I mind your language
From time to time I’ll be using my new blog – which, today, enters its fourth day, almost halfway through the ten-year period I have unwisely decided to keep this up for – to try and change the world for the better. This of course was the purpose of my radio show, and I like to think most of the major problems of civilization were wiped out by those two Radio 4 series (especially when you take into account the impact of the audiobook; we all know how influential those are). But a couple of years have passed since then, and in that time a couple of minor issues have resurfaced.
Today I’m going to speak out against some irritating words and phrases whose use has become more widespread in recent times. You might think this is a less pressing area of concern than, say, removing Kim Jong Il from power in North Korea, or Alesha Dixon from all media. But to quote George Orwell: ‘the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts’. Or, as he also wrote, ‘why does everyone talk like a dick these days?’
So, here is my Vocab Hitlist 2010. I’d like you to add your own suggestions in the ‘comments’ bit and I will collate them and send a letter to Gordon Brown for his urgent attention.
- DIVA – applied to oneself as a compliment. ‘If my wedding day isn’t exactly the way I dreamed, I might have a bit of a diva moment.’ Or: ‘I’ve always had expensive tastes. Guess I’m a bit of a diva.’ No, you’re a bit of a twat. Only Mariah Carey, at a push, can describe herself as a ‘diva’. And don’t get me started on her.
- BUN IN THE OVEN/BAKIN’ A BUN/READY TO POP etc – since we conceived a child I’ve had a sad insight into how many awful phrases there are for the condition of being pregnant. Can’t we all just say ‘she’s pregnant’? Or ‘expecting a baby’? Or something that doesn’t make the woman sound like an espresso machine?
- SO LAID BACK HE’S ALMOST HORIZONTAL – this must have been witty once, in the eighteen-seventies. It’s now a very very tiresome cliché which comes up about ten times a week. We need a new phrase. I suggest ‘so laid-back he feels pleasantly relaxed’.
- SUNNY… used ironically, e.g. ‘And now I’m off to sunny Luton’, or ‘and now, calling us from sunny Nottingham…’ Again, this was probably funny once. Now it just reminds you of how relentlessly un-sunny this country is.
- HUBBY – ‘My hubby loves golf’. Oooh, I hate this so much. I can’t explain why. It’s completely irrational. It makes me shudder. I think it might remind me of things like ‘Loose Women’.
- HAITCH instead of AITCH – ‘my name’s Harris, that’s spelt haitch-a-r…’ I’ll just stop you there. AITCH. Please.
- IDEA DUMP – people genuinely do say this. I don’t think they ought to.
- SLEB – short for ‘celeb’, which in turn is short for ‘celebrity’, which itself has been seriously devalued by its being applied to people like Jamelia and me. I suggest we scrap the whole word and replace it with ‘luminary’, abbreviated to ‘lumo’.
- SALON-QUALITY – just one of the dozens of stupid words introduced by adverts for hair products. It doesn’t mean anything, because a ‘hairdressing salon’ doesn’t have to be any good, it just means a place where you can cut hair. The borderline sociopath who once cut my hair in Cambridge owned a ‘salon’, and the blunt scissors with which he nearly sliced off my ear were ‘salon-quality’. As for that ‘because you’re worth it’ slogan, it really needs a blog to itself. And it will get one. Someone remind me in a week’s time.
…and on that menacing note I shall sign off. Add your equally petulant comments and I will flex my considerable influence; we should see an upturn in the use of language by, say, early March. And in case you’re wondering: no, it wasn’t turning 30 that made me go all pompous and whiney like this. I’ve been like this for years. I’ve just never had a blog before.
Posted by Knox on May 1, 2011
Hmmm – reading this again, I have to admit I say ‘haitch’ and most Nigerians I know do too (and yes, they do tend to drop the ‘aitches’ at the beginning of words, but make up for it by adding it to the beginning of other words eg ‘e’s not going hanywhere’).
Spelling ‘too’ without the final ‘o’ – i cannot understand why this one is so difficult to grasp – i mean, you can even hear it by the way you say it, surely?
Posted by Seth on June 3, 2010
PIN Number. No, it’s a PIN. PIN is Personal Identification Number so PIN Number is Personal Identification Number Number.
Posted by Andrew on May 11, 2010
If I didn’t think you were great already, the double whammy of “hubby” and “haitch” would have drawn me to that opinion. What no Haitch person has ever been able to tell me is why they don’t also think that the letter f is pronounced fef, the letter l lel, and so on. It’s the same logic.
Posted by Calum on March 2, 2010
Wasn’t “Sleb” a Private Eye invention? (I think we should be told.)
Posted by Richie on February 26, 2010
One that has sprung up in the last years and is spiralling out of control, especially in sports media circles, is ‘a big ask’. Where has it come from? Nowadays you rarely hear an interview with a footballer or manager where they don’t use that phrase at some point!
Posted by Steve on February 25, 2010
Please add SPROG, SPROGLET and similar to the hitlist.
Posted by Amy on February 24, 2010
If you ever ask if you can lend something off me, the answer is no. I will never let you have a lend of that dvd, any more than I will borrow it to you, until you learn to speak. That is all.
Posted by Julius on February 22, 2010
Nice post. (Nice is quite annoying isn’t it?). Read Bill Bryson’s Troublesome Words. Hundreds more mis-used words to get annoyed about.
I was once where you are….it gets worse before it gets better.
Most irritating (growled through clenched teeth) pregnancy phrase: “about to drop”.
Posted by Ed on February 22, 2010
“Flavourful”.
GAH! It’s “flavoursome” you STUPID ADVERTISING PEOPLE.
Also, “would you like to…” meaning “I want you to…”. It would be far more polite to just ask politely.
Also, and I appreciate that this doesn’t apply to every aspect of life, I can’t stand the term “historiography”, which basically means “checking your historical sources to make sure they’re not bollocks”, which you should do anyway and does not need its own word.
The the thing that REALLY makes me angry, however, is when adverts mispronounce foreign words, so that everyone in the country who watches them (apart from the minority who speak the language) pronounce it wrong for the rest of their lives. In ‘tagliatelle’ for example, the letters ‘gli’ contribute to make approximately the sound of ‘ly’, and in ‘chorizo’ there is NO LETTER ‘T’. In Spain the ‘Z’ sounds like the English ‘TH’ and in Latin America it sounds like an English ‘S’. I think it should be the law that adverts are pronounced correctly.
Oh and speaking of adverts, anti-aging cream adverts that go on about retinol. Do you know what retinol is? It’s Vitamin A. Eat some liver and carrots.
Posted by Daysieblue on February 22, 2010
Literally hate it when people literally pepper their conversations with the word ‘literally’ literally every 5 seconds. I mean, it’s literally so annoying I literally want to literally kill them. Like literally.
Posted by kirstenin on February 22, 2010
Complete concurrence with ‘hubby’ and ‘haitch’. I know there’s loads of words I hate, but it’s 3.38am and my mind has gone blank.
OH! At Cineworld, if you go to see a 3D film, they charge you an “uplift fee”. Whaaat? I’m buying this book so I can one day understand…
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Weasel-Words-Cant-Trust-Chambers/dp/0550104763/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266809977&sr=8-1
Posted by Jamie0S on February 22, 2010
Blimey… lot’s of comments. I’ll join in.
Panties. Use of. Can’t stand it. The word I mean, not the item. It seems so pathetic and immaturely sexual.
And texted. You were ‘sent a text’, you weren’t ‘texted’. It’s a clumsy construction of a word. I will not use it.
While we’re at it why do Microsoft spell checkers (some others no doubt do too) insist ‘internet’ is spelled with a capital ‘I’? It’s not an actual place, its a theoretical construct like heaven and spalding.
Posted by Pat on February 21, 2010
Mis-pronunciation of the word something.
Also an indicator of low-IQ.
Imbecile A: “Have you heard that song somethink in the way she moves by The Beatles?”
Imbecile B: “I have never heard of anythink by The Beatles. Are they a new band?”
Posted by Kim Andrews on February 21, 2010
Loathe “hubby” and have for many, many years. Loathe most tweeisms. But… sorry, I like “sleb”. It sounds so wonderfully derogatory and is handy for differentiating the modern breed from the more deserving “celebrity”. Now, may I get started on the infuriating misuse of “contemporary” to mean “modern”? No? Oh well, I think that battle’s lost anyway.
Posted by Simon on February 21, 2010
‘Totally off the wall’ office workers who proudly display ‘You don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps!’ plaques on their desks = knobs
Posted by Elaine D on February 21, 2010
The ‘haitch’ thing, from what I’ve read, is due to the pronunciation by the Irish, and it’s popular in Australia with those who had been taught by the Catholic nuns that went over to Oz years and years ago. I also read that years ago in Ireland, you could reveal what religion you were by how you said ‘H’, and if the person asking had a gun and was a different religion than you, you could quite possibly be shot. So haitchers tend to be have Irish Catholic roots. See Dermot “Haitch D TV competitions during X-Factor” O’Leary.
Posted by Ashleigh Payne on February 21, 2010
I completely and utterly agree with almost ALL of these comments.
Now, on the ‘haitch’ issue…I think it’s fine if that’s how you were taught to say it (for example, at my mother’s primary school, that’s what they learnt), but if you’re some dick pretending to be ponsy by saying it, you deserve a punch in the face.
I also dislike people with incorrect pronunciation, spelling, and grammar. IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT. Especially when they get words like “you’re” and “your” mixed up, when it’s obvious that “you’re” means “you are”.
GRHH.
Posted by Eskimo Racing on February 21, 2010
Any text speak makes me speechless like a mute in a monologue. I have even given to deleting “friends” on facebook for their inability to use the English language correctly. Occasional spelling errors and grammatical errors I can forgive but “thanxs m8 c u 2moz”??? For a start thanks has the same amount of letters as thanxs, Is there any wonder this country is getting stupider by the minute? Grammar nazi, me? What would Hitler say? “Ich habe nicht verstehe” probably!
Posted by Em on February 21, 2010
Haitch is awful. DrawRing is more awful. But the most awful of all has got to be pacifically: “I pacifically axed for the dolphin tattoo.” !
Comments on the use of “But” at the start of a sentence, please…
Oh, and while we’re at it, anyone having their refuge collected fortnightly?
Posted by Jo on February 20, 2010
I hate the phrase ‘turned around’ as in ‘He turned around and said I had bad hair so I turned around and said I was using Herbal Essences so that can’t possibly be true and he turned around and twatted me.’ Unless this conversation takes place during a Viennese waltz, I doubt there is any turning around. Makes me want to hurt people.
Posted by Simon on February 20, 2010
Nice post, Mark. I really bloody hate the term ‘Hubby’ too. It’s the sort of word that features heavily in magazines like ‘Pick me up’, ‘That’s Life!’, ‘Take a Break’, etc. etc.
Some of my least favourite terms are: ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’, ‘Green Credentials’ and ‘iPhone Killer’, all of which are horribly overused in the news.
Posted by Korinne on February 20, 2010
Actually needs to be added.
When did it become acceptable for people to start saying things like ‘It was actually the best thing ever.’ and ‘ I will actually die if that happens.’
There’s nothing wrong with making a statement that isn’t emphasised in such a ridiculous way.
Another one is people who decide to justify their ‘quirky’ habits with sentences like ‘Oh it’s okay, I’m totally random, you’ll get used to me!’ and ‘I’m mad, me!’ really need to go away.
Also, the use of ‘footy’ and ‘rugger’ are unecessary. They’re called Football and Rugby, and there’s really no need for abbreviation.
Posted by ihatecoriander on February 20, 2010
The main word which irritates me to distraction is ‘soz’. If a person uses that so-called word in my direction their IQ drops at least 10 points. I have a friend with a first class honours degree who uses ‘soz’ and ‘soz hard’ frequently – I consider my cat more intelligant than her. Didn’t help that at school one of the favourite phrases was ‘soz hard where’s your handbag’. And they wondered why I was miserable.
The other one is any use of Americanisations by anyone other than an American. Trash, Q tip, sidewalk, my bad, mayor (pronounced ‘may-your’) etc. Also, spelling words incorrectly i.e. how Americans spell them. Favorite, color, nationalization and the like.
I’ve made myself too annoyed to keep thinking of examples..
Posted by PyroclasticFlo on February 20, 2010
Yes! Cwtch is from the original Welsh language word cwtsh which has cosy, cuddly, cwtshy connotations. I agree that language does and must evolve, but I have never heard it being mal-used.
Posted by Paul on February 20, 2010
Those saying that it’s Haitch because that’s how the letter sounds, I disagree. What about W?
Anyway, back to my point. My current annoyance is the incorrect use of “Hero” to refer to a member of the armed forces. Whilst I I understand the difficulty and risks associated with the work our armed forces are doing, that’s exactly what it is, work.
.
Posted by Nigel B on February 20, 2010
I heard this one on the radio. ‘the fat cats are milking the gravy train’
Posted by Nigel B on February 20, 2010
I agree with all your examples of annoying uses of the English language except for haitch. It is haitch for H. It’s not ee got T. It’s not Ed for Z. It’s not ee for P or for that matter B. Haitch sounds like H.
Leaving that aside how about introducing words that I feel should be used for example ‘i’m feeling quite gruntled at the moment’. Disgruntled exists. Why doesn’t gruntled?
And what’s the idea of the word extraordinary. Extra large means larger. Extra small means smaller. Extraordinary should mean more ordinary not more than ordinary. Let me know what you think.
Posted by makersnameplate on February 20, 2010
To the person that said they hated “cutch”, it’s actually spelt “cwtch” and is basically Welsh for an affectionate hug, a cuddle if you will.
Posted by Sam on February 20, 2010
I hate the word Moreish. I don’t know why, but it fills me uncontrollable rage. I agree with Hubby too, it’s just unnecessary.
Posted by SimonH on February 20, 2010
‘Hey’ instead of ‘Hello’ or ‘Hi’, an irritiation for which I lay the blame entirely at the door of ‘Friends’. Whoever said ‘somethinK’ or ‘everythinK’ is a snob; this is surely a regular pattern of speech now? (unless said in that sort of horrible mockney Lily Allen sort of way)
Posted by Rhian on February 20, 2010
Please could you stop the use of ‘pre-order’. If something is not yet available then reserve it. Or, if it is available place an order.
I heard a man on train once say to his companion, ‘Right, I’m going to mind dump now’. I had to try really hard from ‘LOLing’ and spluttering all over the place. Until this point I didn’t actually believe people used this phrase whilst keeping a straight face.
Posted by Lauren on February 20, 2010
completely agree with “haitch”, it’s so annoying
and then there’s your/you’re and there/they’re/their- infuriating
also “keep your eyes peeled” or “by the skin of your teeth”- disgusting phrases!
Posted by Matt on February 20, 2010
This blog could have been made for me, pedant and pround of it.
Too many irritating words to mention.
One I’m learning to loathe at the moment – the overuse / misuse of “learning curve”
To clear it up once and for all, a learning curve is the process whereby the rate of learning increases as time progresses.
An experience that taught you something is a learning experience, not a bloody learning curve!
Well, honestly…
Posted by Ellie on February 20, 2010
I find it hard to continue a conversation with someone who insists on saying ‘how come?’ instead of ‘why?’ or ‘why not?’:
‘I can’t go shopping on Saturday.’
‘How come?’
Infuriating!
Posted by Aidan Jones on February 20, 2010
I really hate it when people say ‘literally’ when it can’t ever be literal.
For example: ‘I’m literally starving to death’
No you’re not. If you were you’d be dead. Which would be preferable.
Posted by Rosie on February 20, 2010
I get annoyed at the whole Haitch/Aitch thing. All of my friends do it and they’re sick of me teaching them ‘proper grammer’. But I won’t stop until they learn >:)
Posted by Richfowles on February 20, 2010
Why do we have to shorten names, jedwad, jlo, subo, if you haven’t got time in your life to say the whole of susan Boyle you need to make some changes. Brangelina I mean how much time does that save you over a year.
Posted by Alex on February 20, 2010
Right, here we go…
Awesome – I have absolutely no problem with awesome being used in the correct sense to describe, say, a mountain, or perhaps the album Funeral by Arcade Fire, but it seems to be used increasingly in situations like “Oh my God, Eastenders last night was awesome” or “that skirt looks so awesome on you.”
Laugh-out-loud funny – As opposed to laugh-quietly-in-your-head funny? Because I tend to laugh out loud when something is funny; if I don’t laugh out loud, that’s usually a sign that it’s not actually funny.
Genius – This is a noun, so why must people insist on using it as an adjective? And, why must they use it for things that are merely quite good ideas, requiring no ingenuity whatsoever? Isambard Kingdom Brunel was a genius; stopping at KFC on the way home from the pub is not a genius idea.
What am I like? – The simple answer to anyone who uses this phrase is “You’re like a twat.”
I’m sure I’ll think of more as the day goes on.
Posted by Deb on February 20, 2010
Somethink, everythink, nothink….Please, those words end with a g. I’ve heard reporters say “somethink” Christian O’Connell says this regularly on his morning show and it makes me want to punch him in the face.
Posted by Aislinn on February 20, 2010
I was never hugely opposed to the term ‘hubby’ until you added the Loose Women connotation and now already I can’t stand the word.
I know it’s been mentioned already, but people who use the word ‘literally’ when something isn’t or wasn’t literal – ‘I literally DIED with laughter’, for example. Or just when it’s unnecessary – I heard someone on the phone in the street, telling whoever was on the other end that they were just getting some lunch and then they were going to ‘literally get on the train’. I assumed she wasn’t going to be metaphorically ‘getting on the train’.
Oh and the one thing that really bugs me is people who can’t think of a word to describe either themself or someone else who isn’t conventional in personality or dress sense or other, and so they use words like ‘quirky’, ‘kooky’ and ‘individual’. If the word ‘kooky’ could be abolished, I would be so much happier, and as for ‘individual’ – don’t even get me started on that.
Posted by Adamski on February 20, 2010
HOW’S BABY?
It’s ‘the baby’ or ‘your baby’.
Or just use his/her bloody name.
And he/she is fine. Thanks for asking.
Posted by Randalthor1812 on February 20, 2010
Innit argghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and people who over use punctuation particularly in advertising look above and tell me that isn’t annoying.As for IMHO you know that whatever comes next is not going to be in the least humble.As for “with all respect to ” usually in football context that means your team is about to be insulted.
Posted by Bethan on February 20, 2010
I hate all words, on the grounds that if I stare at any chosen one for long enough, or run it over and over in my head, it completely unravels, becomes a meaningless string of letters and really irritates me for the next thirty minutes. I found myself doubting how to spell ‘lawn’ the other day, and I therefore think we should ban all words, for my own personal sanity.
Apart from that, I hate the phrase ‘the word ‘genius’ is often overused’ or variations thereof. The word ‘genius’ is not overused. What is overused is the phrase ‘the word ‘genius’ is overused’. It makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Posted by brain4breakfast on February 20, 2010
I agree, these are annoying, but as Stephen Fry says, (JessC, pay attention), language must evolve! The word ‘teen’ as applied to a person aged 13-19, must have annoyed thousands upon thousands of uptight lingophiles, determined to preserve the word ‘adolescent’. Which still exists, by the way. It takes a lot to remove a word, but it is easy to create one. Shakespeare himself created hundreds of words, which must have seemed horrible at the time!
In English, we have the word ‘thong’, which used to mean ‘string’, but now refers to a certain type of invasive underwear. To mean the word ‘string’, we now have the word ‘string’.
In conclusion, there is many reason to dislike what is said by ‘yoofs’, but nothing to fear, as only hundreds of years will transform the language in any dramatic way. If you cannot cope, thank yourself that you do not live in Japan, where there are new
words every year meaning everything from ‘broken food packaging’ to ‘a teenager who squats in a doorway’.
I thank you for reading, and apologise for the History lesson.
Posted by Jonty on February 20, 2010
Can I add “dropping” people emails? “Ooh, I’ll drop you and email”, “Drop me an email”. What’s wrong with SEND?
Posted by Louise on February 20, 2010
I’m guilty of saying ‘like’ too much, but I can’t stand it when people type ‘like’ when they would say it. Example: when someone puts something like “I’m so like tired, I need to stop staying up until 2, like!” on Facebook, it makes me die a little inside.
Oh, and people who spell things wrong on purpose. Woz, yew, tha, gurd … ARGH! It’s the same amount of letters to spell it properly! I’ve been know to delete Facebook friends who do this …
Posted by Thiefree on February 20, 2010
PLEASE, please do something about the ‘word’ unputdownable. I feel dirty just typing it. That abomination’s in the dictionary, if you can believe that!
Posted by Clayts_NZ on February 20, 2010
I can’t bear “Pra-formance” – even news reporters use it, “that was a great praformance darling”, “no it wasn’t, it was a performance.”
Posted by PyroclasticFlo on February 20, 2010
PS Iit’s written down, and I’ve just pronounced it properly. Why, then, does my friend/colleague/waiter insist on calling it an eXpresso?
And don’t give me that half-arsed ‘hallerpeno’ thing, and tell me that’s how you pronounce it ‘properly’, you thick, patronising idiot. Either pronounce jalapeño properly, or just jallerpino it up.
That is all.
Posted by Jax on February 20, 2010
Mark, I think you need to launch an international Talk Proper English campaign.
I live in Australia and could write a book about their misuse of the English language.
My current favourite:
last week on the national news “Alexander McQueen, renowned British bad-boy designer, has suicided”.
Posted by Rachel on February 20, 2010
People that use LOL in general face-to-face conversation really wind me up ”he said something funny and it just like, so made me LOL” etc etc. The word ‘babes’ seems to be used amongst people I know in general conversation now too. Also, people that still don’t know the difference between lose/loose, their/they’re/there, too/to/two, of/have etc are incredibly annoying. But the worst one for me has to be ”you know I love you really”, which is often used right after the person has said something horrible/offensive. In fact, I could moan about this for quite a while…
Posted by PyroclasticFlo on February 20, 2010
Some great stuff here, and the start of an excellent debate – the great David Crystal would be proud!
Once I get started about what I dislike (drawRing / touch base / commence instead start, etc), I never stop. So I won’t start. All I would like to say is: the ‘haitch’ thing is also a regional accent issue. As a Welsh speaking west Walian, I’d sound like a right affected nit
if I suddenly said ‘aitch’.
Posted by Daniel on February 20, 2010
The word banter, and any of its derivatives (quality bant, bantsville) makes me want to claw out my ears a touch. It is very overused, at least at university.
Posted by Paula on February 20, 2010
I would have to agree with pretty much all of the words already given above. Although, unfortunately, have been guilty of using some of them myself.
I think my biggest issue is more with the use of grammar, spelling and ‘text speak’. Things like m8 instead of mate and c u l8a instead of see you later. I mean, seriously, how lazy is it not to type the complete words? And don’t even get me started on how many times I see people write ‘tounge’……It’s TONGUE!!
Rant over.
Posted by Leonie on February 20, 2010
I get itchy when people use “guesstimate”. I have to fight off the urge to attack them physically. I had an argument once with a pretentious American woman about the invalidity of “guesstimate”, she just couldn’t see how utterly redundant it was. You guess. You estimate. YOU DON’T DO BOTH!!!
And to me, the only person who can use “chillax” is Justin Lee Collins. Anyone else sounds inherently stupid but it seems to suit him. Of course, that’s probably just me. It often is “just me”. I seem to live in my own little world of bluebirds and bumblebees and satirical comedy shows. It’s a nice world, I wish everyone lived in it with me.
Posted by Rosie on February 20, 2010
Totally agree with this! I would like to add ‘sick’ to this list. When people say it meaning ‘good’, not ‘unwell’ it just sounds weird!
Also, I’m a teenager and almost none of my friends know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’. When they say things like ‘your amszing’ I always think ‘my amazing…?’
I also hate lusms (meaning love you so much) especially when it is followed by ‘babes’.
I love ranting about the english language
Posted by Adam Highway on February 20, 2010
How about “peeps” rather than people, that grates incredibly! Also “butters”, primarily because it’s a British contraction of an innately American phrase “butt ugly” and … Well, it’s just a bit shit isn’t it?
I can’t believe no-one has touched on the offensive misuse of the poor, maligned and completely innocent apostrophe …. I shall now go an lie down!
Posted by Beckett on February 20, 2010
ahh, but it IS haich you silly pom
..ee, eff, gee, Haich, eye, jay, kay, elemenopee …
Posted by Elaine on February 20, 2010
Bought/brought. They are not interchangeable!
And for word hatred, ‘cutch’. Urgh. What is this word? Could it sound more slimy?
Posted by Charlie on February 20, 2010
“Holibobs” anyone?
Posted by Alex on February 20, 2010
Oh! Also the use of the word ‘journey’ on any reality TV show.
“It’s been SUCH and incredible journey!”
Shut up.
Posted by #1 aka Cat :) on February 20, 2010
I hate HAITCH!!!! Also a big hater of people who can’t use the right ‘your’ or ‘there’. It’s like they use the first one they ever learnt in primary school for the rest of their lives!
But enough of things people have already commented on… I hate the term ‘lad’. I dunno if it’s taken off over in the UK, but in Australia it’s basically the new term for dropouts/dropkicks/angsty teenage boys who you generally avoid because they’re scary and smoke and might beat you up just because.
As a part Scottish Australian I still think of lad as meaning boy. And can’t use the word in a derogatory sense without feeling like a bit of a dick myself.
Posted by Alex on February 20, 2010
Facebook rape, or ‘frape’.
Rape? Really? Not *quite* the same thing is it…
Posted by nia on February 20, 2010
For me it’s chillax, it’s like someone’s scraping their nails down a blackboard whenever i hear it. Also the area that i grew up in if people are moving house they say that they are flitting. Can’t really say why this is so annoying but has been bothering me since i was a child (can’t believe i just admited to being a language critic at the age of 8!).
Posted by Vik on February 20, 2010
Now, I don’t mean to be a pedant (I’m lying, I do) but the words guesstimation/guesstimate actually have statistical and mathmatical meaning – a guess is different to a guesstimate and a guesstimate is different to an estimate. It’s all to do with the amount of evidence or statistics used to come up with the guess/estimate, or something. Having said that, I do agree that it’s annoying, and for those of us that are not statisticians, ‘guess’ will probably do.
I’ve now typed all those words so many times, they’ve lost all meaning.
Posted by Louise Potts on February 20, 2010
I am annoyed by many of the above including the ‘haitch’ thing, the ‘of/have’ thing and especially the your/you’re’ thing. I am however a fan of ‘totes’, ‘blates’ and even ‘soz’ (when you are really NOT sorry). I work with teenagers and am annoyed on a daily basis by their use of English but can’t deny that sometimes they come up with some excellent phrases that get to the point quickly and succintly.
Posted by LouisCK on February 20, 2010
When someone says ‘At the end of the day’ I just turn around and walk away.
Posted by louise on February 20, 2010
I hate word snobs.
Posted by Chris on February 20, 2010
I actually overheard one child saying to another ‘I used to go to kindergarten, innit’, and her mother tiredly correcting her with ‘You mean ‘isn’t it’ dear.’ My only consolation, being smothered by the innit? generation, is that in all the Bertie Wooster books they used to add ‘what?’ to the end of every sentence, doubtless a great frustration to the elders of the time!
Posted by Lucy Cohen on February 20, 2010
The word “like”.
I have no issue when it’s used properly in a sentence, e.g. “I like Jelly Babies”, but when it’s used to pepper an otherwise perfectly normal sentence for no apparent reason.
e.g. “I was like talking to Jess and she was like, totally amazed that I was like, better than her at like, everything.”
Argh!
Not only is it pointless, it makes a mockery of proper sentence structure and it makes you sound like a complete idiot. (Don’t worry, I used it correctly there!)
Posted by Jo on February 20, 2010
When people say things are ‘too funny’ or ‘too cute’. How can something be ‘too funny’, unless you die as a result of excessive laughter. My best friend has started to say this and it makes me cringe everytime. ‘Hubby’ is another one that causes me great upset everytime I hear it.
Posted by Rachael on February 20, 2010
“you know what i mean though?” No I don’t!
Posted by Jen on February 20, 2010
I have to bite my tongue when people use the word ‘of’ in place of ‘have’, as in ‘should of’ or ‘could of’. It’s lazy and is making me cringe just typing it.
Posted by Knox on February 20, 2010
I’m actually more than a little terrified to leave a comment on here now, in case I somehow inadvertently annoy someone with my use of language.
I’m not feeling particularly rant-like at the moment, so can’t even think of particular words that I hate. Spelling and punctuation though…
Is it so difficult to get the difference between ‘to’ and ‘too’? Is it? Learn the flipping difference – IT IS NOT THAT HARD!!!
‘definately’ – how is that the ‘instinctive’ way to spell that word (someone actually said this to me)? I’ve actually had arguments with people about this – I’ve never seen any other word with this ending spelt with an ‘a’ instead of an ‘i’, so why is this one chosen for this abuse?
‘your’ and ‘you’re’ mix ups still aggravate me an incredible amount. Once again, it is not hard to learn the difference, and then apply it. Don’t pretend it doesn’t matter, and think it’s (another one!) ok to just go ‘well, I can never remember’.
I guess I was in a bit of a ranty mood after all.
Posted by Martin on February 20, 2010
A BBC reporter in the week did one thing (of many) that I hate. He dropped all his ‘H’s in the report, yet read HMV as ‘Haitch Em Vee’.
If you can pronounce ‘Haitch’, then you can pronounce ‘hat’ properly, for goodness sake!
(I nearly tweeted about this last week, but thought I came across as a grumpy old man, but as this is between friends …)
Posted by Emma on February 20, 2010
Guestimation… it is either a guess or an estimation. Although I have not heard this ‘word’ for a while thankfully.
I also agree with Kate, I refuse to say anything other than small, medium or large when ordering a beverage.
Posted by Ed on February 20, 2010
Of course that should read “German”
Posted by Ed on February 20, 2010
Can all people connected to the Olympics and athletics in particular please stop using “medal” as a verb? When they say “he’s got a very good chance of Medalling” I hear it in the Scooby-Doo context, old Mr Johnson who runs the Olympic venue would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those medalling athletes.
And on a slightly related note “Swiss” as a noun sounds wrong to me.I think I’m in a minority of one on this, but calling Roger Federer a Swiss sounds like calling someone “a French” or a Spanish. And yes I know it does work with Derman and Russian.
Posted by Kate (@ClariSaxy) on February 20, 2010
Can I add ‘bad-ass’ please? (In respect of meaning something good)
Why is something bad-ass. Does it have a rotten behind that smells particularly bad? Is it a donkey-like animal that does naughty things?
On the same note, what about ‘fine’? (again meaning really good, and often applied to women) She has a fine arse, (and to quote the song) She’s so fine.
Oh, and then there’s the use of ‘so’ meaning a large amount ‘It was so huge’. No it was huge…..
Look what you’ve done Watson, you’ve created a monster out of us.
Posted by dan_eck on February 20, 2010
‘guesstimate’ – a completely pointless portmenteau of ‘guess’ and ‘estimate’ (as if you needed to be told) – like those two words weren’t by themselves sufficient enough to describe any situation with an unknown variable to be determined.
or (and apologies in advance) – ‘shut the f**k up’. how is that even possible to achieve? unless ‘f**k’ happens to be the name of some german suitcase manufacturer.
perhaps i will use this platform to shamelessly plug my own amateurish blog posts loosely on the matter, which includes above line (and in which i can claim ownership of the ‘up to 100% shinier’ shampoo line – sorry carmen
http://brainstopsplay.blogspot.com/2009/10/marketing-bastards-and-subtle-sleight.html
http://brainstopsplay.blogspot.com/2009/11/ranthology-2-wonderful-english-language.html
Posted by Rob on February 20, 2010
I hate political correctness. Not political correctness itself, I just don’t know when ‘correctness’ became a word.
Posted by Chrissy on February 20, 2010
my main one has to be soz. If you need to apologise to me please at least give me the decency of saying it properly.
Posted by John on February 20, 2010
I used to have a French teacher who constantly talked about people’s “pronOunciation” without any apparent irony. She also accused me of having an “un-positive” attitude.
Also, when did ‘flammable’ become acceptable? The words are ‘inflammable’ and ‘non-flammable’, although more and more people are not only using ‘flammable’ but even saying ‘inflammable’ when they mean ‘cannot be induced to burn’. Surely it’s not that difficult just to learn a slightly irregular word?
Posted by makersnameplate on February 20, 2010
Mark, I’m like totally with you dude. One I’d like to add to the list is “whatever”, which tends to be used by young and thick people when they are losing an argument. Another is “awesome”, again, used commonly by young, student types, usually to describe something as ordinary as a cup of coffee.
I can develop a somewhat irrational loathing of a person just because they use a certain word. Meanwhile, these people seem happier and less angry than me, as they continue in blissful ignorance. Thick people only seem to get angry at the really important things, such as paedophiles, immigration, and whether somebody looked at you in a pub.
Posted by Bruce White on February 20, 2010
Haitch/Aitch!!
This no longer irks me. I am cured!
Also I am old enough to remember a time when which one you chose signalled whether you were Catholic or Protestant.
I am proud to say I can’t remember which was which..
..B..
(who is surfing Paul’s place next week)
Posted by Sian on February 20, 2010
I hate when people use “literally” as an intensive. Instead just say “virtually”, or “practically”. Not so hard!
Also, nearly all the horrible ocker Australian slang. Especially when spoken by city kids.
Posted by Jane W. on February 20, 2010
Oh dear, I meant crept!!!! Crept!
Posted by Jane W. on February 20, 2010
Totally agree with most stated.
A slight nervous twitch creeped in when I noted the word ‘apps’. You’re right, awful.
Living 2 minutes from the land of ‘Gavin and Stacey’, I must admit a slight release at knowing I don’t have to suffer in silence, as language that has irked me for ages has spread nationally, easing my burden. One particular phrase that drives me crazy in Cardiff is ‘where to?’
As in:-
“I just saw Jack.”
“Oh, ‘where to’ was that?”
My head is exploding!!!!
Posted by h2osarah on February 20, 2010
Mine have a distinctly North American flavour (obviously). Anything that could be said in a Califoria valley girl type accent, while wearing a cheerleading outfit and chewing bubble gum gets on my nerves. These ones are particularly bad, and are often misused by vapid girls who inexplicably populate my university.
1) Totally
2) Like
3) Omigod
“Omigod guys, I, like, totally went to the store today” or “Omigod! He, like, totally checked me out!” And yes, some people do speak like that. I don’t know why.
Posted by deanna on February 20, 2010
“LOL. for realz. i ain’t hatin’ on ya. OMG!”
i just don’t understand!
Posted by Liz on February 20, 2010
I dislike people who describe themselves or their friends as ‘mad’. If they thought through what it actually meant, I’m not sure they’d be bragging about it.
The internet phenomenon of ‘win’ and ‘fail’ are also pretty irritating. For some, they seem to be the only two options when it comes to summing things up – fairly limited.
‘Bless’ isn’t ideal, either.
Posted by david on February 20, 2010
I don’t like the phrase ‘at the end of the day’, but I can’t think of a pleasing alternative…
Posted by Pete on February 20, 2010
My wife is in tears of laughter from the comment about sausages!
And my personal addition (of which i’m guilty myself sometimes) is the use of the word “literally” when it’s completely unneeded.
Posted by Robyn on February 20, 2010
Agree with all of the above, and also due to living in Essex and hearing the English language murdered pretty often, the word was instead of were – for example how Alisha Dixon used it every time she said anything on Strictly – ‘you was great’ just made me yell at the TV every time.
Also Northerners (have only ever known Northerners to do this) that can’t spell the word immense and spell it immence in every facebook status.
Anyone that says they are ‘well’ anything – well sexy, well hard etc – get a thesaurus!
Posted by dan on February 20, 2010
I used to work in a company where the managers had “asks”.. they wouldnt say “dan, could you do this..” it would be “I have an ask..” of course I shot them all so its less of a bother nowadays
Posted by Gareth on February 20, 2010
The word i wish to take out from the public domain is “Jokes” used the in context of say; “that tv show is jokes”, whats wrong with saying its funny? or hilarious? I think depending on what word you use to describe something funny reflects how that something funny is and the word ‘jokes’ is usually used by complete morons who listen to rap (not the good kind from the 90′s) on the mobile phones out aloud thinking how good their music is when most people in earshot actually want to insert their phone in their arse to muffle the mind numbing shit.
ahhhh….thats better.
Posted by Sara on February 20, 2010
People have started abbreviating “totally” and saying “totes”. These people need to be taken out and shot.
Posted by Kathleen on February 20, 2010
Oh my good lord, there is nothing I hate more than people who say “haitch”. It is the most infuriating thing ever, but I hate to mention it because I just sound a bit psychopathic.
Also, hooray for Amy!
Posted by Susannah on February 20, 2010
I hate “love x to bits/pieces” – sounds so shallow even though its meant to emphasise depth. Also, the overuse of “its a blessing”/”I feel blessed”. Turning into shallow cliche.
Posted by Carmen on February 20, 2010
With regards to ‘salon-quality’, nothing riles me quite like being told my hair will be “up to 100% shinier” if I use a particular shampoo. Oh really? This is a shock. If I use your shampoo, my hair will be any amount of shininess at all, including not shiny. The science bods at L’Oreal must have been working overtime.
Posted by Georgina on February 20, 2010
“That looks well/dead classy.” The last three words in that sentence really grate on me. How does ‘dead’ have any relation to ‘really’ or ‘very’? How on earth does that work? There are more … I shall sleep on this.
Posted by Gemma on February 20, 2010
Eurgh, don’t get me started. Try living in Essex, the word’s they make up are unbelievable. Here are some examples of the words/phrases I hear every day.
x. Suck out – Used as an insult, the concept alone makes no sense.
x. Nang – Describing something good – apparently. It’s not even a word!?
x. Safe/Bruv – Over used and still as crap as when they first came out.
And my all time most annoying phrase: “Is you dizzy blud? Thinking you’re a baddaman!”
I mean seriously? The tempation to bitch slap these people when they talk is overwhelming.
Posted by Shane on February 20, 2010
Have to say ‘pan fried’ always makes me cringe. What bloody other implement do you use to fry something ?
Posted by EdH on February 20, 2010
All good ones, but here are a few others:
Little Man – used to describe either their own or someone else’s son (“How’s my Little Man?” Etc..) He’s not a Little Man, he’s a boy or a child. You wouldn’t say Little Woman unless you were a sexist arsehole, so don’t say it!!
Occurin’ – As it “What’s Occurin’?” Thank you Gavin & Stacey for giving us such an irritating catchphrase (more a word actually) which unfortunately seems to have been picked up on by people of a certain age to try and look cool. Ugh.
Footie – Please can we just say football? Pretty please? Or “The Game / Match” if that’s too many syllables for you?
Posted by Jules on February 20, 2010
I’m currently noticing (irritatedly) the word ‘UTILISE’ – what the hell’s wrong with ‘USE’?
Posted by Biff on February 20, 2010
Haitch is what irks me most from this list – ever since i was in primary school when the teacher used to say it. Probably an odd thing to feel so strongly about as a kid really. I bottled it up though so it’s fine. Until now.
I also agree fit is a horrible word. Ooh and people who say ‘isit’ to agree with something; can’t stand that. E.g.
Charlene: ‘Wow, he’s really fit!’
Jenna: ‘Isit.’
No.
Posted by Simone on February 20, 2010
“Irregardless” makes me want to punch people in the mouth every time they say it. It’s NOT a real word, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just “regardless” for pompous twats who want to sound more articulate than they are.
Posted by Shell on February 20, 2010
Oh yeah! “addy” instead of email “address”.
Oh dear you’ve got us all started on something here…
Posted by Sam on February 20, 2010
Another word I despise:
LOL/LMAO/ETC- Not only incredibly irritating when written, but when said become one of the most infuriating instances of conversation ever. Partly due to the inherent hypocrisy that occurs through such usage, but also due to the fact that is not an appropriate comment to hold up your side of the conversation. I have had many a conversation with people where I will say something and they will simply reply LOL, (either spoken or written). This completely undermines the a conversation being a two way exchange of ideas and opinions.
Posted by Shell on February 20, 2010
I can relate to a lot of that but the two that bug me the most are: “yous”, youz? use? – no idea how they spell it as it is complete nonsense used in my part of the world as the plural for “you”! Just say “you”. The other one is “axe” instead of “ask”…
Posted by Megan on February 20, 2010
The ones that my friends don’t understand my hatred of are ‘utilise’ and ‘societal’. ‘Use’ and ‘social’ are just fine. Adding syllables doesn’t make you sound cleverer.
I don’t know if Rachael Ray’s show is on the UK, but she says ‘sammie’ for sandwich. I hate her for this.
Posted by Corey on February 20, 2010
oh, I forgot ‘apps’. In the i-phone sense.
Posted by Corey on February 20, 2010
When girls use the word chicken or chick to each other. The word speculate. Why do we need to speculate, just wait and see what happens!?! The use of the word random amongst young folk. Going to the shops and deciding to get a snickers isn’t random, its going to the shops to get a snickers!
Anything that Piers Morgan says!
Posted by Mark Watson on February 20, 2010
I can’t believe I left ‘noughties’ off my list. Horrible. As you say, luckily, the public never quite went for it.
Posted by Sam on February 20, 2010
I strongly dislike the following word:
FIT- It’s a horrid word often used by horrid people. Whatever happened to words like beautiful, words which in themselves contained the bauty they were trying to convey. A fine example of this is Gorgeous, the soft supple sounds of the s at the end, combined with the extended org, makes it a word that in itself is gorgeous. But Fit, witht he hars plosive at the end, the short nature, the crude way in which it’s used. To me Fit is the literary precurser to sexual assualt.
Posted by lex on February 20, 2010
I agree with Misha.
Anything like “love”, “honey”, “hon”, “petal”, “sweetie”, “dear”, “darling” spoken by someone I don’t know, especially by people in shops who are younger, or people I make coffee for who are older than I. Actually, that pretty much covers everyone, doesn’t it. I have started responding to these with “you’re welcome, snooky-munchkin”, or “thank you, my sweet passion piglet”.
And “cute”. As in “Your dress is sooo cute!”. What, like a puppy? Always strikes me as passively backhanded.
One thing I am pleased about is that “noughties” never seemed to catch on in any significant way. I suppose there’s still time. There always is.
Posted by Jess on February 20, 2010
Without a moment’s hesitation, phrases like ‘hun’, ‘sweets’, ‘babes’, etc. Generic terms of endearment which certain people seem to use whether said to their best friend of many years, or the person who took your order in a cafe. It devalues any sense of endearment or intimacy to the people who they intend to show genuine affection to when the terms are litter-bombed to every single person they encounter. And it’s patronising and false to use terms of endearment to people you have no particular sentiment one way or the other for. We don’t need to imply we all love each other so bloody much.
I once saw a film where the guy said to the girl at the end of a date, “dream about me babes”. My head exploded. This sentence still haunts me to this very day.
Well, dream about me, babes. Love ya hun, mwah.
Oh, don’t get me started on ‘mwah’…
Posted by Hannah on February 20, 2010
While I agree that some words ought to be banned, ‘chilax’ being a particularly excelent example, I have to question the aitch/haitch comment.
Isn’t it kind of strange for the word not to contain the sound it describes? Personally I find it a lot more grating when people do drop ‘h’s but it’s pretty hard to change the way you speak so I think some allowances need to be made for varying accents.
Posted by Sue on February 20, 2010
“My bad” really irks me, my bad what? Mistake, manners, or (more likely) grammar?
Posted by Jane on February 20, 2010
Love the language blog – can’t wait for a punctuation rant.
Posted by Madeleine on February 20, 2010
How about any and all text language? 2, u r, kwl, fyi, wtf. And oh, oh the biggest travesty of the English language, the ‘lol’.
Intrigued by the thought of an espresso machine baking buns. What the hell kind of Starbucks do you go to?
Posted by Sarah (@misswiz) on February 20, 2010
I whole-heartedly agree. You really are talking (by writing) a lot of sense in these blogs Mr Watson. I would like to add people who use ‘to text’ as a verb but don’t feel the need to conjugate it i.e. ‘I text him yesterday’.
That doesn’t make any sense!! It’s either ‘I sent him a text’ or ‘I texted him’. This makes me unnaturally angry. I’ve never told anyone before…sorry, I think I should go and calm down now.
Also, my mum thinks the plural of sausage is sausage – but that is more of a personal problem for me to deal with I think.
Posted by Louise on February 20, 2010
With you on the pronunciation of H but never heard someone saying idea dump or sleb before. I hate ‘coolio’, ‘sarnie’ and ‘sarkie’, although not sure how often these words are actually used these days. Or when people from Glasgow spell out words on facebook using glaswegian accents like perty instead of party, sometimes I don’t even know what they are trying to say and I am Glaswegian.
Posted by Seamus on February 20, 2010
There are several words that make my blood boil, but if I had to chose, and to keep this short, I do, I would pick “Crimbo”. Use Christmas if you want to use a name for the festive holiday in December that starts with a “C”, use Xmas if you some how can’t bring yourself to write a word with more than five letters. If you can find the person who created this word and have them shot, I will build a tower in your honor. Or just inflate some balloons or something.
Posted by Kate on February 20, 2010
I’d like to nominate “mad”, applied to oneself to suggest someone exciting and interesting (“I’m mad, me!”). Actually indicates someone seriously tedious and completely unaware of it.
Also “tall”, “grande”, “vente” and all the other pointless, pretentious terms used to refer to coffee sizes. Why can’t we just have small, medium and large – really, why?
I’ve never heard anyone use “Idea Dump”, but it makes me shudder.
Posted by Tom Beasley on February 20, 2010
If I have a major bugbear related to language, it is the use of stupid pluralisations of “text” in relation to a text message. People seem convinced that “textses” or “textees” is the correct plural, when it is actually even simpler than that!
Posted by Mikie D. on February 20, 2010
The use of the word ‘Random’ to describe things that aren’t really at all that random, but more just a slight skew from the norm. Also it’s use as an adjective for a persons personality is just wrong.
“Oooh you’ll get used to my ways, I’m a good laugh and a bit random”
- no you’re not, you laugh at your own jokes which cause more tumbleweed moments than Mr. Buzz Killington himself.
Rant over.
Posted by JessC on February 20, 2010
I completely agree with Haitch/Aitch!! I’m such a pedant when it comes to language! I really do try not to be…shame on me…what would Stephen Fry say??
Posted by Misha on February 20, 2010
Can I add phrases like “babe” “baby” “baby girl” and “babes” I’m 17 years old, not 17 months old….
That one gets on my nerves more than I can explain, which is why I kicked the last person who tried calling me “baby”. In the shin. Quite hard.