Mark Watson the Comedian

THE VERY LATE REVIEW: EPISODE ONE

April 1, 2010 | 101 comments

Just over a week ago I launched this new feature, in which you, the valued readers of my blog, were invited to review things which I should have an opinion on, but don’t. Or, for those who also didn’t have an opinion, there was also the option of reviewing crisps.

The response to this idea was even more remarkable than the response to most of the other stupid things I’ve suggested we all do, and it has taken a bit of time to collate the responses. I am now proud to present our collective response to a wide range of cultural phenomena/foods/things. Each has been given what I’m rather presumptiously calling a Marksensus, a word arrived by conflating ‘consensus’ and my name, ‘Mark’. The Marksensus is sort of the ‘average’ of everyone’s opinions: a two line summary of the collective verdict.

Each review also carries a Marksensus Score, or MS, which is the average score out of 10; where people didn’t give scores out of 10, I estimated a score based on their comments.

I’ve quoted some reviews directly and drawn your attention to a few more, but there just wasn’t time and space to do justice to everyone. Please participate in the next Very Late Review which begins today (I’ll be posting the subjects for review a little later). I had a fantastic time doing this. Thank you.

Before we start, a special ‘shout-out’ to one guest reviewer, Mr Rick Procter. Rick is a very long-term friend of mine whose enthusiasm for films is so all-consuming that I can imagine him dragging a reluctant Mark Kermode to a Polish art movie. I have always regarded him as my main source of filmic knowledge and he is responsible for almost all my cinematic education. However, Rick’s natural self-deprecation has historically prevented him from throwing himself into his obvious vocation of talking about films in public.

As part of his TYSIC, which covers a range of personal and professional ambitions, Rick has recorded a Film 2010-style review, which you can see here: http://www.youtube.com/user/rickprocter. I will be serializing these reviews, and Rick’s other film-related writings, as a regular part of The Very Late Review, in my ongoing attempts to bring him ‘out of himself’.

And now on to the general roundup.

GLEE. This all-singing-all-dancing import provided the biggest range of opinion, but it must be said, about two-thirds found in its favour. As St Alun observed, many of its fans ‘spent a lot of time apologising’ for their affection for it, whereas, in his view, they should unashamedly back a show which is ‘funny, witty, beautifully dark and surreal’. Many others agreed, finding it ‘over-the-top, brazen and wonderful’, ‘bordering on genius’. ‘Hats off to Glee!’ said Jules, awarding it the full 10 out of 10. There were several others, though, with quite the opposite view, like Josh who thought it ‘awful in every way’. Then there was a middle ground of people who basically disliked the show – Misha said it wanted to make her ‘set fire to things and read Edgar Allen Poe in the dark’ – and yet conceded it had a strange power, like Tom Beasley who was won over even though ‘every fibre of my being tells me I should hate it with a burning passion’. ‘I watch it every week. Don’t know why,’ admitted Anji, and several others echoed her confession. Overall, a classic critic-splitter.

MARKSENSUS: An initally offputting, lurid, overdone, tacky spectacle which nonetheless wins over many of its critics with a big heart and an uncynical charm. Some will loathe it, but many will be surprised to like it. MS: 7.4./10.

CONTRA, by Vampire Weekend. The second album from the smart-arse New Yorkers gained favourable, but not hysterical reviews. Some felt it was ‘missing something’ and ‘a bit dull at times’, like Emma. One reviewer not only said it wasn’t as good as the first album, but proved it by saying his friend Chloe agreed. Some, though, like MD, thought it was ‘overall better’. Particular thanks here to Sam Schafer, for a professional-quality review which I’d encourage you to look up in the Comments of that blog.

MARKSENSUS: A praiseworthy follow-up to a debut album that was hard to top. MS 7.2/10.

A SERIOUS MAN. The Coens’ latest offering drew high praise from almost all viewers. Megan found it ‘hilariously bleak and pessimistic’, while John agreed that it was hard to think of another film so enjoyable ‘without a single positive thing happening in it’.

MARKSENSUS: Yet another strong Coen offering. MS: 8.0/10

SOPHIE DAHL: This intriguing public figure – former plus-size model, granddaugher of literary legend, wife of Radiohead-song-ruiner Jamie Cullum, and now cookery show host – encountered mixed reviews from the Very Late Review critics. (I realised when it was too late that rating people out of 10, especially attractive women, is uncomfortably close to the sort of thing boys do in the playground, but I think it’s OK so long as we confine ourselves to an overall assessment of their character.)

Ben’s pithy verdict ‘pretty, but inert’ summed up a lot of views, and she drew criticism for having become skinny and mainstream, as well as fronting a food show despite not really being a chef: an enraged Mr Hodge Podge called the show ‘a mendacious sham’. Many felt she had struggled to emerge from the giant shadow of her grandfather, who, as Emma amusingly observed, ‘wrote some well received novels’. However, others, like Sarah, wondered why it was considered some kind of crime to lose weight and reinvent oneself, and others praised her general spirit. Most agreed she is very pretty.

MARKSENSUS: Something of a jack-of-all-trades, beautiful but not enormously interesting, although some think her underrated. MS: 5.4/10.

WATER-SKIING. Mixed reviews too for this scary hobby, with a slight majority agreeing with Rob that it ‘mostly consists of face-planting into cold water followed by spluttering and groaning’. Another correspondent found it ‘a bit tiring on the arms’. There were a couple of strong supporters, though, who encouraged us all to persevere, with one going so far as to call it ‘incredible fun’.

MARKSENSUS: A bit more hassle than it’s worth, wet and uncomfortable, but it does have its fans. MS: 4.7/1o.

A SINGLE MAN: The second of the ‘A something man’ films again scored highly. All agreed with Megan that it was ‘the most beautifully shot film I can remember in a long time’ and one reviewer recorded ‘crying like a baby’. There was high praise for Colin Firth, although a couple of critics, like Rick, felt other aspects were equally or more worthy of comment. A couple of doubters found the film too depressing.

MARKSENSUS: A rather bleak, but beautiful film, expertly shot and illuminated by fine performances, though the ending disappointed some. MS: 7.8/10.

CRISPS: Along with Glee, crisps caused great controversy. Some unsurprisingly championed various kinds, with Kettle Chips in particular getting strong write-ups. But a lot of correspondents disapproved of them as a genre. ‘I think there are a lot better snacks,’ sneered one, awarding them a paltry 4/10. Emma awarded the same score because ‘I recently ate some and a sharp piece stabbed into my gum’. ‘They’re fatty and most of them taste horrible,’ moaned St Alun. On the other hand a very comprehensive survey of crisps by David Marriott (which I recommend looking up on the blog) scored them at a 7, and praised ‘a solid performance’. Overall, though, sobering reading for the powers-that-be at Walkers and so on.

MARKSENSUS: Unhealthy, rather inconsistent snacks which are only really enjoyable in short measure. MS: 5.1/10.

There we go. There were a couple more nominated subjects, which received too few write-ups to be included here – I’ll keep them open (One Life Stand by Hot Chip, and The Pregnant Widow by Martin Amis). As I said, more reviews to be opened later today.

Thanks again to everyone, and apologies to people who wrote great stuff but didn’t get namechecked much or at all (Ben Draper and Mark Duignan among them) because of my slipshod organisational skills.

Tune in next time for more educational fun with… The Very Late Review. I’m Claudia Winkleman. Goodnight.

————————-

UPDATE:

Here are the items coming under review this week. As before, if you have an opinion, feel free to post it with a score out of 10. A couple were first offered last week, but roll over to this episode. Here they are:

AN EDUCATION (film)

MOON (film)

JERUSALEM (play)

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN (person, just announced as new host of Film 2010)

GUINEA-PIGS (domestic animals)

BUNGEE-JUMPING (activity)

TOBLERONE (confectionery)

AMERICAN DAD (TV series)

PLASTIC BEACH by Gorillaz (album)

Off you go. Mark x

101 comments

Posted by Knox on May 8, 2011

Oh yes – Moon – I haven’t seen this (still) but very much want to, based on reviews, and the fact it has Sam Rockwell in it. With absolutely no actual first hand experience of it whatsoever, I’m giving it 8/10
Posted by Knox on May 8, 2011

Claudia Winkleman – she’s alright, though I’m not sure about her fronting Film 2010 – guess I’m still stuck in Barry Norman era (is he still alive???) – 6/10

Toblerone – I used to get one of these every year for Christmas, until I had to admit I don’t particularly like them. After the first few bites that seem ok, they have far too many textures at once, and are too sweet, though the triangular thing is quite cool – 3/10
Posted by George on April 11, 2010

AN EDUCATION (film) Haven’t seen it.

MOON (film) Cracking little film.

JERUSALEM (play) Good but could do with some editing.

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN (person, just announced as new host of Film 2010) Yes,

GUINEA-PIGS (domestic animals) Boring

BUNGEE-JUMPING (activity) Maybe

TOBLERONE (confectionery) nah.

AMERICAN DAD (TV series) Getting better.

PLASTIC BEACH by Gorillaz (album) Somewhat yes
Posted by @BexQuillerdrive on April 9, 2010

JERUSALEM – really wanted to see this one, but doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to get to London in time *sigh*

BUNGEE JUMPING – kinda fancy it, just so i can say I’ve done it, but I’m completely petrified of heights, so far I’ve nearly done it twice and the bottled out… weirdly i have a recurring dream that i bungee jump and the force of it, makes my hair fall out…… hmm analyze that? :/

GUINEA PIGS – had lots of these little buggers when i was younger usually as mates for rabbits (which i have since read is a bad idea?) the best thing about guinea pigs is the noise they make

http://www.mgpr.org/MGPR/Guinea%20Pig%20Sounds.htm

i adore the chirping it’s like an alien language from the planet cute!

TOBLERONE – I never have understood why you only feel like eating them at Christmas time? and also why do Christmas Toblerones come in foot long boxes n have pieces bigger than your mouth, no one can eat that much Toblerone on their own! Oh n thanks to Bill Baileys I now also think of them as bike racks for a wagon wheel and chocolate fingers bicycle.
Posted by Deanna on April 9, 2010

AN EDUCATION (film)
I really liked this film, I thought the female lead was brilliant in her portrayal of the naive/mature character. Peter Sarsgaard plays a brilliant bastard, as usual. Rosamund Pike played a lovely airhead, and Dominic Cooper was…nice to look at. The story was fair, and the cinematography lovely. I’d say…a nice rainy day watch, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see it.

TOBLERONE (confectionery)
Yum. But not my favourite. It’s too pointy.

AMERICAN DAD (TV series)
It’s “Family Guy” with an alien. Nothing too breathtaking or original there.
Posted by Lally on April 9, 2010

I loved Moon! It reminded me of 2001 as being like a science fiction story I would read in a Year’s Best Anthology, and not a sci-fi action-adventure film. With essentially two actors and restricted sets, it all comes down to the person/people involved. I though it worked, and would recommend it to anyone. (Not going into detail, although it’s no Crying Game.) 9 or 10/10
The only other thing that really grabbed my attention on the list was Claudia Winkleman. I was surprised at the posting, but only because of her persona. She comes across as ditzy, someone who wants to put everything in her mouth or have sex with it, but that is 1.) surely a deliberate choice; 2.) an accident of which British programming I’ve seen over here. But she seems likable and must be nright enough to have the amount of success she does. She will probably do as good a job as did the last host. 7.5/10
Toblerone is good, but Not As Good As It Used to Be (It used to harde to find here, and possibly because of that I remember it as richer. The noughat seems sharpish now.) 7/10
Guinea pigs seem dauntingly stupid, but i like it that they are large enough to nonplus cats. 5/10
Posted by Kate on April 8, 2010

AN EDUCATION- I saw it when my friends who were desperate to watch it dragged me to the cinema on my only free evening of the week. I have to say though, I was pleasantly suprised. Although it is not highly original I liked the 1960s setting. The acting is very good and Carey Mulligan (the main character) is perfect for the role. 9.5/10
GUINEA PIGS- I brought 3 guinea pigs a few years ago after I had seen just how cute they were in a pet store. However, within a couple of months I found my self with double the amount of guinea pigs and after a year they had quadroupled in numbers. I think it was the pet stores fault for selling me a pregnant guinea pig and not informing me just how keen they are to breed, but seriously! But despite the slight mix up (I eventually managed to sell/give them away and am now down to my original 3) I have really enjoyed having them as pets and like I said they are very cute! 8/10
Posted by Leah on April 8, 2010

Moon: I watched this for the first time last night. It’s a brilliant film. Don’t expect any massive twists – in my opinion, the way you experience the story is the same way the protagonist experiences it, and you come to the same realisations at the same time as he does (if that makes sense). The style of it is understated and lets the story take the lead without any whizz-bomb flashy explosions and whatnot.

It’s a film that makes you think, and continues to make you think for a while afterwards. I need to watch it again, as I’m still a bit confused about a couple of things, but I like films that do that to me.

9/10

Toblerone: Insane triangular shit. 1/10
Posted by EllieCat on April 8, 2010

TOBLERONE

It does not yield up its chocolaty goodness lightly. The would-be Toblerone eater must first prove their worth by engaging in a physical challenge. Only the strong of grip and dexterous of wrist will be equal to the task of breaking off a succulent morsel.

The bar is supposed to fashioned after a mountain range, but is closer in design to some kind of fiendish, oriental, hand-to-hand combat weapon, perfectly designed to slip past Customs unnoticed.

Swiss in origin, and therefore redolent of clipboard-wielding, box-ticking efficiency, it nevertheless carries darker undertones of sexual misconduct.

To some, its pointy, thrusting peaks represent masculine authoritarianism in chocolate form.

In my view, it tastes a bit rubbish.

4/10
Posted by Madeleine on April 8, 2010

GORILLAZ, PLASTIC BEACH – Oh my gosh it is great! Being a humungous Blur fan I was always a bit nervous about getting into Gorillaz because it was apparently such a departure for Albarn. I was missing out big time however, this is a fantastic album that I really struggle to define but with a guest list comprising of: Mos Def, Lou Reed!!! MARK E SMITH!!! Mick Jones!!!! it is full of amazing talent and awesome sounds.
The lou reed song is especially cool (Some kind of nature) with his bluesy vocal over the synths and electro beats, its really smooth and ‘groovy”. Melancholy Hill is a really nice track as well – With no guests but a really sweet melody it was one of the first songs I heard of Plastic Beach and I keep going back to it.
Its a pretty expansive album (with over 15 songs) with many highlights (Welcome to the world of the Plastic Beach, Stylo, Superfast Jellyfish, Rhinestone eyes etc etc etc) and not too much filler.
I think the Gorillaz front has been awesome for Albarn to make some really different music without all the pressure of being seen as “solo stuff from the guy from blur”, and that he hasn’t been hiding behind the cartoons so much as using the ideas to create new musical concepts. 9/10

TOBLERONE – even when I ate chocolate I never really saw the appeal of this one, it was just normal chocolate with bits that you get in your teeth. The white chocolate one is better, but you can’t get that in Australia. 6/10
Posted by Rick on April 7, 2010

Dammit, just didn’t get time to do the 2 film reviews on YouTube – kinda think it’s too late now. Looking back I also realise the previous two were much too long. I have managed to say something about WINKLEMAN though, here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCqdhPuTldU
I can’t very well rate a human being out of ten, but the opportunity to comment on the whole Film 2010 scenario was one not to be missed.

In a nutshell then:

AN EDUCATION = 7/10
Carey Mulligan is extremely watchable and perfect for the role, plus I think Alfred Molina is a great actor. Good dialogue, especially between Mulligan and her charmer. It still plays the Hollywood game though, and could possibly be accused of being elitist.

MOON = 7½/10
Refreshingly old-school, in so many ways. Sam Rockwell is great in it. Got the feeling it might have all been done before, and it doesn’t seem like Duncan Jones is completely in command just yet, but what he might lack in technique he makes up for with sheer intent and belief.

And, in other news…

BUNGEE-JUMPING (activity)
I can’t imagine a more genuine “I’m going to die” rush, but it’s over very quickly. Quite expensive too, although I’ve found you get better value if you do a second one straight away – many providers offer buy-one-get-one-half-price deals (no, really!). 6/10.

TOBLERONE (confectionery)
Original and unique, which must be applauded, but not perfect for all occasions – one has to be in a Toblerone mood. I do like the honeyfulness though, and after all I’m a sucker for almost any chocolate. 7/10.

AMERICAN DAD (TV series)
From what little I’ve seen, it basically seems like what Family Guy would be if it was shit. Family Guy has Stewie and Brian plus many other classic characters, whereas American Dad appears just to have a gay alien. 4/10.
Posted by Natalie-Helen on April 7, 2010

A comment about Sophie dahl before I move on to a small review of guinea pigs and tobleone. She changed her name to Dahl. She was born Sophie Holloway (daught of Julian Holloway the actor) so I’m cynical about the idea that she has “stuggled” to get out of her grandfathers limelight. It seems to me that she put herself in her grandfathers shadow by changing her name. But I am an incredibly cynical and somewhat pessamistic person. ^_^

Guinea pigs are fab. Though some have a tendancy to get nervous and wee on you. Alot of their personality depends on how they are being cared for but my experience have been overwhelmingly positive. My last close encounter with the animal was a few years ago with the cancer riddled Pepper. Despite the cance was a joy to behold desperately trying to reproduce with the female white rabbit (Salt) he shared a run with. 9/10

Toblerone is an oddity. Almost impossible to eat and far too sweet in great quantity it nevertherless appeals somehow. One not so fond memory is the school trip to the south of france in which a number of teenage companions bought industrial sized bars of the stuff on the ferry. They were consquently sick and sticky for most of the 24 hour journey and alot of the bars melted. 4/10

^_^
Posted by katie on April 7, 2010

Sorry, bit late, catching up on blog after bank holiday weekend of no internet…

HOT CHIP: ONE LIFE STAND

I find this song very pessimistic and not at all as lovely as I think it is intended. “One life stand”? I don’t believe in reincarnation, but the very phrasing “one life stand” suggests the possibility of more than one life, and if that is the case I want to be with my fella for all of them, not just one of them…and even if there is only one, if there was heaven or anything like that, assuming I made it there (a big assumption I realise) I’d want to be with him there too. So to me, this song says that I only want to be with you for this life, and anything that might come afterwards you can get lost and I’ll frolic with the angels or whatever is there instead.
That said, it’s very catchy and I do enjoy singing along. 4/10 (that’s an average of 8/10 for the song and 1/10 for the sentiment)
Posted by JoC on April 7, 2010

Love your style Mark!
Posted by Megan on April 6, 2010

An Education: I think I reviewed it in the last one, saying that it was a mite predictable, but that the performances were very strong. 7.5/10 (or so).

Moon: Amazing first feature. Very bleak. A bit too…exposition-y? If they had made the ‘twist’ more ambiguous, it would have been straight up excellent. 8/10

Guinea pigs: Our first pet was a guinea pig named Mimi. We would bring her outside when we were at the cottage and she would try to chat with nearby groundhogs. She’d also ‘bweee bweee bweeeeeee’ every time someone opened the fridge because she thought she’d get a treat. What’s not to love about that? Only the unpleasant cage cleaning prevents them from getting 10/10.
Posted by Francesca on April 6, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – get the hair out of your eyes. Overall, okay. Indefferent, 6/10

American Dad – Family Guy for smart people.

Toblerone – How are they still up and running? Seriously, when do you ever just buy toblerone out the blue? Who’s shopping list is ‘Toblerone’ on? And it hurts to bite.
Posted by treacherousjock on April 6, 2010

Claudia Winkleman makes me giggle, and I fancy her a bit so I can only really give her a good score. I think she will be very good at the job, but I would have preferred Andrew Collins as my film adviser. 7 / 10

Bungee jumping is fantastic and absolutely terrifying 9 / 10
Posted by Georgia on April 6, 2010

AN EDUCATION – quite a good film, although difficult to watch when babysitting a very young and cranky baby; should be watched in one whole slab of time. 7/10

GUINEA-PIGS – Their incessant squeaking is terribly annoying. They are nowhere near as good as bunny rabbits. 4/10

BUNGEE-JUMPING – seems a very stupid thing to do: What if the rope is too long? What if the rope snaps? What if your legs snap? What if the rope gets caught around your neck? 1.2/10 (Sky diving on the other hand is fabulous)

TOBLERONE – hands down the best large chocolate bar invented. Makes a mind-blowingly great chocolate mousse! The white version is insanely good. 10/10!

AMERICAN DAD – simply family guy reincarnated. 2/10
Posted by Rose on April 5, 2010

Toblerone: To all you tourists – yes, it is tasty but there is much better Swiss chocolate out there (ever tried the Lindt gold-wrapped Easter bunny? Told ya!). 6/10.

Guinea-pigs: Nothing to add expect for the fact that I used think they were called Geneva-pigs, much to the amusement to all my expat friends.

Plastic Beach: The dog’s testicles, but took three listens to get to that conclusion. 9/10.
Posted by MrMatt on April 5, 2010

Plastic Beach:

The Gorillaz are a band who I always enjoy listening to, from the first noises of Clint Eastwood back when it was first released to the intro to the first single off this new album, Stylo. To set things straight, Gorillaz are fronted by all round 90′s music god, Damon Albarn. I can’t help but enjoy what the man produces, from Gorilaz to his Good, the Bad and the Queen project and finally Monkey, the opera. All of these have something enjoyable.

For me, Plastic Beach, or PB as I shall refer to it from now on, to save on typing the title again is a very good album. It is at least a 7.5/10 from its first listen. The album is more of a concept than the previous 2 which were (I think a hip-hop rock blend and a more poppy version of the same respectively.) Whilst this album doesn’t have the same identifiably single-y tracks of say, Demon Days it is still very good. Getting in Lou Reed and Gruff Rhys is a typical piece of Albarn magic. These songs may be the strongest on the album. On the whole, I would say it is a 9 out of 10.
Posted by MissyMelliott on April 5, 2010

OK don’t let this put you off, but I fell asleep during my first attempt at Moon. I think it’s something to do with space movies having large gaps with no dialogue and an underlying hum of sci-fi type machinery whirring away in the background which I find quite relaxing. I’ve still not succeeded in watching 2001 all the way through. But you MUST see Moon, Sam Rockwell is brilliant, Kevin Spacey, fittingly sinister, it’s amazing. 9/10

Claudia Winkleman – I don’t understand how or why she’s on TV. I feel uncomfortable watching her as she seems to look so out of place, makes me feel tense for her. But everyone I know seems to love her. It’s a mystery. I can’t give a person marks out of ten though, seems mean.
Posted by rachel (pandora) on April 5, 2010

i feel the need to even things out a bit.
i genuinely LOVE American Dad. its probably one of my favourite imports from the USA. its funnier than South Park and a lot more consistent than Family Guy. it also avoids the random cutaway gags that make Family Guy hard work. there’s also no character i dislike, and it also has the legendary Patrick Stewart voicing the director of the CIA, Agent Bullock, who is one of the best characters, along with Roger the alien.
i would recommend giving in a couple of episodes to see if you’re a fan or not, but its still very very good.

8/10
Posted by Seamus on April 5, 2010

Just noticed the large number of grammatical errors in my review. I was angry and didn’t proof read, so please forgive me. Though saying that, grammatically incorrect angry blog post comments are second only to porn in the area of the internet that they occupy*, so you should all be used to mentally correcting that sort of thing. At least I didn’t use 1337 sp33k.

*May not be true.
Posted by Seamus on April 5, 2010

American Dad: I really don’t want to sound like I’m being negative, but I am, so why pull punches? Many people have drawn comparisons between American Dad and Family Guy, and they are justified. That is because Family Guy and American Dad were created by the same company, aimed at the same audience and use the same characters, with paper thin alterations to their appearance. Family Guy has six main characters, the lovable idiot, his wife, his “loser” son, his daughter who hates him, an amusingly small sadist, and his best friend, who isn’t human. You may notice that those six character are also the six main characters in American Dad. The two shows share everything: characters, plot, setting, and as such, American Dad offers nothing original. The same could be argued about Family Guy, but that is not the show being reviewed, but the complete lack of originality exposes this shows true purpose as a cheap cash in. This would be objectionable from some other production company trying to make money from other people’s hard work, but these two shows are made by the same people. It is the television equivalent of an aging rock band, constantly releasing “new” albums, that are just derivatives of each other in the hope that they will defer the inevitable repossession of their guitar shaped swimming pools. Any moments of comedy have already been done, or could have just as easily been writen into Family Guy. It is debatable whether Seth MacFarlane should have one show on television, but having two (now three with the creation of The Cleaveland Show) versions of the same thing is just taking the piss. There is no reason for American Dad to exist other than to make money, and that just isn’t funny.
0/10
Posted by Mud Man on April 4, 2010

MOON – Revealed a deep suspicion of movie computers I never knew I had, but one of the best Sci-fi films i’ve seen in a long time 10/10

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – My wife finds her funny and I think shes hot so its win win 7/10

TOBLERONE – I’m yet to find a food which doesn’t taste better in triangle form (sandwiches, pizza, cheese), Toblerone certainly keeps up the trend. 8/10
Posted by amycool on April 3, 2010

MOON (film) – I saw this on the 12th January (my birthday) but really I am unworthy to comment as I had just bought 1000 stamps and was sorting them out as I watched. At the least, it taught me that I definitely cannot multitask. I liked it all the same and my boyfriend (who was watching it properly) loved it.

I will give it 9/10

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN (person, just announced as new host of Film 2010) – I see a lot of her as I like to watch re-runs of the House of Tiny Tearaways. She can be very funny but also plays up to her dizziness a little too much at times.

I will give her 7/10

GUINEA-PIGS (domestic animals) – I once looked after a guinea pig, and its rabbit friend, for my cousins. The guinea pig was considerably nicer than the rabbit, which tried to bite me. The guinea pig also made funny noises and looked funny eating grass.

I will give them 7/10 (because I don’t like cleaning urine-covered sawdust up)

TOBLERONE (confectionery) – I love Toblerone. I once got a stupidly large prism of toblerone for my birthday and just one triangle would suffice as a pudding. The chocolate is delicious and I like the nougat, despite it destroying your teeth. The problem with the smaller bars is that it hurts to break off the triangles. But this is counter-balanced by the theme tune “…triangular honey, triangular bees…”

I will give it 8.5/10

AMERICAN DAD (TV series) – I have probably seen about 8 episodes of this and I think it’s hilarious. Not as funny as Family Guy, or even King of the Hill, but it has some very funny moments.

I give it 7/10

So everything gets good marks for me this week. I’m looking forward to a week where I hate something.
Posted by Alex on April 3, 2010

Guinea pigs: I love guinea pigs, they were pretty much the only pets I was ever allowed. I could do a great impression of one when I was little. The only downside is that they take about 5 years to calm down and realise you aren’t going to kill them after you’ve picked them up. 9/10

Toblerone: Considering I don’t particularly like almonds or honey, Toblerone is actually not bad. I still wouldn’t choose it though. 5/10

American Dad: Not as good as Family Guy, which in itself is only good at times. 3/10

Claudia Winkleman: I love her and want her to be my best friend. 10/10
Posted by justrestingmyeyes on April 3, 2010

Toblerones:

Take a little feel inside your mouth.Only the most hardened pedant would argue that it isn’t basically a spherical cavity, suited for nice comfy rounded masses. But those crazy Swiss have no truck with your comfort. They asked themselves what would give good chocolate mouthfeel; then they buried the answer under piles of gold and bellowed “To Heck with your mouthfeel! You shall have chocolate ALPS!”

“Oh, and…” they whispered once you were distracted by a nearby display of virtuoso flugelhorn, “We’re going to fuse the Alp-shaped palate-manglers together at the base with a special blend of chocolate and steel, so you break your fingers trying to prise them apart. And fill them with tiny particles of nougat so super-sweet they’ll feel like they’ve got a direct line straight through your teeth into the pain centre of your brain. Only then, when you are writing in sticky, moreish agony, will we have had our revenge for you always taking the mick out of our damn clocks!”

“What?” you said, innocently fiddling with a Swiss Army knife.

“Nothing, nothing,” they said. “It’s delicious. Have a free bar.”

Don’t fall for it, Mark.
0/10
Posted by amanda on April 2, 2010

Moon – brilliant movie, Sam Rockwell is fantastic, features Kevin Spacey and “The One and Only” by Chesney Hawkes which are both Good Things in my book. Plus it is only 90-something minutes long which is very rare these days and very much appreciated as I am an old woman (33) with two small children and hardly ever have 2hrs+ to myself to watch a whole film in one sitting anymore. 10/10

Claudia Winkleman is great. She is fun and slightly odd and wears fabulous clothes and a breath of fresh air compared to the likes of Tess Daly and Hollie whatshername. I was a bit puzzled by her taking over Film 2010, but I am intrigued by the change of format so I will definitely be tuning in. I used to watch Barry Norman in my youth but gave up when the irritating J Ross took over. Claudia can only be an improvement – plus it is always pleasing when a woman is allowed to head up a flagship BBC show. 8/10
Posted by Nicky B on April 2, 2010

Moon: loved this. Am normally as shallow as a puddle but this made me want to go and find other people who had seen it so we could have a Serious Discussion about the Issues it Raised. 9/10

Toblerone: only chocolate bar to ever give me a migraine. 0/10

Guinea Pigs: bit pointless. Then again I have never owned any but I did own two hamsters, both of which were bitey little bastards. So on the basis that they’re not hamsters, 5/10.
Posted by Issey on April 2, 2010

GUINEA-PIGS
Even though fun to watch waddle around, hamsters are far better as they make less noise + are generally cuter, less fat + softer. However, guinea-pigs stay still in your lap (i sometimes wonder if they may have died suddenly whilst holding them) and make really cute noises
MS = 5/10
Posted by Sam on April 2, 2010

Moon
Really good film. Thought the Sam Rockwell was excellent. Very under-rated actor in my opinion. And directed by son of David Bowie – what more could you ask for in a film? Kevin Spacey as a robot? Done! 8/10

Claudia Winkleman
Very brown/orange. Seems to have way much energy – like she’s been on a solid diet of redbull and boiled sweeties. Funny and likeable though. 7/10

Toblerone
Yummy, yummy, yummy – but only at room temperature. Can be dangerous if you attempt to consume it when chilled – especially the giant ones you find at duty free. Also a good stable of the hotel minibar. Not sure about it’s likeness to actual Swiss alps though, from what I’ve seen of them they’re not in such a uniform size and order.
Taste – 9/10
Likeness to real alps – 2/10
Posted by John on April 2, 2010

I finally saw ‘An Education’ last week, and thought it was wonderful – I’d happily put up with finding out I was a married man’s bit on the side for the pleasure of gallivanting around with David. Outstanding performances from Carey Mulligan and the supporting cast (particularly Jenny’s dad, who’s cracking) and an enjoyably realised 60s ambience throughout. I also approve of films where everyone smokes unselfconsciously and ceaselessly, and An Education was like a flashback from an early nineties lung cancer support group. Bravo. 9/10

I don’t really understand the system of bins for different sorts of recyclable or landfillable rubbish, but if someone can find me a vacuous idiot bin I’ll pop Claudia Winkleman in it without even invoicing you for a fluorescent gîlet. 1/10
Posted by lisa brunders on April 2, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – I love her! I watch her show about the dancing, even though I don’t watch the dancing! She’s very individual, and funny, and open, and such a nice person. I didn’t know she’d got Film 2010, I’m glad about that. Definately 10/10. I don’t mind rating people I like!
Toblerone – NO! It’s hard to eat due to the shape, and all those bits are just horrid. 1/10, but only because it’s chocolate!
PS Sorry I’m late. I did read yesterday, but didn’t have time to reply.
Posted by Bloomability on April 2, 2010

Guineapigs- By far one of the awesomest creatures to roam the earth (unless they are too fat, in which case they just waddle). I have previously owned two guineapigs, who were adorable and chubby, and once one of them climbed up the side of their hutch to stand on the little shed thing inside on his hind legs for no reason. Also, my history teacher looks kind of like a guineapig, providing amusement to me & my friends for almost three years now. These furry rodents are also an Andean delicacy, though I much prefer the look of them scurrying hither and dither about their hutches. ***8/10***

PS. I apologise if this review isn’t up to much, it is 3.33am.
Posted by Meg on April 2, 2010

I feel as though my perception of guinea pigs is skewed because my best friend’s used to go crazy and squeal and run around his cage whenever we played “Wild Thing” on the stereo. However, based on that one experience, I’d give them a 7/10.

The only other thing I’m really familiar with in this list is American Dad, being a ripoff of Family Guy, which I only find occasionally funny in the first place- I’d probably give it a 5/10 for sheer mediocrity. Not good enough to be worthwhile, not bad enough to be worthwhile either.
Posted by Steph on April 2, 2010

An Education – I rather liked it! Actors were very good, always love Rosamund Pike and Carey Mulligan really shone. I found the guy (David) sufficiently creepy and nice at the same time which made hi character a bit more believable. I loved the 60s setting as well. 7/10

Claudia Winkleman – I LOVE THIS WOMAN. She is such a hoot. Too many people on the telly these days are boring or just don’t show enough personality. Claudia is hilarious on It Take Two the Strictly spin-off. She shows her quirkiness unashamedly and comes out with some side-splitting one-liners. I also seem to remember that she threatened to sit on Mark Ramprakash’s lap once. I want her to either record her voice for satnav or be my personal cheerleader. 10/10

Toblerone – Mark, you don’t have an opinion on this Swiss triangular prism stuff? That’s sad. I was very boring this Christmas and just got my dad a load of it. It’s good choc to have every now and then. The nutty nougat pieces are very tasty however there is significant sticks-in-your-teeth factor. 6/10

Jerusalem is a play? I wish we could review the song…
Posted by Helen on April 1, 2010

Guinea Pigs: 5/10. Cute little things, however they don’t do a great deal so become boring quickly. Although, one of mine was gay which made him original (compared to my 2 other guinea pigs) and thus less boring. But, he fancied his brother, making him mentally sick.

Winkleman: 8/10 I feel she shall be a good host, can be slightly annoying sometimes but is mostly a very likeable and watchable person.

Toblerone: 7/10. Never had one, but when wrapped as a gift people seem to go ‘oooooh I know what this isss’ and seem extremely excited.
Posted by Heather Jones on April 1, 2010

MOON – I loved this film. As others have said, you must avoid spoilers so that you can really enjoy what it has to offer. I adore Sci-fi and the use of ‘what if’ futures to explore issues that are all too prevalent in our own world – but I can’t even say which issues for fear of giving too much away. 9/10

TOBLERONE – Two tips: pop a whole triangle in your mouth and then suck the chocolate as slowly as possible so you get all the little nougat lumps at the end. They do get stuck in your teeth – but that just makes it a pleasure that keeps on giving. On the down-side a bit toooo sweet. I’ll give it 7/10

GUINEA-PIGS I do like them (especially their joy when offered dandelion leaves, and their funny little eep eeep eep noises deep in their throats), When our boys were young, however, we opted for hamsters on the basis that they take up less space (with a smaller cage to clean out as well!)

However, one of my favourite memories of my now 17 year old’s childhood is when we brought home the nursery school’s guinea pig to look after it for the week-end. He was 3 at the time and had recently seen The Lion King. Having placed the guineapig on a towel on his knees as he sat on the sofa I (perhaps foolishly) nipped out of the room to grab something quickly. As I returned, just a few seconds later, I saw the guineapig being held high over my son’s head as he declaimed loudly ‘Simba!’ Fortunately the guineapig seemed unperturbed by its disney-esque coronation. 8/10
Posted by Carey on April 1, 2010

Toblerone: As Billy Connolly put it – the sweetie that hurts. While absolutely tastey and addictive you will injure yourself by (Billy again) shoving an alp into your nostril and through the roof of your mouth while dribbling nougaty chocolatey drool all over yourself.

However this is beyond entertaining and they’re totally lush, come in many handy sizes and the large ones are definately a viable weapon.

8/10
Posted by Someone on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – Not a huge fan. She just seems a bit forcefully OTT but I suppose that’s quite a synical view to have. I quite like her with Steve Jones… but she could easily grate. 7/10

Guinea pigs – Not a huge fan. I’ve had four over the years but they didn’t seem to do a lot, other than poop and hide. They seemed perpetually scared despite us being very nice people, but I suppose they did share a shed with ferrets who are possibly not their natural cohabiters. Friendly ferrets mind! – i’m sure they got along really.
Their whooping is quite a lovely touch – cheery little sound effects that let you know they’re there/they care? 6/10.

Toblerone – Not a huge fan. I suppose a necessary novelty confection – if it didn’t exist, you’d need something else to replace it in airports as a last-minute gift for those you were clearly thinking of back in blighty. 5.5/10

American Dad – Not a huge fan. Yes the comparisons to Family guy/South Park are unfortunate, but once done I think it is rarely considered better, so I don’t much see the point of it. 4/10.

I think I’m clearly hard to please. Hard to be in a generous mood whilst busy being deafened by parents watching telly though. My god, I could hear it in Scotland, I am positive! (To put that in context… I am not in Scotland.)
Posted by Iona on April 1, 2010

I love reading everyone’s reviews!
Out of this week’s list I can contribute on 2 items:
I saw an education on Tuesday night at a Leicester Square cinema (complete rip off- £11 for a ticket!). My friend and I were unhappy because we were going to see Russell Howard’s show being recorded but when we got there they were already full (even though we’d left school early to get there early to queue!). But seeing an education totally cheered us up! A really good film and Carey Mulligan is deserving of her praise in it, although the rest of the cast is also really good including Rosamund Pike. It also reminds me slightly of my own school life, desperately trying to get into a good university! :s Anyway, a thoroughly enjoyable film, 9/10
I also have an opinion on Claudia Winkleman. As a Strictly fan I love her on It Takes Two. She is so witty and clever and has a spontaneity and charisma that Tess Daly couldn’t even dream about. When Claudia presented the episode of Strictly I thought she was amazing. 9/10
Posted by Martin on April 1, 2010

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – She seems very nice but very weird. You get the impression that when she is on panel shows she tries too hard to get a laugh. This is understandable, when you are on a show with comedians and are not one yourself then it must seem difficult to get a joke in. However, Ian Hislop has done a fantastic job on Have I Got News For You.

I think 7/10 is a fair score for her.
Posted by Tom Beasley on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – I am on the fence about her. My only real Winkleman experience is her appearances on panel shows, which has clouded my judgement of her. When she appears on shows like 8 Out Of 10 Cats, amongst consistently hilarious people (like yourself), she has to be funny in order to fit in with the others. This leads to her trying too hard and coming across as someone who is a bit out of place.

However, from what little I have seen of her in a presenting role, she seems to be lovely and genuine. I am really looking forward to seeing her in Film 2010.

7/10

American Dad – Words cannot describe how much I dislike this programme. It is an abomination unto television. I bundle it along with Family Guy and South Park in the ranks of unfunny and so so overrated animated American comedies.

The humour is crass and not at all intelligent. I am quite happy to have crass humour, as long as it is intelligent or at least funny. American Dad isn’t either.

1/10 (That’s me being kind.)
Posted by Misha on April 1, 2010

Just listened to Plastic Beach.
Sad to say but i’m not hugely enamoured with it. It doesn’t help that i’m pants wettingly frightened of Gorillaz, no idea why, only that a video was on late night telly once and it terrified me. 3/10
Posted by max on April 1, 2010

Crap. I forgot the numerical rating…

Count me in for a 7.6/10
Posted by max on April 1, 2010

I watched moon recently…
I would put it somewhere between sunshine and 2001. Of course not as brilliant as the latter, but I found it a bit better than Danny Boyle’s movie. Specifically, I think it’s more consistent (ie: doesn’t fall apart at the end).
A worthy comparison would also be solaris (the original).
So, yeah: If you liked 2001, sunshine or solaris; you’ll love this flick.
Posted by Laura on April 1, 2010

Ooh, Claudia. My boyfriend and I both have huge crushes on her and he will happily sit through It Takes Two just for her ‘lovely but slightly weird’ eyes. I do, however, sometimes wish she didn’t insist on having a fringe flopping all over her lovely face. She definitley gets a 10/10 from me and she should be on tv every day (that said, I’m not entirely sure she’s right for the Film 2010 job…).

Toblerones are just awesome. My boyfriend got given a giant one for Christmas by one of the children he teaches. I ate all of it without him realising until he asked me where I had put it; he is lucky I even let him take the wrapping paper off, knowing the delights that waited within. I particularly like the raisin ones, but they are hard to find. Of course, now that I am boycotting Kraft I can no longer enjoy their sticky, chewy, sugary goodness so they will have to be no more than a sickly, but addictively tasty, memory. Aah, those happy Toblerone memories. 10/10 ignoring the Kraft factor, obviously.
Posted by Hannah on April 1, 2010

Oh, Tobelerone. Once won a gigantic one in a raffle. Not very nice, but then I don’t like nuts. Do like the adverts though. 3/10.
Posted by Hannah on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – LOVE HER. About the only TV presenter I can watch without inwardly cringing. Her attempts at dancing in heel on Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two are hilarious. Unfairly grouped with Davina McCall in the Impressions Show – she is nowhere near as annoying. Even my mum likes her. 9/10 (would be 10 but her laugh is sometimes annoying)

Bungee-Jumping – Never have, until today thought I probably never would, but some people on Coach Trip (a 10/10 if ever there was one) just did it, and blow me down with a feather if it didn’t look quite fun. So bungee-jumping gets a (sort of hypothetical) 7/10 because it would probably be fun but quite scary.
Posted by Carla on April 1, 2010

Oh, I forgot. American Dad. A textbook Hit and Miss. I love the fish and the alien, not so much Francine, and the kids are too one-dimensional. The comparison with Family Guy does it no favours. But, It’s better than Chicken Robot. I don’t know how much Seth McFarlane is paid, and wouldn’t be capable of saying whether it’s deserved. I do think that he has more ideas across his various outputs than some of the other ‘comedy’ writers out of America, and American Dad is a dependable, though occasionally disappointing, chuckle at the expense of American ‘conventional wisdom’. One episode might turn you off, but you should watch a handful before deciding whether you’re with us or against us! 6 and a half/10
Posted by Carla on April 1, 2010

Moon – I was lent the DVD and told to refrain doing what I always do, eg read reviews, spoilers, even watch on fast forward with the subtitles on so as not to be surprised or shocked (I like a comfortable life and I hate being manipulated emotionally). I reluctantly did so (didn’t even know who the director was) and I must say, my friends were right. As a few of the reviews above have said, you really must come at it without any preconceptions. It is a delightfully retro styling of science fiction (visually inspired by movies like 2001, rather than, say, Armageddon har har). The screenplay is understated and yet very well crafted. It’s a thoroughly modern (or indeed, post-modern if I knew what that meant) fable. It tells a story – which unfolds very poetically – and does not manipulate you into simplistic philosophy, but allows you to think and be entertained without even realising it. It’s a must watch, and Sam Rockwell ought to have received an awards nod somewhere. 10/10

Toblerone. yum, chocolate. The think with Toblerone is that it was so well marketed back in the days (my childhood, the 80s) that I forever associate it either with foreign relatives coming to visit (a duty free goody) or with ski trips (a treat for the piste – even though for me, growing up in Italy, that did not involve foreign travel). I agree that the caramel pieces get irritatingly in the way but that becomes a problem with adulthood and tooth fillings (not so much when you’re still waiting for the tooth fairy to leave you money). Now, cynically, I of course don’t buy it any more as a matter of fact (too many calories, too many fillings to lose). But I must confess that I still think that the black chocolate one, a rarity in my nostalgia-covered childhood, is one of the best ski treats ever. Too bad I don’t go skiing anymore. 6/10 (for old times’ sake)
Posted by Linsey on April 1, 2010

My opinion on An Education is that it is a beautiful, well made and charming film, showcasing an amazing actress (Carey Mulligan), who I never tired of staring at in awe. She’s really beautiful. The film is lovely and thought invoking, and definitely worth the 1 and a half hours it takes to watch it. 8/10 (Although I may be biased, as I was in a very good mood that day, and saw it in our local old fashioned independant cinema, so I just remember it was a good night.)

Moon was a bit harder, I’d heard it was amazing and mind blowing before I watched it, and was a bit disappointed when it finished. I suppose I can see what people found good about it, but it probably went mostly over my head. 6/10

And lastly, I love Claudia Winkleman, and will defend her to the last. She’s lovely and harmless and sweet, and is genuinely enthusiastic about everything she does. It’ll be interesting to see how she tackles the huge job of Film 2010. 9/10
xx
Posted by Alf on April 1, 2010

Guinea Pigs: Not pigs, and not from Guinea. Rubbish, straight off. Useful for feeding Peruvians and as subjects for horrific experiments, but that’s about it, really. To be honest, you can achieve much the same effect with none of the terminological inexactitude by cutting the ears off a rabbit.
Posted by Carl on April 1, 2010

Bungee Jumping:

An odd one to say the least. I’ve never had a real fear of heights or anything like that, but the only thing going through my head as I did my jump was ‘it’s merely a fucking large elastic band preventing me from dying!’ But the experts who took me up the crane were a funny pair who tapped in to my masculine side by betting I wouldn’t jump off and squark like a seagull. I did. And it was great. It’s such a cliche but I immediately felt free and was desperate to do a sky dive. Even if you’re scared of things like that I suggest you do it, even just to say you’ve done it. 8.5/10.

Moon:

I always know a film will be good when it’s not shown at my local cinema. I was eager to see this as I genuinely consider Sam Rockwell to be on a par with the like of Ed Norton and DeCaprio in the chase for the title of ‘Today’s Robert DeNiro’. On screen by himself for 98% is not an easy task and he managed to create two believable and distinctly separate characters, despite them being the same man! Yeah, exactly, as easy as that. It’s low budget nature gave it the dirty realism the original Aliens gave and I was genuinely on edge for the whole time. Some people hate a film to make them uneasy, but personally, I think it’s a difficult and admirable thing to accomplish. Where’s the fun in knowing where a story’s going. Highly suggest every single creature with a beating heart watch this film. For me, one of those rare gems you think about for weeks and weeks after your first viewing. 9/10. P.S. Be warned, this film may make you nervous every time you hear Kevin Spacey’s voice, no matter the situation.

Great blog Mark.
Posted by Linzy on April 1, 2010

Guinea Pigs – 7/10

Plus points, friendly, kind of cute, talkative and very cuddly. Downside, they don’t do much.

I’ve had at least 10 guinea pigs over the years, with eight at the same time at one point. They were all as mad as boxes of frogs.

One of them liked to escape from her cage, which was situated quite high on top of a cupboard; we often found her on the floor cowering behind the washing machine.

The male was a bit touchy because we took him in after he was being bullied by a rabbit. He settled down eventually, but he was huge! My mum used to keep guinea pigs when she was young too, and said he was one of the biggest she’d seen.

The male then mated with two girls. One of them was fine but the other one’s babies nearly killed her by taking too much milk; she wasn’t too pleased about that and turned on them when she recovered.

Her babies lived quite happily together until one of them had the equivalent of a hysterical pregnancy. She acted like she was pregnant, grew like she was pregnant, gave birth to /something/ but she’d never been in contact with a male. The vet said she’d never seen anything like it! She went a bit batty after that and started attacking her sister, as if it were her fault for what happened.

I figure we either got unlucky with a load of mental guinea pigs or they’re all slightly doolally. Good for hugging though.
Posted by Jamie0S on April 1, 2010

I have no experience of either An Education (she’s too attractive), Moon (think I’d like it), Jerusalem (plays unnerve me), guinea-pigs (biting furry ball), bungee-jumping (would rather ground jump), and Toblerone (avoided it).

That leave us with:-

Claudia Winkleman: I found her irritating at first, but then I’m a sucker for irritating women, so began liking her. I can definitely tell you she’s a lot smarter than she acts, and is quite insightful. It would be great if she’d let that show more, because the cutesy dimwit act won’t take her into her 40′s – even Goldie Hawn realised that.
As for hosting Film 20… we wait and see. They’re changing the tired format, and she might as well have a go. It was always going to be someone flimsy, it’s mainstream Hollywood froth with a review tagged on.
I’ll give her 6/10, but it’s getting lower by the day.

American Dad: It’s to Family Guy what Futurama is to the Simpsons… except not. Yes it has some good lines, but because of Family Guy’s adaptability – the best episodes forget, and change the plot several times – most of those lines could be in Family Guy.
It weakens the main show, and McFarlane is paid far too much and so doesn’t need our points – I’ll give it 4/10… but it’s getting lower by the day.

Plastic Beach: I listened to it all the other day, but I’m afraid I forgot it was on and it drifted past me. Everything about Gorillaz should mean I’d like them, but they just generally pass me by. We go for a 3/10… but I’m willing to be convinced.
Posted by Joanna on April 1, 2010

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – I like her. Floppy fringe and brown, doe eyes, just lovely. Properly likable. Would quite like to invite her round for tea and cakes on the terrace. Appointment as host of Film 2010 was a bit random, but it’s not an area of particular interest to me personally so I won’t hold it against her. In conclusion: an all round good egg. 9/10

GUINEA PIGS – The poor man’s rabbit. And indeed, inferior to rabbits (more angular, less attractive ears, lack of fluffy tail, nastier fur etc.). Their one redeeming feature is their lack of neck which renders them mildly comic. Generally: meh. 6/10

TOBLERONE – Now available in more varieties than you can shake a stick – or a Toblerone – at. Rubbish as presents (there’s no disguising that shape. If you’re ever presented with one as a gift, say “Is it a CD!!?”) and those chewing nougat piece stick in your teeth for roughly 12.5 years after initial consumption. Overall: more trouble than they’re worth. 5/10
Posted by Rachael on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman: Delightfully crazy woman wasted on that it takes two problem that only that one super-fan of Strictly Come Dancing watches. She says some amusingly ridiculous things, like announcing her love for the smell of new-born rabbits. 7/10

Guinea Pigs: In my experience they can be very cute and sweet-natured pets, and make some interesting sounds. However, they also tend to be very scatty and have a permanent look of fear in their beady little eyes. In that sense the rabbit seems to be a calmer, more subdued alternative. Also, I have never had a rabbit deficate on me whereas guinea pigs never seem to have a problem with that. 7/10
Posted by Maddie on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – I find her ever so slightly annoying, what with the false stupidity etc. However, she does seem to have a ‘quality’ about her person that makes her entertaining. I have also heard tell of her liking to lick peoples faces, and something about her eating belly button fluff, (was that her?), either way I think it does take a great skill to pull of being that strange and getting away with it. I also happen to think she is quite pretty and would not complain if I woke up to find myself with her aesthetics. 6/10 for being abit odd, and quite pretty.

Guinea-Pigs- I once had a spectacle of a Guinea-Pig named Marmalade. She looked like an orange toilet brush with eyes, and made a fantastic pet. When her hutch broke, we put her in with one of the rabbits, and for some time she had to put up with him trying to ‘ehem’ her all hours of the day and night. She deserves a 10/10 just for being her (R.I.P Marmalade).
On a more general note, I think Guinea-Pigs make fantastic pets for families as they can be quite affectionate and the squeeking noises are really very sweet. (Unless you get one with a horrible ‘voice’; then it can get anoying). They are also relatively low maintenance and make good pets for children aged 5+ as they can start practicing having responsibilities and what not.
On the other hand, they can be quite boring and going outdoors at 6.30 in the morning to feed / clean out before work in the middle of winter is not so much fun. If you were to get some, perhaps have ‘indoor’ ones. 7/10.

Toblerone – A somewhat odd confectionary item. I enjoy recieving a Toblerone as a gift, and always look forward to eating it. Then, a few seconds in to the first bite, I remember all the reasons why I very much dislike this evil excuse for a chocolate treat: -
It is always a struggle to break the triangles off. When you bite into them, it soon becomes very obvious that they are just pain cleverly disguised as chocolate, and not even very tasty chocolate at that. There is always far too much for one person to consume. If you solve the problem of there being too much by having a mini one, the triangles are too small to take a bite out of, yet too ‘triangular’ to make eating them in anyway enjoyable. Alternatively, If you are the person giving a Toblerone as a gift, the person on the recieving end of this will usually go ‘Oooh, a Toblerone! Thankyou’, leaving you time to scarper before the afformentioned situation of complete and utter hatred for anything triangular or crunchy ensues. 3/10
Posted by Chris on April 1, 2010

The excitable Claudia Winkleman taking the reigns of Film 2010 came as a bit of surprise. Then again, switching from Barry Norman to Jonathon Ross was also a surprise, so who knows it might turn out to be the right decision.

I liked Claudia when she co-hosted Liquid News on BBC3 and has been entertaining throughout the rest of her career. She can come across as a kid in a sweetshop, so it’s not always clear how much knowledge she has.

Sky’s coverage of the Oscars has been ok and the panel generally looked bored. But this time it’s on her own, so we’ll see. Hoping for an 8+/10, but she’ll probably be a 7-/10.
Posted by Robert on April 1, 2010

JERUSALEM: I read Jerusalem when it had just opened and think the script is very good indeed (I have play club with my girlfriend and this is the only play we’ve both liked so far). Rooster has a caravan in the forest which acts as a hub for the local ne’er-do-wells. The townsfolk see this as as an affront to middle english values, even though most of them went drinking in the forest themselves when they were younger. A girl has gone missing, and it’s possible that Rooster is hiding her, or has abducted her. Mostly the play is then an exploration of these relationships and that character (other than Rooster the characters are quite thinly written). I’ve really got into exploring-type plays recently (Mick Gordon’s On… series are brilliant explorations, although not necessarily good plays) and I keep being disappointed by plot-type plays. Although plot is present, it’s quite simple and keeps moving in one direction.

For some reason I remember thinking of the play as an analogy to why the BNP get votes if you take race out of the equation. I’m hard pushed to defend that now, as it’s been a while since I’ve read it, but Rooster believes in tradition and talks a lot about england of long ago and how this modern gentrification is destroying our green and pleasant land.

I’ve not seen it, mostly because everyone is telling me I should see it and anything I *should* do, I probably don’t *want* to do. All reports say Rylance is virtuosic, and everyone else is alright. My boss considered it not worth the £50 extortion he paid to get in. I give it a 9.

TOBLERONE: Tasty, but has a tendency to get stuck in my teeth, which has led to a shuffling down in my chocolate league table. Still, a good 7.

AMERICAN DAD: I haven’t seen enough American Dad, but I do like it a lot. I think the progression of Family Guy to American Dad is a bit like Young Ones to Bottom. The latter is stronger on plot, the characters are more ridgedly defined and the episodes are better crafted, but this does constrict the form and make it less exciting. 7
Posted by Kathryn on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman: not quite as annoying as most other presenters. 7/10.

Guinea Pigs: I still carry residual guilt over killing our class guinea pig when I was 7. In retrospect they probably didn’t die from being over-fed, but still. Very cute for small kids, but they do tend to die unexpectedly. 8/10.

Toblerone: It’s triangular chocolate. Two of my favourite things combined. Strangely addictive. 8.5/10.

My brother just observed that “Guinea Pigs, Toblerone and Claudia Winkleman” sounds like the theme for an episode of We Need Answers.
Posted by Magnificent Josh on April 1, 2010

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN 6/10
Oddly annoying, secretly tall, big face, this woman is hard to get a solid grasp upon. She really annoys me sometimes but is sometimes amusing in a good sort of way. As I can’t really work out why she annoys me, I can’t dock her too heavily for it.

GUINEA-PIGS 8/10
I’ve never had Guinea-Pigs but as a child I went to someone’s house that did. A sort of rabbit for non-conformists, they wander around eating and defecating but all of that pales into insignificance at the noise they make. There are very things cuter than that squeeeee. That is the reason for the score.

TOBLERONE 3/10
A Crunchie with less of the tasty tasty filling and in a triangle. Very rarely seen in shops in the real world, just airports and ferrys. Until recently also in Woolworths but now in pound shops. Overall, a chocolate sold on a gimmick but actually not bad tasting, also has lasting value in the bits you get stuck in your teeth

PLASTIC BEACH 9.6/10
(For a longer but less well thought out review check http://auralsexual.blogspot.com/2010/03/plastic-beach.html )
I imagine this will be another highly contentious one. My theory on this is most of the people who don’t like it are expecting it to be like Demon Days which isn’t like Gorillaz at all. But for whatever reason a lot of people don’t like it, which is wrong because it’s amazing. It’s “out there”, it’s got some great tunes on it, it’s got a message (2 really, ecological stuff and the phoney nature of modern life), it’s got some great collaborations. It’s never going to be as much as a success as DD but it’s sure to go down as a cult classic. Favourite track is definitely Some Kind of Nature with Lou Reed. LOVE IT.

A LOT.
Posted by Katie on April 1, 2010

I meant to put “8/10″ with that, but the computer jumped the gun. My apologies.
Posted by Katie on April 1, 2010

Toblerone

When I go to my local confections emporium, and gaze upon the many wondrous delights there, it often occurs to me that many of the bars are rectangular in shape. Dairy Milk, Galaxy, Boost, Milka with Dime; all rectangular. However, one particular chocolate bar likes to buck this trend with its distinctive triangular shape. Said bar is a Toblerone.

Toblerone, like many wonderful things on this Earth, are available in several sizes. By that, I mean two. Big and wee. Both are, however, bloody extortionate in terms of a size to price ratio – less so the bigger one, because it’s…well, bigger. Toblerone also come in a variety of different “types”; snow-capped white chocolate ones, “One-by-Ones”, of which one can eat an entire box in around 60 seconds, the obligatory fruit and nut variety and “Toblerone Tobelles”, which are size-0 Toblerone slices.

A Toblerone is comprised of milk chocolate, within which there are pieces of nougat, almonds and honey. It therefore tastes awesome, although it has a slight tendency to stick to one’s teeth.

In short, I quite like them, and they have a nice, unusual shape.
Posted by Corey on April 1, 2010

Bungee Jumping: Absolutely fantastic. One of the things I want to do for my TYSIC is the biggest in the world in Hong Kong (234m). I’ve done the 2nd which is in Switzerland off a huge spectacular dam which is on the opening credits of the Goldeneye Bond film and weighed in at a poultry 220m. The feeling of weighlessness and speed as you’re falling is amazing, but the key to doing it is trusting the equipment and gaining the confidence to launch yourself!. Do it everyone, you just might love it! 10/10.

Bridgeswinging is pretty cool as well, anybody who wants to join us on a BS day in Windermere can if they want!!
Posted by MorLeidr on April 1, 2010

MOON.
I’m very difficult to please when it comes to films, I’m also not a huge sci-fi fan (I fell asleep in the Odeon watching Star Wars Episode II). But Moon is a fantastic film. Sam Rockwell is a brilliant actor, acting against himself or alone for most of the film, and I think this is his best performance so far. The story line begins with hope and anticipation but turns to dejection and desperation (I won’t say why because it would spoil the story) with a few lightly comic moments, and it had me hooked from beginning to end. It’s deep and meaningful if you want it to be, but it’s also just a great story to watch. I would honestly recommend anyone to watch it and I would score it an extremely rare 10/10.

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN
Sometimes she’s quite funny but then at other times she can be bloody annoying! What does she know about films and the industry? Then again what do I know about Claudia Winkleman? (Naff all). I’m not going to rate her because she doesn’t enter my consciousness often enough. However I will say one thing – she wears a lot of fake tan. Too much infact.

BUNGEE-JUMPING
Ruddy hell yes! 10/10
Posted by Marie on April 1, 2010

@Simon: ‘He did it at Victoria Falls which, interestingly, is the only place in the world where the staff are legally allowed to push you off the edge.’

That sounds about right. The jump I did took ages because I couldn’t work up the courage to throw myself off the crane. It would have been a lot easier had the guy just pushed me off, but when I asked him to, he said he wasn’t allowed.
Posted by Anna on April 1, 2010

Guinea Pigs are great but very stupid! Mine were afraid of runner beans for example.
They’re very easy to look after, make lovely chatty/squeaky noises. I’d say they’re best in pairs so they can play together – fun to watch them chasing each-other round. Also, I’d recommend keeping them inside or in a shelter of some kind or their fur gets all greasy – which I found quite unpleasant. If you want a pet that does anything remarkable this isn’t it but for a fun family pet they’re excellent.

Overall – 8/10
Posted by Mark D on April 1, 2010

An Education – a coming of age film, which usually involves some fairly predictable storylines, and this one is no exception, still it is a good and well made film and has some great performances. 7.5/10

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – I had to look up who she is was announced for the film show job, but once I remembered some stuff I had seen her in and read up on her, I thought she seemed nice. Also in relation to when Jonathan Ross took over the show there were a lot of talk that it was dumbing down the show, similar to the reaction that Claudia has gotten. And also I think some people should remember that the job also requires interviewing skills as well as being a film buff. But I dislike her fake tan and fringe, so 7/10.

American Dad – am not a big fan of the show, but there are some good characters, but when I watch the show I always feel something is lacking, and I don’t feel that the good parts can compensate enough for the bad parts. 4/10

Toblerone – The chocolate that always comes back from an airport, good size, and unusual shape for a chocolate. But in recent years i have gone off them. 3/10

Moon – a good sci-fi/suspense film, with Sam Rockwell, enjoyable, can’t say too much about it without giving it away.
Posted by DeborahF on April 1, 2010

As I had many guinea pigs as a child I feel knowledgeable enough to comment on this one. They are great for kids as they are pretty laid back and don’t bite unless really provoked (I know my brother and I tried many times as children).

Though they can be fearless at times – one of my guinea pigs took a dislike to my dog continually pinching carrots out of her bowl and bit the dog on the nose. Bearing in mind that from her perspective she was attacking the equivalent of a hairy, carrot eating, giant monster – I’d class that as pretty fearless.

I’ll also share a few other random facts remembered from childhood:

1) They squeak at speeds above 40 mph when riding in a car.

2) Just before they leave this earth for guinea pig heaven, they charge around the place at great speed and then just keel over dead – sad but endearing at the same time.

I guess I’d give them a 8 out of 10.
Posted by Matt on April 1, 2010

Guinea Pigs are odious creatures; how can an organism so completely incapable of self-preservation have survived the evolutionary process so long? Essentially, the only thing that guinea pigs as a species do really well is to die at regular intervals, normally after you have just replaced the last corpse with a new present for your child in an attempt to try and teach them the ideals of caring and responsibility for something else. Guinea pigs are the most demoralising pets imaginable, they don’t do anything interactive at all, and then die. 2/10

(This mark would have been lower, but I have begrudging respect for Rachel above, who posted the picture of the guinea pig / dinosaur, which, in fairness, is genius)
Posted by Paul O'Regan on April 1, 2010

AMERICAN DAD: Skip the first season, everything after that has been great. Like Family Guy, except with actual stories and themes, instead of random cutaway gags.

8/10

MOON: Brilliant film; captivating, with a good central performance.

9/10

TOBLERONE: Too gimmicky, and not filling enough. Weak chocolate.

3/10
Posted by Patrick on April 1, 2010

Toblerone – I love Toblerone, but I can’t have too much. It really is that kind of chocolate. They released a type (recently, maybe) when it’s in a box, but they’re all wafer-thin. Like a proper chocolate box. They were delicious. Steer clear of the variety packs, with more than the original flavour, though.

8/10
Posted by Ben Draper on April 1, 2010

AN EDUCATION (film)

A pretty good film that falls away a little towards the end. No doubt improved by Carey Mulligan’s very strong performance and the inclusion of both Emma Thompson and a very suave early ’60s setting that, all in all, worked very well as post-feminist piece that is funny in parts and fairly serious in others. Worth 2 hours of your time. 7/10

MOON (film)

A brilliant Sci-Fi movie and a throwback to the days of scrutinizing the ethics of scientific practices that don’t exist yet, just like 2001 A Space Odyssey. Also very similar in style to 2001 but with smoother edges due to an advance in special effects. It even has its own Hal 9000. A great performance from Sam Rockwell and a worthy recipient of a BAFTA nomination. 8.5/10

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN (person, just announced as new host of Film 2010)

I’m not really a fan of hers, having only really seen her on panel shows like 8/10 Cats. I don’t really see why the BBC have opted for a woman who has reached mainstream notoriety for pretending to be a bit slow on comedy quiz shows to host a serious review show. At least JR had an expansive and intricate knowledge of films and a huge rapport with the industry. 2/10

GUINEA-PIGS (domestic animals)

More interactive than hamsters, far less messy than cats. 8/10

TOBLERONE (confectionery)

You’ve never eaten a Toblerone? You haven’t lived. Or spent long enough in duty free. It is a historical fact that the patent on this incredible confectionery was signed by none other than Einstein himself (in 1909 in the Swiss patent office where Alby worked). This should indicate just how special this product is. Toblerone is streets ahead of Dorritos and Dairylea as the worlds best triangular foodstuff. 10/10

AMERICAN DAD (TV series)

As someone who saw their first episode less than a week ago, i found it very similar to Family Guy but it never uses the line “Do you remember that time when…”. American Dad is a portrait of 21st century American people in the same way that Fawlty Towers described the English people of the ’80s. That said, if you are willing to forgive the stereotyping of americans and the almost identical family to that of Family Guy, the show is a real gem. There are some incredible one liners in there and, for me at least, quite addictive; I found myself watching 3 or 4 episodes at a time. 9/10

PLASTIC BEACH by Gorillaz (album)

Rather coincidentally, I was listening to this as I read your blog. I think it is a real return to form for the digi-band. After Demon Days’ more mainstream and conservative sound, Plastic Beach returns to the rap-centric and experimental sounds of the self titled debut album in what looks like an almost planned move to use the last album to gain notoriety for the band and, having done so, used it as a platform to spread Albarns Musical Philosophy. An all encompassing sound that effortlessly and naturally flips between performances from the Lebanese Orchestra and Snoop Dogg. My favorite song, Superfast Jellyfish, a rap song with an ’80s cereal commercial vibe featuring Gruff Rhys from Super Furry Animals alongside De La Soul (who’d have thought it) is followed by a very intrinsic electro song seemingly lifted from Miami Vice.

As always, Albarns interjections such as “Which way’s north from here?” add a curious, hidden and probably non-existent meaning to the album as a whole.

All in all, the Gorillaz have given the world a master-class in the eclecticism and in a way that forms a coherent and enjoyable listening experience. 9.5/10 If you liked this you’ll love – Fake Blood’s Diesel U Music show http://tinyurl.com/yhe379t
Posted by Suz on April 1, 2010

1. I kind of like Claudia Winkleman, but sometimes it feels like she’s trying too hard to be zany. Also, she wants to lick a lot of people’s faces. That said, she seems lovely and I’m sure she’ll make a decent job of Film 2010. I’ll certainly give it a go. 7/10

2. Well, I might consider getting a guinea pig now just so I can steal the name Notorious P.I.G. That’s inspired! I could do the same with a real pig, I guess, but – no. Those minipigs are sweet-no. I can’t have a pig.

I like guinea pigs. Their funny little faces, the chirrups, that strange way they seem to buzz and whirr. I’m really more of a hamster person though. Mind you, I’ve always had very squeaky, chatty hamsters. 9/10

3. I have never found toblerone to be worth the effort and potential injury, but I’d definitely eat it if someone gave it to me. 5/10
Posted by Simon on April 1, 2010

GUINEA-PIGS

I had two guinea-pigs (Ted and Dougal) for a number of years. Quite cute but they weren’t really that much fun. We didn’t handle them enough when they were young so whenever you tried to touch them later in life they either fled or bit you hard enough to draw blood.

I’d recommend a hamster instead.

3/10

BUNGEE-JUMPING

I’ve got no proper opinion because I haven’t bungee jumped, but my brother has. He did it at Victoria Falls which, interestingly, is the only place in the world where the staff are legally allowed to push you off the edge. I don’t know how much truth there is in that fact, but it’s what he was told (and indeed, experienced).

TOBLERONE

Quite tasty, but the honey stuff gets stuck in your teeth.

5/10
Posted by Lora on April 1, 2010

Claudia winkleman: i like her enthusiasm for everything. Enjoyed watching her on strictly it takes two. Obviously film 2010 will be different now but not necessarily in a bad way. 7/10
An Education: only ever seen the ad for it but looks lovely.
American Dad: for me this is a pointless programme, might as well just watch family guy/south park. Although there is one good episode, so 5/10
Posted by Adele on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman: 8/10. I think she is a bit daft and silly which is something that always appeals. Often seems like she is bordering on total hysteria when interviewing people which is amusing to see – one day I think she will explode.

Toblerone: 3/10. Totally pointless waste of time making chocolate into a triangle. It’s difficult to eat, sticks in your teeth and the chocolate is sub standard. Plus it has very large breaky offy portions which forces you to share way more of it that I, at least, would be willing to share.

Guinea pigs: 6/10. What isn’t there to love about what is essentially a walking ball of fat? Not very interactive mind, which is why it has a lower score. In short, cuddly but boring.
Posted by Sarah on April 1, 2010

I had two adorable guinea pigs for about 7 years. They are fantastic as pets for youngish children (maybe 7+) because they live a lot longer than hamsters and they’re more fun too, although quite nervous. They’ll eat your veg peelings (carrots peelings and the green bit around cauliflower seemed to be particular favourites of my two), grass, and they go craaaaazy for the leafy bit of fennel. We have some growing in the garden and they LOVED it. 10/10.

I’d also like to highly recommend toblerone – especially the white toblerone. It can be hard to get hold of (possibly because I’ve been eating it all) but you can normally find it in airports or in the normal shops as minis in a packet with normal and dark toblerone. It is actually amazing, and somehow different to other white chocolate. 57/10.
Posted by glamlovinkitty on April 1, 2010

TOBLERONE – delicious, but evil. The pain of having a Toblerone alp forcibly inserted in the nostril really isn’t pleasant – and yet I continue to eat them because quite simply, they rock. As long as you don’t eat the bit that’s been in your nose. 10/10

GUINEA PIGS – an animal, and therefore marvellous. D All guinea pigs look slightly like Limahl, due to their spiky hair, which is surely a plus. 10/10

BUNGEE JUMPING – can’t imagine why anyone would wish to undertake an activity that could, with the slightest hitch, see them plummet to their death. Only for mentalists. 0/10

And, since I didn’t see last week’s topics, can I add in – SOPHIE DAHL. Massively annoying in that she describes herself as a vegetarian but eats fish. Vegetarians don’t eat fish. They just don’t. 0/10 for perpetuating stupid misconception! Also, she used to look much hotter before she got so thin.
Posted by Paul on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – always been a fan and found that people judge her by the fairly crap shows she appears in/on. She’s funny, witty and always seems quite bouncy and energetic, a bit like a spaniel. A witty spaniel. For a long time she seemed to be the b-list Davina stand-in, like that tubby ‘funny man’ they get in to do Hollywood stuff when they can’t cast Jack Black, but I still give her an 8/10

Moon – Loved it. Sam Rockwell was incredible, the soundtrack is simply wonderful in ways I can’t describe (this isn’t a great way to review things, I fear), and the overall look and feel of the film is just great, well worth seeing. A friend recently asked me what I thought and I gushed about how much I like it, but was unable to really explain exactly why, so I’ll give it just a 9/10 – penalising it most unfairly for my own lack of eloquence.

Toblerone – 7/10 Marked up for being so massive when you’re a child that you have to hold a piece in both hands and work hard at gnawing away at the base for several hours. Marked down because being a grown up fails to live up to the hyperbole of youth in so many ways.

American Dad 3/10 as has already been hinted at, a poor mans Family Guy. And worse, with the same creative team behind it, seemingly a cynical attempt to just flog the same old stuff
Posted by Anji on April 1, 2010

I almost smudged my nail varnish reading the blog. But I didn’t and the blog was fab, so all remains good!!

Ok. Winkleman. I want to say I find her too long, wonky fringe and oh so orange tan very annoying. And yes, I know I did technically just say it, I feel I can’t because I’ve actually not really watched her in anything for longer than 2 seconds. That and I find I’m following her on Twitter. So I shall do a safe ground 5/10.

Rachel your piggy is amazing! If only mine were still around to dress up!! The dog however may start wishing she had a new owner!
Little fluffy guinea pigs are wonderful, I used to have two. Who lived with my rabbit. 7/10

I’m afraid all things chocolate ( unless properly dark) get a rubbish review from me. I used to love it all, and spend many a moment longing over it. But bring lactose intolerant isn’t good for a chocolate lover! And because the triangle chocolate makers dark version is rubbish they get a piddly 2/10 from me.
Posted by Chris on April 1, 2010

MOON: I quite liked it. It only has 1 actor in for the vast majority of the film, so at first it drags for a bit because there isn’t really any interaction, but then the plot takes over and makes it all worth while, even if it is a bit predictable in places. 7/10

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN: Very bubbly person who comes across a bit crazy sometimes. I think she likes to portray herself as a bit dumb but isn’t really, and seems like a nice enough person. 7/10.

AMERICAN DAD: When I first watched this, when it first came out, I didn’t think much of it – I thought it was trying too hard to be like Family Guy. I came back to it later on though, and now I love it – the characters have developed a lot, and I now think it is very close to, if not better than Family Guy. Roger (the camp Alien) is just brilliant. I wonder if I go back to the first series now it will seem the same as when I watched it thef irst time, or I will now like that too… but don’t believe the people who base their opinions on only watching a couple of episodes in series 1, because it is a fantastic show in its own right now. 8/10.
Posted by EmmaT on April 1, 2010

GUINEA-PIGS – As my mother is a vet we seemed to end up with a lot of these during my childhood. We were given them by people that no longer wanted them when they ‘stopped being cute’. So fickle. We had so many my mum, in the end got fed up of going out in the cold to tend to them so she destroyed the cages and runs when the last one died leaving us unable to take any more. Squeak to communicate (adorable). Dogs like to stare at them… well ours did. 8/10 (Mum’s score 1/10). Rachel – love Notorious P.I.G. You really can give them the stupidest names – Lump, Sugar Plum Fairy and Dogtanian to name but a few.

BUNGEE-JUMPING – Did it in NZ, not as good as sky-diving (which is great) and much scarier. Would take some persuading to get me to do it again. 4/10. Please continue to put activities like this in the reviews please, I feel ill qualified to comment on much else.
Posted by Mattythrasher on April 1, 2010

Claudia – 4/10
Posted by dave on April 1, 2010

The markcensus is brilliant. Hope it stays a regular feature so I can have an opinion on 5000 things.

I done bungee. I did it in new Zealand, the land of almost killing yourself for fun. I did sky-diving too, and people ask which was better so here comes a comparison:

bungee is more scary, but sky-diving is more ‘amazing’ as an experience. When you jump off a bridge the ground cones straight at you and the feeling of relief when you don’t hit it is amazing. The initial rush when you finally get the nerve to jump is huge as well. Plopping out of a plane at 15000ft isn’t really the same, as your depth perception doesn’t work that far. The ground doesn’t rush and since a kiwi has humped you out the hatch the sense of ‘i really did it’ isn’t quite there. The view and feeling of falling is great though.

Now that I’ve given an exemplum, or in this case davexemplum, I would say that bungee is a huge thrill and something everyone should do given the opportunity before they’re too old. (Hips snapping, retinas detatching, saggy breasts strangling etc) 10/10
Posted by Mattythrasher on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman. Hmmm. Seems nice enough but surely the presenter of such an important show needs to, within reason, be qualified. I can imagine that film buffs will be up in arms. It’s like Ant and Dec presenting Panorama or Trevor Macdonald hosting Big Brother. The Chuckle Brothers presenting Politics Today etc etc etc…Oh sod it. Good luck to her. Actually, hang on. Who will present the extra bits of Strictly? I’ve got it! Paxman. I still can’t get my head around Radio 5 thinking that it is a good idea to have Gabby Logan and Richard Bacon interviewing people about things such as the Northern Ireland peace process. I can only presume that the BBC offer in depth crash courses to all celebrity presenters to ensure that they don’t come across as complete idiots…Were you offered the 6 Nations Rugby anchor role by any chance Mark?
Posted by Joelle Stanton on April 1, 2010

Guinea pigs: Too easy to squeeze. Probably not best for the youngsters. Never had them despite always wanting one. 5/10.

Toblerone: I don’t like that it’s triangular shape, it makes it hard to take small bites. I think it’s a conspiracy to make you eat/buy more. Maybe I’m just a freak. This is quite plausible. It does taste good though when the crunchy bitties don’t stab your gums. Why do you keep making us write reviews on stabby-jabby foods? 7/10 just because it’s chocolate.

American Dad: Watch Family Guy instead and you’ll be far better off. It’s annoying and a try-hard rip off of Family Guy. 3/10.

Bunjee jumping: I personally don’t think hurling myself off something unbelievably high is fantastic! I like the ground. It doesn’t tend to move much unless there’s an earthquake which rarely happens. From what I can gather from your books, radio series, tweets and this blog. you too like the ground and undangerous things. What if you happen to be the guy that they accidentally make the rope too long. Yeah. Ouch. Splat. It’s a stupid idea whoever came up with it shoudl be slammed into the rocks after diving off a cliff face. -100/10.
Posted by Sarah on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman – your Marksensus summing up of Glee could apply almost word for word. Simultaneously lovely and very, very annoying.

Toblerone – quite tasty chocolate but not worth the pain of the pointy bits jabbing you in the roof of the mouth. Some nostaligic/traditional value but not enough to compensate.

Plastic Beach – Try listening to Super Fast Jellyfish without smiling… Happily, it’s impossible.
Posted by elin on April 1, 2010

Again, you choose things I know little or nothing about… toblerone is chocolate, and chocolate is always amazing, so that’s one thing. But the rest? I have no idea…

And I didn’t volunteer for emergency blogger.

And I live in Norway, so probably can’t help with the ipod thing…

I’m good at knitting though. Would you like a woolly hat Mark? I can even design it to your preferences…
Posted by Beth on April 1, 2010

I’m not ashamed to say I love the Winkleman, she’s mental (in a good way) and (whenever I’ve seen her on television) happy and smiling. I can see how she’d become annoy eventually, but, right now I can safely say I’d give Winkleman an 8/10 because she gives me that happy, fuzzy feeling.

Plastic Beach by Gorillaz – I adore this album. It’s eclectic, brilliant, meaningful, catchy and generally one of the best albums I’ve heard all year. Tracks I particularly like are: Rhinestone Eyes, Superfast Jellyfish, Empire Ants, On Meloncholy Hill and Stylo. Fantastic. 10/10
Posted by Marie on April 1, 2010

Of the three things on the list that I have opinions on:

1) Claudia Winkleman

I *adore* her. She’s pretty, funny, and slightly wacky. I love how she seems to just say whatever pops into her head, and so enthusiastically as well! She manages to make every episode of SCD’s ‘It Takes Two’ entertaining, which, as it’s on five nights a week is pretty hard to do. She is the female Wossy, basically, only much prettier and slightly more eccentric.

9/10

(Taking away a point for going overboard on the fake tan)

2) Bungee-jumping

Amazing! I bungee-jumped into the Mediterranean when I was in Cyprus, and it was terrifying, but exhilarating! Next step, sky-diving!

10/10

3) Toblerone

The chocolate is nice and I like the little bits in it, but it’s way too hard to bite off and break off the triangles. I’ve hurt myself doing it before. It is the ultimate airport chocolate though – nothing like coming home with a nice big Toblerone after a few weeks away.

(That sounds like a euphemism for something…)

6/10
Posted by h2osarah on April 1, 2010

CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN – She seems alright from what I can tell. A competent host from the other shows that I’ve seen her on. Not particularly interesting or funny though. What bothers me most is that her fringe is always in her eyes. Doesn’t that bother her?? 5/10

TOBLERONE – Considering how much I love/am dependent on chocolate, Toblerone is one of my least favourites. The chocolate isn’t creamy, the tiny bits of nut aren’t really enough to taste or create an interesting texture and the nougat is a gross texture and gets stuck in your teeth. Short of putting fruit in it, this is probably the worst use of chocolate. 3/10

AMERICAN DAD – It’s shit. It’s a Family Guy ripoff with more obnoxious characters. Watched it for a while, maybe half of the first series, and then gave up. It is better than ‘The Cleveland Show’ however. 2/10
Posted by Steven Harris on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman. IF it’s diminutive co-hosting skills you’re after then she’s your girl (recent case in point being the almost Fox/Fleetwood aura to her banter with Steve Jones during ‘Le’t Dance For Sport Relief’). If it’s nice legs and flicky hair you want then again she’s the lady for you. But is she really the best choice the BBC had for fronting Film2010 now that Mr Ross has moved on? Surely Mark Kermode was the perfect candidate but the BBC were afraid of losing access to Hollywood movers and shakers because of Dr Kermode’s inability to say anything positive about movies he does not enjoy? Apparently Claudia will host a panel style revamp of Film2010. So it might work. For that possibility and for her hair I give her 6 out of 10.
Posted by anna lowman on April 1, 2010

So great to hear the Marksensus, I shall watch my first episode of Glee to show I’m taking note.

Now Jerusalem I can actually do. I’d love to go against the critics’ consensus (and, let’s face it, type) and say that I didn’t like it, but that would mean I don’t like funny, clever writing, or really great acting. And generally I reckon I do. Mark Rylance in the central role of Rooster – a modern day Bacchus-esque Lord of Misrule in a beat-up trailer – is just majestic. On one hand fun and magical and on the other hand a druggy layabout, you can’t quite get a handle on him, but you can’t get enough of him either. Constantly funny, amazing performances but bit of an obvious ending = 9/10

As for Claudia Winkleman, I do think she’s an entertaining presenter and as the host of a few arts shows on the radio, she’s clearly more qualified to play ‘anchor’ on the new-look Film 2010 than a lot of people are giving her credit for. But I DO wish she’d stop playing dumb – she does it a hell of lot, especially with men, and it doesn’t do her any favours. = 7/10
Posted by Phill on April 1, 2010

GUINEA PIGS: My wife had a couple of guinea pigs when she was a kid, and my opinion is based on what she says. However, she said that they’re better than hamsters – apparently guinea pigs can be quite affectionate, whereas hamsters tend to see you as another form of terrain to run over. They are also very cute.

Overall verdict: 8/10 (but difficult to score objectively)

Might pop back later to do one or two of the others…
Posted by Misha on April 1, 2010

Claudia Winkleman
Always seems to be terrifyingly over cheerful,quite probably a lovely lady but could get tiring to be around if she’s always like that.

8/10

Guinea Pigs
I kept two guineapigs for years (Bambi and Percy, both male names despite them being girls). As long time owner of various small fluffy creatures they were by far the best, very affectionate and “talkative”. There’s something lovely about the sound of a tiny round creature squeaking at the top of its lungs when you lift the cover up in the morning. Unlike rabbits we had they didn’t try to bite/scratch/escape either. (think of the monty python rabbit, that was what we had) They also cut the grass well if you get an ark run and shove it along every few hours, with the added bonus that guineapig poo is great for the plants. Not too smelly but need a once a week clean.

10/10 (I miss mine)

Toblerone
My dad gave me a bit of his this week, I’d forgotten how much I like them. Only downside is that it sticks to your teeth.

9/10
Posted by rachel (pandora) on April 1, 2010

i feel i can demonstrate the brilliance of guinea-pigs in a single picture. here is my piggy, rose, dressed as a dinosaur – http://twitpic.com/mgdkk.
they are lovely little things. you can also call them ridiculous names, and they don’t complain, i had a previous piggy called The Notorious P.I.G. they also squeak when you walk into the room, which is always nice.
10/10 for guinea-pigs.

(reading this back i realise i may come across as a crazy guinea-pig lady.
careless.)
Posted by Alex on April 1, 2010

Crisps are actually quite dangerous. I had to take my housemate to hospital a couple of weeks back because she got, and I quote, “a shard of crisp” in her eye.

The doctor laughed at her.

THE VERY LATE REVIEW: EPISODE ONE

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