Well, they got married all right, didn’t they?
I am now in Wellington, at the bottom of the North Island, and fairly near the bottom of the actual world. Of course down here, maps of the world tend to have Australia and New Zealand in the middle, and us tucked away in the top corner like a postage stamp, almost as if Britain is actually rather small and insignificant. But I think we showed yesterday that we still definitely rule the planet.
It was odd watching it from this end of the earth, not least because we alternated between NZ’s own coverage (whose anchors kept going quiet in puzzlement at the sight of Nick Clegg and other people they couldn’t identify) and, at the other extreme, the reverent boom of Alistair Stewart and the charming witticisms of Philip Schofield. And in between of course, a mixture of British and Kiwi voices droning on about hats and how happy and composed Kate was and what a magnificent building the Abbey was. Meanwhile there was the sight of all the lunatics who’d been sleeping outside the Abbey draped in their Union Jack cloaks since 2003, cheering and whooping as the royal car sailed past them for a couple of seconds. London looked – from this outside viewpoint – like a made-up place you would see in a film. There were a lot of surreal moments, like when the Queen couldn’t really sing along to God Save The Queen because it would look a bit needy.
Anyway, good luck to the buggers (and by the buggers I mean their Royal Highnesses). Now we can get back to talking about something else. There were some good nominations for less important things than the wedding. I shall soon compile a definitive list of the least important things in the world in our opinion, so get your votes in while you can. If possible, cite evidence of unimportance. Thank you.