I am the mob
Today as yesterday I’ve not managed to do the blog I wanted to, because of a combination of other pressures. Thank you very much for all the encouraging comments. Given that I’ve already made no secret of my perennially rather frail self-esteem, I’m sure I will not appear to be bullshitting when I say they meant a lot.
I’m getting ready to be on Radio 4′s The Now Show, which would normally be a pretty benign gig, but to someone a little low on confidence is a more intimidating prospect than it ought to be. Tomorrow I should be able to get back to more substantial blogging, but at least I’m keeping it going in some form. I’ll just quickly remind you that this is your last chance to contribute to the Very Late Review (Episode 2), by critiquing the likes of Toblerone and the film Moon. Leave a Comment in the last ‘Very Late Review’ blog to register your review. There are already 90, astoundingly, so it’s going to take me a bit of time.
Now, on a non-entirely-unrelated-to-criticism note:
As you might know by now, I write a weekly blog for Yahoo! News. What happens is, I choose a fairly light-hearted piece of news, and write a not-too-weighty article on it. That’s it. But instead of 600 people or so, like this blog, it gets read by closer to 60,000, because it’s on Yahoo.
I’ve never expressed any opinion in this blog which is anything other than light and frothy, other than occasional very mild bits of satire. There’s no real claim that it’s going to be hilarious. It’s just a news blog. It’s all fine.
Since it began, however, I’ve received a lot of hateful comments every week. I don’t mind it when people leave them on the blog itself, because if you can be bothered to say things like ‘I hope you burn in hell’ in response to a few jokes about airport security, you’re not someone I need to engage with. But more and more of these comments are being left on this blog. Here is one from today. This is pretty mild, by the standards of Yahoo’s readers.
I have just read your article on Yahoo about the new X Ray machines in airports. I wrote several derisory comments about you, the author of the piece. Now I know who you are I am doubly disappointed. I have seen you on many TV comedy programs and really enjoyed your satirical slightly twisted humour. I hadn’t actually realised that you were trying to be funny in this article though. I can only recommend that if you are tired or have no real opinion or humour to offer, do your career a favour and don’t write anything at all. Sorry chap.
Now, none of this is too bad – I find it quite amusing that he boasts of writing ‘several derisory comments’ – and it’s tame indeed compared with someone calling me a cunt, expressing the hope that my wife leaves me, or predicting I will be murdered, all of which have happened in the past few months. But I don’t really care for it. Of course, it’s the internet, and I’m paid to write the Yahoo articles, and part of the implicit contract I make is that I’m fair game for criticism: same as every time I do a gig.
But if this guy and a lot of far more poisonous individuals have the right to say what they want to/about me – which they do – what are my rights? For example, what if I published the email address of the above commenter and invited you to reply to him? What if I put his details on Twitter? Of course, it would be a bit of a bully’s trick – there are more of us than him – but then, the venomous remarks people write tend to be based on the notion that no comedian is ever going to reply.
There are good reasons why I should not, indeed, reply – biggest among them being that it just privileges the other person with more importance than he ought to have. But good can be done. Last year someone wrote an unpleasant article on Chortle about my cider advert, using the licence that comes from knowing there’ll be no reply. I did reply, publicly, defending myself. The guy was surprised and wrote to me to apologise for his original claims, and I felt a lot better than if I’d ‘risen above it’. So… hmm.
Anyway. I thought we could have a discussion about the appropriate way for me to handle criticism on the internet. A lot of it can be avoided by not reading it. Sometimes it can’t. I need a strategy for those cases. Over to you.
Posted by knox on May 9, 2011
I remember reading your yahoo articles, and then wondering at the comments below-just a bit horrified, really, at the shit some people spout, and how incredibly nasty and personal people choose to be. This is a slightly different situation (given that what you wrote was funny and intelligent and not out there because your mum had paid for it to be), but it reminds me of Charlie Brooker’s article responding to people’s comments on that Rebecca black song. People saying she should get lost and die, and other pleasant sentiments. I think his response was, if they think writing that sort of thing to someone whose crime is just making bad music, maybe they should go live out the rest of their existence away from humanity.. Not sure that has v much point, now I think about. It, but have typed it now so it’s staying!
I think the anonymity afforded people by the internet, and the remove they feel from what they write means things they would never dream of saying to someone’s face, they feel fine posting online. I don’t quite know where people get off being so messed up and pathetic, but I can’t think why else they’d do it.
With regards to reaction, hard and incredibly irritating as it is (I know- I get upset at a hell of a lot of comments on stuff like forums and comment is free about how stupid people must be to follow religion etc, and that’s stuff that’s not even directed directly at me, nor based on anything I’ve written), I think ignoring them is the best way to deal with it in these cases. These are not people interested go hearing intelligent points of view or in any kind of dialogue. They are stupid, ignorant and arrogant, and any acknowledgement only fuels their self-importance.
Posted by Corey on April 9, 2010
Ruddy hell, I’ve just been looking through the yahoo blog comments again, my word people are getting their knickers in a twist at what is surely supposed to be a light hearted look at recent news stories??
Yahoo readers need to relax a little, we’ve only got a short spell on this earth, why get angry at Mark……if you don’t like the idea, get angry with the system…its not as if Mark’s responsible for airline security, and implimented this new system so he could do a humorous blog about it?
Posted by Beth on April 9, 2010
I think this comment will mostly repeat what others have said but, I’ll post it anyway.
I think the main thing to do here is concentrate on all the people that leave you positive comments for you’re writing/humour etc. Surely those are the comments that matter? I know that it will be the negative ones that play on your mind and that stay with you, but, they are not a true reflection on your popularity. They are the sad, morons who have nothing better to do than insult comedians over the internet. I’m almost positive that if you saw these people in the street, they would be so brave as to call you a cunt to your face.
By all that rambling, I mean that you have to be the bigger and better person and rise above the criticism. Fair enough if it’s constructive, which gives you something to think about and work on, but if it’s downright rude and insulting, then ignore it, more on and try not to let it destroy your confidence.
And, I don’t care what other people say, I read this blog everyday and enjoy it immensely. I do think you’re hilarious and am looking forward to seeing you on tour later this year!
Posted by Phill on April 9, 2010
I love the idea of sending the person who criticised a really nice tweet. I think the problem is, as you have rightly assessed, anonymity. I think the only real solution is to think that some people just don’t have anything better to do than post horrible comments on blogs, and it’s nothing to do with you – it’s exclusively their problem. Maybe you could get one of the forum crew (or some of them) to remove hateful comments before you see them!
Posted by Gareth Smith on April 9, 2010
Hi Mark. I read this blog every day and never fail to enjoy your entries. People like this criticise you to get noticed, to feel like they are important as obviously you have taken the time out to single them out and what they have said. It’s easy to just say ignore them but not drawing attention to it would certainly stop anyone else thinking of making a name for themselves having a pop.
I would love it if this individual went to one of your shows and heckled you. He would quite rightly be cut down to size in public. Unfortunately the internet is faceless, and people can hide behind their keyboards. Keep up the good work, this blog is a genuine highlight amongst a sea of internet shit.
Posted by Dave Fields on April 9, 2010
Rick Procter was correct, it was bad etiquette for me to make a scornful comment here but I was not aware of the protocol on this site and for that I applogise.
Necessary or not, I have written a letter of explanation to Mark’s agent so it will not clutter these pages.
To all the good people, I will leave you to enjoy Mark and his humour.
Posted by Catherine on April 9, 2010
Having read most of the replies to today’s (yesterday’s) blog, Shell’s stands out. I couldn’t agree with her more. She very articulately stated what I couldn’t. BTW did they let you back in the BBC?
Posted by Amy on April 9, 2010
The internet is increasingly becoming a nasty place – more and more people will say online what they would never say to you face to face.
Perhaps a ‘make the internet a better place by not acting like a git’ pledge movement is the way to go. Part of the 10 year challenge perhaps…
Posted by Rick Procter on April 9, 2010
To Mr Dave Fields, author of the original paragraph and the more recent comment above… You appear to be asking Mark to justify himself (“Tell me you think the article you wrote was a good piece…”). Surely this is purely a question of personal taste? You’re naturally quite entitled to your own opinion, but as you can see from the comments here (as well as plenty on Yahoo News) it differs from that of many others. As for my own personal view, I always find Mark full of entertaining humour and insightful opinion, and I (evidently amongst many, many others) certainly won’t be asking Mark to stop any time soon. So why should you? If you didn’t like the article, shrug and move on – it’s up to your own taste, which of course you’re entitled to. However, since so many other people are clearly delighted with what Mark comes up with, how can your comments be justified?
May I also ask you to keep your comments to the appropriate places? Your original comment here was added against a blog post that was entirely unrelated to the Yahoo News article – surely this is poor etiquette? Yahoo News has ample space for you to post your views, and frankly I regard it as rather petty and even vindictive of you to have specifically hunted down this blog to leave an unnecessary comment in an irrelevant place.
That’s my opinion anyway.
Posted by Madeleine on April 9, 2010
Oh! I just remember, Tom Ballard (australian comedian) does this thing called “tweet love to haters” where if anyone tweets him a mean message, he gets his followers to send them a nice tweet because they must be so unhappy with their lives. I don’t know how that would help you, but i thought it was a lighthearted but effective idea.
Posted by Madeleine on April 9, 2010
When I read the awful stuff that some people had said on your Yahoo blog, it actually really affected me, I was so angry and personally hurt for you but I had told myself that it was okay because as if you cared about what these fuckwits think. You really shouldn’t care about what these fuckwits think.
I think it would give us all a sense of satisfaction, of grim justice if you were to post this persons email or something and then we told them what they could do with their uneducated unfiltered opinion spouting, but I don’t think that would be the right thing. When you react to these things you really make them bigger than they are, and yes, although some of them could admit that they’d made a mistake, I’m sure most people who write stuff like that would really just like the attention. I’m sure you know all this and have thought it through much more than me, but thinking about this stuff more and talking about it just makes it present in everyones mind and sours what we’re actually doing here.
That being said, the one time I ever came up against bullying and abuse, I ingored it and never spoke about it, and after about a yearcircumstances changed and it stopped but it did affect me in my heart for a long time. So maybe this discussion is the right thing to do, to get it out there and clear the air.
Posted by rvdk on April 9, 2010
The only advice I could give is a bit trite I’m afraid, and it’s just to ignore it (as in, don’t read them at all), though tricky if you’re your own moderator.
Oddly enough, I wrote about your run-in with Mr. Jesudason in my blog at the time (I think I may even have pointed out via twitter that you should spell his name right).
It’s here: http://roystonvanderkerkoff.wordpress.com/2009/09/11/the-small-world-of-the-web/
(as rambly then as now I’m afraid).
Posted by Deanna on April 9, 2010
Dear Mark, (sorry this post ended up sounding really wanky.)
You cannot please all people, all the time. Some people (who have neither taste nor sense of humour) are not going to like you or your writing. You must learn to ignore, unless you think the comment is valid. Do you? Did you do your best on that article? That is all we can ask really, as consumers.
It’s a shame that the comments appear to be attacking you personally and not the opinion you have put across. Or in the case of the person you’ve indicated, criticised your writing. I’ve a feeling they may have missed the point of the exercise. Weren’t you writing about the news?
How many of the comments on your article were positive? How many rated you, or your writing or your opinion, highly? If there were more of these, you’re doing well. Focus on these ones. It’s easy to say, less easy to do, I know, especially when you’re feeling low.
As a teacher I face criticism all the time, from students, parents and my bosses – often for things that are largely beyond my control. While my job isn’t dependent on popularity like yours, it is dependent on my performance, and the outcomes of that performance. You just have to keep doing your best. Because you know when you’re not, honestly. And if your best isn’t good enough one time, you do something different the next time, and the next time, and the next time. Unless the criticisms are constructive, meaning they are giving you specific feedback on how to improve, they are a waste of time and energy. “You’re not funny, how very disappointing” is not constructive. “I hope your wife leaves you, you cunt” is also not constructive, or really even relevant.
Posted by Louise on April 9, 2010
I forgot to add that whilst in waterstones the other day you were listed under the employees recommendation section. The picture is on my blog (in the link) two entries down incase you need proof. You must be doing something right
.
Posted by Dave Fields on April 9, 2010
Your chosen profession is comedian and as such, when on stage, invited onto a chat show or writing an article, people expect by nature of your profession, for you to be at least slightly humorous, or if you are Jack Dee morose. A politician is expected to talk about politics, a musician about sex and drugs and rock and roll, an actor about his latest movie, and a comedian all the above, but with humour.
I am not a wit, but I do appreciate that a comedian, more than any other artist wears his heart on his sleeve; so what you had on this occasion was one person who did not think you were funny and it upset you. Tell me you think the article you wrote was a good piece of comedy or even a reasonably well constructed edict and I will take your word as a comedian and Cambridge grad that it was. Or, as I said, do your career a favour.
Posted by Linsey on April 9, 2010
It’s hard and horrible to read bad things about yourself, but just remember that most of these people are massive twats. Whenever something like this happens, I always try to remember that even people I think are incredibly talented get feedback like this. I went to see Arcade Fire at Nottingham Arena and someone threw a shoe at Win Butler’s face. Some people are twats.
Posted by Shell on April 9, 2010
Disclaimer: I sometimes see things very clearly and launch into copious advice which I myself would possibly have difficulty taking if our situations were reversed. This is true of my opinions/advice below. Having read it all back I think I would struggle to not let the comments get to me, to see it for what it is and to keep my focus on all the lovely and positive comments instead. The phrase “snatching defeat right out of the jaws of success” can be applied to me all too often: I may give a lecture or presentation that I should be proud of but afterwards I’ll focus on the one tiny bit in two hours that did not go so well and end up feeling crap about it. I think lots of people do this sort of thing but we do have to at least try and view things differently. This links to your main TYSIC goal and in part to mine. So some of the advice below is as much to me as to you. I hope that is ok.
I was surprised to see the comment from that prick under yesterday’s blog. It has no business on this site and nor do any of the others you said were coming through here. I would suggest simply deleting them from this site and then blocking them if you can, as it’s a form of trolling and never respond to them. It is not censorship – there is a comments section on your Yahoo blog – they can comment there.
As to how to deal with nasty or negative comments on the Yahoo blog itself: totally ignore if they descend into ad hominem or silly unqualified negativity. Some people just use comments sections to feed their own desire for argument or to just pointlessly be nasty for whatever sad reason of their own – just look at YouTube. If, however, someone posts what you consider to be a genuinely considered criticism with reasoned non-personal argument then you might decide to reply.
As you said you are paid to blog and realised that there would be an element of this when writing for a non-specific 60,000 or so.
Remember: YOU have ALL the control in this situation.
You can block them posting on this site or delete if you decide their comment is inappropriate and unwanted.
You can decide to ignore the dumb, rude or personal comments on the Yahoo blog.
You can decide to reply to those that interest or amuse you or who give considered constructive criticism. Finally but most importantly YOU get to decide how much you are going to let these people’s comments affect you.
Finally if this was a nasty heckler at one of your shows, I bet you would just take control and give them only the attention necessary to shut them up, then think “fuck ’em” and get on with your performance.
—
I look forward to hearing you on the NOW show.
Take Care
Shell x
Posted by LisaD on April 8, 2010
PS Nope “Life the Universe and Everything.” Dammit!
Posted by Kate on April 8, 2010
Mark, these people are just trolls. Purposely going out of their way to make you respond. By the sounds of it, this guy has REALLY gone out of his way too! What a sad and unfulfilled life he must lead.
It’s that old chestnut – don’t give them the satisfaction!
Posted by LisaD on April 8, 2010
This just seems to be the way the internet works these days. Yahoo! Youtube, twitter, even when I play backgammon online, there always seems to be a collection of people who just live for the chance to say really horrible ignorant things. I’m fascinated by the number of people who think it’s ok to spew all this bile and vitriol and sometimes find myself reading them searching for some sign of what they get out of this behavior. Often I find myself thinking of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged, from the Hitchhiker books (I think So Long and Thanks for All the Fish, but I may be off) a character spending his immortal existence going to every living thing in the Universe and insulting it, in alphabetical order. The reason he was doing this was he was bored and pissed off and couldn’t cope with being bored and pissed off. To Arthur, this alien coming all this way to call him a jerk was a huge event in his life; to Wowbagger he had simply reached the “Ar” section of his list.
My point is you can’t engage these assholes, they’re on a mission. Nothing anyone says to them (and I’ve seen many try) so much as creates a dent in their armor. The internet for them is a place where they get to mouth off to the world and they are as important as anyone else. It’s tragic and gross, but communicating with them just increases their sense that spewing hate gets results.
Posted by MrMatt on April 8, 2010
I think the best thing to do is print off these highly inaccurate, foolish remarks. And shred them, burn them, stick them onto a dartboard and throw things at them.
Or alternatively, if you’re feeling less destructive just remember, we’re all here and we at least like your stuff! To heck with the fools! You’ve given masses of us the aim to improve ourselves over 10 years. All the greats have suffered criticisms, it’s one of the things we do in Britain, criticise those who are doing well, so the more you’re criticised, the more you must be doing things right!
Posted by Someone on April 8, 2010
People are lame. General public sort of people anyway. All Watson fans as far as I can tell seem nice/lovely, but for the most-part the world is populated by pointlessly opinionated pricklets. I have thoughts on how to cope with these people… but that is to be kept for late night conversations with my massively nihilistic housemate. Unfortunately you have the challenge of being optimistic, and you must think your way happy. You have the brains. Reason your way shot of their ‘thoughts and feelings’. What does it matter? (In a good/positive way!)
Posted by Magnificent Josh on April 8, 2010
It saddens me so to see that it is getting to you. Treat it like you would treat a really long heckle, there are always twats, just realise they are twats and that the opinion of twats is unimportant.
Posted by lisa brunders on April 8, 2010
I’ve never been confrontational. I can see the temptation to take revenge, but I don’t think it would be wise. Or nice, although if you really have killed a man the haters should beware!
It’s a sad fact of life that one negative comment easily outweighs a dozen positive ones.
I didn’t realise you had so many hits on here, that’s fantastic, and we all come on especially to follow and support YOU because we like you and your blogs. Whereas Yahoo has a very different audience.
Posted by Pilar on April 8, 2010
Your comedy and writing are both fab and come from such honesty… don’t let them get to you or give them more time than they deserve. Funny how those who have a go at you for expressing your opinion are always the first to offer theirs!
Do share with us – if only to get it off your chest and for comedy value! Good luck tomorrow, the Now Show is fab!
Posted by Megan on April 8, 2010
I wouldn’t bother responding. Some people are just asshats who can’t be arsed to be nice; they aren’t worth your time.
Free speech is overrated sometimes, says my inner fascist. I actually started subscribing to an ACTUAL PAPER NEWSPAPER for the first time in many years so that I don’t have to avert my eyes before reading the reader comments on a newspaper’s website. Sad, but true.
Posted by Lynsey on April 8, 2010
OMG you’re going on the Now Show?! I love that show! (Just had to say that first.)
I agree with Astrid – definitely don’t feed the trolls. They don’t deserve the satisfaction of getting a response from you or anyone else they target. Every abusive, hate filled comment they post says more about them than it does about you. You are better than they are.
Posted by Spencer on April 8, 2010
Despite the internet being the main hunting ground for neanderthals of this ilk I still find it amazing that people like this exist. Where do they hide when they’re not throwing grenades on the internet?
This might be a dumb question but why does Yahoo feel the need to provide a comments box for a humourous blog? Surely it doesn’t increase the readership. Or does it? I don’t know. If I were to compare internet based news or columns to their print media cousins, you wouldn’t have a magazine or newspaper saying “Have any inane shit to say, related to this article or otherwise? Well scribble it in crayon on a postcard and we’ll print every damn one of them, offensive or not.” It just strikes me as asking for trouble and not in the least bit constructive. I simply don’t see the point. (Where as my opinion differs for a blog like this one where you’re genuinely asking for interaction and forming a friendly and supportive community in the process. As an aside I find it a massive shame that someone infiltrated it yesterday with unsupportive comments when you needed supportive ones most. It’s pleasing to note though that you found all our other ones encouraging.)
Personally, I’m in agreement with everyone that has already said the best thing you can do is ignore the idiots. However, at the times where you feel it important to respond, all I can suggest that you say is the following:
“There are 20,340,000,000 pages on the internet. Please do not visit this one again.”
Posted by Anji on April 8, 2010
They are nobs. Who have an urge to share it in public in the most nobish way.
Let them get on with it, be thankful you aren’t one of them and that you have a great bunch of us who can only post nice things!
As annoying as the nobs are, and I know they will get on your nerves from time to time, they aren’t worth any of it.
Flick them into a gutter and concentrate on something that makes you happy – like all the wonderful people here!
Posted by Carl on April 8, 2010
There used to be this chap at my old job that took an immediate disliking to me. I never said or did anything to him, he just clearly didn’t like the look of me.
It didn’t bother me too much because I like to think I’m open minded enough to know that life is an adventure purely because there are so many opinions and different things out there, monotony is dull. Plus, he was dull. Ahem.
Anyway, he would often openly abuse me or put down anything I’d say and it was due to this lovely man that I discovered the ultimate tool in paying back those who are cruel to you: niceness.
I would go out of my way to be over-the-top in his face nice. When he would through me an insult I would just look him in the eyes and say something like “your shoes are looking gorgeous today”, or “my goodness is that new aftershave, you smell like an angel dipped in the laughter of a newly born baby”.
It would bug the HELL out of him. He would get so confused and was never sure if I was taking the piss, gay, or impossible to insult.
I suggest you do this to your nay sayers. It really does annoy people. Just send him a disgustingly nice email declaring how much you admire his use of the word “the” or something about how he could be the new Dickens. And keep it up. Keep complimenting him. It’ll drive him crazy but you would have engineered yourself a bit of a giggle. Don’t you agree it’s delightfully funny aggravating someone who’s gone out of their way to ruin your day?
Spin the situation on its head, Mark. You won’t look like a bully because you’re being charming to the guy. He he.
Posted by Anna Lowman on April 8, 2010
I have some small-scale experience of this, thanks to the paid blogging I did for TVScoop. It was always reviews of comedy that got the biggest reaction – if you like/don’t like a drama, no-one gives a crap; if you express an opinion about a comedy, those who disagree seem to think you’re not just wrong, but thick.
Anyway, it was normally handled by remembering it was my *opinion* that got them so worked up, not my writing style or personality/me personally. Believe me, no-one has a go if they agree with you – that’s where it all stems from, and then they add on the ‘AND that review/blog wasn’t even FUNNY’ type comments on top because they’ve taken against your view.
Posted by James Walker on April 8, 2010
I’ve only ever had one really bad blog comment, and that certainly ruined a bit of my day. The chap didn’t seem to think my blog is funny, which is absolutely fine, but he then went continued to say why he didn’t enjoy my writing, and just nasty things overall (I’ve erased much of it from my memory.) He ended his comment with ‘you fucking slut’ which was quite nice I thought; still not sure what he meant by that, as the comment was entirely blog related.
He also offered to ‘do me a favour’, but I didn’t know him so would’ve just declined the offer. I thought about replying, but that would just go nowhere really; and I didn’t know what to say.
‘So, you didn’t like my blog?’
‘Nope.’
‘Yup; fine.’
In the end, I just left it. If he doesn’t like what I write, that’s fine, but to comment on it leaving nasty comments is just extremely rude. If you don’t like something that much, just look away or something.
So I’d personally just leave it. Your Yahoo! articles are great (the exclamation mark after ‘Yahoo’ is compulsory, right?)
On the other hand, let’s dunk him in some gunge!
Posted by elin on April 8, 2010
Suz, if you’re simple, then I am too. Greed/Gluttony playing now. And it’s as nice this time as it was the time before, or the time before that… Good stuff…
Posted by Corey on April 8, 2010
oh, I also was going to say, I do a spoof sports news blog and a friend of mine on facebook told me he’d blocked my link to it on fb because he prefers real news to spoof news and didn’t want to have to see it!?!. I wasn’t going to rise to it but thought sod it why not, and told him that I wasn’t in any way preventing him from watching real news….watch all the real news you want to…..knock yourself out, I’m really not in competition with CNN or John Craven, it’s just a little lighthearted piss taking……thats all.
No real point but I felt better for saying something
Posted by Clembear on April 8, 2010
I wonder what these people did before the internet – did they write letters to newspapers, abuse their families, hurl abuse at strangers, or has all this bile and invective risen with the internet.
And imagine if you knew one of them! Imagine if a friend of mine wrote some of the comments on You Tube – I’d be appalled!
Anyway, what to do – I suggest creating a section of the site called “hateful”, with potential sub-sections of either abuse, too many long words, threats that are actually harassment if the writer thought about them etc. Then we can vote and send the most horrible person a email each week asking them to explain what they meant. It should have a logo on it too – maybe someone pissing blood onto their hands? And hopefully posting them will make you feel a bit less isolated. And we can also do graphs of what type of abuse you get and how it changes with time or weather. And make a badge.
I’m pondering if you should be anonymise them. It feels a bit like its protecting people from the consequences of their actions, which isn’t your problem. Maybe have a first name, but no email address. Check legal things too.
Posted by Corey on April 8, 2010
Isn’t it weird how so many internet related conversations end in arguments!?!. Not on here obviously, everyone on here seems to be fine upstanding members of society who it will be a pleasure to give/handover an i-pod to, but so many people just seem to want to insult others….. it’s so sad…………ignore it, plough on with the blogs and keep winding them up….or fuck it and do a blog on these very people!!
Posted by Kev on April 8, 2010
Some people are just plain cowardly and hide behind the level of anonymity given them by the Internet.
I am always amazed by how vile and inconsiderate some people can be these days.
I never remember anyone on that’s life or points of view reading a letter which started
“why oh why oh why are you such a cunt?…”
What you have done in this blog is an adequate and measured response. You are a legend Watson and make me laugh. a lot. Thanks.
Posted by Maddie on April 8, 2010
I say we attack with sickly pleasantness and cheer. Or ignore him. Someone searching for a certain reaction can get most ticked off if they do not receive the desired effect. So, as we are all such a lovely bunch, we could all bombard him with excessive niceties or you could ignore the chap. Just a thought?
Posted by Suz on April 8, 2010
Blimey, I went on a bit. Sorry!
Posted by Suz on April 8, 2010
Hm, I don’t know. I guess the problem with the internet (demonstrated brilliantly by Twitter) is that people now have more access to you, but are still to realise that you are a human with feelings, and not some celebritybot needing taking down a peg or two. Perhaps calling them out will make them think twice.
Personally, I would leave it. (Chortle was different; that was an actual article with reach and authority.) Some comments are actually designed to offend or hurt and shouldn’t be given the time of day. Like you say, that’s probably just what they want. (I’m not even touching the more extreme comments. People are vile and probably very frustrated with their lives.) Unless the comment is constructive or reasonable, I don’t think it’s helpful to engage (just delete), but then I’ve never had to deal with this, so…
Alas, it happens to everyone though, so it’s obviously not about you. It’s just an internet/dickhead phenomenon. Every week on the Guardian comments page, David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker, and Victoria Coren get tedious, smartarse people telling them how irrelevant, unfunny, shit they are. It’s kind of sad, because there’s a whole well of enthusiasm and positivity for all of your work, but it does get trumped by the negative stuff. I don’t even read comments anymore (except here). That kind of negativity can’t be good for anyone.
Looking forward to The Now Show! I have both series of Mark Watson Makes the World Substantially Better on my iPod. I usually have it on shuffle, which means I hear the same bits over and over, and they always, always make me laugh out loud. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve heard them. Maybe that means I’m simple, but I think it’s the comedy. Hope so anyway.
Posted by Astrid on April 8, 2010
Don’t feed the trolls.
Posted by Katie on April 8, 2010
I tend to find that these people hide behind the anonymity of the internet – they wouldn’t say that sort of thing to you in real life, so to speak.
I think it’s happened to most of us – someone once called me (you’ll excuse me if I paraphrase, it wasn’t particularly nice) a “stupid, fat cunt” on Facebook, so I asked him about it the next day. To his face, in front of all his friends and peers. He wasn’t such a big man when he had me looming over him. He ended up apologising to me – in front of everyone he knew – and looking like a bit of an idiot.
I know you can’t go to these people’s houses and ask them “Why are you being a dick to me on the internet? I’ve never done anything to you”, but you’ve got to understand that these people are more than likely just wankers. My Mum (in her always infinite wisdom) always told me that if someone was being a total twat to you, you just have to be especially nice to them. You’ll make them feel bad, and maybe they’ll change their mind, maybe they won’t, but at least you know you’re in the right, and that’s all that really matters.
So I suppose you could either completely ignore them, be especially polite and charming to them, or throw a massive tantrum. But whatever you do, know that we wouldn’t be here if you were shit (which you’re not, not at all).
That’s just my view. It’s really up to you.
Posted by Louise on April 8, 2010
It made me laugh when I noticed that frankie boyle had joined a ‘I hate frankie boyle’ group on facebook. Maybe just laugh it off and think about all the lovely messages of support you get instead and that even if there are people out there who are acting like total dicks at least you must have some level of success for them to know who you are. I know that david mitchell has said on a few occasions that he doesnt read comments on his articles for that very reason, maybe you should ask those who are in the public eye how they deal with it. It could be worse you could be the guy in the go compare advert.
Posted by Gabi on April 8, 2010
The internet seems to be a place that gives people the right to shower you with abuse, and after a click, this abuse is out of their hands. They don’t have to see your reaction. In my opinion, I feel you should use you level of wit and writing style (that this guy is so obviously a fan of) to let this person know you are sorry to of offended, though also know that you are kind of objectively funny.. refer him to some of your other work. In other words, let him know he has the right to an opinion, though sort of tell him he is wrong. It could be, just as Laura says, further down the page, that he is just doing it for attention. If so oxygen, like a rather bitter and angry fire, will only be fuelled by your confrontation.
Good luck! And don’t listen to him
Posted by Amy on April 8, 2010
I am what you might loosely call a “stand-up poet”. I write fairly unassuming poetry with the intention of making some kind of comedic social commentary. It’s never anything too bad at all – I take the piss out of Jamie Oliver a bit and generally it’s stuff about being fat, and funny things I overhear (I live in Norwich – I overhear a LOT of amusing stuff). On my old website, however, I drew attention from a rather nasty young man by the name of Toby. Toby wasn’t very nice at all, posting comments on my rather unassuming, mildly amusing, non-offensive poetry website’s guest book along the lines of:
“hello. I don’t know you in real life but for some reason i stumbled across this website. I only have one thing to say after reading through all of your poems……I WAS FUCKING STONED.
if i wasn’t….i think i would’ve killed myself.
this was the biggest waste of life i’ve wasted in my life.
that makes as much (or as little) sense as your poetry.
FUCK YOU.”
When my boyfriend decided to play devil’s advocate and agree with Toby, Toby decided to post:
“thanks ross. I read through her poetry again sober and it made me want to kill myself. I get this feeling of utmost despair for mankind, that shit like this can be called poetry. ”
Followed by
“Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your poetry is shit
and so are you”
However little did Toby know that I get IP addresses of all those who post. So when this popped up from the same IP address but from “Yasmin”:
“I wouldn’t say that I love it, but I don’t strongly dislike it as the charming Toby seems to! Its not the best I’ve ever read, but I would imagine that hearing it “performed” would add something to it, so perhaps you should invite this Toby character to come and hear you, and see what he says then. However, I quite agree that Toby is an absolute idiot, and should probably get a life outside of abusing people.”
I realised: “Toby” is a cunt.
As I’m sure you know, people on the internet are stupid. People will troll about trying to find something to complain about – like my unassuming poetry or your column. The best thing I ever did was not to reply to him on the Guestbook or via e-mail but instead I worked Toby into my set. I worked his vitriolic comments and idiotic tendancies into a poem – a poem which is now a crowd pleaser. There’s nothing quite like the satisfaction of turning something like that around and making my work better at his expense – if I were you, I’d do the same, or similar. Nobody likes a cunt, and the audience will always be on your side.
Posted by elin on April 8, 2010
Maybe we need to go over there and fill it with nice comments…
Posted by Daniel on April 8, 2010
I’d agree wirh Adam, you have to filter out the personal comments and look for anything constructive, even if you’re unlikely to find it. There’s no point in becoming involved in grudges or lowering yourself to the playground style rantings of others. Perhaps Yahoo needs to take a more active role in moderating the comments?
Posted by Emmy on April 8, 2010
I’m glad that all our comments yesterday helped you cheer you up a bit.
Anyone who insults anyone else, be it on the internet or anywhere else, is a coward. It is very easy to write or yell ‘you are a cunt!’ and leave it at that. It probably makes them feel a bit better about themselves in a twisted way and then they can go round to all their mates (if they have any) and boast about how they ‘showed him!’. These people are are a waste of space and the best thing to do is ignore them. Any response, especially on the anonymous internet, will make them feel important and special, which they don’t deserve.
If, on the other hand, you get some respectful constructive criticism (which I realize might be rare, but could happen), that’s good! It means someone actually put some thought into what they were writing and cared enough to let you know.
On another topic, the Now Show! Ah, I’m so excited! I have the mental age of a 55 year old and am addicted to Radio 4 so this is great news. Best of luck Mark, I’m sure you will do splendidly.
Posted by Matthew on April 8, 2010
For the most point if someone was merely rude (“You’re an annoying prick!”, “You suck”) etc. It’s probably worth ignoring them, (though if they sent it from a work/commercial email, I think it’s reasonable to print off a copy and post it to the company)
If however they say something untrue, or making a derisory claim about you. I think it’s justified to reply either in public or in private, or both.
Giving out someone’s email is I think, always unjustified. You invite comments on this blog, and presumably on the Yahoo one (which I’ve not read). It also says: “Mail (will not be published)” so you’d be on very dodgy legal grounds if you did then publish it.
Of course, if you don’t really want to read negative comments, you could always get someone else to moderate them.
It’s worth if someone threatens you writing to them explaining the seriousness with which you take threats, and telling them that if it happens again you’ll be approaching the police.
Anyway, sorry for the long post and all the brackets!
Posted by Adele on April 8, 2010
I think it’s a good idea to reply to the person, but only if their comment is of a level of class that it will make a difference. The person that you quoted earlier would be a good candidate for this, whereas a commenter that calls you a cunt or wishes that your wife leaves you is quite possibly a lost cause already and not worth your time.
Assess each one I say, and reply to only those that can comment with proper sentences and grammar. People that put twenty exclamation marks after what they say along with a stray 1 probably aren’t going be worth your effort.
Posted by Adam on April 8, 2010
For the most part Mark, I think you should ignore it. If 60,000 people read your blog, only a small minority will dislike it, and they’re the ones most likely to leave a comment. Most people will read it, smile, hopefully laugh a little but won’t leave a comment. I for example read your ‘Back of the Net’ site all the time, but I’ve never commented on it because I don’t really get the point of me just writing ‘I like this Mark. It was funny’ at the bottom.
However, I also believe that you should read the criticism. If its some idiot going ‘Hu is u anywayz mate!??! I’m gonna get your mum’ or something equally stupid, then you should clearly rise above it. But some people might have some constructive criticism to make that could help you in the future.
Hope this helped
Posted by Rachael on April 8, 2010
People really do baffle me sometimes. Other than the disgust and horror I feel that they should think that their opinion is worth mentioning I just think what is the point? The only explantion I can think of is that typical bully thing where people have to make others feel bad just to feel better about themselves.
I think that you are doing the right thing already, don’t reply to them because they would probably love that and think it made them special. I’m glad that you are avoiding as much of it as you can, I think that is definately the way to go. Other than that I guess you just have to try not to give it much thought really.
Oh and I remember that chortle article last year, you did good with that by the way. I believe Carl Donnelly wrote an article in response too which was nice.
Posted by Hannah on April 8, 2010
I never understood the point of negative comments. If you don’t like someone’s viewpoint then don’t read their articles, it’s not difficult.
As for going to the trouble of tracking you from the News Blog to here, it seems a little excessive and definitely suggests they have little else of importance to do.
I like the news blog and as a reasonably sensible grown up (most of the time) take it for the light hearted comment that it’s meant as rather than a manifesto of the writer!
I have no real advice though I’m afraid, things like that tend to upset my and my confidence massively so I end up relying on friends to put me back together again and I generally steer clear of sticking my head above the parapet too much. I guess ignore most of them as crazies and hopefully the fellow in question this time will notice his new-found fame on here and think more deeply about his actions next time.
Chin up chicken! The TYSICers love you
(Apologies for waffling)
Posted by David Marriott on April 8, 2010
Unfortunately, I’ve been in enough flame wars to know that however right you are, you’re never going to prove it. Personally, I think we should hunt him down and twat him (I say we – I’m sure there are significant number of your blog readers who would concur).
Of course, ultimately, you could just take the piss out of him, and/or other such cretins on stage. They probably won’t be there in the crowd, given their distincy paucity of, well, like for you, and everyone knows about, and thus can laugh at, ‘twats on the internet.’
We’ve got your back.
Posted by Laurs on April 8, 2010
What a complete oxygen thief. I, despite having come across idiots like this before, still cannot believe that there are people alive in this world that have nothing better to do with their time than to write pointless, idiotic comments to something which if they don’t like can be ignored.
I can offer a stratgey that I use at work, taking into consideration that I am a fairly young white woman working in a mainly afro-carribbean/asian all boys secondary school. Whenever I get comments made towards me: “you’re racist you are”, “fuck off, you can’t do anything” etc etc, my simple response tends to be “would you care to explain your rationale behind your comments further please in order for me to understand the whole issue and then we can take steps together in order to resolve the problem.”
I usually find that by giving them an opportunity to explain themselves, that they trip over every sentence in a desperate attempt to try to make their pointless claims stand up.
After writing all of this down, I’ve realised that perhaps the situations are too dissimilar to use this strategy but thought I would still offer it to you.
And of course, the other thing I do is I get on the phone to my mates and rant about the twattish behaviour I’ve encountered then do something I enjoy doing realising that at the end of the day it is just a job. If you have your health, good family and friends who are there to support you, a few idiots are worth nothing.
Sorry about the long post.
x
Posted by Mike on April 8, 2010
I would personally just ignore it.
At the end of the day, he has nothing else to do in his life apart from attempting to fill the gaps in his day when he is not masterbating himself into oblivion.
If you ignore him I am sure he will move onto someone else.
Posted by Laura on April 8, 2010
Firstly, glad all the support here has helped cheer you somewhat! Should you need further cheering, may I point you in the direction of Birdemic on Youtube? Priceless.
Thus far I have been totally unsuccessful at even finding your Yahoo articles. Bugger. Obviously my surfing skills leave a lot to be desired. Either that or my mind wanders and I look at something on eBay…
One can only imagine what inflammatory topics you must have been discussing to warrant that kind of vitriolic abuse.
I do know you get complete arseholes who comment on articles – David Mitchell gets quite a bit of shit thrown at him for his Observer editorials, but that is a ‘better class’ of shit-thrower, so to speak, so they tend to steer clear of calling him a cunt, generally.
I am totally the wrong person to give level-headed advice about this; I can be a rather vengeful person who tends towards outbreaks of ghastly rage and, having spent hours sobbing at how horrible some people can be, would go out of my way to hunt down the perpertrators and make them suffer, preferably by demonstrating my superior intellect. That’ll teach ‘em, I’m sure.
We should all keep our eyes peeled for nefarious posters on here and give them what for.
As for actual, helpful advice? Go with what feels right at the time, I suppose.
Also, there seem to be quite a few Lauras on here. Would it be less confusing if I were to change my name? If someone wants to suggest something exciting it will be welcome!
Posted by Custard Cream Dreams on April 8, 2010
I’d just leave it as you have done: if he’s accessing this blog and reads these, I’m sure he’ll have a few negative comments himself. Anyone who claims to be “doubly disappointed” in someone and isn’t one of their parents is a) self-important and b) a twat.
Or you could be slightly less childish than I just was. I’d never read your yahoo! blog before, and just read that particular entry. I thought it was good, had “wang” in it and everything. I do agree with Laura, but reckon if he’s reading this one too his bluff has been called?
Posted by Misha on April 8, 2010
It sounds like the person in question needs to get out more.
I feel I can say that as someone who also needs to get out more but refrains from being nasty.
Unfortunately its hard to know how to respond, within my line of work I get some fairly creative insults on a daily basis. The last was “Fuck off you fat lesbian you can’t touch me”. Unfortunately as i’m technically a staff member and not a student when working I could neither tell him to piss off or smack him round the back of the head.
Hence the best response there was to rise above it.
However there are times when a polite response works better, I’ve yet to have one of these but theoretically if the person in question has a well reasoned argument then there’s no real reason not to engage with them.
So I suppose you have to guage it as to whether they’ll be willing to talk or if its just someone sitting at home frotthing at the mouth and spitting vitriol over youtube.
Or something like that. This comment has mostly been a ramble.
Posted by Laura on April 8, 2010
Now I don’t like to think of myself as an expert in this area. Indeed I’ve never even written a blog or have being criticized on the internet from a complete stranger.
But what I would like to think what I would do in this case is, not reveal his identity, but do exactly what you have done in today’s blog. Call his bluff that no remark will be made publicly about his devious comment.
Although there is a negative side to this strategy, as people may become addicted to the mentions in your blog, and may criticise you in your blogs just to be mentioned….
It’s a tough one, granted, but do what your gut tells you…