F (as they say) AQ
A couple of days ago I invited people to pose me questions on Twitter. The ‘FAQ’ section of this site is a bit out of date, and also, dare I say it, slightly facetious in places. There were quite a lot of tweeted questions; I answered some of them individually, such as favourite dinosaur (T-Rex, but I wonder if I’ve just been swayed by its publicity) and what I do before going on stage (text people, drink wine, and go to the toilet as there isn’t always one on stage). The most popular questions, I have collated and will try to answer here. I realise this is a highly self-indulgent exercise but people did ask these questions, after all. It would be more self-indulgent if I’d invented them purely so I could answer them, like the supposed FAQs political parties have on their websites (‘So, is it true that the Conservatives are ahead in the polls?’ ‘Glad you asked, Greg. Yes, it is.’)
Anyway, the very nature of a blog is self-indulgent. That’s why it’s a very popular activity. We all like ourselves, don’t we? Mostly.
Will there be any more 24 hour shows?
The short answer is probably not. The longer, more sneaky answer is that I’ll probably do one more, in about four or five years’ time, as a kind of comeback. The main thing with having a good idea is that, if you don’t kill it off while it’s still good, it becomes a rather sad shadow of a good idea. Deal Or No Deal, for example, was a good format for a game-show, but if you ever see it now, people are chanting things and Noel is normally dressed up as a Greek god and you fear for everyone’s mental health.
Or to use a more Edinburgh-specific example, Late And Live was once a great Edinburgh Event; now it’s a horrid gig where tired people shout at more tired people until they’re all asleep.
But the lure of reviving the idea, at some far-off point in the future, may get the better of me. Until then I’ll undoubtedly conjure up some other tiring, stupid Fringe projects. And I’m also thinking about using this blog to set up a long-term project which continues the spirit of the 24-hour show. More news on that soon.
Why did you once have a Welsh accent, and now you don’t seem to anymore? Was it fake? Or is it your real accent, and you’re faking it now? I mean, what the hell is the matter with you?
The ‘Welsh business’ has been a constant source of awkwardness throughout my career, for reasons which are entirely my fault.
In short, as most people now know, I am not really Welsh. I do, however, have a Welsh mum, Welsh family, lots of links to Wales, and huge affection for Wales and Welshness. And a little bit of a natural Welsh accent. When I started doing stand-up, it seemed wise to exaggerate this massively in the hope of not feeling too much of a twat. If you’ve ever listened back to your own voice on tape, and thought ‘Christ, do I really sound like that?’, you’ll appreciate how toe-curling it can be to talk into a microphone and how desperate you are to feel that it’s not really you. Changing your voice a bit is invaluable for this. This is why, for example, people like Graham Norton present weird hyper-versions of themselves to the cameras, or more bizarrely John Barrowman uses a fake voice in his actual life.
But the Welsh thing became more popular than I thought: I never imagined I’d get on TV, for example, when I started. I saw myself bumbling along forever doing the Welsh persona in clubs and no-one minding. Obviously, as I’ve started to appear more in public using my more moderate, less sing-song voice, people have found it odd to listen back to the old recordings of me sounding around three times as Welsh as Max Boyce multiplied by Neil Kinnock. So I’ve phased out the Welsh accent pretty much altogether.
Speaking in my ‘normal’ voice on stage has been, and is, the hardest and most terrifying challenge of my career. But it’s probably a choice between that and having some sort of multiple personality disorder by the time I’m 40. And who ever heard of a comedian with psychological problems?
What Is ‘No More Women’?
It’s a spin-off from We Need Answers, which Tim Key and I invented in 2002 as a game to play when we were rehearsing our two-hander (which was called ‘A Few Idiots Who Spoil It For Everyone Else’, and featured a scene where Key wore a dress and tried to kill me). It’s now been adopted by the BBC and you can find it if you search the BBC Online site. It’s easy to learn the rules and, without wanting to go too far, we are confident it will replace football, chess, fishing etc and become the major sport/game/pastime of the 21st century.
What has been your favourite TV show to do, and what would your dream gig be?
We Need Answers is the most fun I’ve had doing a TV show, because nothing really compares to the satisfaction of seeing your own idea come to life, and having complete creative freedom – to paraphrase Sinead O’Connor very loosely. Also, we get to drink booze and sing songs. My dream scenario TV-wise would probably be to host World Cup coverage, continue We Need Answers, and once a year star in a special edition of Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow in which I am all four acts and Michael McIntyre.
Who is your favourite comedian at the moment?
Aside from Key and Horne, I suppose Daniel Kitson. Or Lee Mack. Or Dara O’Briain. Or Milton Jones or Tim Vine. Rhod’s very good, as well. Chris Addison. This, unfortunately, is what happens every time I’m asked this question in a radio interview. I mention almost every comedian ever born until the interviewer puts a stop to it and says ‘well, thanks for joining us, Mark’.
Did you really mean it when you kept talking about how depressed you were about your book not being published, last year?
Yes, I was seriously upset by the whole business – the full story of which I will tell in another blog – and vented it in self-pitying fashion all over the internet. Sometimes I write all kinds of personal things on Twitter and forget that people like my parents, wife and to a lesser extent cat can read them.
But have you now written a new book which is available from Amazon here: http://tiny.cc/elevennovel ?
Yes. I’m glad you asked that. More, though no more subtle, plugging of the novel will follow over the next six months.
I’d better stop there. I hope this was of some interest to somebody. If anyone has further questions, I might make this a semi-regular feature (as in, monthly or something; I’m not suggesting I would get enough questions to do it, say, ten times a day). Put them in the comments section. And if questions are eccentric enough I will be forced to answer them even if they aren’t ‘frequently asked’. In fact maybe next I’ll do an ‘infrequently asked questions’ feature. Or I’ll really stick my neck out and talk about something that isn’t me. Imagine!
Posted by Cheaps on February 26, 2010
I’m going to keep this short and simple. My aim is to write a song that will be picked up for use on a national TV ad campaign. I intend to do this by writing several generic specific songs. “ooooh tastes good” “its the best way to clean your shirt, it gets out lots of dirt”.
This is largely due to the fact that three times now, count them, THREE, i have been asked if one or other of my songs can be used on the telly only to fall at the final hurdle because my lyrics “didn’t fit”. I found this quite annoying as i didnt ask to be on the adverts anyway.
So im going to reverse it. I’ll start with a advert friendly song and push it on them. 10 years should just be enough.
Posted by Richie on February 26, 2010
What is your favourite thing about living next to a Spar?
Posted by Kate L on February 24, 2010
T-Rex is easiest to spell.
Posted by David G on February 23, 2010
extremely glad to see Tim Vine offered as one of your favourites – the man is a genius and sits well within my top 3 all time smile-makers.
If you ever host a dinner party with him, key, horne, minchin and yourself – can I come?
Posted by Someone Else on February 23, 2010
Ooh I have a question: Where the hell do you get your ideas for your characters from? Like in Bullet Points, as far as i remember, you wrote from the point of view of a middle-aged psychologist, living in America, and… i won’t spoil the plot (obviously i expect you already know, but for others).. but basically the character doesn’t seem to be at all like you. And then ‘… Look at Murder’ there’s a German involved and all-sorts, So… what made you come up with these people? Isn’t it meant to be write what you know? And back to Bullet Points, i was never sure if the referencing was for real, but either way it’s pretty detailed… To be honest I don’t see how you get everything you do, done. TV, radio, live innovative shows AND novels. Are you sure you’re not many people? I think i’m starting to sound like one of them intentionally OTT incredulous adverts for ‘unbelievable’ products, but really I am pretty impressed.
Posted by Elaine on February 22, 2010
Maybe you haven’t really gone less Welsh, it’s just with Gilbert in the public consciousness, you sound like Laurence Olivier.
Posted by Rachael on February 22, 2010
im too scared to try to play no more women because i already know i’d lose.
Posted by Anna Lowman on February 22, 2010
Oh you’ve totally got to get in on the World Cup action this summer. That’d make me rather happy and you, I suspect, even more so. I hope you’re already thinking up jokes which involve Rooney getting his foot stamped on in the first game…
The long-term project is very exciting, can’t wait to read more.
Posted by Tom Beasley on February 22, 2010
This was certainly an enlightening post. I really enjoyed reading your answers and I completely agree about Deal Or No Deal. It had turned into some kind of weird drama series with real people acting like idiots and seemingly trying to work out a system for picking random boxes. As you say, the stupid costume changes every week don’t exactly help it either.
And now, some questions of my own…
What would you be doing if you weren’t a comedian?
Which comedian would you say is your main influence?
Which comedian are you most friendly with outside of work?
What do you like the most about Twitter?
What is the worst thing a comedian can possibly do for their career?
Posted by Kathryn on February 22, 2010
How do giraffes fight, Mark? Moreover, why?
Posted by Anna on February 22, 2010
Great post! (That’s a compliment, rather than an exclamation in the manner of Great Scott etc.)
My question is: How famous do you have to get to be on WNA, and are there any shortcuts (i.e. being your mum, or offering you chocolate)?
Posted by Naomi on February 22, 2010
Nice FAQ!
Posted by Misha on February 22, 2010
In the face of some truly entertaining answers I’ve taken to asking everyone this question intermittantly.
Which biscuits do you think would be best for soaking up wee?
(personally i’m with digestives)
Posted by Simon on February 22, 2010
We Need Answers has been my favourite comedy show in years. It prompted me to invest in tickets to all three of your respective gigs and, two brilliant shows in, I’ve not been disappointed (just Horne to go).
If only all shows commissioned by the BBC were as silly, low budget and reliant on MS PowerPoint as We Need Answers!
Posted by gemma on February 22, 2010
Thats quite enough deal or no deal bashing thank you. That show provides some of us with livings.
Posted by Sam on February 22, 2010
I asked you on Twitter if when you met Al Gore there was a size difference between your hands? You responded very promptly saying that there was a large size difference.
I assumed that Gore’s hands would be larger, but now Im not so sure and I’m quite worried that not only do you have giant hands but Gore has tiny hands. I don’t know why this worries me, but I find it more of a concern than the whole appendix business you brought up a couple of days ago.
So question: Whose hands were bigger?
Posted by lex on February 22, 2010
Hello hello,
You write. Whole books. This may seem a trite question, but do you have certain methods/strategies/rituals for enforcing self discipline? Any secret clever ways of getting through the Squirm? Lucky socks? Strange meditation? Drinking jelly upside down from a coconut shell? Editing bans? Actual self discipline? I’ll try anything.
Posted by Alice on February 22, 2010
Thanks Mark, have had to get up at 5 to get to a TIE show this morning. This is diffictult as by definition actors are not morning people. Knowing that you haven’t totally thrown out the idea of a 24hr show makes being awake at this stupid hour much more interesting!
Posted by Corry Shaw on February 22, 2010
I have a question about the 24 hour comeback in 5 years…. will I be given more than a months notice for it this time?
x
Posted by Jane W. on February 22, 2010
As an insomniac I am so happy you put your blogs up early.
I thoroughly enjoy reading them.
Must be annoying getting asked the ‘Welsh’ question all the time. But interesting to know. As a Welshie myself I have often wondered. I think I just like to believe everyone is Welsh really
.
You, Tim Key and Alex Horne seem so in sync when I watch the wonderful ‘We Need Answers’. And like you’re having a great, great time. I was just wondering how long you had known each other?
Posted by someone on February 22, 2010
So, can i ask – and it might seem like a pretty old and standard question slightly elaborated, but… what made you want to be a comedian? Like, after going to Cambridge and being all intelligent y’know, did it never cross your mind to get a more reliable ‘every day’ sort of ‘normal’ job? I suppose you were aiming at being a writer? But, did it not worry you… the uncertainty of it all? Just curious really. I mean it all worked out and everything obviously, and you’re really good and work hard… but you make it sound as if you never expected it to go so well! so what were you expecting?
)
(Also if you listen to ‘…substantially better’ series 1 and 2 the change in your accent is massive. Funny, but with the explanation ’tis fair enough really.
Posted by someone on February 22, 2010
So, can i ask… and it might seem like a pretty old and standard question worded slightly differently, but… what made you want to be a comedian? Like, after going to Cambridge and being all intelligent y’know, did it never cross your mind to get a more reliable ‘every day’ sort of ‘normal’ job? I don’t mean to offend or anything… I suppose you were aiming at being a writer? But, did it not worry you… the uncertainty of it all? Just curious really. I mean it all worked out and everything obviously and you’re really good and work hard… but you make it sound as if you never expected it to go so well!… so what were you expecting?
)
(Also if you listen to ‘…substantially better’ series 1 and 2 the change in your accent is massive. Funny, but with the explanation ’tis fair enough really.
Posted by Vikz on February 22, 2010
Have you had any moments in your comedy career where you have thought about giving it all up for a desk job or something? If so what made you stick at it?
As occupations go, you haven’t chosen the easiest one. (not that I know what the easiest occupation would be of course) I would imagine one of the hardest things is continuing to stay comedically fresh and challenging. One of the main questions I have for comedians is when you’re coming up with a joke, how do you know if you are the first to think of it? Do you have to google the punchlibe ir something?
Think I’m done with my nocturnal ramblings now
Posted by Terry Greene on February 22, 2010
Really have to agree with the Noel Edmonds Deal or No Deal point. Walked into the staff room at work the other week and had to walk staright out as I couldn’t sit there and watch him wearing that odd costume.
There was to much leg!!