and am addicted to Project Runway and (more shamefully) America’s Next Top Model. I think Lord Lloyd Webber’s gurning and the whole shoe ritual’s just more than I can quite take. I get fearsomely competitive about quizzes….
Posted by Laurs on May 24, 2010
I’m loving the fact that someone has finally voiced in public a reason to watch programmes like this (not that I do, stopped watching most reality shows about five years ago!) There can be no other reason, it’s not even as if most people who voted for Dorothy will actually even make it to the West End to see her perform!!
Great blog again Mark, competition is awesome! x
Posted by Misha on May 24, 2010
I’ve never got these programme’s, or indeed team sports; because I just don’t get competetiveness. In 14 years of formal education i’ve never won a sports day event and only once or twice won in the end of term quiz.
I think year 9 summer interform really did it (sports day). We we’re doing athletics, and no-one else would take part from my team. So I ran in pretyt much ever race. And then fainted from exhaustion at the end. We came last. Any competetive spirit I had died.
Ahh school.
Posted by SirChrisOfBumpstead on May 24, 2010
First post! Great day. Great blog. Nothing wrong with being competitive, just the lack of competition in prime time TV.
We still doing the ‘I choose next blog’ thing?
x