Mark Watson the Comedian

The Very Late Review: Episode Two

April 13, 2010 | 107 comments

And now welcome back to the just-about-weekly feature in which I, Mark Watson, invite you the readers to review a large number of things which I’ve either failed to discover for myself, or am struggling to form an opinion on, or just want to stir up some debate about. There was a tremendous response once more to last week’s call for criticism. Once again, I’ve not been able to include all the great critics by name, but I’ve mentioned a fair few. As ever, each item has been given a ’Marksensus’ based on averaging out your findings, and a score. In this show (not really a show, a blog, but you can see what I’ve done here) we’ll be taking a look at what you thought of – among others – Gorillaz’s new album, guinea pigs, and Toblerone. But first…

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – ‘Oddly annoying, big face, secretly tall, this woman is hard to get a grasp on,‘ remarked Josh, summarizing the feelings of many. Likewise, Jamie, in one of my favourite comments of the week: ‘At first I found her quite irritating, but then I’m a sucker for irritating women so I started to like her.’

The hyperactive, bug-eyed host found quite a lot of friends on our panel, including Linsey who vowed that she ‘loved her, and would defend her to the last’. Beth, and many others, reported ‘a happy, fuzzy feeling’ when Winkleman appears on the box. Steph fantasised about having her as a personal cheerleader. However, some, including Anna, complained about her habit of playing dumb, or her excessive zaniness; some were alarmed by her general level of enthusiasm, with Adele predicting that she would explode one day; and there was a strong feeling that her fringe is impractically long. ‘It’s always in her eyes, does that not bother her?’ lamented Sarah. A couple bemoaned her appointment as Film 2010 host, but others countered that for a long time, Film 2010 has been the frothiest and most sycophantic of shows anyway. There were two comments about her allegedly liking to lick people’s faces. The harshest review was from John who longed to ‘pop her in a vacuous idiot bin’. Overall, then, a far from united front on Winkleman, but a pretty good overall score (for what it‘s worth, I‘ve met her a couple of times, and I think she deserves it).

After you’ve read the rest of this, why not check out Rick Procter’s Youtube channel (as advertised last week) where he’s gone one better with a video piece on Winkleman’s Film 2010 appointment.

Marksensus: An unsettling, slightly full-on, sometimes irritating, but overall likeable presenter and person. With a very long fringe. Marksensus Score (MS): 7.2/10 (NB As I said last week, rating a person out of ten can feel a bit unfair. But as a comedian it happens to me constantly. So I think celebrities can take it.)

MOON – A film I’ve often resolved to watch only for circumstances to get in the way, but a series of glowing reviews confirmed that I will have to make an extra effort. It bagged no fewer than five 10/10 ratings and was praised for ‘making you want to have a serious discussion’ (Nicki), being an ‘amazing first feature’ (Megan), and even ‘being only 90 minutes long, which is much appreciated as I am an old woman with two children and hardly ever have two hours to myself’ (the 33-year-old Amanda). Not everyone thought it perfect, but almost everyone agreed it was well worth seeing (with only one finding it disappointing), and it becomes the highest-scoring Very Late Review candidate to date.

Marksensus: Atmospheric, thought-provoking and highly enjoyable latter-day sci-fi movie. MS: 8.3/10.

BUNGEE-JUMPING – Not surprisingly, a big division between those who describe it as ‘something everyone should have the opportunity to do’ (Dave, who did it in NZ, ‘the land of almost killing yourself for fun‘) and those who condemn as it the practice of mentalists. Among these, Joelle went so far as to give it minus one hundred out of ten, which was adjusted to zero in the interests of fairness and consistency. Corey, for his ten-year challenge, is planning to do the world’s biggest bungee jump, in Hong Kong, but on the other hand Emma ‘would take some persuading to do it again’. Naturally, some people’s opinions were based on speculation – Hannah gave it 7/10 based on having seen people do it on ‘Coach Trip – but thanks to the slightly stupid democracy of The Very Late Review, their opinions count just as much as bungee veteran Rick, who warned that it’s ‘over very quickly’, although the ‘I’m-going-to-die rush’ is pretty strong while it lasts. A couple of people said it wasn’t as good as sky-diving.

Marksensus: Most people who’ve done it loved it, but a majority of people will almost definitely never do it. Adrenalin-heavy but unwise. MS: 6.0/10.

GUINEA-PIGS: An emotive area. Pandora raised the stakes right at the start by posting a cute picture and wowing neutrals with the name Notorious P.I.G. But soon afterwards, a furious Matt raged that these squeaky creatures were ‘odious creatures’ and ‘the most demoralizing pets imaginable’. He criticized guinea-pigs for ‘not doing anything interactive’, in contrast to Ben Draper and several others who rated them above hamsters in that regard. Debate continued to rage. Joanna crushingly described the guinea pig as the ‘poor man’s rabbit’, in one of the week’s best put-downs, and Alf even suggested cutting the ears off a rabbit to make one. Biffolot wasn’t a huge fan, but also prefaced every other review with ‘not a huge fan’. But then Bloomability hailed them as ‘by far the awesomest creatures to roam the earth’. There were some balanced reviews, like the one from Alex who applauded them but warned that they ‘take about five years to realise you’re not going to kill them when you pick them up’, but most people came down strongly one side or the other. Overall, there were just about more in favour than against.

Marksensus: Agreeable alternative to hamsters, occasionally boring, but armed with a charming squeak; liable to die quickly. MS: 6.8/10

PLASTIC BEACH by Gorillaz – The latest outing of Damon Albarn’s ingenious cartoon-pop concept ‘band’ scored top marks from a few listeners, like Rose who called it ‘the dog’s testicles’ and Ben Draper who saw it as a ‘master class in eclecticism’. (I’m also grateful to critics who pointed out that there’s a track with Gruff from Super Furry Animals on it, making it mandatory for me to buy it, although I would have anyway, probably.) Magnificent Josh slapped a 9.6 rating on it and provided a link to a more in-depth review, which I recommend. But its overall rating was kneecapped by a couple of 3/10s from listeners who found it had passed them by. Perhaps a bit unfair, as all Gorillaz albums (arguably, all albums full stop) tend to require repeated hearing to get into, but hey, that’s the game.

Marksensus: Typically adventurous, eclectic digi-pop album which will impress many, but leave a few cold. MS 7.2/10

AN EDUCATION – Surprisingly few reviews of this much-talked-about film, and the ones there were, although generally positive, weren’t gushing: Deanna began by saying she ‘really liked it’, but ended up by saying she ‘wouldn’t go out of her way to see it’. In what may be a sign of a good-rather-than-great movie, reviewers admitted external factors had influenced them – one said she’d enjoyed it partly because she was in a good mood and saw it at a nice cinema, another marked it down slightly for being hard to watch while babysitting. But there was high praise from John for its successfully 60s ambience and its portrayal of lots of smoking.

Marksensus: Well-executed coming-of-age film which falls short of greatness. MS 7.5/10

AMERICAN DAD: Our critics, for the most part, rounded savagely on this latest imported family cartoon, many agreeing with Seamus’s heavy judgement that ‘other than money, there is no reason for it to exist’. Seamus was so angry about American Dad that he blamed it for grammatical errors in his post, and he was not the only one moved to fury. ‘A Family Guy ripoff with obnoxious characters,’ said Sarah, and others were equally free with the ’rip-off’ tag. ’What Family Guy would be if it was shit,’ sneered Rick. ’Words cannot convey how much I like this programme,’ blasted Tom Beasley, labelling it an ’abomination’. Seth Macfarlane came in for criticism for rehashing a successful format and for ‘being paid too much’. Some came to the cartoon’s defence, Amycool awarding it a 7 even though she is ’looking forward to a week with something I hate’, and Pandora declaring that she ’genuinely loves it’. But these were in the minority, and all connected with ‘American Dad’ will surely be wincing when this blog appears.

Marksensus: Inferior ‘Family Guy’ copycat, unsatisfactory in most eyes, and criminally so in some. MS 3.4/10.

TOBLERONE: Something of a departure from tradition here, as I have had Toblerone before; I decided to throw it in all the same because it tends to stir up strong feelings. Little did I imagine, though, the depth of some people’s opposition to the oddly-shaped confection. ’Short of putting fruit in it, this is probably the worst use of chocolate,’ judged Sarah. ‘Weak chocolate,’ was Paul O’Regan’s view. It was criticized for sticking in your teeth, for being potentially dangerous to eat, and for its gimmicky shape, which some even found sinister. EllieCat dropped hints that it was sexually aggressive before summarizing ‘in my view, it tastes a bit rubbish’. Even fan Glamlovinkitty found it ‘delicious, but evil’. It was accused of giving Nicky B a migraine, some feat for a chocolate bar.

But Toblerone’s supporters, although less numerous, were equally vocal. ’The world’s best triangular foodstuff,’ raved Ben Draper, who also claimed that Einstein had signed the patent for it. Katie classed it among ‘the wonderful things on this earth’. Mud Man went so far as to say that there was ‘no food that doesn’t taste better as a triangle’. Quite a few people were impressed to the tune of seven or eight out of ten. Overall, though, the novelty Swiss sweet fared badly, departing with insults like ’insane triangular shit’ ringing in its ears.

Marksensus: Eccentically-shaped, gimmicky, sometimes harmful chocolate product. MS: 5.1/10

…and that passionate discussion brings us to the end of this episode. Please keep getting involved, remembering to give a mark out of 10 as well as a review which can be of any length and integrity. I’m slightly reducing the number of categories this week, to cut down the admin for myself, but only slightly. So, get your critical teeth into these:

THE JONAS BROTHERS (band/TV show/general phenomenon that’s happened while I wasn’t concentrating)

I’M NOT THERE (Bob Dylan-themed film)

GOK WAN (person)

DORITOS (corn snacks)

ECSTASY (drug; I’ve never done it)

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show)

PAINTBALL (activity)

…and JERUSALEM (the play, not the hymn or the troubled city) stays open because it only attracted two reviews last time out.

Go! Judge!!

107 comments

Posted by Knox on May 10, 2011

Doritos – I used to really like as a kid, now they make me feel slightly unwell, and they’re packed full of so much crap. 3/10

Gok Wan – sort of indifferent; definitely don’t dislike him like i do trinny/susanna (no idea how to spell their names – i’m tired), but do find him a bit annoying – 4/10

Paintballing – automatically reminds me of the scene in Spaced, which gives it good associations already; i’ve never been but have always wanted to – it just looks like so much fun – 7/10
Posted by Hannah on April 22, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS (band/TV show/general phenomenon that’s happened while I wasn’t concentrating)

The Jonas Brothers epitomize everything I hate about popular music. They rake in the cash and playtime which should go to real artists who produce meaningful and decent music. The children/kids/tweenie/teenagers of today are brainwashed into liking their music as it gets played 24/7, and the alternative scene is being pushed aside and forgotten. 0/10
Posted by Hannah on April 22, 2010

DORITOS (corn snacks)

You know they’re bad for you; but they’re just too moreish. You say, “I’ll just have one.” You eat one. But then the cheese flavoring is left on your fingers. Then you’re hooked as you lick it off. It has ultimate power. Taste combined vs. calorie content: 8/10.

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show)

The first season I watched and that was all right. Different concept and the jokes were amusing. Now, however, even though I don’t watch it, it is on every. single. day. The show, the ads for the show; I can’t escape it. Anyway, the latest season being aired is just weird. The child is a teenager and the jokes are too wrong for PG audiences. And I can tell that from the ads alone. 2/10
Posted by Rick on April 22, 2010

No review for “I’m Not There” I’m afraid, but instead here’s a quick tour of what I have seen so far in 2010:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfisLW4NOY
Posted by Cathy on April 16, 2010

Paintball – did it once with a group of girls from school and the first thing we noticed was that the rest of our comrades and enemies all looked like fully-trained (and equipped) army soldiers. There were no other girls. It was pretty terrifying.

Once we got the headgear and camoflage gear on, though, the only way you could identify your friends was by their footwear. And so the army soldier guys had no idea that the person standing guard by the target was a petrified 17-year-old school girl. I got quite into it actually, I’m not the sort to play violent computer games and stuff but it was a really fun game of strategy and skill. It was like a school Games lesson where you divide into two teams and defend your base… but with paintball guns. Awesome. But the paintballs did hurt.

And Gok Wan – someone suggested to the school council that he should design the school uniform. Unsurprisingly, the suggestion was not implimented.
Posted by John on April 16, 2010

Gok Wan should, perhaps, have stayed fat and introverted until some sort of John the Baptist-style preview act had had the time to prepare everyone for his wild, breast-grabbing, “girlfriend!”-screeching enthusiasm – I, for one, have to have a very long run-up to cope with his sheer joie de vivre. Kudos, however, to him for having reinvented the Trinny and Susannah-dominated world of womenswear shows and for seeming to genuinely believe his own schtick about everyone being beautiful. 7/10

(Somehow, I managed to use three pairs of commas in that reviewette. Dear me.)

Paintball is something I’ve only experienced in a grotty warehouse in Angel, and I’m assured by various devotees that if I were to get involved with some, you know, trees and that when trying to graffiti my friends I might enjoy it more. I’m happy to believe that this might be the case, but even in calming bucolic surroundings I can’t believe that paintballing would be any less expensive, painful and staffed by psychotic types. The gentleman who masterminded the session which I attended took great pleasure in getting unfairly involved in the game by using his fucking ridiculous machine-gun style paintball weapon, and subsequently told everyone a story about how he’d paid $5 in Cambodia to be allowed one minute of shooting chickens with an AK47. No, really. These people shouldn’t be allowed out without leg-irons. 2/10 (purely on the basis of the calming potential of rural PBing)
Posted by amycool on April 15, 2010

GOK WAN (person) – When he first appeared on the scene, he was a refreshing change from Trinny and Susannah and seemed to really care about the women and want to increase their self-esteem rather than trying to change how they look for the sake of others. I’m sure he still does that, and seems like a lovely person, but the trademark voice intonation is really starting to grate. 8/10

DORITOS (corn snacks) – One of only two crisps to make me retch without even putting one in my mouth (the other is those weird parsnip crisps). Consequently, I have never eaten one and avoid people who have in the last 30 minutes. 0/10

Hooray! Something I hate!
Posted by Alex on April 15, 2010

Forgot to rate the Jonas Brothers… 4/10, I think.
Posted by Alex on April 15, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS
Awful. The only people I know of who like them only do so ‘ironically’, which is never a good sign. Plus, they wear purity rings, which gets on my tits. And date people like the equally awful Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift.

GOK WAN
I know I shouldn’t, but I actually quite like Gok Wan. 6/10

DORITOS
Yuk. But I still eat them. 3/10

ECSTASY
Don’t do drugs, kids. 1/10 (One point because my understanding is that it can be quite fun. But it can kill you.)

PAINTBALL
Before I begin I feel I should point out that I am actually quite an outdoor-sy person. I love rock climbing, I’ve done various zip-wire-over-small-gorge based activities, I’ve river trekked, assault coursed, and canoeing is the only sport I’ve ever been any good at. That being said, words cannot describe how much I loathe paintballing. There will invariably be some pre-pubescent boys and fat middle aged men on the opposite team, all of whom feel they have something to prove, particularly when they are faced by a team of girls in their early twenties. I personally find it almost impossible to accurately aim at anything smaller than a medium sized tree, giving a massive sense of frustration and pointlessness to the whole activity. The ridculous masks steam up every ten seconds, and you can’t take them off to de-steam them because then someone will shout at you and tell you you’re going to go blind. More than anything else, however, paintballing just HURTS! I have never had such unpleasant or long lasting bruises than I did the first time I paint-balled, the worst ones lasted two months. The second time I went I pretty much hid for the whole game. I finally built up the courage to come out from behind my barricade and was instantly shot in the only place not under about 6 layers of clothing- the ends of my fingers. It was at that point that I took myself out of the game and went and sat in the sun. I won’t be going again. 0/10
Posted by Sarah on April 15, 2010

I’m Not There: Confusing, frustrating, swathes of brilliance, ridiculous, meaningful, contrary, moving, shallow… Just like Dylan. Also Cate Blanchett’s playing of Bob is uncanny. 7.5/10

The Jonas Brothers: No thanks.

Gok Wan: Amazingly has mastered the ‘skill’ of simultaneously empowering and demeaning his victims/patients/fans. Split part way between a figurehead for those against the fascistic (?) elements of the beauty/fashion industries, and secret apologist for brutal aesthetic hierachy. Or alternatively just someone presenting a TV show, the format of which is nothing to do with him. At least he’s a bit interesting. 6/10.
Posted by Mud Man on April 15, 2010

Doritos – Counteracting my earlier argument that ‘all food tastes better as triangles’, Square crisps are clearly the best. 5/10.
Posted by Rose on April 15, 2010

Doritos: There’s better. 4.

Ecstasy: If you need drugs to escape your reality, why not use the money (otherwise spent on drugs) to alter that reality? 0

Two and a half men: Addictive, to say the least. Can’t believe it’s American as nothing is sacred. It’s clearly aimed at a male audience, yet I know quite a few ladies who enjoy the show. 7

Paintball: Maybe it’s the female in me but running around pretending to get shot and shoot other people? Play war? 1 (still, not as bad as drugs).
Posted by Someone on April 14, 2010

PS Jonas Brothers are commercialised idiots. I give them zippo. They don’t deserve a review.
Posted by Someone on April 14, 2010

Two And a Half Men – Something to keep the tellybox occupied when nothing else is on I suppose, if nothing else. Another one of MANY mediocre American shiny lifestyle sitcoms, it has its moments, but you won’t be needing stitches. The three main boys as actors/characters are pretty likeable however, and so is the girl next door, Rose – according to my (pervy male) housemate. Another plus – Ryan Stiles was in it a few times!! Not as his lovely improvised self, but there all the same .
So, for the occasional one-liner, the relatable characters and for the occasional exciting guest star, I shall give TAaHM… a fair 6.5.

Doritos – My brother buys these every single christmas for the family. They’re always the last thing eaten, but they do go. I think this says many things: That my bro is predictable (off-topic I guess), we as a family eat a lot (again probably not relevent) AND, Doritos aren’t all that nice. At least not to 7/8 of my family members. (Partly relevent.) They’re pretty moorish, pretty messy what with the cheese-dust and dangerously unpredictable flying dettachment of different sized triangular fragments – (What is it with you, Mark, and triangular food-stuffs? Something dodgy going on, no doubt – made a pact with a half-pint devil perhaps? Sorry, spurious). The fact is triangles are just not an agreeable match for human mouths, shape-wise (or any other kind of mouth I can think of). So, all round, you just end up with messy fingers, a dry mouth, crumbs on your lap and fat on your belly! I therefore give thee Doritos a humble 3.8. (It made up some points for being food… you can’t fault it for that. It is a food.)
Posted by Iona on April 14, 2010

Jonas brothers: I cannot describe how much I hate them. They represent everything that’s wrong with America. The music is beyond awful and they ruined the busted songs year 3000 and what I go to school for by changing the lyrics to make them ‘clean’. How ridiculous?! What I go to school for was originally about fancying a teacher but they changed it to fancying ‘a girl from senior class’. They also all wear purity rings to vow they won’t have sex before marriage. In this day and age I think it’s rather ridiculous. The only American ‘music star’ I hate more than them is Miley Cyrus and for that reason the jo bros escape negative figures and get 0/10 from me.
Posted by Becca on April 14, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS: One is called Joe Jonas. Enough Said. Who calls their child Joe Jonas? Poor Kid. Most irritating people in the world who not-surprisingly have the most irritating fan base in the world. -46.7/10

DORITOS: Bags of pure goodness. Cheesey ones are too cheesey for my taste buds and don’t really taste like anything cheese. Chilli heatwave flavour on the otherhand are heaven. I will die of an overdose of Doritioes. DAMN THE TRIANGLE SHAPES OF GOODNESS. 10/10 no doubt

ECSTASY: immediately 0/10. Drugs aren’t cool.

TWO AND A HALF MEN: Hilarious TV show. Really funny, shame they repeat the same episodes over and over again. 8/10
Posted by Nicky B on April 14, 2010

Doritos: These are evil, with their hyper-palatable salty/fatty/crunchy flavour combination which doesn’t exist in nature. Seriously, one taste sends your body into a feeding frenzy so that you can’t stop until you’ve eaten more calories than a caveman would get in a week. There’s scientific proof for this and everything, so it’s not just me being a greedy cow. No. 0/10

Two and a Half Men: I didn’t care about this one way or the other until my retired father developed a weird obsession with it. He now spends far too much time watching repeats on Viva and I’m worried it’s going to soften his brain and render him prematurely senile. (This might be an overreaction.) Also, I didn’t realise until I read these comments that this was what had become of Duckie. Bit sad but I suppose he’s getting well paid for it. 3/10
Posted by Ben Messenger on April 14, 2010

First of all I love the term ‘marksensus’ that made me laugh!

Doritos: although not my favourite corn snack (Mexican Chilli McCoy’s if your asking) Doritos are awesome the only downside is the tangy cheese flavour make your breath honk and your fingertips orange.

Great blog Mark I’m addicted!
Posted by splittter on April 14, 2010

I’M NOT THERE:

As a film it’s pretty amazing stuff, beautifully directed, always interesting … contains 5 or 6 fantastic performances … genuinely great. It’s just that, as an investigation of Bob Dylan, I don’t think it’s much cop … am not certain if it was intended as such, but it definitely feels like it … kind-of peddles the myth that artists are so amazing and weird, they’re just too much for us mere mortals to comprehend … he’s like loads of really different people, who are all strange! Given the man in question is alive, and has written an almost-autobiography, that’s not really good enough. But, if you ignore or don’t really care about that, it’s excellent … and a must-watch anyway (imo and all that) … 8/10

GOK WAN:

The only thing that makes sense to me is that, as others have said before, he’s actually a straight loaded reader type who has hit upon the perfect wheeze to see loads of naked ladies … otherwise it’s just bizarre, and his MO is only ‘empowering’ in the sense that it widens the range of women who can be physically objectified, which isn’t really the point, is it? … 1/10 if he’s in earnest, 7/10 if above ‘loaded’ scenario is true (although I don’t condone him, obv, you have to admire the cunning and ability to get it done)

DORITOS:

I love Doritos … I actually eat bags of them as meals … this is a terrible, awful, unhealthy thing to do, but my reseach indicates that healthy folks will still die, so whatever … they are great. I will say that in recent years many more tortilla chip providers have arrived on the market, and their offerings are now reaching the point where Doritos are not my automatic 1st choice … but, they were there first and as such will remain the dearest to my heart. 10/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN:

I once spent an evening in the pub playing a game where we imagined ourselves ruthless arbiters of popular culture who killed everyone we decided had had a fair crack of the whip but fell short … the twist was that, instead of focusing on those heading to the wall, you had to identify the least good thing you would suffer to live in various fields … 2 1/2 Men would be a very solid choice for the sitcom category … I mean, it’s not that funny but you can’t kill everyone, can you? 4/10
Posted by Emily on April 14, 2010

Oh and paintball – did you never heed the warnings of Byker Grove?? Plus it really gets into your hair and is hard to shift… 2/10
Posted by Emily on April 14, 2010

GOK WAN – Mostly, I love him. For all his inability to pronounce the word ‘hood’ properly, I do think he has genuineley made a lot of women feel a lot better about themselves. But I have worked with him a couple of times, and he charges an awful lot of money for NO WORK… So in general 8/10, but professionally (and also because I am jealous of his ability to command £25,000 for a couple of hours work) then 5/10

DORITOS – Why, why do all these other people like these. Nasty, pointy, sticks-in-your teeth HIDEOUSNESS of a snack. They make your tongue hurt too. 1/10

ECSTASY – Be responsible, and in the right place, then can be an awful lot of fun… 7/10
Posted by Joanna on April 14, 2010

GOK WAN: The human anagram. This guy has style. Unlike most of these fashion types, I think Gok actually has something going for him. Also has good glasses. However, I’m deducting a point for his insistance that Karen Millen is ‘highstreet’ (long story, very dull). Overall, 7/10

DORITOS: Hands-down, THE best snack ever. No movie night is complete without them. Doritos and dips will always be a winning combination. However, beware the cheese-flavoured ones; I’m no scientist but I’m fairly sure that laws of physics dictate that that particular shade of orange shouldn’t exist. Overall, 9/10

ECSTASY: Drugs are bad, mmmkay? I’ve never done it either, but at school once they showed us a video which made it look very appealing. Apparently if you drink the right amount of water while you’re taking it, it’s not dangerous at all. But drugs are bad, don’t risk it. Something like re-jigging the order of your book or CD collection is just as invigorating. Overall, 0/10, ’cause drugs are bad.
Posted by Hal on April 14, 2010

Paintballing – if you want bruises that look like a third nipple then this is the leisure pursuit for you.

If you dislike pain, possibly avoid – unless for a stag night in which case just suck it up…stupidity makes good stories.

5/10
Posted by Chris on April 14, 2010

DORITOS: Tasty, depending on which flavour you get. Can eat them dry, but much better enjoyed with dips. 7/10.

PAINTBALL: Can be a bit frustrating. Actual playing is good fun, but it’s expensive for what it is, and annoying when you get shot and have to sit the rest of the game out / wait until the next game. OK to try a few times but not something I’d enjoy doing regularly, bit boring mostly. 4/10.
Posted by Corey on April 14, 2010

DORITOS: Cool original flavour add significant weight and enjoyment to any sandwich, they also make excellent shared snack foods allowing themselves to be paired with ‘dips’. They could potentially become a meal in themselves by putting them in a big bowl and melting cheese over the top!. I haven’t done this but I believe Mexicans may have done. For their versatility alone, 8 out of 10.

I’M NOT THERE: It is weird, but then it’s going to be if it’s about Bob’s different stages of his career/life. I liked it but that may be due to me being a huge Bob fan, so I can totally appreciate if you have no interest in him this may be too much to handle and of no appeal. Cate Blanchet is the best ‘Bob’ by far for me….for the look alone, her 1965/66 era Bob is worryingly visually accurate for someone who finds Bob’s music great and Blanchet very attractive. For a Dylan fan I may be marking it a point higher or so than it deserves but i’m saying 7 out of 10.
Posted by Irwin on April 14, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS

Sometimes brothers in bands are cool— Angus and Malcom Young. Other time brothers in bands are not cool— Matt and Luke Goss. The Jonas Brothers fall into the latter category. 0/10

GOK WAN

The guy is a bit full on for me. He’s a bit too gay. It’s almost like he’s pretending… a grotesque amalgamation of gay stereotype you can think of. 2/10 because it’s an arbitary low number that doesn’t look as bitter as a zero or a one.

DORITOS

Chilli Heatwave Doritos are brilliant, especially when accompanied by the sour cream and chive dip. The spicy/cool flavour really works. They’re more-ish like Pringles, but crunchier and more substantial. I can’t imagine watching bad action films without a nice big bag to munch through. 10/10.

ECSTASY
I’ve never taken ecstasy. However, one night I met millionairre in a pub and he kept buying me and my victorious pub quiz team drinks and told us stories about the 1980s. His friend was one of the first people to die of taking ecstacy. 8/10 because the anecdote spanned a few free pints. Also, because if it wasn’t for ecstacy Bad Boys II wouldn’t have had the Shakespearean tradgedy of a tale that made it so poignant.

TWO AND A HALF MEN

The thought of Charlie Sheen in prison over Christmas is funnier than this show. The fat kid also breaks the long standing comedy rule of fat = funny. 1/10. Even the old Mr Sheen adverts were funnier.

PAINTBALL

Never been paintballing but it looks like fun, in the way that war looks fun in films/video games.
Essentially it’s just a messier version of Laser Tag.

I’d like to give it a go, but I’ only giving it 5/10 because of that nauseating advert for design-your-own-valentines cards that was always on. The one with the fictional happy couple who met via paintball related pity date.
Posted by Megan on April 14, 2010

Two and a Half Men: The worst television program of all time. In this country (and, presumably, in the States), its reruns are seemingly on 24 hours a day. It is possibly the only show on television that makes me angry simply for existing. My friend Jackie theorises that’s it’s written by some kind of computer that uses all the hackneyed plotlines used in other sitcoms, reconfigures them (but not too much) using some kind of Terrible Joke Algorithm, and creates the dialogue from that. Tired, horrible dreck.

Why, Duckie, WHY? 0/10

Doritos: Initially delicious, but after four or five, they start to feel like a mistake. 5/10

I’m Not There: Intriguing, but spotty. Ben Whishaw and Cate Blanchett are great. I suspect I might not be a big enough Dylan fan to really ‘get’ it. 6/10
Posted by Steph on April 14, 2010

Jonas Brothers – Well Mark, I am glad that you don’t know anything/much about them. After all, you are not a 13 year old girl. Then again neither am I but I still seem to know a bit about them. Urgh. Anyway, they are mildly talented brothers who make pretty annoying pop songs but the stupid kind that seem to get stuck in your head. Then I watched the Grammys a while ago and they were with Stevie Wonder for a performance. Now, I am a fan of Wonder, love his vibe and all that so was horrified to see them even on the same stage as him. Halfway through the song one of them goes “can I take it from ya Stevie?” assuming he meant can I sing the lead now? He completely fluffed it. Forgot the line and just kind of grumbled into the microphone. That did it. 3/10

Gok Wan – I like his show only for the fact that in between clips there’s this crazy sound coming from nowhere. “aaaaaAAAAARRRGHH FASHION!” 8/10

Doritos – Cool flavour is the best but they tend to put a bit too much flavouring on those babies. 6/10
Posted by Jackie on April 14, 2010

GOK WAN: 10/10 for what he does for women and their self esteem, BUT minus a point for use of word ‘bangers’ and those awful hanging off your arse trousers he wears. For someone so clued up on what women look good in, he seems blind to those trousers!

DORITOS: 3/10 Always sound like a good idea, but inevitably disappointing – far too much flavouring, and they go soft too quickly.
Posted by isabelle on April 14, 2010

I’m Not There: It was a pretty good film, though I think you have to be a pretty big Bob Dylan fan to get it. I saw it with my friend at a film festival a few years ago, she didn’t know anything at all about him and just left the theatre a little confused. The different segments and personas are also interesting and powerful to varying degrees (I did not get the richard gere segments…). Cate Blanchett unsurprinsingly gives an amazing performance and most of the other actors do too. It was also amusing to see them trying to make old montreal look like london. We’re the poor man’s Europe. All in all it’s an interesting and different films which should be seen by bob dylan fans and simply fans of more experimental filmmaking. 7/10

Doritos: They’re pretty good, though other brands of crisps are better. And they make your hands and disgusting orangey mess. 5.5/10
Posted by Meg on April 13, 2010

Jobros are like any other teen heartthrobs- pretty, with really annoying fans, great to make fun of, not very talented, but essentially harmless. I don’t hate them but I’m not a fan either- 5/10

Doritos- I like the Cool Rancher variety but despise the Nacho cheese ones (fake cheese gets on my nerves). So I guess that’s another 5/10.

Two and a Half Men- Incredibly unfunny, especially when compared to far superior sitcoms like Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. 3/10.

Not a very positive group of reviews, I’m afraid =/
Posted by JoC on April 13, 2010

TWO AND A HALF MEN: 1/10
This is the worst American sitcom in years. It’s on every night of the week here, sometimes multiple episodes. I won’t even go into how much I hate the stereotypes it’s based on (all 2D hateful women and bastard men who get away with everything because of their “charm”). It horrifies me that it is so popular.

DORITOS: 9/10
Yum yum yum!
Posted by Leah on April 13, 2010

GOK WAN:

It’s probably not his fault – it’s society’s fault or something – but I hate this attitude that, in order to make someone feel good about themselves, you have to bitch about someone else. His campaigns for “real women with curves” just serve to make women without curves feel inferior – what is “real women” supposed to mean anyway? A patronising spouter of bullshit who got lucky. Politicians do this sort of thing and we hate them for it.

A grudging 2/10 because he makes some women feel good about themselves, I suppose.

DORITOS

You’ve done a very clever thing here, Mark. Last week you ask the Toblerone question, making me think triangular is a bad thing. THEN the metaphorical side-punch: “How about Doritos then, eh?” and my whole snack-based worldview is flipped upside-down. I barely know where I am now.

9/10 for the cheese flavour.

TWO AND A HALF MEN

This show makes me have a bit of a crisis every time I watch it, which is often. Essentially, it’s terrible: the only decent characters are men, and the women are ALL (without exception) airheads or ball-breakers. It reinforces some of the most damaging stereotypes and is rabidly misogynistic at every turn.

And yet… sometimes it’s really, really funny. There was a joke the other day about Charlie Sheen’s washing machine and I laughed out loud for literally minutes until I cried.

Verdict: a very conflicted 4/10.
Posted by Emily on April 13, 2010

Doritos – Don’t like the taste much but they are so MSG-laden I find myself addicted to them when they’re already open. Wouldn’t go out of my way for them as there are nicer MSG-laden foods but too tempting once there. 6/10

Paintball – Potentially fun if you don’t mind the bruises, but as the one time I went I had no money to buy paintballs with, I got shot at and had no form of revenge, therefore I think less of it than I might otherwise have. Probably wouldn’t go again even if free unlimited paintballs were available, reduce pain factor then possibly. 4/10
Posted by lisa brunders on April 13, 2010

Orange doritos are wonderful. Wish I hadn’t read LisaD’s comment about reading the packet though. Maybe I’ll read the packet next time and get cured too, but until then I’m adddicted 9.5/10 – .5 deducted for messing up your fingers.

Gok Wan, upbeat, sparkling light, wish I had half his enthusiasm or half his energy. And he’s good at what he does too, even love the cheeky breast jiggling! And his tweets. Plus he comes from Leicester, like me, so extra .5 for that 8.5/10.
Posted by Emmy on April 13, 2010

Have just managed to make my thoughts on ecstasy coherent, so lets post ‘em!

Have never tried it myself and I probably never will. I get crazy enough when I’m drunk so adding something else into the mix would probably be a bad idea. I don’t care if other people use it though. It is a bit clubbing drug and, since I detest clubbing, that brings the rating down. So I’ll give it a 4/10, but that’s mostly indifference.
Posted by Sam on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers
Never heard their music. My only knowledge of them is taken from a fantastic episode of South Park (think it was the last serious – if you like South Park you should definitely make a point of watching this one if you’ve not already). Their ‘thing’ apparently is to be brothers who’re not having sex. While I’m not an advocate of promoting promiscuity to teenagers, I’m also strongly opposed to the promotion of ‘no sex before marriage’ . It’s an unrealistic and completely archaic notion. My view is that it always has been, but it’s only in this last generation or so that we’ve been more upfront about that fact that we have sex with our partners before we marry them, assuming that we’ve even got any intention of marrying at all. Therefore I’m going to judge and rate the Jonas Brothers on this area instead of their music and give them 0/10. However, I assume that hearing their music would only reinforce my rating.

Doritos
I have a much more positive view about them. They are triangular and come in many flavours and can be quite versatile – eat them on their own like a packet of crisps, use them as a chip n dip, or have them as nachos with melted cheese, salsa etc . My favourite flavours for dipping are cool and hint of lime, for eating like crisps it’d have to be cheese (although not good for the breath) and for nachos it’s chilli all the way. I’d rate them a solid 7/10. They lose at least a couple of points because the bags they come in are approximately 70% air to 30% chips.

Two and a Half Men.
It’s shows like this that make me despair of American TV and the show’s viewers. A ‘so thin it’s almost not there’ premise I could maybe forgive and forget if it only ran for a season or two and had terrible ratings before being quietly canned. But oh no – American TV execs award mediocrity by lots of promotion, overpaying the stars and recommissioning series after series. All the while other, much better shows are either cancelled after a very short run or never make it past series 1. Don’t get me started on the fate of the excellent Arrested Development as a prime example of what I’m talking about, it’ll only make me even more ranty and then a little bit sad.
2/10 and that’s only because Jon Cryer gives me happy memories of Pretty in Pink. What happened to you Duckie?

I don’t really have any comments on this weeks other topics as I’ve either never watched, popped, viewed or otherwise experienced them.
Posted by Tom Beasley on April 13, 2010

I’m pretty sure I never said “Words cannot convey how much I like” American Dad. That is either a mistake on your part or mine. xD Nonetheless, the rest of my scathing review made the stance clear.

Onto this week…

The Jonas Brothers: The problem with these guys is that they fall into the same vein as Twilight and Justin Bieber as “teen phenomena that half the world loves and the other half fucking hates”. My immediate instinct is to dislike them for this reason because they are the kind of manufactured American shit that I usually dislike. However, I have not been exposed to enough of their stuff to make a conscious decision. For this, they get a neutral 5/10.

Gok Wan: I kinda admire this guy for managing to be so annoying, yet so endearing at the same time. He really does amuse me when he is just being himself and mincing around touching girls’ breasts as he changes their wardrobes. However, when he tries to parody himself (see C4 Comedy Gala) or make a conscious effort to be funny, it just goes badly wrong. 7/10

Two And A Half Men: This is one of those shows that is supposed to be absolutely excellent, but ends up being really mediocre. It reminds me of Friends in that I don’t have enough of a problem with it for me to dislike it, but it isn’t consistently funny enough for me to say I like it. There are some great moments though and it is certainly worth watching. 6/10

Paintball: Now this is something I heartily recommend. I’ve only been once, but it was a bloody excellent day out. You are guaranteed to come home covered in bruises, but it is enough of an adrenaline rush that you stop feeling it really once you’ve taken a few hits. The fun is certainly worth the pain. 9/10
Posted by lisan66 on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS: I personally think that the Jonas Brothers are possibly one fo the worst bands of all time! They seem to attract way too many young screaming fans, and I really am worried about their fans ears; perhaps they don’t work properly? I have some friends who like them, but personally I think that they are a strange and horrible phenomenon. Also, the fact that they have a tv show depresses me, becuase it means that my little sister can watch them when i’m babysitting her and I can’t escape! I do think that their choice to wear the chastity rings is admirable in today’s society.
Overall rating: 1/10
Posted by Lynsey on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – They aren’t my thing to be honest, but then at 29 years old, I don’t think I really fit into their target market . They seem like decent kids, but the whole chastity ring thing does freak me out a bit. 5/10

Doritos – They look like triangular bits of cardboard, but by God are they addictive! I can find myself going through a pack of them without realising. Although I have to say the cheese ones are a little too cheesy for my liking (and they turn your fingers orange). 8/10

Gok Wan – There is something about him that is a little irritating, that’s true. But if was looking for someone to give me fashion advice, I’d choose him over those horrible snooty harpies Trinny and Susannah any day. 8/10

Ecstasy – Never tried it. Seen what it does to people though. 0/10
Posted by Magnificent Josh on April 13, 2010

First, I’m not counting or anything but that is 3 mentions on very late review. AND a blog recommendation. I am king of petty.

THE JONAS BROTHERS (1/10)
Rating the Jonas Brothers is like rating one particular batch of spam. The latest generic output of the disney corporation. If they didn’t exist then there’d probably be 6 more of them to take their place. They’ve been in films, they’ve had some songs, they have a TV series in which they live in a firestation. That all being said, I have a poster of them on my bedroom wall but that’s an entirely different, recession based, story.

GOK WAN (7 and a bit/10)
TV’s foremost comedy fashion homosexual. As much as I try to not like him much, I find it hard. He’s an infectious blighter, and he actually has fashion sense, which most TV “fashion” people do not. He’s also actually amusing (My particular favourite being “Ding dong… I think I’ll turn”). Although you could say he’s a hypocrite, just coz people don’t have to change they shouldn’t be victimised if they do.

He is quite annoying though.

DORITOS (7/10)
They’re the Gok Wan of the snack world, they should be awful, but you can’t help but be won over by their effortless energy. Great social crisp, only pringles supersede them there, great for dipping.Yes they’re triangles of cardboard. But they’re a well thought out, well marketed and actually rather tasty triangle of cardboard. I quite like the lime ones to be honest. Those bags with 2 flavours in are great too. Brilliant idea.

ECSTASY (6?/10)
I (along with most of the people reviewing this one, watsonians are too innocent) have never taken ecstasy but it seems that, as much as you’d piss people off drinking Pimm’s at a rave, there is a time and a place for everything.

PAINTBALL (7?/10)
I’ve never paintballed (another anecdote in that one) but I’d love to. It’s shooting people without all that prison malarkey. I imagine paintballing on ecstasy would be fun though.
Posted by LisaD on April 13, 2010

Doritos: I used to think they were the world’s perfect food, but then one day I really looked at one before I ate it and decided I could never again eat something that shade of orange. I then read the back of the bag to see if i could find the ingredient that made them that orange and decided no amount of tastiness was worth it. 3/10

Jonas Brothers: I appreciate that I’m about 25 years past their target market but WOW are they ever shit! Their music is so dull they could use it as a cheap alternative to anesthetic…which in a way is how Disney uses them. I’m sure they’re nice enough boys, but how in the world can anyone tell? They are permanently surrounded by the Mouse’s marketing fog. Also, they remind me of the thing Disney used to do with Britney: She’s a virgin and pure now watch her shake that thang. Wringing abstinence pledges out of teenagers at a rock concerts while the boys on stage dance about in tight jeans and little girls faint with–what they don’t recognize as–lust just strikes me as cynical rather than pure. Besides studies show “abstinence only” training of kids leads to bad bad things. After all look at Britney now. Music: 2/10 Negative influence on kids: 0/10

Two and a Half Men: I used to really like this show. I thought the chemistry between Charlie Sheen and John Cryer worked well, (I was also relieved to see John Cryer working again because I always thought he got the fuzzy end of the lollipop in the 80′s). The show initially did a pretty good job of developing relationships and still managing to be funny…and then they started going in the other direction. I couldn’t tell you exactly when the shark jump happened (although it was pretty close to the time someone at CBS got the “genius” idea of having the Two and a half Men writers do an episode of CSI and the CSI guys tried their hands at sitcom writing. Funnily enough no one seemed to think this would be disaster.) Somewhere in the last couple of years the show collapsed into rehashed jokes from the first few seasons and replaced the characters with characitures. 7/10 for the first few seasons. 2/10 for now.

Ecstasy: I came out in the 90′s so the occasional X trip was sorta inevitable. I hesitate to write a glowing review of such a potentially dangerous drug, but the truth is it’s one of the few that I’ve done that didn’t have any negative impact. Now a couple of things worth pointing out: this was strictly an every now and then thing, not every weekend, and I never went home with anyone while on it unless it was the person I came in with. That being said, yeah I had a REALLY good time and music that I’ve since discovered is fairly shit seemed awesome at the time. Mostly I just danced all night long. The next day I would wake up massively dehydrated with nasty leg cramps (which also could have been from dancing all night) but otherwise with no ill effects and still in a pretty good mood. After a while though I realized I had as good a time going out dancing with friends while relatively sober and had a better shot at remembering it the next day. The high of discovering how great it felt to be surrounded by other gay people and being ok with it kicked in, I turned 20, came out to my parents and went back to being the bookish girl that was more my style. Truthfully, X was never gonna have that strong a hold on me; as a New Englander I simply wasn’t comfortable with being THAT happy. While on X: 11/10 Looking back on the overall experience: 6/10
Posted by Kate on April 13, 2010

JONAS BROTHERS- The most annoying people I have ever seen on TV and their music nearly makes my ears bleed. 1/10

GOK WAN- I was slightly suprised by the number of negative reviews on here. I have to admit that I absolutley love him. Not only does he have an amazing quiff he has managed to teach a lot of women how to love themselves. He also is very against sexism and women starving themselves which I think is a generally good thing. Plus, he sticks up for people with glasses (I don’t actually have glasses but I have a hunch that one day I will). 10/10

Paintball: A genuinley fun activity and a really good way to spend time with friends. The first time I went I had two guys from the army on my team which was an added bonus. 9/10 (9 because I always manage to come away with some pretty painful bruises)
Posted by Emmy on April 13, 2010

DORITOS- I actually went out an bought a bag of them specifically for this review. How’s that for commitment?

I used to be obsessed with them as a kid. In school, we used to be able to buy junk during lunch like crisps, candy, etc. Probably can’t do this anymore what with the healthy eating initiatives, but anyway. My mom would never give me any money because she didn’t want me eating that crap but my crips addiction was strong. Particularly for Doritos. So I would beg bits off my friends who then told me that I ‘owned them’. But I never repayed them. Sorry guys!

My like for them has waned over time and this is the first time I’ve eaten them in years. They’re nice, but I don’t have the same enthusiasm for them that I did. Perhaps my tastes have matured. It’s still fun to lick the cheesy dust off your fingers though. So, I think I’ll have to give them two scores. My younger self gives them an enthusiatic 10/10 while my older, calmer self gives them 8/10, but mostly for nostalgia.
Posted by louisel on April 13, 2010

GOK WAN- Awww, I love Gok! I can see how he can be annoying, but he’s much less catty than Trinny and Susanna. Yes his rhyming and catchphrases are a tad irritating, but he does geniunely make women look and feel better about themselves. You asked in a blog a while a go who you had to kill for making women feel they need to be skinny, and Gok is definately helping to break that stereotype of unhealthily skinny being best. What’s not to like? 9/10

DORITOS- I like them, but they have the texture of cardboard and the cheese ones are so orange that I swear that they would glow in the dark. 5/10

JONAS BROTHERS- Mehhh, I’m on the fence. Their music is very Disney (in a bad way), and I don’t like how much people go on about the whole chastity ring thing. 3/10
Posted by A lot of Rach[a]els on April 13, 2010

And by good what he’s doing I mean telling people that they should be happy with who they are, I just wish he accepted his image.
Posted by A lot of Rach[a]els on April 13, 2010

Gok Wan -
I don’t understand him. He has stated many times that he was overweight in his youth and deeply depressed by it, so he chose to loose all the weight. And yet he has made his career on telling people that they should accept their own body and ignore what other people say about it. What? To me it comes across as a contradictory. His fans would probably say something like “he’s just telling people what he wanted to hear when he was big”. That may be but if I wasn’t happy with my body, I wouldn’t really want someone who changed their whole body because they weren’t happy with theirs telling me that I shouldn’t worry.
It’s good what he’s doing but he comes across as a hypocrite.
2/10
Posted by EllieCat on April 13, 2010

GOK WAN

My thumb is usually leaning on the Sky+ fast forward key before my conscious mind has registered that his huge, slappable face is actually on the screen.

1/10

One mark for making me aware of control pants, which are needed because of:

DORITOS

I love them, but I hate them.
I love them, but I hate them.
I love them, but I hate them.

Chilli Heatwave flavour will be the ruin of me.

I will have a Dorito-shaped tombstone over my plus-size grave.

0/10, yet, paradoxically, 10/10
Posted by Alf on April 13, 2010

Doritos: In contrast to the views expressed by Kathryn (and by Mud Man when considering the Toblerone), I’m beginning to come round to the view that triangular food is markedly inferior to food of other shapes. I’m aware that this is a potentially controversial claim, particularly given the vehemence with which I’ve heard people contend that sandwiches cut in half corner to corner, to form two triangular halves, taste markedly superior to sandwiches cut parallel to two of the sides, forming two rectangular halves, but, the hell with it, triangular food is crap. Even triangular sandwiches. Doritos, to be slightly more relevant, I basically dislike, but will still eat in large quantities if in the vicinity of an open packet, continuing not to enjoy them the while. They thus clearly have some strange power over my subconsicious, manipulating my brainwaves in order to make me eat them, and, to be frank, weirdly suicidal psychic food is probably even crapper than triangular food. 2/10.
Posted by Laurs on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – I couldn’t tell you much about them. But from what I have heard they appear to be pretty inoffensive but I am beyond pleased that they haven’t appearedon my radar in any way, shape or form. 1/10 (just cos I feel mean giving them a 0)

GOK WAN – As a larger lady, I feel I should like him and his empowering ways. However, he irritates me beyond belief and I would actually like to twat him one. 0/10

DORITOS – Every time I eat them I tell myself that they are nothing special and not to bother buying them again. So I go for months and months without having any at all, then I get a craving for the cool original ones and they taste divine. Buy another a week or so later and they are back to being foul things I should avoid. And besides, there are better tortilla crisps available than doritios anyway. 4/10

ECSTASY – I’ve never tried it, but I am completely against drugs in any form. 0/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN – I just don’t get it. Then I worry that I am missing something so obvious and I look stupid when I say I have only seen one episode, found it more dull than watching paint dry therefore will go out of my way to avoid it. There are better things on TV to watch (especially as I don’t watch much TV at all!) 0/10

PAINTBALL – I was offered the chance to go paintballing once. I refused. I cannot stand violence in any form and this comes a bit too close for my liking. I appreciate that it is only paint that is being shot, but then again, look at poor old PJ (of Byker Grove fame), I doubt he is paintballing’s biggest fan. 0/10

And having read this back, I sound like a miserable, souless person who doesn’t like anything. That’s not the case, promise!
Posted by Sarah (@misswiz) on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – I’m aware they exist but have never actually seen/heard them do anything. However, I believe they are trying to promote Christianity to impressionable teenagers which I disagree with on principle. 3/10

I’M NOT THERE – I haven’t seen it so can’t really comment. But I will give it 8.1/10 on the basis that it has Cate Blanchett as Dylan in it.

GOK WAN – I’m in agreement with others here in that when he first appeared on TV I liked that he was showing ‘real’ women looking good and also demonstrating that women often think they are fatter/thinner/taller/shorter/more imperfect than they actually are. However, I do have an issue with the show’s title ‘How to Look Good Naked’ because it was mostly about wearing massive control pants and dressing in the right size/shape clothes. Recently I think he has become a bit of a caricature of himself and therefore I’m only giving him 6/10

DORITOS – hate them. They aren’t crisps, they’re cardboard. A crisp that needs dip in order to make it tasty doesn’t deserve to call itself a crisp. 1/10 (simply because I have been known to eat them when drunk and hungry)

ECSTASY – Never done it. A boy at my school died from over-hydrating while on ecstasy, and I know he was 1 in lots and lots of people who haven’t died but still put me off. Not a huge fan of drugs generally to be honest. 0/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN – Again haven’t seen it but the title always makes me think of Three Men and a Baby which I enjoyed. Therefore 6.3/10

PAINTBALL – I did this once, in France. It was very hot and wearing a boilersuit and full face mask wasn’t much fun. Also glasses wearers are much disadvantaged due to the steaming up of said glasses under the mask. Getting shot doesn’t hurt that much (apart from when I got hit on the back of the head) and actually being allowed to shoot people is quite fun, if you like that kind of thing. Lastly, the paint is weirdly oily, which I quite liked. 7.9/10

JERUSALEM – I haven’t it but I know a few people who have and thought it was amazing. I am going to try and catch it this week while I’m in London if I can get hold of a ticket. Will report back if I do.

Hey, that was fun. I look forward to arbitrarily awarding scores to more things in the future.
Posted by Issey on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers : i want to kill them, their music is utter shite. 0/10

Gok Wan : i suppose he’s alright but can get a bit annoying with his ‘it’s all about the confidence’. he also gropes women too much just because he can without getting done for abuse. 6/10

Doritos : too big to comfortably eat whole but too messy to bite. be careful of sharp edges cutting into gums. 5/10

Paintballing : fun but as i suffer from easy bruising, not the best of ideas . it hurts like a bitch if you get shot in the thigh, often resulting in dead leg.
Posted by EmmaT on April 13, 2010

Again it is only the activity that I can comment on as I am deeply uncultured and some TV personalities and some programs seem to pass me by.

Paint Ball: Loves it, although it does make me irrationally nervous. It causes a similar sensation that hide and seek/ sardines/ 40-40 did when I was a kid. I hated the thought of losing then as much as I do now, which sometimes makes me feel a bit sick. But otherwise like I mentioned before… love it. You also get great bruises. 8/10.

Next activity please…!
Posted by Kathryn on April 13, 2010

Doritos:

Is there a theme developing with the triangular food? Doritos get extra points from me purely for being triangular.
The cheese ones are quite nice, but you do tend to get covered in orange dust. Which is good if you want to look like you’ve had some sort of fake tan disaster. They are rather good with dip.

Overall- very easy to eat one big bag in one sitting. And then you feel awful afterwards. Not as good as kettle chips. 7/10
Posted by Martin on April 13, 2010

TWO AND A HALF MEN – One of my favourite comedy shows of all time. It’s just simply hilarious. I’m surprised that people say it’s predictable because Friends (which was another personal favourite at the time) was also predictable. You can’t tell me you couldn’t see some of Joey’s punch lines coming a mile off. And that shows how good a comedy is if you know it’s coming but you laugh anyway. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer play these roles amazingly well. (Charlie Sheen just plays himself mainly, could be a reality show). Everyone I have introduced to this show has loved it. Number one show in America. Just fantastic

Star rating – 10/10 (easily, would have given it more if possible)
Posted by Miss Knee on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – I recently switched on the day time tv to be assailed by these chaps in a film called ‘camp rock’, not only was the rock not rock, it was the worst bubblegum pop ever. The lyrics offended. Plus the whole chastity thing is idiotic, I side with Glee and their attack on chastity groups. And I don’t often side with Glee, ever. 0/10

GOK WAN – What goes on his mind? I can’t comprehend the thought processes in there, making women cry by forcing them out in front of people naked? He may be fighting against the stereotypical fashionable female shape, but he’s still deeply disturbing. Better than Trinny and Susanna though. 3/10

DORITOS – Rubbish and over priced. If I wanted a flavoured crisp I’d get Kettle ones, and if I wanted some nachos I’d just get the cheap ones.. you dunk them in sauces anyway. The ad campaigns are severely irritating. 3/10

ECSTASY – I tried it once and have no recollection of the evening. Apparently I spent the whole evening showing people how far I could bend my hands back, ergo I woke up with very stiff arms. Things could have been worse I suppose, and I do get to tell people that my one foray in to drugs released my inner idiot. 3/10

PAINTBALL – Excellent! Slightly more dangerous and painful than laserquest, but it has been responsible for things like the great paintball scene in Spaced. It satisfys all my violence needs! 10/10
Posted by Katerina Ray on April 13, 2010

I’m Not There
Watched on DVD with parents, all of us Dylan fans. Thought the film was slightly long, and definately a little self-sonciously strange. It alienated my parents somewhat who would have liked a clearer narrative drive. I enjoyed more than them. I am the kind of fan who would love it anyway but thought it had genuine merit, fantastically acted, beautifully shot. Cate Blanchett was very cool and very sexy as Jude but the little boy Dylan who is called Woodie Guthrie was amazing. The music too was very cool. 8/10
Posted by LauraB on April 13, 2010

PAINTBALL: I bloody love paintball! as some one depressingly built like a matchstick it is one of the only times in life I ever get to see people hiding in genuine fear that I’m going to hurt them! true that you’ll ache for a couple of days afterwards but it’s well worth it.
Posted by Mark D on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – there is a TV series, album and even a 3D film about these teenage popstars. I find difficult to differentiate between the Disney marketing of the group and the actual band. There music is pretty harmless and generic, the same could could be said for the TV show (and even my 14 year old cousin who listens to their music, doesn’t believe in the too nice image that they have). Also one of them was in latest Vampire Weekend video. So overall: 5/10

I’m Not There – am not a big Dylan fan but had some basic knowledge about his background and his songs, but overall I found the film confusing. Afterwards when I read up about the film and Dylan I felt less confused and maybe if I watched the film again, I would appreciate it more but can not be bothered to make the effort. Also feel that it is a film for Dylan fans and film critics rather the general public, but still some excellent acting especially from Blanchett. 6/10.

Doritos – just ok with dip, but I dislike the overall texture of this snack, I find it hard and without dip are uneatable. 2/10

Two and a Half Men – to be honest I didn’t dislike the first series, but then the later ones just seemed to be the same and the main difference being the age/size of the kid/teenage in it. I actually find the supporting female characters more interesting on the whole than the leads. It will have to eventually end when the kid grows up, and am eagerly looking to the end of the series. 3.5/10, it gets points for likeable actors.

Paintball – Great fun, appeals to my competitive nature epically when playing against family members. Does seem to be a guy thing though. Not normally the thing I would be into, I dislike guns, but as I said great fun even when you have a really bad cold. Have never had any lasting injuries, a few bruises that were gone in a day or two. Mind you a few guys I have done it with got shot in in the balls, or very close. And the extra paintballs cost a fortune. And some of the guys who do as a sport seem a bit obsessed. But still 8/10.

Jerusalem – Haven’t seen it yet.
Posted by Natalie on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS: 10/10

GOK WAN: 3/10

DORITOS: 8/10

PAINTBALL: 7/10
Posted by Beth on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – Cheesy American pop band made up of three brothers. Have lots of crazy young female fans and they were ‘purity’ rings so that they stay virgins until they get married. I am in no way a fan of their music (it’s just not my cup of tea, I’m afraid.) Although, from interviews that I’ve seen them give, they do seem like really nice, likeable people. Cheesy, yes, and can be slightly annoying in their cheesiness, but they appear to be nice none the less. 5 out of 10 because I don’t like their music, but they seem ok as people.

Doritos – Quite nice, I’m a fan of the orginal cool flavour (at least that’s what I think they’re called. It’s the blue packet). I’d give them a 7 out of 10.

Gok Wan – Massively enthusiastic about making women feel good about themselves. I met him once, and he really is as nice off screen as he is on; he didn’t mind stopping for a chat etc. I like that he wants to make people feel more confident about themselves without telling them that they have to be skinny and gorgeous, he’s just making them feel confident with who they are, which is nice! I can see how’d he’d be annoying, but I give Gok an 8 out of 10 for general likeability.

Ecstacy – Never tried it, and probably never will. From what I’ve heard it can just make you want to dance and jump around but will often cause headaches/stupid, erratic behaviour and generally twattishness all round. Haven’t experienced it, but, seeing as mostly drugs are bad, I’ll give it 2 out of 10.
Posted by Mikey! on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS (band/TV show/general phenomenon that’s happened while I wasn’t concentrating)
Much too celibate for my tastes. You can’t be funny, you can’t be clever, you can’t be interesting if you’re that celibate. Their music is boring and they seem like those dangerous religious types, that you can’t have any conversation with that goes near religion or spirituality without them saying long things that don’t make sense. Must try harder.
0/10

I’M NOT THERE (Bob Dylan-themed film)
A film that I saw in the cinema: confusingly titled, and it only got more confusing as the film progressed (past the title). A very difficult to follow film. A film that’s a bit like a very clever man, who you can tell is very clever, and looks pretty cool and artistic and stuff, but you can never keep up with him because you don’t know enough about Bob Dylan’s life. A clue for those who haven’t seen it (you are supposed to know this, and I did, but my friend Jack didn’t, and couldn’t work it out and suffered as a result): all 5 characters are meant to be Bob Dylan. They look different and act a bit different because they’re different sides of his personality. Also the main one, the one that seems the most like Bob Dylan, is played by a woman (Cate Blanchette). It’s a film that you go out of thinking “that was a really good film, I wish I knew what the fuck it was on about”. Not too much of a complaint, because I think that’s on purpose so that Bob Dylan seems like a mysterious kind of person.
8/10

GOK WAN (person)
Gok Wan is annoying because he tells fat people they’re not fat and then says he’s empowering them, and does humiliating things like put giant posters of their fat bodies on the street, and asks hundreds and hundreds of people if they think she’s hideous until two of them say “she’s alright I suppose”. Then he brings in people who are even fatter than her, and tells her (in front of them) that they’re even fatter, so she can stop bothering with that healthy diet and exercise, embrace who she is, because she is beautiful! He is vacuously and poisonously positive. Sometimes, Gok Wan, sometimes things are bad.
1/10

DORITOS (corn snacks)
tasty corn snacks indeed, but the peddled need for a dipping sauce can make them prohibitively expensive, unless you’re having a pretty serious dinner party with pre-dinner snacks. But if you’re doing that, you should probably go for kettle chips or something posh like that. Without the dipping sauce, they’re pretty nice if a bit salty. They get an extra point for having quite good ads, because I really appreciate good ads.
7/10 (6 without ads)

ECSTASY (drug; I’ve never done it)
I did this once, I was at a Girlfriend’s house and we took it just before watching Ghost, which I think isn’t really the time you’re supposed to take the ‘party drug’, but in any case it made me get pretty bored by Ghost and meant I couldn’t have sex. And I felt and smelt bad the next day.
1/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show)
It’s always on but it’s usually shit. It’s the most popular comedy in America right now. Charlie Sheen is creepy and I’m never convinced that someone so creepy, poorly dressed, and bad at acting would et so many hot babes, but he does. The dialogue is a bit shit in a fairly standard American sitcommy way, and once went in the studio it’s filmed in when I was in LA. There’s no discernible main plot arc, but in its defence, the babes are hot and it’s fairly watchable if you have nothing to do for an extremely long time
3/10

PAINTBALL (activity)
Hard to see how to fault this one, except that it’s painful, expensive and you’ll very quickly run out of balls and get a bit bored. It’s good in that it’s just like a war-themed video game. But it loses marks for having no radar, being very inconvenient to play, and being a first-person shooter (I prefer third-person stealth things personally). The only two criticisms it wouldn’t be unfair to detect on the basis of are the expense and the inconvenience. The neither of them are its fault though, so I’ll only deduct one and a half instead of 2.
8.5/10

…and JERUSALEM (the play, not the hymn or the troubled city) stays open because it only attracted two reviews last time out.
I’ve never seen this, but as a guess I’d say it was Jez Butterworth’s gorgeous, expansive new play which comes at its audience in unpredictable gusts, rolling from comic to furious, from winsome to bawdy. It’s a lament for England – and specifically England, not Britain.
6/10
Posted by Mikey! on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS (band/TV show/general phenomenon that’s happened while I wasn’t concentrating)

I’M NOT THERE (Bob Dylan-themed film)

GOK WAN (person)

DORITOS (corn snacks)
tasty corn snacks indeed, but the peddled need for a dipping sauce can make them prohibitively expensive, unless you’re having a pretty serious dinner party with pre-dinner snacks. But if you’re doing that, you should probably go for kettle chips or something posh like that. Without the dipping sauce, they’re pretty nice if a bit salty. They get an extra point for having quite good ads, because I really appreciate good ads.
7/10 (6 without ads)

ECSTASY (drug; I’ve never done it)
I did this once, I was at a Girlfriend’s house and we took it just before watching Ghost, which I think isn’t really the time you’re supposed to take the ‘party drug’, but in any case it made me get pretty bored by Ghost and meant I couldn’t have sex. And I felt and smelt bad the next day.
1/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show)
It’s always on but it’s usually shit. It’s the most popular comedy in America right now. Charlie Sheen is creepy and I’m never convinced that someone so creepy, poorly dressed, and bad at acting would et so many hot babes, but he does. The dialogue is a bit shit in a fairly standard American sitcommy way, and once went in the studio it’s filmed in when I was in LA. There’s no discernible main plot arc, but in its defence, the babes are hot and it’s fairly watchable if you have nothing to do for an extremely long time
3/10

PAINTBALL (activity)
Hard to see how to fault this one, except that it’s painful, expensive and you’ll very quickly run out of balls and get a bit bored. It’s good in that it’s just like a war-themed video game. But it loses marks for having no radar, being very inconvenient to play, and being a first-person shooter (I prefer third-person stealth things personally). The only two criticisms it wouldn’t be unfair to detect on the basis of are the expense and the inconvenience. The neither of them are its fault though, so I’ll only deduct one and a half instead of 2.
8.5/10

…and JERUSALEM (the play, not the hymn or the troubled city) stays open because it only attracted two reviews last time out.
I’ve never seen this, but as a guess I’d say it was Jez Butterworth’s gorgeous, expansive new play which comes at its audience in unpredictable gusts, rolling from comic to furious, from winsome to bawdy. It’s a lament for England – and specifically England, not Britain.
6/10
Posted by Mandi on April 13, 2010

Can only comment on Doritos, but looking forward to the reviews of others to find out more about the other subjects;

Doritos 8/10
Used to be inedible cardboardy things but these days very tasty. Triangle shape makes them good for dipping in things and getting a good dollop. Cheese ones are yummy, but some of the “fusion” flavours are quite wierd and I would give them a miss. Often on offer at Morrissons for £1 a bag.
Posted by Jon on April 13, 2010

Gok Wan:
The man’s name is an anagram of what I do rather than watch his show whenever it pollutes my telly. For this alone: 8/10

Doritos:
They’re as addictive as smack but they have the opposite effect on your waistline. If you can strike a balance between heroin and Dorito abuse you’ll have the ideal figure. Very tasty too. 9/10

Ecstasy:
Less addictive than Doritos. Maybe about as addictive as Quavers. Less pleasant than Quavers. Stick to Quavers. 1/10

Two and a Half Men:
A friend described it as a watered down version of Charlie Sheen’s actual life. I can see his point. They’ve filmed Charlie Sheen on a day-to-day basis, edited out the unbroadcastable bits and this is what’s left. 3/10.

Paintball:
Running and getting shot are numbers one and two respectively in my personal hit parade of things I try not to do. However, PJ getting shot in the face on Byker Grove (howay man ah canna see sheet, layke) was a defining moment of my childhood. So it’s ups and downs really. Let’s call it 4/10.
Posted by h2osarah on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – The only time they came on my radar was when Russell Brand made a joke about their chastity rings on the ‘much music video awards’. As long as they continue to stay under my radar, I’m fine with them.

GOK WAN – I’ve seen some of his shows. He’s a bit obnoxious, with questionable taste in style, but he seems to make the women on his shows happy, so I suppose he’s forgiven for that. 5/10

DORITOS – They’re yummy, but there are better snacks. Also they’re addictive and leave an awful orange residue on your fingers. 7/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN – I watch this as well. It’s pretty awfully misogynistic, in parts and the jokes are always in the same vein, Charlie’s a drunk man-whore, Alan’s pathetic and cheap and Jake (the kid) is stupid. It’s not the best sitcom that I’ve seen, but it’s not the worst either. 6/10

PAINTBALL – I’ve seen bruises that other people get from paintballing, so I’m too scared to go. But at the same time, it looks like a lot of fun.
Posted by Misha on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers 0/10
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let us kill them with spoons.

Gok Wan 8/10
Seems like a nice enough bloke, does nice things and tries to make ladies happy, Bit odd though, essentially a television gay friend for the masses.

Dortios 3/10
Stain everything in sight and stab you in the roof of the mouth/gums with alarming regularity. But they are triangular and that’s quite fun.

Ecstacy 2/10
I was good friends for a while with assorted druggies, if you aren’t paying enough attention its actually quite hard to tell if someone is on e. Responsible for one of the most terrifying near misses with the law I’ve ever had. Sat with a friend who was high, I thought she was cold. We were all shakey and cold, cops turned up and she subtle suggested we went to sit indoors somewhere. Didn’t reveal until we’d found a mcdonalds she was high as a kite. Never actually known anyone to be adversely affected by it unless you count the time someone else nearly threw me over the side of a bridge when high. Luckily I was drunk and thought it was funny. I’d like to refer to that as my “off the rails” period. Overall not one of the worst but still probably a bad idea.

There.
Posted by Clembear on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers – Disney franchise that is not only one of their odd exercises in branding across everything, but takes rock music which is regularly about sex and selling it to children and then insisting they wear purity rings to suppress desires that were enouraged by the music. At concerts they spray foam into the faces of their fans using hoses. Not a euphemism. But aren’t about sex at all. No, no, no.
The boys seem nice enough if a little bland. 2 for music, 0 for selling sex to children then shaming them for it, and using that shame to sell them more things.

Doritos – Yummy but risky. And that funny stuff on them that sticks to things. Prefer plain tortilla chips. 6.

Gok Wan – I think he’s in favour of people accepting themselves and liking themselves which is great, but his method of doing this is a bit narrow. And he sprays naked women with a hose whilst they shiver in a swimming pool, which also was in Schindler’s List. And uses shame to get women to buy more things under the guise of empowerment. So 2.

Ecstasy – Within the category of drugs, which is contentious and complex, this is less harmful than lots others (according to Dr Nutt’s harm index) and like many drugs, people enjoy taking it. So a 5 for drugs as a category, a 9 for ecstasy within that, giving it a weighted 4.5.

2.5 men: Charlie Sheen is a unapologetic wife beater. The show is terrible. So 0.5.
Posted by Rachael on April 13, 2010

Doritos, I have to admit to being biased against Doritos cheese flavour as I hate all cheese crisps (and a lot of cheeses) the cool/salty ones are ok but in general they are not as good as a lot of other crisps out there and Doritos salsa is plain wrong. 2/10

ecstasy. I have tried ecstasy a few times ‘in my youth’ since growing up in a small country town required making your own entertainment. i have to say I bloody loved it. It made you feel full of warm glowing love for all around you, and you would have really really meaningful conversations with friends or strangers about very little. Downsides include the gurning or desire to chew and the fact that you smoke way more cigarettes then you normally would since they don’t really register. (that is if you are a smoker, it isn’t compulsory to smoke whilst on e). I do however believe that drugs are a youth thing and now I am far too scared to ever consider doing them again, for health reasons and also due to consequences on my career. Also considering how bad hangovers are now ten years on I would hate to experience a come down. 8/10
Posted by Carl on April 13, 2010

I’ve been waiting for things I dislike to come on here, so thank you.

Before I start I’m aware some things (Inc the language used) may be controversial but I do not intend to offend anyone of you delightful folk on here.

Gok Wan:

His passion in his job makes me want to like him but I just can’t get past the fact he’s a Cunt. Like the popstar Mika, he tells fat women they’re gorgeous than brags about high ratings. Fuck off. He uses the insecurities of vulnerable, sweet females to ultimately gain fame. Disgusting little man. 1.5/10. (the 1 is because I’m a lover not a fighter, no human is classed as a 0. The 0.5 is because I like his glasses)

Two And A Half Men:

Charlie Sheen’s forced performance and constant need to show his chicken legs in ridiculous shorts makes me want to peel the skin off my face and wipe my arse with it. 0.3/10
Posted by Dan on April 13, 2010

Doritos – The One show of the crisp world. You know that they’re of poor quality, and are probably bad for you to indulge in, yet you always seem to gravitate towards them, and secretly kind of enjoy them. 6/10
Posted by Al Napp on April 13, 2010

whoops, Scores:
THE JONAS BROTHERS: N\A

I’M NOT THERE: 9/10

GOK WAN: 3/10

DORITOS: 5/10 (nice flavours) 1/10 (horrid flavours) 8/10 (with Dip)

ECSTASY: 6/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN: N\A

PAINTBALL: 2/10

JERUSALEM: N\A
Posted by david on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers – I don’t listen to their music, but I do feel that they shouldn’t be judged so harshly for appealing to a young audience or for being celibate, surely those two things should go together? Better than overtly sexual stars like Britney or Christina. I’m sure there music is the standard disney fare which has it’s place. There is one thing that I’ve heard which is that when they started they did note for note covers of Busted songs after Busted had failed to ‘break’ America, which makes me feel sad for Busted. Overall I think this band of brothers shouldn’t be judged for what the corporation behind them may be doing, but a bit of originality would be nice. 5.5/10

I’m Not There – I saw this film in a New York art house cinema with 150 other people who thought they were cool for being in an art house, but only because I had been dying to see it and it wasn’t showing anywhere. The conceit of the six actors had interested me a lot, especially considering they were all actors I admire, and the subject of the film too. I would say that if you don’t know anything about Bob Dylan, the film doesn’t make it easy for you. I saw it with two friends who weren’t fans and afterwards they were confused, one even said “Oh, they were all the same person?” The film is a biopic of a man who was a different person to different people at different times of his life. In his autobiography (also very good) he talks about his confusion at being called the voice of a generation etc. The film is visually diverse and interesting with fantastic acting (Cate Blanchett seems to have received the most praise for her part but they are all fantastic, I was going to type a favorite but I can’t). I was unique among my friends in my enjoyment of the film, but that may be due to knowing about the film beforehand and knowing what to expect. I recently rewatched it on DVD and enjoyed it again, but it did seem a little long the second time. All in all an interesting and brave cinematic portrait that doesn’t attempt the impossible: pinning down a man. 8.5/10 (only for Dylan fans… and diehard Ben Whishaw fans)
Posted by Al Napp on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS:
Um me too on the “missed that” front

I’M NOT THERE (Bob Dylan-themed film):
Absolutely superb, both my wife (Dylan Fan) and I (like a very very small bit of Dylan every now and then) thoroughly enjoyed it. The central conceit (different person play a different person representing a different part of Dylan’s life) is surprisingly not at all irritating and Cate Blanchette is particularly good as “Judas” Dylan.

GOK WAN (person)
Go Wank, started out as a refreshing change from the “must be thin” brigade, now an overexposed irritant.

DORITOS (corn snacks)
Nice in nice flavours, horrid in horrid ones. Need dip

ECSTASY (drug; I’ve never done it)
Neither have I, but many friends did, and enjoyed it. Should be legalised and regulated so punters know exactly what they are getting.

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show)
See Jonas Brothers

PAINTBALL (activity)
A fabulous activity as it give violent nerds a bruising outlet for their pent up aggression, leaving us placid ones alone to enjoy the quiet.

…and JERUSALEM (the play, not the hymn or the troubled city)
Damn, I wish you wanted a review of the film. You may struggle to get quorate on this one
Posted by gib on April 13, 2010

jerusalem is wonderful. i loved every moment of it; went twice and bought a copy of the script which i read about a dozen times. it only loses a point for being better than i am able to put into words. 9/10

paintball. i went once and spent most of my time bewildered. the killer instinct that seemed to overtake everyone else didn’t seem to affect me. i did enjoy it, though i spent most of my time too panicked to be any good at it. my only successful moment was when i accidentally shot the instructor in the face from a distance of about five metres. he wasn’t actually playing though so wasn’t too pleased. 7/10

everything i know about doritos makes me hate them but once i’ve had a couple of the lime ones, i just can’t stop. 6/10

two and a half men doesn’t do anything for me. it seems like it’s come straight out of the 1970s. 2/10

gok wan. i have a secret fear that my friends will notice that i only ever wear one of three t-shirts or two shirts and set someone like gok wan on me. i don’t want to be naked in bluewater. 4/10 though without the fear it would probably bump up to 6.

the other three i can’t offer marks for because i haven’t watched, listened or popped them.
Posted by DeborahF on April 13, 2010

Gok Wan – saw him on the Comedy Roast and was so wound up by him I wanted to roast him in a blisteringly hot oven. Definite -100 for being the most annoying person in humanity.
Posted by JennyB on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers – I don’t think it’s the actual “band” I find so irritating, it’s their legion of obsessed fans, who will bite you in the shins if you say you don’t really like them. Also, I hate the fact that the brothers seem to think it’s incredibly impressive that they write their own songs AND play their own instruments. Okay, so maybe it is the band. In that case 2/10.

Gok Wan – Opinions of him might be gender specific; most guys I know seem to hate him, but the girls generally love him and think he gives good advice, even if the number of words he uses for breasts is getting rediculous. I personally really enjoy his shows, and if he’s building confidence for women with low self esteem, that’s got to be a good thing, right? However, my friend’s mum once said that Gok looked like me, and to make matters worse, she said that while looking at a picture of him as a teenager when he weighed 21 stone. Ouch. For that 8/10.

Doritos – Good with dip. But I prefer Pringles. 5/10
Posted by Adele on April 13, 2010

I can only really comment on Doritos and Paintball.

So then;

Doritos – very yummy snack and rather addictive, but let down by it’s triangular shape. As I was one of those opposed to Toblerone in the last review, it will come as no surprise that I’m not a fan of triangular food that stabs you in the roof of your mouth and gets stuck in your teeth. BUT, Doritos on the whole, win me over. 8/10. This would become 10/10 if they became round or oval shaped.

Paintball: A game that messes with your head. Extreme pain leading to huge purple, blue and black round bruises – but so much fun at the same time. You don’t really want the game to start because you know you’ll be in pain almost straight away, but then when it does, you don’t want it to end because you managed to convince yourself you are John McClayne from Die Hard half way through and have started doing combat rolls and discussing tactics.

I played this a year ago and got hit so hard at close range that the resulting bruise on my inner thigh is still a little visible even now.
Still, as a 5ft 2″ girlie, it is good fun when you shoot all the testosterone fuelled ‘stags’ and put them out of the game. 8/10.
Posted by Ben Draper on April 13, 2010

I’M NOT THERE – As a big fan of Bob Dylan i bought this film spurred on by the thought of him being portrayed (rather accurately) by Cate Blanchet. Having watched it I can safely say that it is the most confusing film of all time, there is no coherent story line, just impressionist depictions of the artist throughout his life. Most of the people playing Bob don’t look anything like him, one of them is black which confused the hell out of me early on before i got the picture. The film flits between decades at a confusing rate and, in my opinion the film is a crazy mess. But isn’t that just Bob. Depending on how patient you are with it, the film is either an ingenious and inventive way of demonstrating the persona and lifestyle of Bob Dylan or a farcical moronic two hour romp through far too many ideas, most of which don’t make sense on their own. Only watch it if you are interested in Bob Dylan

6/10

DORRITOS – I made it clear last week that Toblerone was the best triangular snack but I do really like chili heat-wave, they are incredibly moorish. Really do benefit from a dip.

Without dip – 5/10
With dip – 7.5/10

Ecstasy – I’ve never done it myself but I’ve been with friends whilst they were doing it. This experience has showed me that it involves making your eyes very wide, moving around on the spot and putting your hands on your head whilst heavy breathing every time an electro song comes on. It also involves a fair bit of getting robbed or sold fake pills by drug dealers and one instance of stealing a disposable camera from the birthday party of someone we knew and getting court. Basically it makes you stupid and love techno. Which is worse? I don’t know.

0/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN – I’ve never seen if but I have been on the set of it. Purely for this reason;

8/10

GOK WAN – He’s sort of weird, I’d hate to have to talk to him but girls really do seem to like him and he does know what he’s talking about so i think he’s pretty good.

7/10
Posted by Chris H on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers. Youngsters for youngsters, but not as terrible as you might expect. 5/10

I’m Not Here. I’ve not seen it, but a friend told me that it is good, but too consciously “different”. 6/10

Gok Wan. Makes people with negative body images feel good about themselves – which can only be a good thing. He would be very annoying if you don’t like skinny camp gay men. 7/10

Doritos. Love them – but not as much as Pringles. They can leave your fingers covered in (tasty) orange dust. 8/10

Ecstasy. No idea – bound to be overrated. 0/10

Two and a Half Men. A generous review based on one episode only: Vacuous, drivelling, predictable cr*p. 1/10

Paintball. Suprisingly fun, even for wimps like me. Potentially painful. 7/10

Jerusalem. Excellent. I can’t stand Mark Rylance, and I still really enjoyed it. 9/10
Posted by Jonty Hughes on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS: Unrealistic

GOK WAN: I don’t get it

DORITOS: They taste like cardboard, but I can’t stop eating them

TWO AND A HALF MEN: If this show was a UK thing, the Daily Mail would have a field day with some of the stuff the kid says/hears. Also, the critics would pan it, because it’s poor.

PAINTBALL: A lot of standing around and probably not much more fun than the altogether cheaper Lazer Quest.
Posted by Marie on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS: It’s probably not fair of me to comment because my knowledge of these is limited. I get the impression of fresh faced, sexless Disney teenagers. Complete with those chastity rings. Excuse me while I bang my head off a wall. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to save yourself for the right person, but stop using it as a fucking marketing tool.

4/10

GOK WAN: I’m on the verge of disliking him. I even stopped following him on Twitter recently. Don’t get me wrong, when Gok first burst onto our screens and started making women ‘feel good about themselves’, I watched and I cried along with the best of us. Gok was my hero. My heart was warmed by his pep talks and the confidence boost that these women were getting. But then he just started appearing everywhere. And it got old. Real fast. The final straw, I think, was the skit at the Channel 4 comedy thingy last Monday where I realised that I just don’t have the same love for him that I used to. It was fun Gok, while it lasted, but just… go away now. And stop saying ‘bangers’.

4/10

DORITOS: I thought I liked them, but I don’t know… I’ve actually found myself staring at them in the crisps aisle of the supermarket a couple of times recently and I always end up buying Hula Hoops or Pringles or McCoys instead. Doritos are nice, but a little too full of flavour for me, I think… They’re also incredibly brittle and get stuck in your teeth. And the coating gets all over your fingers. There is no dignified way of cleaning your hands short of washing them in the sink after every handful. And I *hate* that they’re shelved beside dips. Crisps should stand by themselves – they shouldn’t need dips to enhance them.

4/10

ECSTASY: Tried it once, out of curiosity, and never will again. Not that I had a bad experience on it – on the contrary, I couldn’t have been more textbook. Everything suddenly became ‘clearer’, I got a sudden burst of energy and danced for hours and when I went to the bathroom, I spent about ten minutes staring at my eyes in the mirror as my pupils had dilated to fascinating proportions. Then when the gig I was at was over, I drank about five pints of water. I’ll be honest – I had a really good night. But, as I said, it’s not something I’ll do again. I know someone who lost a very close family member because of Ecstacy – it’s not worth risking your life over, and for that reason I’ll give it 0/10.

TWO AND A HALF MEN: I’ve a peculiar love/hate relationship with this show. I massively dislike Charlie Sheen and I recognise that the show itself is juvenile, not particularly well written and should have been cancelled a few seasons ago. But then I’ll watch an episode and I’ll laugh, and I’ll forget about my dislike for Charlie Sheen. As sitcoms go though, it’s nowhere near the level of Frasier, which is my benchmark for how good a sitcom can be.

5/10

PAINTBALL: No, just no. I like my skin unbruised, thanks. It’s one of the reasons I’m glad I’m female. I can opt-out of paintballing in the way I couldn’t if I was a bloke.

2/10

Wow, I don’t seem to be in a good mood today… ‘Two and a Half Men’ with the highest score of 5/10?
Posted by Gareth on April 13, 2010

Doritos – Doritos specialise in creating a cheese crisp, one far cheeser than your average walkers crisp, a level of which reaches beyond the level of a wotsit. However un like a wotsit, the hard thin crisp is something that is hard to munch on alone without the aid of a dip, a disadvantage which is not found in the convential crisp. As a stand alone snack, they rate very low compred to other brands, but when hosting a party with several choices of dip, these crisps are in a world of their own.

5/10
Posted by Maddie on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers: Need a slap, a beer and some sexytime. 1/10

Gok Wan: Commendable in his efforts to make women feel better about their unfortunate aesthetics. However, he is getting paid for it, which takes away from the overall feeling of the show. He seems like an alright guy, but abuses his ability to touch women’s boobs and bums, provided by the ‘personal level’ in which his show takes stance. It’s like he is making up for what he didn’t do as a youth and can get away with it because of being who he is now. (Am aware he is gay, but that’s too much psychology to go into).
Although, I am jealous that he looks good in hats, but that goes for anyone who looks good in hats, not just Gok. 5/10 for being a cheery and friendly guy who likes to cop a feel and get paid for it.

Doritos: I like them for parties and film watching. Quite messy though. 4/10

Ecstasy: Not too sure how far to go on my review of this one. My personal opinion is that it is a waste of time and not really worth the risks involved or the 3-4 hours of acting like a prat. 0/10
Posted by cymruangel on April 13, 2010

Re. Ecstasy and drugs in general, I should add that I am not in favour of them. Except for the use of marijuana as a medicinal product, I see not point in any of them, and therefore have never been keen on “experimenting” (aka polluting your body with chemicals and risk delirium/death for no real reason).
Drugs are bad m’kay? So they’d all get a 0 rating from me.
Posted by Kirsten on April 13, 2010

Oh, and paintballing- the only time I’ve done it my sister shot me in the foot before we’d even started playing. Too painful to be fun.
Posted by Kirsten on April 13, 2010

Jerusalem- Sublime. Probably the best thing I saw at the theatre last year. Wonderful script, beautiful set, some live animals and a simply staggering performance from Mark Rylance. I saw it at the Royal Court, rather than the West End, but would recommend shelling out for the good seats. 10/10.
Posted by cymruangel on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – As far as I can tell, they’re only famous for being chaste. I’m sure they’re very nice boys but the whole thing leaves me entirely unmoved, which is perhaps because their target audience is about half my age. 2/10

GOK WAN – Gok can come across as quite irritating and almost as a pastiche of himself. But I think he really does care about making people happier with themselves, and using the word wangers on TV is just a bonus for him! 9/10

DORITOS – These underwhelm me. I’m not a fan of most of their flavours, which doesn’t help. V.good for parties, to be had with dip, but own-brand versions from major supermarkets also perform this function quite well. 4/10

ECSTASY – As far as I can tell from watching friends who’d taken it one afternoon on a country walk, this does absolutely nothing. The cheap fizzy wine we had a few hours later was much more mood-enhancing. 0/10

PAINTBALL – WHY would anyone willing undertake an activity that leaves them covered with bruises at the end of the afternoon for no reward? (Ok, well there’s rugby, but that’s different, because at least you win points for a league etc) Also, paintball caused the blinding of PJ (of PJ and Duncan, latterly And & Dec) in Byker Grove, so it is clearly heinous.
If you must have a game of shoot ‘em up, then go to a Lazerquest outlet, where the chances of anyone getting hurt are significantly lower. I will give it one point for keeping stag parties out of town centres though.
1/10
Posted by Anji on April 13, 2010

Doritos – I used to love the cheesy ones. Just them no other. But again as the the triangle chocolate of last week you have to be careful the points don’t jab you. I haven’t had these in quite a while but from memories alone I give them 7/10.

The Jonas Brothers – don’t really know a lot about them. All I know is that I skip over them in magazines. A harsh score of 2/10. I figure they deserve something for me sort of knowing their name!

Gok Wan – on really bad days I’d love him to pop out of the wardrobe and help me see things in a far more brighter light. Everyone should. He seems so bubbly and sensible with his advice. It’s not about going out and totally changing everything but working with what you have and adding a few core basics that help highlight.
8/10 – it’d be higher if there was a real chance of him popping out the wardrobe!

Drugs in general get a no rating from me. But that’s me.

Two and a half men – never watched a full episode but can be a filler when channel hoping. A nothing to rave about 4/10.

Paintball- only been once but quite enjoyed it! Brusies last a while but worth it. I advise always having people who normally have glasses but have to take them off, in order to wear the mask things. These people are best on the other team. It means your likely to get at least one hit. Mean but you’ll also find the sly, nifty, fit people are on that team too, so it equals out in the end.
Makes me want to go running around the woods again splatting anything that moves.
Paintball is a more fun version of quasar. 9/10.
Posted by Katelils on April 13, 2010

THE JONAS BROTHERS – I know very little about these guys except that they appear to be the butt of quite a few jokes I hear. However, based on the fact that any act spawned from the phenomenon of Disney is totally pants, I strongly suspect the same of these guys 1/10

GOK WAN – Love him! Did for women’s body confidence, what Jamie Oliver did for school dinners. Any man who says otherwise is probably just jealous of his ability to get girls to take their clothes off! 10/10

DORITOS – Not my favourite crispy snack of all time, but irresistibly moreish once you have a bag and a pot of something to dip them in. Slightly mean scoring on the basis that they are not very nice to eat on their own. 5/10

ECSTASY – Amazing so long as you don’t over do it. Imagine those moments in life where you think ‘I want to bottle this moment and this feeling for later’. That’s pretty much what it does for you. However, it’s not much fun waiting for it to work and becomes significantly less fun the more times you take it. Also, of course, *really* bad for your health! 8/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN – Not great. Watched once, may have chuckled, but never bothered again. 2/10

PAINTBALL – It hurts when you’re hit, so I was really scared most of the time! However, good for an adrenaline rush and for shooting your mates if you happen to be a pissed off with them for some reason. 7/10
Posted by fuzzy_ducky (Laura) on April 13, 2010

Awesome reviews on everything, and btw, I LOVE TOBLERONE, it’s one thing I always buy when in the duty free of an airport.

The Jonas Brothers – don’t get me started on them, I’ll end up doing something I don’t fancy doing.

Gok Wan – I’ve always imagined him being straight, and pretending (quite convincingly) that he is gay. Always getting to touch and look at women the way he does because he’s gay? Why wouldn’t a guy pretend to be gay?

Doritos – possibly the best triangular shaped Mexican food. Fantastic if having a night in with the girls and just an awesome snack in general. (Although you could/will end up with cheesey/chilli breath for a few weeks after consumption)

Ecstasy – A drug I’ve heard of many times, and have not once been tempted to try it. Why take a pill to speed up your heart rate when a can of red bull will do the same thing, or a cup of coffee for that matter. If taking a pill is what gives you the rush, why not take a vitamin C tablet, and then drink coffee?

Two and a Half Men – Whenever it’s on, I watch it. Although I’ve watched so many at this stage, I’m seeing repeats. Hilarious every time. Crude, yes, but undoubtedly the best comedy sitcom out there.

Paintball – I’ve seen friends come back black and blue from this activity, yet it never fazes my opinion. I WILL do this some day. When I can organise a group of willing participants and get the cash, I will go!!
Posted by Rachael on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers: Im not a fan, they come across as people who think they are way better/cooler than they actually are, they have horrible singing voices and I resent the comparisons to Hanson. Also, I don’t understand why their little brother, the ‘bonus jonas’ keeps popping up, 3 of them was more than enough. 1/10

Dorritos: I don’t like them. Never have, doubt I ever will. 2/10 only because they are easier to avoid than the Jo bros

Gok Wan: Not too offensive but he is abit loud and I probably wouldn’t wear the clothes he puts people in. 5/10
Posted by Kate on April 13, 2010

Ooops 2 & a half men score 6.5/10
Posted by Kate on April 13, 2010

Gok Wan – terribly annoying strange looking fool who’s own dress sense doesn’t bode well for the people he’s trying to style. 3/10

Two and a half Men – this is one of a few shows I can watch repeatedly. Its not one that makes me laugh like a hyena but makes me think “life could be worse” along with “I want some of that sun”. Mind you, if all teens were like Jake there would be no hope for this world and Jon Cryer portrays the love-lacking sap very well, as well as the annoying twerp. With his tight-walletedness he reminds me of a yorkshire man. It must have a padlock on it.
Posted by Laura on April 13, 2010

Surprisingly early post today – hoorah! Scarily small font, though.

The Jonas Brothers are a crime against God and man. I don’t even know their names, or any of their ‘songs’; they seem to be famous purely for being virgins, like a 3-piece (am I right about there being 3 of them? I really don’t know) male 1998 Britney (although I have always had a soft spot for her). I Wiki’d them in order to sound like I was critcising them with some sort of knowledge about them, but I have forgotten it all already because they seem so dull. Their existence is just plain wrong. 0/10.
Gok Wan. Sometimes I love him, so much so I even consider applying to How to Look Good Naked (always put off by the thought of people seeing me in my pants). Other times I want to shake him until he shuts up – man, he can go on. 7/10
Doritos are gross. Every flavour tastes exactly the same: they all taste like feet (or how I imagine feet to taste). Also, they are hazardous to your health. Why does any food need to be so sharp? Once you’ve had them, they are all you can taste for the next week (like Subway) and your fingers smell and feel absolutely appalling no matter how many times you wash your hands. Not improved by the addition of dip, either. 2/10
Two and a Half Men. I always thought that anything with Jon Cryer could only be good. Admittedly this was based solely on my love of him in Pretty in Pink. I was wrong; this show is awful. Why do so many people watch it? I have never even managed to sit through a whole episode, which is saying something for me as I am notorious for the amount of shit I will watch. 3/10

This is fun! I’m waiting for something to come up that I really detest…
Posted by Martin on April 13, 2010

I’m going to be even more useless than usual on these:

THE JONAS BROTHERS: no idea, but I don’t like the concept 1/10

I’M NOT THERE (Bob Dylan-themed film): Haven’t seen it

GOK WAN (person): Oh, I don’t know. I think his heart is close to being in the right place, but his talent isn’t. 3/10

DORITOS (corn snacks): Hardened corn paste coated with tasty chemicals. Yummy … especially with beer. 6.5/10

ECSTASY (drug; I’ve never done it): No idea. I’ll have a bourbon, ta. 0/10

TWO AND A HALF MEN (TV show): Never seen it but from what I’ve read 1/10

PAINTBALL (activity): Nope – not done that either. Quite fancy giving it a go. 5.2/10

…and JERUSALEM: Sigh – not seen that either.

I feel so culturally inadequate …
Posted by GLW on April 13, 2010

JONAS BROTHERS – I’m not sure I’ve ever actually heard the music, but I’m certain it is meaningless, inane, mass-produced pop nonsense. More worryingly, these are young famous men who are intentionally not having sex. This is wrong. I think one of them is married now though, so he might be having sex. On the other hand, they might be having sex with each other. In which case, I hope they are not actually brothers. I don’t think they are brothers, I think that is a deception engineered to whip their poor groupies into a greater frenzy of sexual frustration. 1/10

GOK WAN – calls breasts “bangers”, which I find deeply offensive and a little nauseating. Looks like a cartoon character though, which is a plus. Also, he used to be really fat, so good for him for losing so much weight. He does seem to do good things for women’s self-esteem, but in a slightly exploitative way… 6/10

DORITOS – nice if you put them under the grill with salsa and grated cheese to make a nacho platter. I don’t like any flavour except normal though, as they taste weird and artificial. 7/10

PAINTBALL – I have never tried it because apparently it really hurts when the paintballs hit you, and I bruise really easily. However, it is useful for getting men out of the way on a weekend. 5/10
Posted by glamlovinkitty on April 13, 2010

Jonas Brothers – I have no idea who they are or what they do (or even if they’re really brothers or if it’s just a cunning name) and I can’t be arsed to google them, so thats a 0/10 for me because in my world they don’t exist.

Gok Wan – until last week I didn’t really have any particular feelings about him, other than he’s mildly annoying. However as of last week I dislike him a bit more. He did a little bit on the comedy Gala thing with that Kevin Bishop guy, and didn’t take the opportunity to smack him in the chops with a brick on which the words ‘You are a talentless, pointless gimp whose impressions need to be spelled out because nobody could even guess who they were meant to be; please remove yourself from public sight and stop taking airtime away from talented comedians’ written on it. For this, I judge him and therefore, Gok-boy, you get a 1/10 for me. And you only get the 1 because of designing a bra with the excellent name ‘Banger Booster’. You would have got more than a 1 if the Banger Booster had actually worked. Sadly, my bangers remained unboosted.

Doritos – minging. Just horrible. The only foods that are THAT orange and edible are oranges, carrots and wotsits. Doritos have the texture of carboard and the taste of ming. I’m not a fan of tortilla chips in general though. Like the toblerone, they are hurty. 0/10.

Ecstasy – I’ve never done it either, but anyone I’ve known to take it turned into an annoying twat. 0/10

Two and a Half Men – like it. It’s not as good, or clever, as Scrubs, but I still like it. The format may be getting a little tired though, as each episode is really just a variation of the last. Even with an engagement under his belt, Charlie’s hard drinking, hard shagging character hasn’t evolved much. But, for the 8pm slot on a weeknight it’s pretty easy viewing. 7/10

Paintball – seems to me it’s really only for 13 year old geeks who spend most of their time in Games Workshop, so it’s never really appealed to me. It was probably only invented so that the Games Workshop geeks didn’t get rickets from never venturing outdoors. But, 4/10 in that it keeps them away from anywhere I might be.
Posted by Josh T on April 13, 2010

two and a half men: 4/10 forgot to post it on the end of my review
Posted by Josh T on April 13, 2010

jonas brothers – whats 250ft long and has no pubic hair, the front row to a jonas brother concert . . . enough said therefore 1/10 im not sure if i could score a 0

two and a half men – a cliched show where charlie sheen acts as a much more successful Stifler from the american pie movie. his brother alan played by john cryer is naturally unsuccessful at anything in general and while not only being a failure at any prospective relationship in the series is also a bit of a fail as a actor. The half a man and numerious scantily clad page 3 ‘could be’s’ is the series only redeeming factor, and we wonder why Charlie Sheen has anger issues?
Posted by Thomas on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – Awesome Disney cheese, along with High School Musical is a winner!!! (7/10)

Gok Wan – He is one of them people I love on TV but would hate in real life and want to slap, but seems as I’m never going to meet him I’ll score him well (6/10)

Doritos – With dip = 9/10, without dip = dry mouth!!! (3/10)

Ecstacy – Tried twice, bad stuff, does horrible things to your jaw (4/10)

Two and a Half Men – One of those shows that seems american and annoying when you first watch it, but after half a dozen or so episodes when you know the characters is fantastic and very very addictive (9/10)

Paintball – The best way to spend an afternoon with your mates (I haven’t tried go-karting which I imagine to be better). May release some inner aggression you never knew you had (8/10)
Posted by Carla on April 13, 2010

Oh, I forgot Paintball (and am revelling in being the first to comment): could be a good idea, pretend war with pretend big guns, with only humiliation rather than maiming and death ensuing for the weak/unfit/not-really-caring participants. I took it in that spirit when I was invited to participate for someone’s birthday. I’m not totally unfit though I prefer the longish slow run through untouched countryside to the more adrenaline-fuelled sprint and tussle of some team sports. Needless to say after such introduction, I wasn’t a convert. The paint balls actually hurt. The grounds (a bit of woods in Leicestershire) demanded far more stamina than I had, and the equipment was definitely not suited for a female (it was heavy, and did not fit well despite me being 5.8ish and not thin). I suppose I just didn’t get into the spirit of it all, I hate all team building exercises that require aggression, and at best I could only effect some sort of painstaking, dull, boring ambush-y thing.
I would expect Laserquest to be more dynamic with less encumbrance. (Really though, if I have to do an activity in the woods, it’s going to be Go Ape even though I have terrible vertigo.) 3/10
Posted by Adam on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – I don’t really know what they do, some sort of high school musical style teen pop I guess. But I think they use the idea of being celibate as a marketing tool to actually bring the idea of sex to the fans. Or something like that. 2/10

Gok Wan – unbearably annoying 0/10

Doritos – I like doritos, especially with chilli. However, all flavours seem to taste pretty much the same. 5/10

Ecstasy – I’ve never done this either, so I will wildly and inaccurately tell you its the best thing of all time 10/10 (you may wish to weight this answer given the evidence)

Two and a half men – one of those shows that you never really tune in to watch, but when you do stumble across it its pretty inoffensive and occasionally enjoyable (6/10)

Paintball – really quite fun. Good because you can get the adrenaline feeling of being at war without the risk of being properly shot in the head. Good for those of us who would like to think we’d be good in the army but don’t have the cojones to actually do it. (9/10)
Posted by Paul O'Regan on April 13, 2010

Huh. I am familiar with precisely none of those.
Posted by Susanne on April 13, 2010

The Jonas Brothers – what is the point of these???
Posted by Sarah Hazell on April 13, 2010

Gok Wan – Annoying, and yet seems to do wonders for peoples self-esteem. We were only talking about him yesterday, and comparing his programs to Snog, Marry, Avoid. The latter does nothing for society. Nothing.

Paintball – Immense fun, although I still have bruises from going last Monday. I got really into it, and despite having a mask thing don’t be shocked if you get shot in the head. It hurts, but it gives you some sense of achievement if your team wins.

Doritos – Tangy cheese is just too tangy. The ‘cool’ ones are nice though. That is all.

The others will require more thinking… I’ll get back to you!
Posted by Carla on April 13, 2010

Doritos: I like all corn tortillas, a remnant of the gush of discovery of Mexican and TexMex food. BUT Doritos are too salty, too fatty, and the packs are too big (or too small, the horrible ones with extra added spice). 4/10

Two And a Half Men: One and a Half of these are annoying, nasty, violent little bullies (or in the case of the half-one, look set to become one). It’s rarely funny, very dependent on the tabloid-friendliness of Charlie Sheen (who hasn’t done a decent thing since Wall Street, and is definitely the least, no strike that and write non-, talented of the whole Sheen/Estevez clan). I’m sure I’ve read this somewhere else (I’m sorry, I cannot remember where but will offer a general ‘acknowledgement’ that it isn’t my idea), but premising a sitcom on Jon Cryer being the boring, straight dude to Charlie Sheen’s eccentricity and ability to bed women – how could that be funny? Even Two Pints of Lager is (at least in its second series) a better bet. 1/10 (the 1 for poor Jon Cryer’s career)

The Very Late Review: Episode Two

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