So, here’s this silly stupid competition which I began last night on a whim, and which has taken on a slightly frightening but fun momentum.
Basically I have some tickets to give away to the DVD recording. It was just one pair, but I’m going to try and blag some more (should be a workable blag, as it’s my own show) and potentially have three or four winners.
The idea is to give them to whoever is prepared to come the furthest from where they live. It should be that simple, but gradually last night people started negotiating. For instance someone promised to walk from Manchester (though I’m not sure if he’s serious) (but he might be). Someone else sent a picture proving that they have a shit car, and so it would be an ordeal to drive to Bristol from Yorkshire where they live. One entrant offered to drive round and round for no reason until they racked up enough miles to win. This will probably be turned down on environmental grounds, but it’s a good effort.
Other people have tried to strengthen their case by claiming it’s their birthday, anniversary, or they’ve had a terrible time recently, or have never been to a comedy show, or ever left their town, etc. I shouldn’t really be vulnerable to this sort of thing, but as we saw in the Massive Kindness Day Ticket Giveaway before Christmas, I am. So if you don’t live as far away as some of the top entrants, you might still win if you can prove you are overcoming some sort of obstacle to get there. Either geographical or psychological.
So in short this is somewhere between a huge game of the comedian’s favourite question ‘so, who’s come the furthest?’ and a straight-up begging competition. You might regard it as a large-scale exercise in boosting my ego. But if you know anything about me, you’ll know my ego is a pretty frail animal so perhaps a boost, in the week of this crucial recording, wouldn’t be such a disgraceful thing to ask for. In any case, I think we can agree it’s more fun than the usual way of giving tickets away, which is ‘the first five people to post’ or ‘whoever calls in and answers this deliberately shit question’ or ‘text us for £1.50 on this number and then the tickets will go to pre-arranged winners anyway’. Naming no names in particular.
Here are the rules of this simple game:
-YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO PROVE YOU ARE TRAVELLING THE DISTANCE YOU CLAIM. Acceptable proof will be, say, a photo of your hometown taken on the morning of the Sunday. If you are found to have been lying, you will be sent into Outer Space. But not in a fun way. It will be an otherwise unmanned mission and you’ll be really lonely. I’m still finalising the details of this with NASA.
-YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO GET TO BRISTOL HIPPODROME FOR THE EVENING OF JULY 3 – THIS SUNDAY. It would be very disappointing if someone won and then didn’t turn up. Don’t enter unless you’re very confident of making it.
-YOU MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY INVOLVED IN THE SHOW. Not in a too embarrassing way, but it’s fairly likely I will mention the winners on stage and perhaps we might chat to you afterwards (with your permission)for a DVD extra. So don’t enter if you are so paralysingly shy that this would be a disaster for you. However you will not be dragged on stage or picked on or taken unfair advantage of.
…and that’s it, I think. It’s a pair of tickets, by the way, to each winner.
Oh – if you’ve already registered your interest yesterday, on Facebook or Twitter, you don’t need to enter all over again here, but it might not be a bad idea to leave a Comment anyway if you think you can strengthen your case. e.g. you might describe just how bloody far away from Bristol you live, or how terribly lacking your home village is in excitement on a Sunday, or demonstrate conclusively that you will be coming to the show on a donkey.
Off you go. Oh, this is fun. Stupid, stupid fun.